Magic, BDSM, Polyamory, Medicine, Furries, Minecraft, Pokemon and me.
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Statistics
We looked inside some of the posts by ashenpanda-blog and here's what we found interesting.
Average Info
Notes Per Post
2M
Likes Per Post
891K
Reblog Per Post
1M
Reply Per Post
1K
Time Between Posts
1 month
Number of Posts By Type
Text
10
Photo
6
Quote
1
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Women make up for the other 50% of Tumblr’s audience.
Text
I sat up this morning in a panic, "Don't go! Please! Don't go." It felt like I had screamed, but the words were strangled in the edges of sleep. I hadn't heard his voice in nearly ten years, and never would in life again, but for a few moments, in the hands of Morpheus, he was with me, and I was forgiven. I could still feel his cheek against mine and the words he whispered in my ear before I returned to the waking world.
"I missed you. I am with you still."
1 note
·
View note
Text
*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free
987K notes
·
View notes
Text
November thoughts
This week I'm working offsite, about 130 miles from home, so I'm crashing at my parents for an easier commute. I don't particularly like being away from home so many nights in a row, and neither do my nestmates, but it beats driving two hours or more each way every day.
What's really concerning for me is the feeling of being left behind. Now, don't get me wrong, we're busy people. Mr. Mage has school (in paramedicine, I'm so damn proud of him), Unico (Mr. Mage's newish lady) works most weekdays,Baphi Daddy has a regular job (besides saving me from myself), and I work in a busy hospital an hour away from home normally. There's just something really nice about being home, being able to walk into my house and know everyone there gives a fuck, even if half the house is asleep when I get in. But when I'm not there, I feel bereft, like I'm missing something important but have no idea what it is. The feeling leaves me scared and anxious, and makes me regret agreeing to tale the temp shifts. As much as we need the extra cash, its murder on my psyche.
This is probably why I'm blogging on Tumblr instead of my more wildly read one, my nestmates likely won't be able to read this, or get to see the tsunami of guilt/stress/pain I'm feeling. Plus, I get time to process the mild bits of jealousy and other weird emotes from my weekend in San Jose with Baphi and Mouse (Baphi Daddy's other little one). I tried really hard to not have a panic about it, and I think I did well, even managing to break out of my shell for an awesome sorta threesome with Baphi and Spyro (furry friend of ours, purple dragon and all around good guy), and managed to navigate a small orgy. I only had two bad moments of anxiety, one with a crowd of strangers that weren't furries (totally different vibe) and one in group that i solved without having a meltdown. I just quietly went back up to the room and had a small nap with music on curled up under a blanket. I felt pretty good about myself all weekend, but now the doubt is creeping in about wether ot not I was good enough. Though I'm pretty sure I wasn't a nuisance, the hardcore self-doubt mobile just rolled in. And it's looking like Mad Max in my brain.
Consciously, I know for a fact that I wasn't a problem, awkward as fuck but not a problem. I played nicely and stayed in my lane. But oh man, my brain doesn't play nice. It's like living with Rick Sanchez, only with less impossible science. Baphi Daddy tells me I did amazing, and everything was wonderful and perfect. It helps. Both of us cried in the airport shuttle, then were fairly melancholy on the way home. The day after was better, we slept late and got lunch together, then went and did errands, just enjoying each other's quiet.
After errands, we stopped at the cemetery and Daddy introduced me to his father and one of his best friends there. I'm honored he shared that with me, and let me see how raw and vulnerable it left him. Its another layer deeper into his heart, and the further in I get the less willing I am to ever let go.
1 note
·
View note
Photo
I call this set… “Noir Princesses”.
PRINTS HERE… https://bit.ly/2NqqOX7
269K notes
·
View notes
Text
“Listen, if I can’t afford a bad dragon dildo, I’m gonna try to get the real thing.” -Me, a bard who is rolling to seduce the dragon
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
The Hell is this Target?!
0 notes
Text
Everything's in Retrograde!
*rides away from the bullshit*
I'm a water Leo. Y'all can fuck right off with that nonsense. I'm good.
0 notes
Photo
My entire family/pack/polycule in a nutshell. (Except for the furries, but well one can’t have everything)
0 notes
Text
Little Moments That Make Life Beautiful
As the internet knows, I share a home with my two boyfriends, my girlfriend and was staying with a fourth part time. Two weeks ago, my part-time partner broke up with me in the worst way possible. TBH, I became an emotional wreck. Both of my menfolk stood at my back and kept me from hitting my knees, while my lady did her best while flat on her back post knee surgery. Little acts of love and comfort abounded.
Sir, picking me up the night i got the text, holding my hand the entire ride home.
Daddy waiting up for me and letting me sob in his lap, stroking my hair and back and whispering reassurances.
Trouble, spending hours letting me vent, helping me process the nonsense running through my head.
My stepson calling me ‘awesome.’ and rallying with my stepdaughter to make me laugh.
Daddy getting up with me early Saturday to get coffee.
Sir sitting with me against his chest at the club, talking with the people around us.
Saturday night snuggled between my loves, all of us sleeping late into Sunday morning.
Daddy and Willow going out of their way to pick me up for clubbing. The n spending all of the next day hanging out around the house and exploring a cool new place non of us had ever found before.
Dinner the other night, with Daddy’s Mom, and the simple joy of a quiet meal together.
Daddy playing with me hard and often, keeping my mind focused on the present, on anything other than a broken link.
Sir’s fingers in my hair, just brushing against me as he walked by to show affection.
Daddy’s thumbs in my shoulder, working out the knots patiently.
0 notes
Text
"Tear my soul apart.
Drown me in you sea of Darkness.
I'll be your lucky star,
If you promise me you'll never let me go."
"Better the Devil" -Skold
0 notes
Text
Surprise Bitch! Bet you weren’t expecting me today!
I’m at work, its been a relatively productive day, everything’s going fine.
Have a panic attack!
Wait, what? There’s literally nothing wrong. Everything's going good, sure, it’s a bit busy, but nothing I can’t handle. I even got invited to a play party as someone’s guest. Really, it’s good.
Too much! It’s too much! Run immediately to the bathroom and cry until you’re throwing up!
The Fuck! I’m fine. I’m FINE. I’m not fine.... FUCK i’m not fine.
*proceeds to throw up in the bathroom for 30 minutes.*
The hell was that about?
*gets up, pees, sees blood*
I knew I wasn’t a week-ass bitch. I’m just a twat on their period. Dammit.
0 notes
Text
Fawn.
“You know this poly shit never works! When will you realize if you stay in it you’re just going to end up alone. He’s just going to dump you when he finds someone younger and prettier anyway. Don’t you want a family? Don’t you want children? I want them with you, but i want to know that they’re mine, not live in fear that they’re your boyfriend’s. I don’t want to have to explain to my children why mommy goes off a fucks another man on weekends!”
“Get OUT! Don’t come back for awhile, just LEAVE!”
Six years ago I had that argument with my then secondary partner, Fawn. We were living with my primary, Mage, and broke as fuck. At the time, I was doing house chores and, in the grand tradition of those before me, lightly complaining about how bad the house was. I was actually in a pretty decent mood, Fawn though, always felt that living there was an indignity. That I was dancing too much attendance upon the person paying our bills, instead of him. He wanted out. Thus started the breakup...or it should have. He came back with things we couldn’t afford to apologize, and used smooth words in a soft, sweet voice to reconcile what shouldn’t have flown. We were together four years after that point.
I met Fawn at a Halloween party hosted by a mutual friend. Two years younger than me, he was doing a bit of bar work and laughing, joking with people getting drinks and generally handling the role with aplomb. I thought he was sweet. He thought I was the most beautiful girl at the party.
We met up roughly two weeks later at the Barnes & Noble in Hollywood, and sat talking for hours, about who we were at that point and who we wanted to be, in hindsight. I wasn’t what he wanted, but we were younger then, and in pretty serious lust for each other. We’d talk and text back and forth for hours, dreams, fantasies, bits about work, anything we could think of poured from our phones. There were hiccups, but I thought those were normal, everyone had quirks and growing pains. I wish i had seen the red flags that came later from the start.
Red Flag 1: He was militantly straightedge. First off, there is nothing wrong with being straightedge, if that’s you, you do you. Same for any other lifestyle choice, I’ll support your pursuit of it, but don’t expect me to join in on it unless i think it’s a good idea for me. At the time we met, I was a light to moderate smoker and drank socially. I was even known to smoke weed on occasion. He never liked that, and often gave me disapproving stares or grumped if I would have a cigarette socially or get a drink with dinner. And tried to enforce a dry household on everyone he was friends with.
Red Flag 2: I identify as mildly gender-fluid. I’m most comfortable in tactical pants, a t-shirt and what my Sir refers to as shit-kicker boots, mostly in black, with splashes of color. These days my shirts are cut a bit more femme, but I’m still pretty much on the same style. Fawn wanted pastels and dresses, again nothing wrong with that, if that’s your thing, but it was forced and uncomfortable for me. He tried to change large portions of my personality to suit him, including how i ate and enjoyed things. and would pout if i failed to adjust my behavior.
Red Flag 3: Total emotional shut-down whenever he was upset. Even for minor things. Simple stuff, like how I ate or not wanting to watch a show would set him off for days into a cold, silent funk. Wouldn’t talk or even look at me, just cold silence.
Red Flag 4: Total ideology shift from poly. He wanted me all to himself, and sulked when I spent time with my other partner, or when I talked about possibly going on a date, including, driving off someone i was kinda hopeful about with his disapproving presence. Any time I went to visit my Sir, Mage, he’d throw fits and generally try and make me miserable via text and call if i was away.
Red Flag 5: The fact that most of my friends were male made him super uncomfortable. In fact, any males in my life, except my brother and father that got any portion of my time, including my ambulance partner, he was unhappy about. But it was totally okay that almost all of his friends were females. The fact that i worked with patients made him unhappy, “because you can see and touch their dicks!” He wanted to be the only man in my life, period.
Red Flag 6: He’d defend me to his family, then turn around and tell me that my opinion/choice/style was wrong if i was against them. Case in point, one of his sisters said something that hurt me very badly, and i admit i reacted poorly, at the time he comforted me, but then turned around and said she was right a few weeks later.
Red Flag 7: Super often bouts of passive-aggressive woe-is-me commentary if my opinion about something differed or if we wanted different things. Constant little bitchy things in texts, or over the phone, and then telling me i was wrong if i called him on it. Every conversation like that was some form of gas-lighting in retrospect.
Red Flag 8: Money. We were running on shared finances. I’d take the bus and eat off the dollar menu, and he’d Uber to work every day, and order the most expensive thing on the menu, then bitch if we were out of money. He had no concept of being super-cheap, or the fact that maybe someone else might need the cash he had spent on his $20 lunch. There’s nothing wrong with the occasional splurge, but every day when your partner is scrimping is a bit much. The final straw was when I got a part-time job, that he was against, and his sudden plans for spending ‘our’ extra income.
I should have left sooner, i should have known better then, now I do, and am in a much better place. But the memories still sting. And, sometimes, I wish he could have been happy with how I turned out, and the life I’ve made post him. He’d never approve, but I don’t need him to anymore.
0 notes