applecinnacat-blog

[applecinnacat-blog]

Gym:Day One

In an attempt to work towards my weight goal (200 lbs by the end of summer) I have joined a gym. :) I'm not going to lie, I was a little - a lot intimidated to walk in there. But once I walked through the doors it wasn't so bad. I went ahead and talked to one of the guys that does personal Training/classes and he illuminated me on a few things. I had never realized that for the first 2 to 3 weeks I might not see any weight loss. I might lose inches but the muscle mass to fat ratio in my body would keep me at my weight. Is this common knowledge and I've just been getting fustrated for no reason? How often have I given up halfway through the second week of trying to workout because I've seen "no results". I knew that muscle weighs more than fat. I just never connected the two together. So I've changed me eating habits quite a bit over the last 2 or 3 weeks and I am now adding the exercise. I'm confident that when I stick with my plan I will see some results on week 4. And the plan? I'm going to the gym 5 days a week for at least 30 minutes. I ended up staying for an hour today. I was shaking, sweaty, and felt a little like puking by the time I walked out. The real test is going again tomorrow. I'll post again on Friday!

[applecinnacat-blog]

Realizations

I've been thinking alot about body positivity and weight loss and how they do-or don't- go together. Is it even possible to be body positive and still want to lose weight? Wanting to lose weight means that I think something is wrong with me, right? But I don't think being fat is a crime or anything. I wouldn't point at a fat person in the street and think," ew, something is wrong with them." So, why do I think this way about myself? I've had to adjust my definition of body positivity and self care, and this is what I've come to realize. Being accepting and caring about my body can happen at any time and any stage of my life. I can love myself and still want to improve myself.

[applecinnacat-blog]

Change of Plans?

I have been attempting to work out everyday and I'm already seeing that it's not going to work. A) my body is reacting I'm a way I don't think is good. I don't mean just sore or I'm just tired. B) it may be unrealistic for now to expect myself to go EVERY DAY. I skipped the last couple of days to give my body time to rest. It's strange. I didn't feel sore until I took a day off. I wonder if that's normal? I'm making a more realistic goal to workout 5 times a week. I'm also making some diet changes that I think will help. I've noticed that when I start cutting calories I have to snack. If I don't I start to get very hangry, dizzy, and then I end up over eating. This happened yesterday. I had made it all day until it got close to 4 or 5. Then I started to get so hungry. I did not pack another snack so I waited until dinner time and I definitely ate too much. Sad day. But at least I know now and can plan better. I'm really wanting to give up already on the whole going vegetarian thing. I think it might be better to just focus on portion sizes and lean cuts of meat. I have knocked down my meat consumption, however. I feel myself getting impatient with me. I'll think about it some more. Laters

[applecinnacat-blog]

Fate of the Gym

Went to our little apartment gym a little over an hour ago and my key card wouldn’t work. I suspect they locked it up because of the snow or damage. Woohoo! No workout, right?

Nerp.

I went ahead and tried to do some tabata. I got through maybe 15 minutes of it before I had to stop. I don’t particularly like the video I found so I think tomorrow I will find a different one. I suppose a late workout is better than no workout?

[applecinnacat-blog]

Belly Blues

The majority of today was spent doing laundry and watching Korean Dramas. Mostly the watching part. I couldn’t help but compare the difference in beauty standards for both men and women. I couldn’t help but think, “wow, she’s so cute. I want to be that cute. yadayadayada….” I had to take a step back to think, “just because the actress on the screen is cute doesn’t mean I’m not.” It reminded me of a post I saw a while ago. It went along the lines of, “flowers are pretty and so are Christmas lights but they look nothing alike.” I don’t know who said this but it really resounds with me. 

I wasn’t very active today. I haven’t even gone to the gym. I’m contemplating on whether I’ll still go or not since it is so late at night. 

I did better today with the impulse eating. I really wanted Chinese Food and I usually cave in and order it. Today I didn’t. I’m not sure what I did different. Maybe it was just my inner mind saying, “don’t do it.” I weighed myself and I’m still 230 lbs. 

I’ve been doing better with controlling my portion sizes. I hope to cut it down a little bit more. More veggies less starches in particular. I’m a little discouraged today but I’ll do better tomorrow. 

Laters 

[applecinnacat-blog]

When there's snow out all I want is soup! This is a crockpot lentil and veggie soup I threw together. I thought about putting meat in it at first but I don't think it needs it. The good thing about this is you can switch things out however you want. 8 cups of veggie broth 1 lb of lentils 1 small onion 3 large stalks of celery 1 8 oz container of white mushrooms 1 small bag of baby carrots 1 can of stewed tomatos 3 bay leaves 3 tsp garlic powder 1 1/2 tsp pepper 1 tsp cumin 1 tsp marjoram *I didn't put salt in it because we were out. You can just add salt to taste.* Add in all ingredients to crock pot and cook on low 8 hours or high for 4 hours.

[applecinnacat-blog]

Snow Day!

It's Sunday and we got our first snow of the season finally. I really love snow but as a kid I never really went out in it, and as an adult even more so. But today I opted for playing out in the snow instead of going to the gym. I figured burning calories and making memories at the same time would be fun. And it really was fun both Saturday and today. I did eat out today. Husband and I had a gift card from a friend and decided to have lunch out. We both had some great comfort food dishes that were not-so-great health wise. To make up for that I finally made a vegetarian dish this week (my first one!) I'll make a separate post with the recipe I used. (I sorta just eyeballed it.) It turned out great! Mentally I'm ok! I think treating my workouts as play really helped to lighten my mood. There's also something great about tiring yourself out in the snow and then snuggling inside under a blanket. Now that I thinks about it maybe I never played in the snow because I was alone? I'm considering workout classes in the spring but I'm not sure yet what I should do. Maybe something with dancing? Now I feel like a cat nap. Laters

[applecinnacat-blog]

The guys trying to clear the parking lot are awesome. I'm not sure how much snow there is but I'm going to venture too much. It's still coming down. I'm making myself go to the gym in a bit....T.T #buyallthebread #winterinthesouth #thisiswhathappenswhenheatmeiserdies

[applecinnacat-blog]

Frieday

Today is Friday! It's been a rocky start but I'm establishing a pattern. I'm trying to figure out how to get my workout in once classes start up again. The good thing about that is my campus has a free gym to use. The only thing I worry about is piling too much on me and then burning out. Yesterday and today has been very productive so far! I made homemade cereal bars (which promptly fell apart...but hey, they taste pretty good!), I've continued to work out each day, and for the most part have been eating better. I say "for the most part" because I may or may not have had some Pistachio ice cream last night. I felt bad, but usually I eat the whole one pint container. This time I only ate about half. So, progress? This morning I was super hungry though. Maybe it was because I waited too long to eat breakfast? We ended up eating out(I know, bad). But I decided that we would go for a walk afterwards. I didn't feel sleepy like I usually do. I read somewhere that the sleepy feeling is caused by eating too much. I'm not sure if that is common knowledge but I've been trying to eat just enough to where I don't get that sleepy feeling. I've realized how little I understand about nutrition. I've also realized that listening to my body can be tricky. Like how the other day when I felt like I needed something bready or potatoey (great adjectives, right?). I probably really didn't NEED it. I went for some peppers and carrots and felt better. I still wanted something fried though. I wonder why it is that we crave fried things? Maybe it's because it's a quick way to get nutrients (although it's not very nutritional). It's hard to tell my body no. ^_^ Laters.

[applecinnacat-blog]

Left: What I tried to make Right: what I made It was still pretty tasty lol

[applecinnacat-blog]

Dates?

I suppose I should start listing what day it is when I write these. It's Thursday. Wednesday was better than Tuesday. That crippling self-hate lessened to a mild loathing. I finally made myself get up and go to the gym. It wasn't bad at all. I know it never is but somehow I talk myself into not going. I switched on Gilmore Girls and started running on the elliptical. Watching the TV while running helped to keep my eyes off of myself in the mirror. I hate mirrors. I'm not sure what it is but I never have liked looking at myself in a mirror. I immediately feel like crap. But I'm trying to start being okay with the person I see in the mirror. She's strong. She's been through tragedies and happy times alike. She's trying her best. It's hard to admit that too. I'm so quick to try and make others feel better but when it comes to myself I began to feel unworthy. It's almost like there's another girl inside of me. She's crying because someone has finally started to treat her with kindness and she doesn't know how to cope. Today is Thursday and I'm better than Wednesday. I've been trying hard to eat lots of healthy snacks. It's been going pretty well, except that most everything is lathered with ranch dressing. Baby steps. I have an audition coming up for entrance into a 4 year university. I'm hoping working out will keep my mind from freaking out about it. I've noticed that when I am stressed I crave carbs like no one's business. I'm trying to keep that in mind when I reach for potatoes or breads. I just want starchy, yummy goodness. aaaarg. That vegetarian recipe is coming I swear. I'm just not sure yet what I want to do. I'll definitely do it tonight for dinner. Laters!

[applecinnacat-blog]

Reflections in the Rain

The past few days have been pretty much the same. New years was fun, however I was stuck in a car for most of it. There was definitely some chocolate and Red Bull involved as we were driving home (I’d like to throw out that I picked the sugar-free Red Bull). I’ve since been trying to stay active around the house by cleaning-but I haven’t been to the gym, yet. I’m not sure what it is but I feel this crippling disappointment that I’m not where I said I would be since last year. I love making resolutions but more than often this is what happens: I get excited about a new thing, I throw myself into the new thing, the new thing gets old or too hard, and then I just stop. I think that was my issue this time as well. It was going well at first. The first week I was going to the gym three times a week, I was snacking like my doctors told me, and I really was losing some weight. I stopped, however, because I started to feel incredibly tired. I think I just became overwhelmed. 

This time I will be going to the gym or exercising with tabata once a day for thirty minutes. I think doing it this way may help. Its more often, but its less time as well. 

Now to make myself do it. 

Blehhh

[applecinnacat-blog]

Already Messed Up

I've already skipped day.... Whoops All of my adulting went out the window yesterday to be honest. But I do have somewhat of an excuse. I went travelling with a friend for New Years and don't have too much content to write about. Yesterday was okay. I started off really well but as the day progressed I got lazy. I did pack a few healthy snacks and such to eat on the drive to where we were going. Kudos to me. Overall my attitude was a 4 out of 10 (1 being me swimming in self loathing and 10 being super positive). To be fair I think a bodily function had a significant affect on my overall mood. *cough. cough* I find being around others helps me keep my mind off of worrying about my body. I'm at 230 lbs which is a record high for me. I have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror. I told myself yesterday, "at least you have a cute face..", and then a cluster of spiteful pimples erupted on my chin later. Thanks man. I didn't get much exercise since I was in the car for most of the day. I did eat smaller meals in the morning and had some great snacks. I've found that I love eating slices of orange bell peppers. Ive also found that Pepper Burps are terrible. Then I had taco bell -_- "Today is a new day," I think as I pop a mini blueberry muffin into my face. #nomas #tacostho #whyyyy #itried #weightloss #fattea

[applecinnacat-blog]

The First Steps

I’m going to spill a little tea...

I am fat. 

Now that the elephant in the room has been addressed I’d like to explain a bit about why I’m announcing to the web an obvious fact. 

I’m tired of being fat. 

Like, so tired of it. Kiki understands. Too many pancakes.

But it is more tiring wondering what to feel about my body, sometimes. I look in the mirror and hate what I see. Then I turn on Youtube or look to Instagram to see plus size role models who tell me its ok to be whatever size I am.

So who do I believe? Can I work towards losing weight and still say that I love my body the way it is? 

Well we’re fixing to find out. In an effort to lose weight and keep the adipose away I will be documenting the good, the bad, and the ugly of my experience. 

I’m kind of dreading it already. 

Here are my rules:

1) I will post once a day about my mental state of being, how I am attempting to be healthier that day, and one positive aspect of my day. 

2) I will try one new vegetarian dish a week. 

3) Weekly weigh ins. :( 

Just to throw this out there: If you are fine with your body- no matter what size you are- that is great! I’m happy for you. But, this is my journey and my thoughts about my particular body. I have talked to doctors, and fitness trainers, and believe that losing weight will be beneficial to me. I love my fat babes, and my skinny babes (or dudes) all the same. So, let’s all help each other out by being positive and uplifting. I’m going to go enjoy a cup of sleepy-time and will be back tomorrow with an update!