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when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue

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Caffeine and chapters the perfect duo ☕📚

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ok note to self i gotta leave the house regularly so that i dont feel like im slowly transforming into an evil fucking shadow clone of myself

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Growing up as the responsible, independent, school smart, and somewhat overachieving, oldest daughter is fun bc you get to a point where the only thing that earned you validation in the past no longer does it. Whether you get to a point where you just don't perform as outstandingly well as before, or just a point where you're too old to be expecting praise from professors who see you in lecture once a week, the academic validation of being acknowledged by someone whose authority or intelligence you admire is no longer present. Whatever the reason, you no longer receive that external validation, and that is how you abruptly find out that 1) your intrinsic motivation is actually non-existent, it was all to receive praise from a figure of authority, and 2) maybe that academic life you had seen for yourself is actually not what you want. Following this realisation, you will obviously struggle to motivate yourself to study, which will obviously hurt your grades, which will inevitably hurt your self-perception and your ego. This cocktail of self-loathing will be like gasoline to what is now the dumpster fire of your short university career, and oh!- now you're spiraling. Evidently, the solution to your problem is quite simple: you will either need to learn how to motivate yourself, or how to study without motivation. Seeing as the latter is unthinkable for someone who has been running exclusively on the high of external praise for 13 years of their academic life, it'll have to be the former. However, as we've established, your intrinsic motivation isn't really on board yet. Thus, the obvious choice is to substitute it for external accountability: if you tell people your goals, they will know it when you reach them. Here, the problem becomes that they will also know if you do not achieve them. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a bruised ego is keen to expose itself to further humiliation. As an honourable eldest daughter, the last thing you could possibly do in your hour of personal doom and despair is ask for help. You've arrived at a stalemate. The tug of war between your need for external accountability in order to academically perform, and your need to achieve it all on your own without the potential wound to your pride should anyone see you fail.

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missing out on the best weather we've had all summer bc I have strep throat AND mono at the same time is making me feel like a sickly victorian child. proverbially standing at the door, watching everyone leave for some fun activity, before returning to my room to read a book or stare at the ceiling. (I live alone in student accommodation, but thats not the point).

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fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

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genuinely never go anywhere without my emotional support pen, I think I'd implode

having a pen i love is so important to me

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I've rarely seen a more validating sentence in my entire life.

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saw a screenshot of this on Pinterest and it resonated so hard I had to find the original post to reblog on here

when you grew up as a lonely uncool girl it will never stop haunting you by the way. you will meet a cool person at a bar or the train station or at a friend's party and you can wear your most stylish outfit and striking eye makeup and you will swear that they can see through all of the facade and see the lonely terribly insecure teenage girl you used to be who desperately wanted to connect and you will swear that they know that there is like an insurmountable gap between you. this will happen forever

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did I start watching this historical/timetravel show for its incredible writing? no. did I start watching it for the historical accuracy? also no. did I start watching it for the horrendous SA scenes that somehow happen in EVERY EPISODE????? definitely not, and who was gonna tell me ab that btw? is this show in fact housewife porn? yes, yes it is.

am I still watching it mostly bc of the chemistry between the main character and her man, the sexy costumes (literally just corsets), and the even sexier shots of the scottish highlands? absolutely.

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there are 4 check-in counters open for my airline, THREE are priority boarding. makes everything less efficient, some people get to not stand in a 20-min line, and it has nothing to do with who "deserves it".

priority check-in at the airport is what conservatives think the outcome of DEI is.

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priority check-in at the airport is what conservatives think the outcome of DEI is.

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Moodboard

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writing a history final that requires me to talk about Maggie Thatcher and Reagan rn. I have never written a paper this salty.

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mandatory watch every time I see it bc holy fuck.

this is the full video of patti lupone breaking the sound barrier at the 1988 tony awards btw

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just finished Ottessa Moshfegh’s My Year of Rest and Relaxation, and I’m gonna say this with my whole chest:

what the FUCK was that all about

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I'm at the point in my exam revision where I'm questioning why I don't just try to marry someone wealthy instead. then I have to remind myself that I'm trying to fight for the rights of others like others fought for mine, and I can't do that if I'm financially dependent on a member of the bourgeoisie.