ariadne-the-brave

[ariadne-the-brave]

and once a year i get obsessed with the show that got ingrained into my brain when i was 14

[ariadne-the-brave]

a thing i love about the eleventh hour red robe/magnus interaction is imagine if your mysterious seemingly-evil haunting ghost went "if you look at this information, I'll be less able to protect you" and then the information, while incomprehensible, is basically that you're in cahoots with that guy. hi, I know you care about everyone, but you're gonna make it harder for yourself if you try to remember caring about me, i love you.

[ariadne-the-brave]

so the grey wardens' reputation has to be a witcher kind of deal, right? you want them around when the darkspawn show up, but they make you uneasy. you can tell they're different somehow, that something's wrong with them even if you can't quite put your finger on what. and they're not exactly the cheeriest folks around either, are they? haunted eyes and grim smiles. why are they here? is it the darkspawn whose trail they're on or is it the other way around? the two are never far apart.

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i find it v cute when rpgs offer me, someone whose sole strategy is “attacking enemies,” status changing effects. “this lowers your enemy’s speed” you know what else would lower their speed? being dead, from my fists

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origins au where the warden dies of their injuries in flemeth’s hut after ostagar. and flemeth sees that the existence of a buddy grey warden was extremely emotionally load-bearing for the one she did manage to save so she puts a spirit in the warden’s corpse and drags them out with the exact same you worry too much young man! look, they’re fine! spiel

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a doodle of the director, because of feelings and also because I need cover art for a Lucretia song I wrote which I’m posting sometime this week aaahhhhh

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DND character who accidentally becomes a paladin at their wedding bc they meant their wedding vows a little too hard and invents the Oath of Love subclass. Is this anything

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the ram and raven

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A quick reaper!Lup

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ID: An edited screenshot of a tweet. johann the bard, @bestviolinistever, tweets: My boss told me the Relics keep eating her Reclaimers so I asked how many guys she has and she said she just goes to the surface and gets a new guy afterwards so I said it sounds like she's just feeding random guys to the Relics and then her gnome started crying. End ID.

mfw no relics after nearly a year of the BOB operating

join johann appreciation week you might find more of my weird johann&lucretia BOB fics/posts in the near future

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Running your own dnd game is fun and all but then the players suddenly strike up a heart to heart with each other and it lets you stare at the wall for the next 3h because it was really fucking good.

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You remember L̶̢͇̩̤̳̩͖̲͚͚̳͚͕͉̗͋̓ͅư̵͓͖̥̥̦͇͍̬̪̑́͐̏̂̐̎̾̐́̑̋̽̇͆̃̾̈́͌̈́̀̉͛͑̓̌͐́̊͂͒̈́̈́͘̚͠p̸̥̳͈͚̊̈́̋̀̄͐̓͆̇͑̿͊͌̍̕̕͝͠͝͠͝, of course. How could you forget L̶̢͇̩̤̳̩͖̲͚͚̳͚͕͉̗͋̓ͅư̵͓͖̥̥̦͇͍̬̪̑́͐̏̂̐̎̾̐́̑̋̽̇͆̃̾̈́͌̈́̀̉͛͑̓̌͐́̊͂͒̈́̈́͘̚͠p̸̥̳͈͚̊̈́̋̀̄͐̓͆̇͑̿͊͌̍̕̕͝͠͝͠͝?

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every time i relisten to the eleventh hour, i'm just like. oh. right. griffin put a pair of sibling NPCs, of which one is a technically-still-alive skeleton in a cave, into this one. yeah, sure. and for some reason taako is ridiculously adamant that this skeleton isn't alive or sentient despite all evidence to the contrary. like. sure. okay. it's a funny scene. it's a genuinely funny scene. it's one of the best dumb jokes in the arc. someone's dead sibling is just casually hanging out as an undead skeleton in a cave. i feel normal.

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“Taako,” Edward says as Taako puts his hand on the wheel. “We’ve had a little confab, and-“

“Confab?” Merle interrupts. “Isn’t that a little conference room-y?”

“Like Wolf of Wall Street?” Magnus adds. “Did you guys see Wolf of Wall Street?”

“Er, yes. A little too, a little too long for us.”

“Yeah, I kinda felt like it was just a redo of Goodfellas, too.” Merle shrugs. “Goodfellas was good enough on its own, y’know?”

“Yes, definitely, definitely not Scorsese’s best work. Taako?”

“Speaking,” Taako answers, trying not to feel the conspicuous lack of hit points too hard.

“We’ve been having ourselves a little think, and we want to make you a very special offer.”

“Yes,” Lydia chimes in. “We’ve never given this option to anyone journeying through Wonderland before, but we just can’t resist.”

“Hit me,” he answers wearily. “Maybe not literally. Cha boy is hurting.”

“We are going to allow you to opt out of the wheel and instead answer this very simple, very easy question.”

“You see, Taako, Edward and I are, mm, rather taken with your fetching umbrella there.”

Taako blinks, looking down at the Umbra Staff, dread growing in his stomach. “Okay.”

“That’s why we’re offering you the choice of a lifetime: you can take a penalty or you can give us that tasty little treasure.”

“Penalty,” Taako answers, only aware that he’s saying so halfway through the word coming out of his mouth.

“Taako,” Magnus mutters. “Taako, a penalty might kill you.”

“I don’t care, just means I get my Sunday afternoons back. I’m fine. Taako’s good out here. Penalty me.”

“Taako,” Merle says. “We’ll buy you a new umbrella. Real nice one.”

“Nope. I’m good. All good for Taako. I said it, I meant it, let’s move on. Hit me with that bad boy.”

There’s an almost disconcerting silence punctuated by Edward and Lydia muttering to each other. Taako grips the Umbra Staff in his slightly sweaty palm.

“We’re prepared to up the ante,” Edward says.

“Whatever you have, I don’t want it.”

“Are you sure? We think you might.”

A little 8 bit cartoon of a bell floats in front of them, placidly turning in a steady circle. Taako swallows.

“What,” he says, in an attempt at breezy. “Something Pac-Man could eat? No, thank you. Grossarooni.”

“If you give us the staff,” Lydia says. “We will give you the Animus Bell.”

Taako’s hands are shaking. He looks down at the handle of the Staff and is a little surprised to see he’s white knuckling it.

“No more fighting,” Edward tells him. “No more choices. Everybody’s happy.”

He thinks he’s gonna throw up. He swallows, staring at the handle.

“Taako,” Merle says. “This seems like a reeeeeeally good deal.”

Taako’s mouth works. He doesn’t know how to vocalize what he’s feeling. He doesn’t even know what it is he’s feeling at all. This is my last piece of- he thinks before the thought is unceremoniously cut off. He doesn’t know what it’s the last piece of but they can’t have it. They’re not allowed to touch it.

“Taako?” Magnus has his cautiously steady voice on, which is never a good sign. “You good?”

Taako looks up at them helplessly. Both their brows are furrowed but Magnus is looking off into the corner at something else, staring intently.

“Hey,” Merle says suddenly. “You didn’t say we could take it with us.”

“Beg pardon?” Edward asks.

“The Bell. You didn’t say we could take it with us, you just said Taako could have it. So does he get to leave with it?”

“Well-“

“I mean, kinda bogus, isn’t it? You’re asking him to give something up when really, you get to keep both things.”

“Yeah,” Magnus says, finally pulling his attention off from the corner. “Yeah, I’m with Merle. This is bullshit.”

Taako, decisively, sits down.

“Taako?” Lydia asks. “What are- what are you doing?”

“I mean, if I die in here, you can just take it off my corpse, right? No harm no foul. So why would I give it to you now? So I’m just gonna stop playing.”

“That’s not… really an option, Taako-“

“I can sit here in this room forever,” he interrupts. “And be miserable but not like, that miserable. Or I can spin that wheel, and keep going, and get even more miserable, and eventually, probably, uh, pretty soon, I’ll die, and you can have it then, what do I give a shit, I’m dead.”

“Yeah.” Magnus sits on one side of Taako. “Yeah, I’m with Taako. No easy outs.”

“I like easy outs,” Merle says, sitting on Taako’s other side. “But this doesn’t seem like it’s it, so, y’know, I’m with him, too.”

“I will say,” Taako adds. “I will be exponentially more miserable with these two thugs here with me for all eternity, just gonna be a real downer, so maybe it’s a more difficult decision for you than not.”

“Gee, thanks,” Merle grumbles. Magnus doesn’t blink.

Edward and Lydia mumble again, then fall silent.

“You still want that job opportunity?” Lydia asks.

“I mean, I think I’m good. Love your style, real Zoolander shit, but I’m gonna have to pass on that one.”

“Bummer.” She sighs softly. “Spin the wheel, Taako.”

All three of them get up and Taako approaches the wheel, feeling profoundly, inordinately grateful that the Unbra Staff, for now, remains in his hand and, a little surprisingly, grateful to the two chucklefucks standing on either side of him.

For a bizarre moment, he thinks the Staff might be a little grateful too.

[ariadne-the-brave]

We don’t have to talk. Let’s just… watch this together.

[ariadne-the-brave]

wyll ravengard...

[ariadne-the-brave]

welcome back warden commander.