artlessauthorite

[artlessauthorite]

they roll around and play ball together!!! yay @comvi

[artlessauthorite]

New sleep style: hitting the snooze button so many times that you sleep two additional hours in ten minute intervals. I call this Horse Sleep

[artlessauthorite]

young man. what is that you have found.

I said young man. you picked it up off the ground.

I said young man. you should put that thing down.

I don't think! that! you! should! eat that!

[artlessauthorite]

i love how everyone on this website is kind of pathetic it brings such a sense of understanding and community

[artlessauthorite]

If a regional war breaks out between Iran and Israel, Gaza will be forgotten. We will continue to suffer this suffering and will not be mentioned in anything. We will be forgotten forever.

[artlessauthorite]

a corporate website has found a new way to suck: it scrolls without scrolling, behaving exactly like a scrolled website would (not hijacking your scroll for a horizontal slideshow or anything, just moving the content vertically up and down) but it isn't actually scrolling so you don't get a usable scroll bar

who let the web developers learn eastern philosophy, this isn't how wu wei is supposed to be used

[artlessauthorite]

“the heart wants what it wants”? okay well the heart is fucking stupid can we let someone else have a turn? maybe the spleen wants to have a go?

[artlessauthorite]

one of my favorite twitter accounts that is defunct now is it was this account called like Crazy Optical Illusions or something and they would just post popular optical illusions but edit them so they werent optical illusions anymore and they would just pretend and people would be very confused / angry in the comments

[artlessauthorite]

[artlessauthorite]

now that my jury duty is over and i can legally talk about my jury duty, a short list of things that i have learned about jury duty:

when the judge wants to sidebar with the lawyers they turn on a static noise machine for the jury. this is very like the experience of being trapped inside a television

sometimes they load the entire court -- judge, lawyers, court reporters, jury, etc. -- onto a bus and take you all on a little field trip to see a crime scene. this is very like the experience of being in elementary school

when you are on a jury field trip you May Not share a seat, you May Not speak, and you May Not look at anything you have not been officially told you can look at. this is very like the experience of being trapped inside a point-and-click adventure except that instead of being limited in your investigation by the constraints of the game mechanics, you are instead limited in your investigation by the court officers herding you around like ducks with their long wooden Official Court Staffs

no matter how much an FBI agent may encourage the court to call him kevin, the court will not call him kevin

[artlessauthorite]

Spent tonight at a local short film festival. One of the shorts was made by two 12 year olds in their backyard and it was the best short of the entire night

[artlessauthorite]

[artlessauthorite]

starting a compilation of my favorite "no thank you" buttons from when they want you to subscribe so bad

[artlessauthorite]

So you know this episode of Gravity Falls?

I am only just now, JUST NOW, realising that taking photos in this was was very silly. Dipper has access to modern cameras but he chose an old timey method that required him to set up a developing room in the shack. He had to buy all the equipment and chemicals and stuff. This must have been so much more expensive. And it's obvious to me NOW that that's the joke, but only just now. This came out YEARS ago and I've just never questioned it. "Oh of course Dipper would now need to develop the photos," my mind said, "that's the next logical step in this plan." I think I might be stupid.

[artlessauthorite]

slimes when they get attacked: oh i have to become 2 of me. ohh i have to become 4 ov me. ohhhh i have to become 8 of me

[artlessauthorite]

the entire budget of the US military should be reallocated to insect research

[artlessauthorite]

imagine if there were aliens on the moon and we could just see each others civilizations and buildings and lights and we both knew the other one was right there for ages and ages and all of our civilization for millenia is wrapped around this question of What If We Could Visit Them and then at some point, probably sooner than 1969, we finally make it up there and theyre all fans of Alien Mr Beast. would that be fucked up or what