artemishisalways

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10 signs you’re in a healthy relationship

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Sometimes it worries me when one of my more sex-based writings is making the rounds, because a lot of people are seeing that without the context of a deep and caring relationship.

My Monsieur and I have a strong and fulfilling relationship. But the kink moments are the exception, not the rule. Most of our life together is managing a household, raising a kid together, and helping each other through work and life stresses. Most of it is super, super normal. You wouldn’t really know we were D/s, except the occasional “yes Sir”, a bit of rule compliance, and the fact that I often sit at his feet when we are alone.

Yes, he can take whatever he wants from me sexually. He can pull me away from whatever I’m doing to fuck me or hurt me or have me do a task for him. And I will do it without question. And yes, I need our relationship to have these moments. But they aren’t the foundation of our relationship. They aren’t the substance we rely on. They aren’t what makes him a wonderful partner or even a wonderful Dominant.

He listens to me. He puts my needs first. He never asks for what would be unhealthy for me to give. Servant leadership is, in my mind, the only way to lead a healthy, sustainable long-term D/s dynamic. It’s what frees me to become his property without feeling used or devalued.

This morning he pinned me down and fucked my ass just as I was coming out of the bathroom. He edged himself inside me, showing no regard for my pleasure, until he decided he was ready to cum. Then he ran me a shower. When I got out, I noticed he had refilled my pill container and laid it out prominently so I would remember to take my pill. Then he brought me coffee in bed. He doesn’t do these things as some sort of exchange for sexual control; he does them because it is his responsibility to take care of me. Because that’s what ownership means for us.

If you’re new to my blog and want a glimpse of what our D/s is really like, try these writings:

Things I Got Wrong about D/s

Coffee Service—from a Dom

Sometimes the Decisions are Mine

Benefit of the Doubt

Snapshots of Our Relationship

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i wanted to feel loved without feeling like i was begging for it

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why are you repeating a pattern you want no part in? remember who you are.

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Trust

We all know how essential trust is to a successful D/s relationship. It’s become so commonplace for me to trust my Sir that there are some things I can trust without question. I trust he has my best interest at heart. I trust him not to cheat on me, and even as insecure as I am I do not worry over this. I could go on, but there are a thousand ways trust is woven into our relationship.

But the truth is that trust doesn’t always come easy. Trusting when he says he loves me as much as I love him, isn’t as easy as trusting him to stop when I say our safeword. Trusting when he says we’ll find time to connect when our schedules seem determined to tear us apart, isn’t as easy. Trusting when he asks me to believe the hard times aren’t permanent, well, you guessed it…isn’t as easy.

I have to remind myself that this isn’t a blind faith. This trust was earned. I force myself to bypass fear and insecurity and see the reality. How can I trust that he won’t lie to me? I look back and I see a pattern of him coming to tell me even the hard things. How can I believe when he says he loves me but the words seem flat? I look to the actions. I let the thousands of actions speak when the words seem hoarse.

Some days are darker than others. Seeing these things through a haze of insecurity can be difficult. But I chose him to lead. I trust him because he showed me I could. And I’ll try to see past my fears because it’s unfair to to ask him to lead unless he can trust that I fill follow.

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I’ve been fighting with one arm tied behind my back. But what happens when I’m finally set free?

CAPTAIN MARVEL (2019) dir. Ryan Fleck, Anna Boden

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