asexualactivities

[asexualactivities]

thanks for the masturbation posts--i'm an ace who just discovered masturbation, and it would have been a lot less confusing if i'd seen anyone actually talk about what it is and how to do it comfortably--i always figured that touching myself should do something and then it just kind of didn't, so obviously i just wasn't capable of it. it's also interesting reading about your use of porn, because similarly i don't feel attracted to or fantasize about myself in erotic situations, but engaging in it does have a sort of blanket 'turning-on' effect. anyway i just wanted to express appreciation, especially for sharing your individual experience.

You're welcome!

It's completely understandable that so many people are in the "I tried something, it didn't work, guess I can't" bucket, but it's astonishing that there aren't more resources approaching the topic with that in mind.

[asexualactivities]

Some people will try to tell you that all you need to masturbate are your hands and your imagination. That is missing so many things, where to begin...?

First, on the imagination point, like I talked about recently, not everyone is able to fantasize. It just doesn't work for everyone. It may even make things worse!

As far as hands go, many people can't get off with their hands alone. Fingers often aren't enough for adequate clitoral stimulation. Instead, people often turn to tools such as vibrators, shower heads, or techniques such as pillow grinding. Penis owners often find bare handed stroking to be uncomfortable, especially if they've been circumcised. They'll often use lubricant of some kind, such as lotion or even saliva, so the hand will slide, instead of drag. Clitoral stimulation may benefit from a little lubricant, too.

Beyond that, there are requirements that aren't even mentioned above. You need an environment where you feel comfortable enough to masturbate. You need time. You need focus. You need to be able to get and stay aroused. And it helps to have knowledge of how it's supposed to work and what you need to do to get there.

The point I'm trying to make, and the point I've been trying to make all week, is that masturbation is a much more complicated and individual process than most people make it out to be. It doesn't fit into quick, easy, one-size-fits-all tidbits. And it can be harder to get into for asexual people or people whose bodies don't want to cooperate.

But the other point I want to make clear here is that a little difficulty at the beginning is to be expected. So don't be discouraged! There's no magic button labeled "Press here for pleasure". It can take work and a bit of dedication and maybe even some outside help to get anywhere with it. And a lot of people, maybe even most people, had to go through this stage before they got to the point where they enjoyed it.

This concludes the week of misconception busting. I hope you found it interesting and informative. And once again, the ask box is open, so if you have any questions on this topic, please feel free to ask them. No questions are too basic and no questions are too embarrassing! I can assure you, if you have a question, someone else reading probably has the same one.

[asexualactivities]

Masturbating feels good!

Orgasms feel good!

Everyone does it because it feels good!

And you should do it because it feels good!

You hear this all the time. It's not entirely true.

So, to get this out of the way, yes, masturbating and orgasms do feel good for most people, and that's the main reason people do it. But that "for most people" is important. It doesn't feel good for everyone.

Anorgasmia or sexual anhedonia are conditions that can mean a person may get little or no pleasure from sexual stimulation, might have difficulty reaching orgasm or might be unable to reach it at all, or may not feel anything during an orgasm. Then there are conditions which can cause orgasms to be painful, or cause a person to feel ill, get a headache, or pass out after an orgasm. Even arousal itself can be painful or uncomfortable for some people.

Beyond physical conditions like those, there are a number of emotional reasons why masturbating might not feel good. If someone feels that they shouldn't be doing it, that could have a negative impact on what they feel. Also, if someone is averse or grossed out by some part of the process, that could shut things off. Likewise, if someone just doesn't want to, but tries to power through anyway, it might not feel that great.

And some people just haven't figured out what works for them yet. Despite the rumors and legends, simply touching your genitals doesn't necessarily feel good. It takes a particular kind of stimulation to get anywhere. Without that, the whole process can be numb or uncomfortable.

Finally, simply put, some people just don't enjoy it. It's just not a good feeling for them.

These are just some of the reasons it doesn't feel good or isn't enjoyable for some people, but there are countless more. If you have one I didn't mention, please feel free to share! The ask box is open, if you want to send something anonymously!

[asexualactivities]

My friend (with a vagina) admitted in 12th grade that she masturbated and I (also with a vagina) had to go home and google it because I had no idea you even could masturbate with a vagina and when confronted with the prospect, could literally not come up with any ideas on how tf it would work. Trying to Be Normal(TM), after I read wikihow instructions on how to stimulate the clitoris, I tried masturbating during my next shower. It was uninteresting, painful, and boring. I didn't get it, and I promptly quit and never tried again. It wasn't until I had sex years later with an allosexual that I was like "oooooh, *that's* how you do it; it *can* feel physically good". I would have completely happy to never figure it out, though.

Yeah, it's so often portrayed as an instant response. "Just touch here and magic happens." When anything other than that happens, it can be very discouraging. And even knowing what to do doesn't exactly prepare you for how to do it. I'm sure this is an unfortunately common story.

This is why the book will have a series of steps to gradually guide people into what to do, instead of rushing into things. Each one of the steps will be designed with "failure" in mind, and offer tips for how to do things differently the next time. They'll also go into what might happen and what shouldn't happen. It'll cover things like how pain is typically a sign to try something else.

[asexualactivities]

transenbyhollis can confirm about masturbation being complicated with a clitoris/vagina. my initial understanding of masturbation is its basically like sex, which is basically just penetration. honestly, i was grinding on a pillow for a LONG time before making the connection that this is also sexual stimulation.

Yes, and that is a natural conclusion to come to when sex is presented merely as "Penis goes into vagina and it feels good" and mastubation is presented merely as "Practicing for sex". Well of course you masturbate by pretending to put a penis in a vagina!

And so people try that, don't get very far, then give up in frustration, thinking that there's something wrong with them. Or, they think that penetration is involved, and nope out from the start and don't even try anything.

(And I had a similar problem from the other side. They said that a penis goes into a vagina and it feels good, but no one said anything about movement. So the first bunch of times I tried to figure out this mysterious "masturbation" thing basically involved rolling up a towel into a tube shape, going inside, and just kinda sitting there, wondering how long I had to sit there before the orgasm happened. Spoiler alert: It never happened.)

Your last sentence is also a good point: So many people have a rigid conception of what masturbation means, that they don't really recognize that something they've been doing all along counts!

Today's misconception is that it's easy to masturbate. That it comes naturally to everyone. That pretty much all you have to do is reach down and your genitals will guide you through the process, and presto-bingo! an orgasm arrives on schedule 5-10 minutes later.

This is not the case for many people, perhaps even most people. Masturbating can be difficult to figure out to begin with, and even after you've gotten the hang of it, it can sometimes be a challenge.

First, I have no doubt that some people really do just stumble across it on their own, and for them, it may seem like it was easy. This story tends to go like this: "I just touched myself and it felt good, so I kept at it, then whoa."

But is that the full story? How many times before that day had they touched themselves and it felt "meh" or "okay" or even "good", but without the "whoa"? Did they have some idea that those body parts would do something special, and that's why they tried it? Did they hear about it from someone else? Did they immediately have the process dialed in, or did it need to be refined?

In short, was it really an easy accidental discovery one day, or was there a longer process involved?

Even if it was "easy", just think about what it took to get there:

The person had to get aroused.

The person had to discover that stimulation while aroused felt pleasant, which meant that they were somehow stimulated in just the right way.

The person had to be in an environment where they could continue the stimulation.

The person had to decide to continue the stimulation to prolong that feeling.

The person had to remain aroused long enough to progress.

The person had to stimulate themselves in just the right way to keep it interesting.

The person had to not totally freak out when things downstairs started feeling weird.

The person had to continue doing all of this long enough to orgasm.

So sure, some people are going to roll a natural 20 on all of those points and sail right through. But it's plain to see how any one of those things changing just a little bit would throw everything else off.

Then there's the matter of anatomy. People with a penis might have an easier time with some of these steps. They tend to announce themselves when aroused, and that might make it more likely to encounter that pleasant stimulation. A clitoris, on the other hand, is often a master of stealth. It may hide, out of the way, and to so successful that even the owner isn't aware that it's there or what it's doing. Not to mention that the vagina tends to steal the limelight.

In any case, going from "it felt good to touch there" to an orgasm is a complicated journey. Too fast. Too slow. Too hard. Too soft. Too tight. Too loose. Too rough. Too gentle. Too far left. Too far right. Too hot. Too cold. Too wet. Too dry. Too tired. Too wired. Too consistent. Too varied. Too much or too little of a hundred different factors, and all of them have to be just right or the whole thing is ruined. And tomorrow they'll all be just a little bit different, so what works today doesn't work tomorrow.

And even when everything goes just right, sometimes a body just refuses to cooperate and you won't get anywhere no matter how hard you try. Sometimes that's a rare occurrence, but for some people, it's every time.

Then, if you add asexuality into the mix, that complicates things even more. Sexual attraction is a huge motivator, prompting fantasies, enhancing arousal, even leading to conversations that might turn towards masturbation. Without that driver, it can be harder to get started or keep going.

I think the idea that it's easy comes from people forgetting how much work they put into the process before they were successful. They don't always remember all the failed experiments before, and they don't always remember all the refinement they did after. Also, I think many people underestimate the difficulty because they had fun trying, so it didn't seem all that difficult.

How about you? Was it easy? Was it difficult? Stuck at step 2 or 6? Share your thoughts anonymously through the Ask box!

[asexualactivities]

If you read yesterday's post, you may have noticed that I talked about masturbating as if it was only successful, and, in fact, could only considered be masturbating at all if an orgasm were achieved.

That's wrong. That's flat out wrong, and yesterday's post shouldn't have been written in that way.

Masturbation does not require orgasm. An orgasm may be A goal for some people, but it is not THE only goal for everyone.

So, if an orgasm isn't the point, what is the point?

Well, the point of masturbating is that you get what you want out of it.

And a lot of people don't actually want an orgasm out of it. Some people don't like how they feel. Some people don't feel them at all. Some people don't like dealing with the mess. Some people can't reach orgasm, but like the rest of the process. Some people go along with orgasms, just to get something else. Some people react badly to orgasms, like headaches and nausea. And some people just don't want them for no particular reason at all.

So, what else is there?

Stress relief! Masturbating can have a calming effect.

Pain relief! Masturbating can reduce some kinds of pain.

Boredom relief! Masturbating can give you something to do.

Horniness relief! Masturbating can temporarily tame horniness.

Pleasure outside an orgasm! Even without an orgasm, masturbating often feels pleasurable, and for some people, that part's a bigger draw than the orgasm itself.

Help falling asleep! Masturbating can help you fall asleep.

Learn about your body! Masturbating can tell you what you like or dislike, and you can take what you learn into partnered sex.

Prevent wet dreams! Some people masturbate to prevent nocturnal emissions.

Sharing with others! Some people masturbate for someone else, whether that's a partner, a friend, a cam client, or so on.

Testing everything out! Some people masturbate simply to give the bits down there a bit of exercise.

And that's just some of the possibilities.

The point is, if you want to masturbate for some reason, orgasms don't have to be that reason.

The same study I've been referencing all week also has a table on why people masturbate. Let's take a quick look at some of those numbers.

First, to get it out of the way, about 2/3rds of people said they do it because they find it pleasurable. Now, that doesn't necessarily imply that a third of people don't. This was a multiple choice question, but not everyone might have noticed, so some people likely picked something else, yet still find it pleasurable. Still, it's telling that it wasn't the top choice for a third of people.

About half the people said it's because they feel horny. About a third do it to relieve stress. A quarter or so masturbate to relax or fall asleep. Somewhere between ~15-30% do it because they're "sexually frustrated" or not getting as much partnered sex as they would want. About 10% said it's because there's nothing else to do. 4% do it because their partner wants them to.

[asexualactivities]

Today's misconception is that it's easy to masturbate. That it comes naturally to everyone. That pretty much all you have to do is reach down and your genitals will guide you through the process, and presto-bingo! an orgasm arrives on schedule 5-10 minutes later.

This is not the case for many people, perhaps even most people. Masturbating can be difficult to figure out to begin with, and even after you've gotten the hang of it, it can sometimes be a challenge.

First, I have no doubt that some people really do just stumble across it on their own, and for them, it may seem like it was easy. This story tends to go like this: "I just touched myself and it felt good, so I kept at it, then whoa."

But is that the full story? How many times before that day had they touched themselves and it felt "meh" or "okay" or even "good", but without the "whoa"? Did they have some idea that those body parts would do something special, and that's why they tried it? Did they hear about it from someone else? Did they immediately have the process dialed in, or did it need to be refined?

In short, was it really an easy accidental discovery one day, or was there a longer process involved?

Even if it was "easy", just think about what it took to get there:

The person had to get aroused.

The person had to discover that stimulation while aroused felt pleasant, which meant that they were somehow stimulated in just the right way.

The person had to be in an environment where they could continue the stimulation.

The person had to decide to continue the stimulation to prolong that feeling.

The person had to remain aroused long enough to progress.

The person had to stimulate themselves in just the right way to keep it interesting.

The person had to not totally freak out when things downstairs started feeling weird.

The person had to continue doing all of this long enough to orgasm.

So sure, some people are going to roll a natural 20 on all of those points and sail right through. But it's plain to see how any one of those things changing just a little bit would throw everything else off.

Then there's the matter of anatomy. People with a penis might have an easier time with some of these steps. They tend to announce themselves when aroused, and that might make it more likely to encounter that pleasant stimulation. A clitoris, on the other hand, is often a master of stealth. It may hide, out of the way, and to so successful that even the owner isn't aware that it's there or what it's doing. Not to mention that the vagina tends to steal the limelight.

In any case, going from "it felt good to touch there" to an orgasm is a complicated journey. Too fast. Too slow. Too hard. Too soft. Too tight. Too loose. Too rough. Too gentle. Too far left. Too far right. Too hot. Too cold. Too wet. Too dry. Too tired. Too wired. Too consistent. Too varied. Too much or too little of a hundred different factors, and all of them have to be just right or the whole thing is ruined. And tomorrow they'll all be just a little bit different, so what works today doesn't work tomorrow.

And even when everything goes just right, sometimes a body just refuses to cooperate and you won't get anywhere no matter how hard you try. Sometimes that's a rare occurrence, but for some people, it's every time.

Then, if you add asexuality into the mix, that complicates things even more. Sexual attraction is a huge motivator, prompting fantasies, enhancing arousal, even leading to conversations that might turn towards masturbation. Without that driver, it can be harder to get started or keep going.

I think the idea that it's easy comes from people forgetting how much work they put into the process before they were successful. They don't always remember all the failed experiments before, and they don't always remember all the refinement they did after. Also, I think many people underestimate the difficulty because they had fun trying, so it didn't seem all that difficult.

How about you? Was it easy? Was it difficult? Stuck at step 2 or 6? Share your thoughts anonymously through the Ask box!

[asexualactivities]

And I have to publish a correction here...

I was bouncing back and forth between two tables while writing this, and failed to notice that the "reasons for not" table did not have a "total" column, like the other table did. So all the numbers I gave above were from the Women column.

The general broad conclusions still hold, but here's the specific breakdowns by sex for the numbers I mentioned:

Overall not masturbated in past year: Women: 43.5%, Men: 24.2%

Within the people who haven't done it in past year:

Other reasons: Women: 9.3%, Men: 15.0%

It’s against my morals or values: Women 11.3%, Men 13.8%

It’s against my religion: Women: 8.0%, Men 9.4%

I’m in a committed relationship: Women: 12.6%, Men: 20.2%

I'm just not interested: Women: 68.7%, Men: 49.1%

Here is the full table, if you're interested:

Today, I'm going to tackle the misconception that everyone wants to masturbate. There's a common belief that everyone would masturbate if they could, but that there are various blocks in place preventing them from doing so. Some of these blocks are physical, where a person is not physically able to do it for whatever reason. Some of these blocks are cultural, like religious prohibition or a partner who is against it.

Yesterday, I talked about a study that covered the prevalence of masturbation, which said that over a third of US adults have not masturbated in the past year. This same study goes into reasons why people do not masturbate.

Physical inability was not specifically given as a reason on this study, but there is an "Other" category that comes in at 9.3%. The study says that Other includes physical inability, but also things like "too tired" and "prefer partnered sex". That means that inability to masturbate is a factor in less than 9.3% of cases.

It's commonly believed that the primary reason that people don't masturbate is because it's against their religion. If God didn't say no, everyone would be all over it. And yes, that is a reason given here. 11.3% of people said that it was "against my morals or values" and 8% said "it's against my religion". This part of the survey appears to be multiple choice, so there is likely a lot of overlap between those two answers, but the study does not break that down.

That is actually slightly less than the number of people who responded with "I'm in a committed relationship", at 12.6%. This category falls into two buckets: People who don't masturbate because partnered sex in that relationship satisfies them, and people who don't masturbate because they feel it goes against the relationship in some way.

But the number one answer? Why don't people masturbate? Survey says...

"I'm just not interested."

That blew all the other answers out of the water, coming in at 68.7% of people who said they hadn't done it in a year. That means that over two thirds of people who don't masturbate aren't saying "Oh, I wish I could do it! It's just that there's this God/girlfriend/erectile dysfunction/meddling kids stopping me". Instead, they're saying "Nah, why bother?" Taken with the other numbers from the report, that's something around 60 million adults in the US are simply not interested in masturbating.

And it's not just asexuals saying this. The study doesn't show the breakdown by sexual orientation, but they did include it in the demographic info. 1% of respondents said they were ace. But this "Not interested" number accounts for something like 20% overall. So, even if every asexual responded that they don't masturbate (and since many aces DO, that's unlikely), and even if you account for all the pre-lightbulb aces who don't know they are yet, that's still a huge number of non-asexual people who are just like 🤷‍♀️ when it comes to masturbating.

So no, clearly not everyone wants to masturbate.

[asexualactivities]

Today, I'm going to tackle the misconception that everyone wants to masturbate. There's a common belief that everyone would masturbate if they could, but that there are various blocks in place preventing them from doing so. Some of these blocks are physical, where a person is not physically able to do it for whatever reason. Some of these blocks are cultural, like religious prohibition or a partner who is against it.

Yesterday, I talked about a study that covered the prevalence of masturbation, which said that over a third of US adults have not masturbated in the past year. This same study goes into reasons why people do not masturbate.

Physical inability was not specifically given as a reason on this study, but there is an "Other" category that comes in at 9.3%. The study says that Other includes physical inability, but also things like "too tired" and "prefer partnered sex". That means that inability to masturbate is a factor in less than 9.3% of cases.

It's commonly believed that the primary reason that people don't masturbate is because it's against their religion. If God didn't say no, everyone would be all over it. And yes, that is a reason given here. 11.3% of people said that it was "against my morals or values" and 8% said "it's against my religion". This part of the survey appears to be multiple choice, so there is likely a lot of overlap between those two answers, but the study does not break that down.

That is actually slightly less than the number of people who responded with "I'm in a committed relationship", at 12.6%. This category falls into two buckets: People who don't masturbate because partnered sex in that relationship satisfies them, and people who don't masturbate because they feel it goes against the relationship in some way.

But the number one answer? Why don't people masturbate? Survey says...

"I'm just not interested."

That blew all the other answers out of the water, coming in at 68.7% of people who said they hadn't done it in a year. That means that over two thirds of people who don't masturbate aren't saying "Oh, I wish I could do it! It's just that there's this God/girlfriend/erectile dysfunction/meddling kids stopping me". Instead, they're saying "Nah, why bother?" Taken with the other numbers from the report, that's something around 60 million adults in the US are simply not interested in masturbating.

And it's not just asexuals saying this. The study doesn't show the breakdown by sexual orientation, but they did include it in the demographic info. 1% of respondents said they were ace. But this "Not interested" number accounts for something like 20% overall. So, even if every asexual responded that they don't masturbate (and since many aces DO, that's unlikely), and even if you account for all the pre-lightbulb aces who don't know they are yet, that's still a huge number of non-asexual people who are just like 🤷‍♀️ when it comes to masturbating.

So no, clearly not everyone wants to masturbate.

[asexualactivities]

I just crunched some more numbers, and if they're accurate...

The adult US population masturbates 8.5-18.4 billion times per year. The "average" US adult does it between 32 and 69 times annually.

These numbers are pulled way up, thanks to that top 5%. If you take them out of the picture, the total ends up between 4.6 and 7.8 billion times overall, and the average adult ends up doing it between 17 and 29 times a year.

@skyhalkwolf Truly I was waiting for a Spiders Georg joke

Ah, but why make a Spiders Georg joke, when I can make Spiders Georg SCIENCE!

The study gives the number of people in each group and rough estimates for how often they masturbate, so you can give each option a range of number of times, calculate a little and plot this out.

So, for comparison, the "A few times in the past year" people are doing it maybe 2-6 times in that year. But the people in the "Almost every day", are doing it ~300-800 times per year, maybe more!

You can see from that graph that what a big difference that is. But that's only part of the picture. These are just individual numbers. What about collectively? How much does each group contribute to the overall annual masturbation volume?

These graphs below take into account both how much they masturbate, but also how many people are in each group, for an estimate of proportionally how much each group is responsible for. The numbers here are per 100 people.

Even though the "almost every day" group is only 5% of the population, they are responsible for 47-58% of the masturbation events that occur!

Spiders Georg indeed!

[asexualactivities]

#this is fascinating #I didn't know so many people did not masturbate #obviously there are a lot of aces in that group #but that means a lot non-aces don't ever masturbate! #probably they just have sex and prefer it? #ok I guess #cw: masturbation #science! #statistics

So, the study says that 1.1% of respondents (41 out of 3743) called themselves asexual, but they don't have a breakdown of where they landed. The "I've never masturbated" group was 640 people, and the group who hadn't done it in the past year was 1284. Even if all the aces were in the "I've never done it/haven't done it this year" camp (and I'm almost certain that they're not: Ace Community Survey from a few years back found that aces, in general, do it less than non-aces, but it was still something like 70% of them that do it at all), that's a lot of people who aren't asexual who don't masturbate. It's very likely that some of the people in that group are ace and don't know it, but there's still a substantial number who aren't ace in there. It's also likely that there are pre-lightbulb aces in the group that does, too.

As for why that group says they don't masturbate...? Tune in tomorrow!

@skyhalkwolf Truly I was waiting for a Spiders Georg joke

Ah, but why make a Spiders Georg joke, when I can make Spiders Georg SCIENCE!

The study gives the number of people in each group and rough estimates for how often they masturbate, so you can calculate a little and plot this out.

So, for comparison, the "A few times in the past year" people are doing it maybe 2-6 times in that year. But the people in the "Almost every day", are doing it ~300-800 times per year, maybe more!

You can see from that graph that what a big difference that is. But that's only part of the picture. These are just individual numbers. What about collectively? How much does each group contribute to the overall annual masturbation volume?

These graphs below take into account both how much they masturbate, but also how many people are in each group, for an estimate of proportionally how much each group is responsible for. The numbers here are per 100 people.

Even though the "almost every day" group is only 5% of the population, they are responsible for 47-58% of the masturbation events that occur!

Spiders Georg indeed!

[asexualactivities]

#2-6 being a few is kinda arbitrary here and since the next option is once a month then logically it should be up to 11 max #science!

Yes, it is somewhat arbitrary. I picked the ranges with a little wiggle room. I tried to imagine what someone would realistically count as falling into those buckets. If someone does it every month like clockwork, but just happened to skip August for whatever reason, they would have done it only 11 times, but I'd think they'd still pick the "Once a month" option, instead of falling back to "a few times a year".

Even so, their available options don't necessarily correspond to the number of times someone masturbates. They're trying to draw conclusions based on rough frequency not exact numbers. But that's kind of hard to do regardless. If someone does it five times a day, every day in January, then doesn't do it the rest of the year, where do they fit? That feels like more than "a few times" in the year, but it doesn't fit in the other categories, either, because it's not monthly or weekly.

@skyhalkwolf Truly I was waiting for a Spiders Georg joke

Ah, but why make a Spiders Georg joke, when I can make Spiders Georg SCIENCE!

The study gives the number of people in each group and rough estimates for how often they masturbate, so you can calculate a little and plot this out.

So, for comparison, the "A few times in the past year" people are doing it maybe 2-6 times in that year. But the people in the "Almost every day", are doing it ~300-800 times per year, maybe more!

You can see from that graph that what a big difference that is. But that's only part of the picture. These are just individual numbers. What about collectively? How much does each group contribute to the overall annual masturbation volume?

These graphs below take into account both how much they masturbate, but also how many people are in each group, for an estimate of proportionally how much each group is responsible for. The numbers here are per 100 people.

Even though the "almost every day" group is only 5% of the population, they are responsible for 47-58% of the masturbation events that occur!

Spiders Georg indeed!

[asexualactivities]

@skyhalkwolf Truly I was waiting for a Spiders Georg joke

Ah, but why make a Spiders Georg joke, when I can make Spiders Georg SCIENCE!

The study gives the number of people in each group and rough estimates for how often they masturbate, so you can give each option a range of number of times, calculate a little and plot this out.

So, for comparison, the "A few times in the past year" people are doing it maybe 2-6 times in that year. But the people in the "Almost every day", are doing it ~300-800 times per year, maybe more!

You can see from that graph that what a big difference that is. But that's only part of the picture. These are just individual numbers. What about collectively? How much does each group contribute to the overall annual masturbation volume?

These graphs below take into account both how much they masturbate, but also how many people are in each group, for an estimate of proportionally how much each group is responsible for. The numbers here are per 100 people.

Even though the "almost every day" group is only 5% of the population, they are responsible for 47-58% of the masturbation events that occur!

Spiders Georg indeed!

[asexualactivities]

This week's first misconception is that everyone masturbates. It's a prevalent joke: "Studies show that 95% of people masturbate and 5% of people lie." Except that's not true.

A recent study* regarding the prevalence of masturbation among US adults found that 17.1% of respondents said that they have never masturbated, so there goes that 5% claim. Moreover, the study found that 34.3% of people hadn't done it in the past year. I feel that whether or not someone's done it in the past year is a better measure of whether or not someone masturbates. It filters out a lot of the "I tried it once as a teenager" kinds of situations which would inflate the lifetime numbers.

So that says that over a third of adults in the US do not masturbate. Are some of them lying about it? Probably. But certainly not all of them. That would be absurd. Even if half the people in this study lied about it (which would be a huge amount and very unlikely), these numbers still mean that tens of millions of adults in the US do not masturbate.

The study also breaks it down by sex. It says that 23.3% of women and 10.4% of men have never masturbated, and 43.5% of women and 24.2% of men have not done it in the past year.

Now, the claim that "everyone does it" has positive roots, and most people who repeat it are doing it with good intentions. It's so often repeated, because it's a way to make people who do masturbate feel more comfortable about it. If "everyone does it", that breaks down the stigma and shame that surround it. Why feel guilty or embarrassed about doing something that "everyone" does? But it dismisses and hurts those who don't.

If you don't masturbate, you're not alone!

*Herbenick D, Fu TC, Wasata R, Coleman E. Masturbation Prevalence, Frequency, Reasons, and Associations with Partnered Sex in the Midst of the COVID-19 Pandemic: Findings from a U.S. Nationally Representative Survey. Arch Sex Behav. 2023 Apr;52(3):1317-1331. doi: 10.1007/s10508-022-02505-2. Epub 2022 Dec 27. PMID: 36575264; PMCID: PMC9794105.

[asexualactivities]

This week, I'd like to go over a few misconceptions about masturbation. Not like "You'll go blind and grow hair on your palms". I'm not going to waste any time on that nonsense. And not "Asexuals can't/don't/shouldn't masturbate" stuff, either. Already debunked those. Repeatedly. Then there are beliefs like masturbation only being an inferior substitute for partnered sex, or that you shouldn't do it if you have a partner. Hogwash and poppycock! It's separate from partnered sex and you're allowed to like both and do both.

No, the things I'm going to talk about here are pervasive and rarely get challenged. They're just taken as basic truths, which can make it difficult for some people to find the information that they need. It can also lead to feelings of alienation or brokenness if people don't fit the story being told. And they're especially troublesome for asexual people, trying to navigate the allonormative perspective that often surrounds this topic.

So stay tuned as I tackle a new misconception each day!

[asexualactivities]

#the drake equation metaphor is genuinely brilliant #that could be a fun self-reflection prompt!

Yeah, both to crowdsource what a common set of factors might be, but then to attempt to figure out your personal values for them.

If anyone tries that, let me know how it goes!

In the other post, I was asked if porn or other erotic media is involved when I masturbate. The short answer is yes.

The longer answer is "But wow is that a complicated topic."

So, let's go on an adventure into the world of one asexual's porn use!

Okay, for starters, I don't really like the word "use" when it comes to porn. I don't really know why. I don't "use" books or movies or video games or music, so why would I "use" porn when I could "watch" it or "look at" it? But, I guess it is a tool? I don't know.

Anyway, you may be wondering "Why would an asexual use porn when they masturbate?" Quick answer, at least for me, is that it works. (Well, sort of…) Why does it work? Hell if I know. What I am certain of is that it does not work for me the way it works for pretty much everyone else.

When I see porn, I can tell that I am not the target audience. So much of it is full of sights and situations that do nothing for me, and are often actively off-putting. This is not much of a surprise. Something designed to excite the fantasies of a straight man won't work that well on an asexual.

The end result is that it is very hard to find anything that's worthwhile. Now, I've written and deleted several drafts of this thread, where I went into detail about all the things in porn that don't make sense to me or that I can't stand, but that doesn't really help you understand my feelings.

So instead, let me try to explain it another way: Are you familiar with the Drake Equation?

Basically, the Drake Equation is a formula that can be used to estimate the number of alien civilizations in our galaxy. I won't go too deep into the details, but it's essentially the number of stars in the galaxy times the fraction that might have planets with technologically advanced life.

It's a really wishy-washy equation. It's made up of constants, so in theory, there is a correct, exact number that can be determined. However, no one really has any clear idea what the values of those constants are. That means you get wild ranges for answers. Maybe it's 10 billion. Maybe it's 1.

I bring it up because it struck me that it might be possible to construct a sort of Drake Equation for porn. That is, you can calculate the amount of porn that a particular person might find appealing using a calculation that takes the total volume of porn and multiplies it by a series of factors.

Factors like arousal probability or how many videos/images are on a page or the likelihood that a piece of content is interesting. Going back to the original question, where it asked about porn or other erotica, that would be a factor, too. As in: Is visual porn more effective than written smut, or does audio erotica work best? I have no idea what all these factors would be or how to quantify them. My point is that it's theoretically possible to determine how much porn someone may like.

My other point is that whatever those factors are, my personal values for them are extremely low. I am certain that there are people out there who find enjoyment in 90% of the porn they come across, and maybe they have 10 billion things to watch. I am on the other end, almost a rounding error.

But I'm not at zero. And I have absolutely no idea why that is. By all rights, someone who doesn't find anyone sexually attractive and can't fantasize should find porn entirely useless and get nothing from it.

(Or, in some cases, maybe they should find huge swaths of porn equally exciting, by virtue of sexual thoughts or situations being arousing simply because they are sexual.)

What is the factor in my personal equation that means my number isn't zero?

I've never been able to figure out a common element. There's no "type", there's no particular activity, there's no shared feature. Even photos or videos of the same person in the same sort of pose will sometimes work and sometimes not. I don't get it.

And like I mentioned in the other thread, I can't fantasize. So I'm just a passive observer. I'm not inserting myself into what's happening on screen in any way. I don't want to be there, I don't feel like anything that's going on is happening to me. I usually don't even want to do anything I see. I think that's kind of the core of something called aegosexuality, where you can get into the idea of sex, at least when it involves someone else. But it's kind of a blank when it comes to yourself.

For me, it's almost like there's some sort of empathetic reaction going on. As in, I feel good when it seems like the participants might be having a good time, and in a way that I can sort of relate to and feel comfortable with. It's hard to explain.

But that's just one of the factors. There are obviously more that I can't yet identify, because there's plenty of stuff that looks comfortable and the people in it do genuinely seem to be enjoying themselves that does absolutely nothing for me.

So, what do I FEEL when I look at porn? It's usually not some sort of dierct "Oh YES that is NICE" kind of reaction that other people seem to have. It's more like it makes it easier to get into a pleasure zone and stay there. Almost like it's giving me a place to focus my attention? If there's something about the porn that takes that focus away, like "why is she pretending to have an orgasm while sucking on a dildo that's not how anatomy works" or "what are all those video games on his shelf are those PS2", then I'm kicked out of that comfortable pleasure zone.

And because I know that what I'm focusing on is sexual in nature, there's some part of the brain that's still "Sex, got it. Here's those feel-good hormones you ordered." Thing is… I can get a similar reaction from things like reading encyclopedia articles on sexual topics.

Anyway, I don't know, I don't understand it. But yes, I'm asexual and I'll use porn when I masturbate.

How do you all feel about this? Do any of you understand what makes someting work or not, or is it a big mystery to all of you, too? Feel free to use the anonymous question thingy below if you want to share your thoughts.

I'd like to thank whoever sent in that question! I hope this has been informative.

If YOU have a question you'd like to ask about asexuality or masturbation, the ask box is still open!

[asexualactivities]

Is 'excitement transfer' common for asexuals? Excitement transfer is where one strong feeling can transfer to another. In this instance fear/comfort/anxiety -> arousal

I honestly don't know much about that, and I don't really know if I've seen anyone talk about it. It looks like there is some research about how it's connected to sexual arousal in general, but I don't know if anyone's looked specifically at aces.

In my own experience, I think I have had fear (strange noise downstairs at night) result in slight physical arousal that I had absolutely no interest in acting on. And I've had anxiety (first time jitters) absolutely kill arousal. So, who knows.

Anyone out there have any thoughts on this? (The ask box is open, if you want to be anonymous!)