aroaceenjolras

[aroaceenjolras]

"aros can still date" well i don't want to. "aros can be in qprs" well i don't want to. "aros can still get married" i cannot stress enough how much i don't want to do that. "it can be completely platonic" i don't care i still don't want to. "aros can still go on dates and kiss people and act indistinguishably from an alloromantic person" why are you so hell bent on us fitting into amatonormative society as much as possible. "aros can still love" is this just to make you feel better? it feels like it's just to make you feel better

[aroaceenjolras]

i came out to my mom & she said i “invented” aromanticism and asexuality

so for all the aroaces out there you’re welcome 😔🙏

i’m out here doing gods work

[aroaceenjolras]

We should bring back the term asexy and no I'm not kidding

[aroaceenjolras]

I think teens need to be able to go to trusted adults and say “I saw something in a porn video that freaked me out and now I’m worried I’ll have to do it too” and then the adult can say “it’s ok to be nervous about sex, but remember that you don’t have to do ANYTHING you don’t want to do, ever, no exceptions” and this should be an ongoing conversation to remind young people that sexual desire isn’t monolithic and they are not uniquely weird, cowardly, or undesirable for expressing their feelings, and they deserve sexual partners who prioritize consent & autonomy always

[aroaceenjolras]

You know what blows my mind is when you meet someone who literally does not eat vegetables. #scurvy

[aroaceenjolras]

Hello, my name is Saja. I’m a mother to a beautiful 8-month-old baby girl, writing this from a place I never imagined I’d be — surrounded by destruction, holding on to my daughter while the world around us falls apart. 💔

We used to have a home. 🏚 A simple place, but it was filled with love. Now it’s gone. What remains are memories, silence, and an overwhelming fear of what tomorrow may bring.

Each day, I wake up not knowing if we will make it through the next. My daughter should be learning to walk, to smile at strangers, to feel safe in her world — but instead, she’s learning to live in the middle of a war zone. 🕊️

I’m not writing this to ask for pity. I’m sharing our truth because silence won’t protect us. Maybe, through this message, someone will hear us — and care. 🤍

If you feel moved to share our story or offer support, it would mean more than words can say. Every kind act ripples outward. ✨

🔗 Donation Link 📌 Post Link

Thank you for taking a moment to listen. 🙏

I'm super broke, but I will post this. I hope you find the help you need.

[aroaceenjolras]

For my ace buddies and fellow demis.

(I'm gonna add alt text in a few hours - I'm currently on mobile with a shitty Internet signal)

[aroaceenjolras]

maybe you guys need to learn the difference between sex-repulsed asexuals and sex-negative conservatives. because im getting real sick of reading unnecessarily vaguely worded posts that sound borderline aphobic

"if you think sex is gross/disgusting, you're a horrible person" sorry but that's actually a valid ace identity. try again :)

"if you shame other consenting adults for having sex because you think it's a sin, you're a horrible person" ok NOW we're getting somewhere

[aroaceenjolras]

Honestly, I am pretty frustrated by the "haha why would anyone hate ace people" responses to Rowling's tweet.

Don't get me wrong, the support is nice. But if you want to be an ally, you have to do so on our terms, not yours. And that means actually engaging with the aspec community, not just posting positivity every now and again. And what those responses highlight to me is what I've known for a while; you guys only support aspec people when it's easy and convenient.

It's easy to support aspec people when it's J.K. Rowling being awful again. It's easy to support us when it's just reblogging an "aspec people are queer" post.

But what about when we are talking about amatonormativity and the relationship hierarchy? When we are discussing the enforcement of compulsory sexuality? When we are pushing for greater awareness and support for aspec identities that are not asexuality or aromanticism? When we are criticizing terminology that you use but harms us? Because I can tell you right now, I rarely see allo people engage with those posts.

Why do people hate asexuality (or any other aspec identity)? Because it challenges the societal norms that benefit them. And that is uncomfortable and scary. So they turn to hate and oppression in order to assure that the changes we push by just openly existing never happen.

That means that to be a good aspec ally, you can't just make a positivity post every now and again, and you can't just laugh about how stupid aphobes are. You have to openly challenge the societal norms that harm us, even if they benefit you. Including but not limited to:

The idea that romantic and sexual attraction is the default state of being (amatonormativity)

The idea that a romantic, sexual relationship completes a person

People in marriages receiving special privileges and benefits

The idea that platonic, familial, etc. attraction are default states of being

The idea that not feeling some form of attraction must be compensated for through another form of attraction

The idea that love (not just romantic) is inherently morally good, while not feeling love is inherently a moral failing

The idea that any one form of relationship is inherently more important or deeper than any other (relationship hierarchy)

The idea that any one thing makes someone human

The idea that not having sex is shameful or infantile

The idea that having sex without romantic love is callous

Gendered divides of sexual and romantic attraction

Other aspec people please feel free to add on/challenge any of this. Allo (not aspec) people please feel free to ask questions.

I've placed some resources for learning more about these topics under the cut.

Amatonormativity:

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5 - also in the Loveless section] [6 - also in the Compulsory Sexuality section]

Marriage Benefits:

[1]

Other Aspec Identities:

[Aplatonicism] [Afamilialism]

Loveless:

[1] [2 - also in the Amatonormativity section] [3] [4] [5]

Compulsory Sexuality:

[1 - also in the Amatonormativity section] [2]

Relationship Hierarchy vs Relationship Anarchy:

[1] [2] [3]

Oppression:

[1] [2] [3]

Miscellaneous:

[1] [2]

Books and Video Essays:

An Ace Discourse Retrospective by Jenny Geist

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown

[aroaceenjolras]

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

[aroaceenjolras]

I find it funny how asexuality, "like so many orientations", is the only one specifically mentioned as being subject to change.

Almost as if the author expects asexuals, specifically, to change their orientation.

(From Glamour Witch by Sophie Saint Thomas)

[aroaceenjolras]

The most asexual thing I have said recently just happened a while ago when in discussion concerning dick sizes as a flex, I said out loud, “how does it matter, no one can see it.” No one. Can see it. No one. I knew the second I'd said it, I had my head in my hands for a solid 5 seconds. Do you ever just out yourself casually

[aroaceenjolras]

A lot of you don't want queer liberation, you just want in on allonormativity and amatonornativity.

[aroaceenjolras]

"Aroace people aren't against shipping" I am. Learn how to write close and deeply weird friendships.

[aroaceenjolras]

have you ever thought about how amatonormativity is so prevalent that it twisted the word "relationship" to generally mean "a romantic relationship" in normal conversation. saying "I'm in a relationship" should be an inane statement. everyone is in relationships dipshit it came free with your membership card to a social species. but alas

[aroaceenjolras]

One of the worst things to happen to the glorious nation of haters was the conflation of hatred with love. "Oh you hate them so much you must want them soooo bad" Not how that works. Sorry your perception of love is so toxic you think hatred is an intrinsic part of it but you can take your stupid ass reductive "He only bullies you because he likes you" ass opinion and smother it. There is no love here. I bully you because I hate you.

[aroaceenjolras]

Hey guys, it's mutual aid o'clock. Me and my partner could really use grocery money for the last week of the month. Anything helps, tysm.

graysparrow36@protonmail.com is our paypal