asariela

[asariela]

Ughhhhhhh I know she’s probably so tired and feels really bad rn and at the heart of it I do want her to get her rest but fuck man I feel so shitty I wanted her company so bad rn

[asariela]

I wish I could just tell her how I was feeling but she’s already so distant I’m terrified me opening up will just cause her to pull further away

[asariela]

It’s so hard to act normal when I feel like I’ve got a huge hole in my chest but I know she’s going through it too and probably needs me to be a friend rn

Jesus it hurts though

[asariela]

God I can’t stop crying

[asariela]

She’s so distant these days I went from thinking maybe I had a chance to fix things to feeling like it’s absolutely hopeless

She doesn’t ever communicate anything to me so I have nothing better to go on

In person she seemed borderline repulsed w me several times

Idk I’m definitely feeling the post trip depression but seeing the way she acted in person and having that contextualize our interactions over the last couple of weeks has me feeling a separate sense of abject despair.

It feels like the sun has gone out and will never return. It feels like I took my last breath and my lungs are starting to burn. It feels like I’m sinking underwater and watching the light fade away. It feels like watching my body rot from the outside in and being helpless to stop it. It feels like a cancer diagnosis. It feels terminal. It feels like I’ve looked at something I can never unsee. It feels like I know something I can never unknow. It feels like the taste of metal in my mouth when I’m alone on a dark night and I see something out of the corner of my eye. It feels like the moment you wake up from a nightmare and it all still feels real.

I just wish I could find some comfort

[asariela]

I haven’t wanted to kill myself so bad in a min

[asariela]

my friend picked me up bully style and shoved me in here even after I gave her all my lunch money

[asariela]

[asariela]

[asariela]

[asariela]

This was going to be a peach post but it’s maybe too stupid so it’s going here, but there is no better feeling than being drunk, having Elon musk levels of k in your system, a beer in 1 pocket, soju in the other, being at one of the biggest fighting game tournaments in the world, and looking at your bois and saying “I’ll catch up with you”

The world truly is my oyster

[asariela]

And there’s a small chance there’s actually nothing going on and I’m reading too much into things but she keeps just not communicating at all so I feel like I have to be schizoid and read into everything if I want any sense of what’s going on

The last couple of times we’ve talked she either rushes off the phone at the end of the night or if I’m texting her says ily2 instead of I love you and now I’ve got to be the one to ask what that’s about. I wish she would just communicate to me if she wasn’t comfortable w saying I love you right now this has happened so many times she knows I won’t freak out on her or anything I just hate having to feel like detective Doolittle bc she won’t just tell me what’s going on

[asariela]

The last couple of times we’ve talked she either rushes off the phone at the end of the night or if I’m texting her says ily2 instead of I love you and now I’ve got to be the one to ask what that’s about. I wish she would just communicate to me if she wasn’t comfortable w saying I love you right now this has happened so many times she knows I won’t freak out on her or anything I just hate having to feel like detective Doolittle bc she won’t just tell me what’s going on

[asariela]

Nights suck so bad

[asariela]

I literally had a bad dream about my fomo ts sucks

[asariela]

I feel so lonely :(

[asariela]

Got I have such bad fomo tonight’s gonna suckkkkk