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My neighbour was saying he can't pay his water bill. 

I sent him a "Get Well Soon" card.

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A lady was involved in a hit and run and rushed straight to the hospital. A policeman arrived at her home address and spoke to her husband.

"I'm afraid it looks like your wife was hit by a van" the policeman said.

"I know," he replied, "but she's got a great personality."

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A journalist interviews a farmer: “if you have two bungalows, are you willing to give one to the country?” The farmer, without hesitation, “sure! For communism!”

Journalist: “if you have two tractors, will you give one to the country?” Farmer: “of course! For the better development of our country!”

Journalist: “if you have two million bucks, will you give one million to the country?” Farmer: yes! For the livelihood of our comrades!”

Journalist: “if you have two cows, will you give one to the country?”

The farmer keeps silent and looking at the journalist, so the journalist has to ask again: “will you?”

The farmer answers firmly: “No”.

The journalist is confused: “you are so generous about money and houses and tractors, but why do you draw the line at cows?”

“Because”, says the farmer: “I do have two cows”.

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True story. I think. Cary Grant once received a telegram from a fan mystified by his youthfulness. Since telegrams were charged per word, the fan simply wrote: “HOW OLD CARY GRANT?” 

And so Cary responded:

“OLD CARY GRANT FINE. HOW YOU?”

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Tumblr is a website where the least punk thing you can do is listen to punk, where the queerest game is Dungeons & Dragons because it lets you play as anyone, including a straight man, and where the presence of cishet men is seen as an indicator of the health of a queer community.

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The Right puts all their faith in dishonest men.

To admit their dishonesty, conservatives would have to question the flaws in paternalism.

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DID YOU WANT TO TALK?

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Till death do us part? Yea no you’re not getting out of this that easily

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Condemn the First Felon and the lies.

America is not equipped to handle a malignant narcissist backed by another malignant narcissist threatening any Republican that steps out of line.

We need to step up our resistance game.

Call out the FASCISM!

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Parents are LGBTQ. So are teachers, administrators, co-workers, staff, bus drivers, crossing guards, neighbors, friends, and family. Nancy Mace is a dogshit person.

The one seeking indoctrination is Nancy Mace.

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Not taxing the rich is quickly destroying the planet. #LateStageCapitalism

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A: occupied Poland.

First Felon has over 3500 court cases.

Now that he is a convicted felon, fraud, and adjudicated rapist, he wants to skip judicial process and one-way ticket innocent people to concentration camps in El Salvador.

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First Felon is a nepo baby slumlord. Everything is transactional. He feels you must respect him or pay the consequences. He is very dumb.

You stand up to the bully and the bully dies.

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oh my favorite trope? two people who go through something so unique and agonizing and entirely beyond words that they have no choice but to create a bond that transcends all other types of love, thus acting as the sole point of understanding for the other person in a world that cannot fathom what they’ve been through

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@massachusetts-official

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If this is not tax fraud, the laws need to be rewritten.