asdfghjkwhy

[asdfghjkwhy]

San ba ko pupunta? Bakit ganun? Bakit ka bumitaw? :)

[asdfghjkwhy]

Thank you for leaving me.

Thank you for walking away.

Thank you for letting me go.

Thank you for everything.

[asdfghjkwhy]

Im back again to where it all started.

All the pain and memories started to seep in.

Ahh, solitude has been here for a while that's why when chaos came, I was lost again. It all became unfamiliar again.

My mind becomes numb overthinking of different ways to prevent the worst possible outcome.

Oh, I'm here again.

I'm here again in the empty room filled with invisible thoughts, of endless prayers, that one day, I'll be set free.

As I roam around finding the keys to free me from shackles of hurtful words, I stumbled upon scattered debris of suffocating expectations.

Oh, I'm here again..

I thought it was the light of the end of the tunnel, only to find out that it's the flash of bomb that has been thrown again.

[asdfghjkwhy]

How to heal myself?

How do I convince myself that things will get better?

That someday, all these pain will go away..

I don't want to meet people to see how miserable their life is. I dont want to compare the burdens that each of us is carrying. I dont want to know how badly they're thriving. I dont want to see that my life is much better than what they have because I too have my own problems.

I dont want to meet people who are winning in their lives not because I am jealous, it's just that i am in no position and sanity to support them wholeheartedly. I wanna heal myself from this pain, i just wanted to be truly happy for them.

[asdfghjkwhy]

come here darling, let me give you some rest.

i'm right here darling, don't cry cause' my arms wide open.

i'll be right here, you don't have to fear..

I'll be right here.

[asdfghjkwhy]

ghad this life is too hard. i wanna save all the members of my family, they also sacrificed something for me. but no. this isn't easy.

[asdfghjkwhy]

kasi dapat di ka na umaasa. alam mo naman e. bakit kasi umaasa ka pa. dapat di ka na nagexpect. alam mo naman. bagong taon na bagong taon umiiyak ka dyan. napakaiyakin ml talaga.

[asdfghjkwhy]

"there are things you can't have no matter how much you want them", i wanted to be with you but I can't. so i'll learn to be okay without you.

[asdfghjkwhy]

then i guess it's another day to learn how not to depend on you.

[asdfghjkwhy]

it's okay. it's okay that's love. pat yourself on your back. you did well. that's love. it's okay, it's okay you can cry. it hurts to admit that sometimes we wish we could die. it's okay if you cry. even if no one would wipe away those tears. it hurts to admit that your presence is still here. how do you heal yourself from the pain? what if I ran away? is it okay to be gone? what if the day that I left would become the most happiest day of my life? then i wish it could pierce through me, this knife.

[asdfghjkwhy]

people are so selfish that they only think of themselves. they'll bother you and ask for help but they don't even consider what you feel. tngna.

[asdfghjkwhy]

ang dami dami kong iniisip. gusto ko mabuo yung isip ko na aalis ako. na lalayo ako. na hindi ako makikipagusap sa mga tao. hindi ko sila kakamustahin. kasi nakakapagod mainvolve sa mga problema nila. gusto ko umalis. gusto kong tumakas. tumakbo. pano ba maging careless haha paano ko ba gagawin yung mga bagayna di ko muna pinagiisipan yung outcome. nagagawa ko lang naman yun pag galit ako. nakakapagbitiw ako nang mga salitang di maganda. pero ayun na yun. nothing more. i'm so suffocated on how the past affects my present. pagod na ko humabol sa bagay na di ko naman talaga gusto kunin. ang taas nang tingin ko sa sarili ko. pagod na talaga ako. hahaha

[asdfghjkwhy]

sarap nang tulog mo kasama mahal mo sa buhay. sana all.

[asdfghjkwhy]

I truly hate myself and how I am. I’m useless I ruin everything. I don’t deserve to be happy.

[asdfghjkwhy]

[asdfghjkwhy]

pag nagkataon, magkakaroon na naman ako nang experience na wala ka. na mag isa ako. na hindi ka kasama. pero isa to sa way para mas mapabilis yung mga bagay na pwede na kitang makasama. nakakalungkot at nakakatakot. nalulungkot ako. ayaw ko ulit makaexperience nang magisa ako. gusto kitang makasama sa lahat nang bagay na gagawin ko. pero hindi pwede eh. hindi man kita makasama sa lahat nang first ko, sana andun ako pag naexperience mo yung mga firsts mo. :( iloveyousomuch bb :(

[asdfghjkwhy]

bakit kaya nung nagkawork ako, boarding house agad yung hinanap ko? ah. gusto ko nga palang malayo dun sa magulong mundo. gusto ko nga palang magpahinga sa gyera. pagod na akong sumunod at sumalo sa pagkukulang ng iba. gusto ko na lang magpahinga.