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im like sitting on the sidelines with a little go ash flag waving it around for u rn

i fully believe that 100%

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I'll tell you man, I take a human writing over some ai slob EVERYDAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. Your writing his amazing, your "x male reader" are one of my favorite ever, so please, as long as it feels good doing it, never stop writing

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Pookie,it’s been so long…and I’m so hungry for a fatal preferences part two… or just anything with a male reader and Joel content…

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE 🙏 🙏 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🥺🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😔🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

HI IM SO SORRY GANGALICIOUS </33 im gonna be so real, school and demotivation sucks big booty hole. the surge of AI shit everywhere just made me not really wanna write anymore, but I'm really glad you reached out! Reminds me that there's still people who enjoy human made content <3 when I get the free time this week, I'll work on it just for you gang !! I gotta work on school too and its like impossible to juggle tasks for me but the show must go on !!!! thank you <3 and I'm glad you enjoyed it enough to actually give me another ask after all this damn time

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About the gn fics that sometimes use gendered language.

There are 2 types of authors i think.

The ones that if they get informed about it, correct it. Sometimes it just happens because of language barriers. They change it and that's that.

Then there are authors that make it seem like bad criticism. They think it is an attack and get mad.

I usually have positive reactions, i sometimes correct people when they use german. Google translator isn't great and german is a weird language. I always make sure to tell them that i don't mean this as an attack I just want to help them.

PS: if you ever want to include some german i can and will help you, if you want :)

Yeah !! I definitely have a lot of respect for writers who correct their mistakes and there's no harm done, especially those writing in a language that isn't their strong suit. but others....eugh... they piss me off THANK YOU ANON !!! if I ever need a German translator that isn't Google Translate or deepL, I'll probably post about it and ask X3

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It sucks especially when a Fandom that has predominantly fem content so it's hard to find fics that aren't and you think you found a gn one and then-

BOOM!

It hits you with she or like something explicity fem. It's really frustrating and at this point I've resulted to just blocking if the author won't tag or mention it anywhere!

I also wish people would just use fem!reader or something similar instead of tag specific things too

Its so annoying when they just tag it as #(insert character here)xfem!reader because then you have to add a new tag to block(for each new fandom) It's just so much easier to filter out content when people also use more general tags. It's just a massive pet peeve of mine

I think from the moment I created my Tumblr account I'd already gone through and blocked the things that are like "#femreader" but also "fem!reader", "f!reader" "freader".. all those things. I don't really have a problem with blocking the repetitive variants so much as I have an issue with people just..not tagging at all, but I get what you mean! Or, even worse, when they put all 3 genders into one fic to try to reach a broader audience. Your notes mean very little when its majority people telling you to correctly tag your work instead of appreciating the work itself!!! One of the reasons I started writing in the first place was because of the lack of male or gay content, specifically for men, by a man. For instance; the majority of content I saw as a young teen was for women, ESPECIALLY in the BL/yaoi/manga subspaces where its all for fujoshis.

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Sorry that i rant but i just ahave to tell someone.

People on tumblr are weird. Some feel entitled to fics and i fucking hate it. There are the people that think they can request "female readers" when the author clearly states that they don't write that and then they have the audacity to be mad about it? Like i get that sometimes it can be a mistake, i requested a fic for characters the author didn't write, i apologized because i mistook them for another author and i moved on. But i don't get how people can be so mad that you don't write for female readers.

And then there are people that just insult authors???? Like if you didn't like the fic just don't move on?? It's a fanfic, it doesn't have to be like you imagined, people like different things, if you don't like smut don't read it and don't bother the author.

And please please please tag your fics right. It doesn't hurt you, it makes everyone more comfortable . There's nothing wrong with it so please just do it

So sorry to bother you about it but you opened a box that has been locked too long

And side note: i love love love your rdr2 fics. I read them over and over again. You are amazing, truly amazing. You have a writing style that just makes everything perfect. Thank you so much. You can really be proud of yourself

YOURE SO REAL !!!! Oh my god you're so fucking real. if I could somehow reblog this 40 times over I absolutely would. theres definitely some people in the world who need to be humbled. like, being on the internet doesn't give you the right to demand something. Writers put out content you can enjoy, but you don't get to command they write For You In Particular. Even if they take requests. You can ASK if they can write your thing, but if they don't, just find someone else who will or do it yourself. Also thank you sm !! I've been really stressed over school lately and kinda lost steam for a little while. Thinking about going back to it!

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Tbh one of the biggest problems i have with tumblr is that when i search for "(fandom) x male reader " everything remotely related to 'x reader" will show up.

It sucks, i want to enjoy fics that i know i like but there are so many fics that are either just "x reader" and sometimes even just different fandom???

They have to fix something because this bothers me so so much

EXACTLY. YOU GET IT. like it could probably be an algorithm issue that just buries x male and x GN reader fics under the more popular and more prominent x female or x reader fics, but its so unbelievably frustrating. I follow "x male reader", "mlm", and all that sorts of stuff but SOMEHOW I'll get a post that's like "Women <3 #women #lesbians" like. no. that's not at all what I want

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crashing out tbh

Hi gang. I don't rant here. I'm still alive, surprise surprise, but I'm just making a post because I'm pissed off by the writers on Tumblr. Specifically, the fanfic writers. CORRECTLY TAG YOUR FICS WITH THE SPECIFIED GENDER SOMEWHERE IN THE BEGINNING OF THE POST OR IN YOUR TAGS.

Its not fucking hard. I've gotten back to back to BACK fics that are [media] x y/n over and over again, then the header says NOTHING about what y/n this is for. 4 paragraphs down: "taking off your bralette."

WRITERS. This isn't HARD. If you can EASILY add 20 tags in a row all along the lines of "[media] fic"/ "[media] x y/n" / "[character] x y/n", then you can take the extra .2 seconds to type out "male" or "female". Even when I have specifically blocked "x femreader" in every single form, these fics slip through the cracks because they're incorrectly tagged.

(Attached example of what I mean)

This probably isn't a big issue but it pisses me off because it just ruins my fucking day. I want to read an actual good fanfic without getting bombarded and force femmed by "he enjoys your girly feminine womanly woman fem clit pussy skirt female she/her panties".

Not only do these show up on my feed unannounced, when I have purposefully filtered out ANYTHING to do with female reader or feminine reader or shit along those lines, but nowhere in the post does it state "female y/n". 30 total tags and you couldn't add ONE MORE ?? Seriously ???

I know its probably for reach but what's the fucking point of getting more traction in the first place if the people who see your post will just block you because that post ends up on their feed when they never asked for it.

MY POINT IS. Write whatever fanfic you want, just fucking tag it properly.

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MY RULES HAVE BEEN UPDATED !!!!!!!!!! (not much changed aside from clarifications, simplifications, specifications, and small additions.)

TL;DR: - NSFW REQUESTS AND COMMISSIONS ARE NOW ALLOWED - dont be gross

Rules

~~~ Currently writing for: ~~~ -AoT -RDR2 -TLoU -Gravity Falls

Please send requests with, at minimum, two sentences worth of your idea, along with any additional details you'd like written. SFW and NSFW welcome!

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I DO NOT WRITE FOR FEMALE NOR SHE/HER READERS. I am a gay, trans man and, as such, I will not write fem/male unless they are platonic or familial. I don't *like* that women read my works, but as long as you're quiet about it and don't bring attention to that fact, I don't mind.

I WILL write for trans folk (pre and post-op trans men, AMAB AND AFAB Nonbinary), and cis males. I will not write for trans women since they're also women. Please specify which identity in your request, otherwise it will be written as cisgender male.

AUs are welcome!! Ships are NOW welcome!!

Character suggestions are encouraged!! (Might take a bit longer to fulfill if I'm unfamiliar with your character)

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I WILL NOT WRITE:

ANYTHING illegal, including NSFW about minors, animals, bodies, family members, or sexual assault. Scat/watersports/flatulence, abusive relationships, age play, race play, orientation play, vore, CNC/noncon/dubcon, yuri. If you request any of the above, you will be getting blocked and possibly reported based on the severity of your request. THIN ICE (HEAVILY dependent on setting):

Torture, toxic relationships/Stockholm syndrome, self harm or suicide, racism, sexism, body shaming, homo/transphobia. I WILL write these, but it depends on your plot. Ex: I won't write random racism into something like Gravity Falls "just because", but I WILL write it into RDR2, IF IT FITS, due to the time period. WILL WRITE: Literally anything else. There's so many topics that can be made, and I'd love to see your creativity!! (as long as its not illegal....)

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The best way to contact me is through my asks if you have any questions or requests!! I'll get back to you as soon as possible! Please don't be mean </3 I ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏɴsᴇɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ʙᴇɪɴɢ sᴛᴏʟᴇɴ, ᴄᴏᴘɪᴇᴅ, ᴏʀ ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴏғғ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ @ᴀsʜs-ᴄᴀʀᴅʙᴏᴀʀᴅ-ʙᴏx ʙʟᴏɢ. I ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏɴsᴇɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛʀᴀɪɴ AI. I ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏɴsᴇɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ʙᴇɪɴɢ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴘʟᴀᴛғᴏʀᴍ. REBLOGS ARE OKAY.

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Happy birthday me X3 (maybe an apocalypse fic planned.........) (AND the part 2 (don't think I don't see y'all >:3))

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I wanted to make a post on here setting a few things straight, even if I have a hard time posting on the writing blog things that aren't writing (like thank yous and stuff). This page belongs to a gay, transgender man. I write content for, primarily, gay men. I do not, have not, and will never support any homophobia. And while I do not enjoy women interacting with my MLM content, you're welcome to my other stuff. That said, if you voted Trump or third party in the US election this year, get off my page and block me. If you're pro AI or use it in any way, get off my page. If you're pro-Israel, get off my page. Anti-trans rights, get off my page...on Donner, on Dancer, on Prancer. You do not have a place here. You will never have a place here. On another note, I'm sorry for like. giving up on October stuff. I have several docs open of half written shit, as usual, but the motivation to write just vanishes sometimes. Whenever I post something, it'll still be from October until I finish my calendar. I'm sorry

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ASH, MY DEAR, MY SWEET, YOU ARE AMAZING!!!

These past few days have been nothing but perfect, thank you so much for all these amazing posts, you have no idea how much joy they bring me!!!!

IM GOING TO CRY </3333 thank you anon <333 means a lot to me that they make you happy :333 i feel like a parent saying "I don't have favorite children" but this anon is my favorite

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Precious Treasures

~ King!Dragon hybrid!Erwin Smith/Male Concubine!Wolf hybrid!Reader

~ Fluff (Day 11)

~ Secret Romance

~ 2k words

Royal + Hybrid AU :3 Size and rank difference mentioned and welcomed. No TW (unless you get upset by they/them Hange ??)

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In the expansive nation of Paradis, there lies a castle among the vast lands, run by hybrids from all sorts of species. Yet, for centuries, the dragons reign supreme, of course. Being a dragon was widely associated with strength, wealth and status, typically only seen in noble bloodlines. Whereas on the other end of the spectrum, most prey animals like rabbits or mice were what normally controlled the “lesser fortunate”. Everyone had their respective places, but you were the odd one out.

Usually, the wolf hybrids were deemed fitting for knighthood, regardless of background or gender. Their inherent need for a pack proved useful to past rulers in the instance of war or tragedy. Yet you were different. You were dubbed a concubine. Odd, yes..but to add insult to injury, you were the only male concubine in the palace.

King Erwin knew he had to have you the minute he laid eyes on you during an outing, spotting you whilst you were a squire, training to earn your rightful title as a wolf. His father before him, and his father before him, so on and so forth, they’d had many concubines, all women. But you? You were special to him. He’d requested you change your path from knighthood to be his concubine with no consequences. But surprisingly, you obeyed without the usual fear or defiance others would have.

He cared about you more than any noble should for a mere worker. He’d even gifted you the shiniest jewels from his hoard, dressing you up in them to really make you gleam. Shiny golden necklaces, bracelets, anklets, belts–purposefully avoiding any rings–all with his precious stones inside. In any other circumstance, he’d cut the arm off of anyone who tried to reach for his stash, but he loved you.

Your relationship with King Erwin was kept a secret. It had to be, even if you didn’t necessarily like it. No matter how obvious it was, just by the way your tail wagged each time he beckoned you into his chambers to fulfill your duty, it had to be kept silent. If the rumors were to be confirmed true, Paradis could fall to shambles with the knowledge that their king was courting not only a male concubine, but one out of his species. The King’s right hand, a black panther named Levi, strongly advised against it. He knew about your bond, albeit extremely grudgingly. He tried to stay out of it as much as possible…for his own sake.

During a particularly dreary morning, storm clouds overhead with the preparation for a heavy rain, your attention is pulled away from the window and over to the door as you hear a particularly chipper knock pattern, followed by a very familiar giggle.

Hange was the King’s stewardess, a hyena. There was talk that they’d made a deal with Erwin on his coronation that if they helped him out, they’d be allowed in the dungeon with the executioner for “experiments”, but no one could confirm nor deny. They didn’t even dare ask.

“I’m clothed, Hange. You can come in.” You call, turning just enough to face the door. Dressed in a lovely purple silken robe, gifted to you by Erwin himself, having just woken up after an absolutely restless night's sleep. Your room was one of many guest rooms inside the kingdom, since Erwin decided he couldn’t have you riding all the way back home in the middle of the night, especially if the people knew who you were to him. Each time you left, he kept himself up, sick with worry, before ultimately making a decision. One he knew would keep you safer in the long run.

It was a nice room, you had to admit. Probably larger on its own than all of the rooms in your entire house combined. Most of your personal belongings were taken from your residence and put into your new room with the help of a few cadet soldiers, who complained and dragged their feet, but you appreciated them anyway.

The large oak doors are pushed open with force, with Hange’s much smaller frame standing between them. Their tail was puffed up and wagging excitedly, causing any loose fur to fly off. “Y/N!” They beam, their voice carrying throughout the space, creating an echo that makes your ears twitch.

“Hi, Hange..” You grumble as you reach up to brush your hand over your ears, as if you could physically feel the tinnitus starting to blare. Your other hand remains around the strap that keeps your robe tied shut, not exactly wanting to flash them. “The King asked for you.” They inform, straightening themselves out despite the dramatic entrance. Their eyes locked onto yours over the rims of their glasses, a look you know that means “do this immediately”.

With a sigh, you nod, accepting your task and probably the punishment you know you’re going to receive. Watching Hange leave and close the doors behind them, you decide to head out as soon as possible, fully expecting a punishment for something you either did or didn’t do. Admittedly, dragon hybrids were a bit unpredictable, even worse during mating season; thank gods it wasn’t…you didn’t think.

Slipping your feet into your slippers by your door, adjusting your robe to make sure it’s completely covering your modesty, you pull open your door and step out into the grandiose corridor.

The long hallway stretched on both ways for what felt like hours, even if that wasn’t remotely true. The walls were made of various minerals like white limestone, with lovely marble flooring that Erwin likes to keep spotless and shining. Your room was fairly isolated from the others, since it was easier for Erwin to sneak in and out to see you without getting caught. Some of the castles’ daily keepers had their own spaces, with others needing to return back home for their families, but they weren’t nearly as grand as yours.

The king’s room was a floor above everyone else’s, heavily guarded by both experienced knights and soldiers, and less experienced squires and cadets. Usually, you had to shyly explain what you were wanting to enter Erwin’s quarters for if you weren’t being summoned, but to your surprise, the king was standing right outside the door. His arms folded over his chest and his spiny, scaly tail slowly swaying behind him. His face was a mask of indifference, as always. It was something you could respect. You found yourself having to grab your own tail just to stop its wagging from time to time.

“Your Majesty.” You greet, simultaneously calling attention to yourself. Stopping right in front of Erwin, you tuck your tail between your legs and bow your head, staring at Erwin’s feet. You could barely contain the grin spreading across your face, biting down on your inner bottom lip. You could feel the guards’ eyes on both of you, even if they tried to remain nonchalant about their eavesdropping.

“Y/N.” the king grunts, a plume of smoke leaving his mouth with an exhale, indicative of a dragon's irritation. Your ears flatten subconsciously. Part of you hopes he’s just keeping up the charade to take suspicion off of your relationship, the other part is rapidly racking your brain for any and all events you possibly could have missed.

“Come.” Without waiting for a response, Erwin steps past you and heads back down the hallway you just came from, tucking in his wings to prevent from accidentally hitting you with them. You follow along like an eager puppy, which technically, you were. As soon as you were out of eye and earshot of the soldiers guarding Erwin’s room, you let your ears perk up and your tail wag freely, if not a bit hesitant.

“You seem tense…sire…” You comment sheepishly, walking a bit faster to catch up with Erwin. You steal a brief glance up towards him, catching a sly look on his face underneath thinly veiled irritation.

“There’s just something I would like to show you in the garden.” He softens, glancing down at you momentarily before facing forward again. Despite Erwin’s softening demeanor, you tense immensely. You had planted an assortment of flowers that you’d purchased from the village market, just for Erwin. They were supposed to be a surprise for his upcoming birthday.

“Something?” You muse, your ears flattening again. You didn’t want to give away the surprise if Erwin hadn’t found out–you’d paid the gardeners to keep your gifts a secret–and found something else entirely.

Erwin hums in confirmation with a curt nod. His right wing expands just enough to curl up around you, keeping you as close as possible, discreetly taking your hand in his. Even if you two were a secret, he didn’t want any of his staff getting any funny ideas with you. Walking right through the throne room in silence, then out the open archway, right along the path into endless fields of land, just up the hill from the nearest Paradis village.

“Here– look!” He beams, his stoic demeanor crumbling entirely as he drags you along with him. Mentally complaining about your slippers getting dirtied from being outside, but it wasn’t like they couldn’t be cleaned. His tail begins to wag alongside yours, only slightly slower due to the large size difference.

Tugging you into the greenhouse, holding the door open for you, of course, he triple checks to make sure no one else is inside before ushering you over to the bed you’d tried to keep secret from him.

“Just look at them!” Erwin grins, sharp teeth on display. Kneeling down to gently caress the snowy white petals of a ghost orchid, his other hand interlaced with your own. “I can’t recall ever asking for the assortment, but they’re just beautiful.”

“Actually, I got ‘em for you..” You explain sheepishly as you slowly kneel down beside the king. With a brief glance down at your robe to make sure you’re not exposing yourself, you continue.

“Jade vine,” You point to a curved, bright turquoise legume. “Ghost orchid..” You pause on a bright red bunch of fire lilies. “I wanna say chile-something..” Erwin nods with a small huff of a chuckle, gesturing for you to continue regardless. While he was interested in your supposed gift, he also just wanted to hear you talk.

“Parrot’s Beak,” You wave towards an crimson “beak shaped” bud, followed by a turn to point at an unblossomed cactus flower that you also couldn’t quite remember. “That one blooms rarely at night.” You inform, returning your eyes to the king’s, only to realize he’d been staring at you all along.

Clearing your throat nervously, you give his hand a gentle squeeze as you stand back up, out of the curve of his wing. “I- uh.. I bought ‘em at the market a bit ago for your birthday… hadn’t really planned on you finding them before then.”

Erwin is silent as he copies you and stands up, pulling you into a sudden embrace, burying his nose into your hair. “Thank you.” He rumbles, his wings curling around you protectively as his tail begins to wag.

Slowly, you wrap your arms around him tightly, your face pulled right up against his chest. “You like ‘em?” You question, earning a slow nod that makes your own tail wag. “I love them..and you.” The king mumbles into the top of your head, hardly quelling the urge to bring you back into the castle and hoard you into his pile of jewels and gems.

“Love you too..” You whisper, just enjoying the warm embrace that you’d been craving all morning. You felt like you couldn’t get enough of Erwin, even if your surprise had been revealed a few weeks too early. “There’s also bismuth and garnet in my bedside table.” You add with a quiet chuckle, feeling the king’s muscles stiffen with excitement.

“Flowers and new additions to my hoard?” Erwin grins, picking you up with extreme ease and walking right out of the greenhouse with you in his arms, a bit dazed by the sudden move. “You treat me so well, my shining star.”

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Ive been craving to write a hybrid fic and this is my excuse 10/13 edit: I JUST REALIZED TOMORROW IS ERWIN'S BIRTHDAY </333 i've made a terrible mistake forgive me Commander happy birthday old man </3 Return to masterlist

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in the middle of day 11 rn (stressful week, still late I know </3 but I WILL get my schedule sorted again) but I just wanted to say how much I appreciate comments on my fics or like. the tags are on reposts. like I saw one that was like "#THIS IS AMAZING" and I just wanted to say how much it makes my day ❤️ I appreciate all of y'all. ESPECIALLY THE ANONS !! LOVE YOU GUYS !!! (I dont bite I promise 😭) you're all really sweet <3

3:45 update - sleepy </3 day 11 will be a day late but that's okay cause I'll get everything else on time as much as I can (but I WILL reveal that its a royal/hybrid au as compensation for my lateness)

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Omg hi!!

Fatal Preferences this was a masterpiece!! If you don’t mind you should continue!!:3 Like when reader gets to know that Joel have a kid (i think its cannon that he was around 16ish~) and after that:333 thank you!!!

Hi !! Thank you so much !! :3 I'm glad you liked it X3 I definitely want to continue it since it's an interesting concept, but I'm wanting to finish the October content before I work on everything else.

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Fatal Preferences

~ Teen!Joel Miller/Teen!Male!Reader

~ (Light?) Whump/Angst (Day 9)

~ Platonic/crushing

~ 2.5k words

CW/TW; Minor homophobia in a religious context, use of "queer" in a derogatory manner (Written by a gay man)

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Fall of 1996, a simple time to be alive. At least, for you and Joel, your childhood best friend. School was the only thing you guys had to worry about. That, and Joel’s younger brother, Tommy, invading your conversations like a nuisance. You both were too young for a part-time job, being fifteen.

Your parents were lenient with you, unlike Joel’s mother, but you still had rules. Only an hour allowed on your new N64, inside before the streetlights come on, wash your hands before and after dinner, do good in school..etc. Joel’s mother, despite never really meeting her, you heard she was different. Extremely so.

Joel had to attend church on Sundays, only allowed to wear the clothes his mom picked out for him, no swearing, strict ban on Playboy, comics, and video games, no guitar playing after five in the evening, take Tommy with him if he were to leave the house, no media that paints Jesus in a bad light… Despite the overbearing-ness, he seemed to love his mother a lot, who were you to judge? Especially since that meant he got to spend more time with you at your house. Over fall break, he spent more time with you than at his own house, even if he was forbidden from staying the night with you. Something about “corruption of a young man’s mind”? You didn’t get it.

You had to let ten-year-old Tommy play on your N64 again to keep him quiet, when the brothers came over to your house again for Joel to hang out, but the boy promised to shut up and let you and Joel leave your house alone, heading out to the woods surrounding your neighborhood. Joel and Tommy lived a few households down from you, which definitely contributed to the amount of times you two hung out. The sound of walking more than a few houses amidst the Arlington summer heat sounded less than appealing, even if it WAS for Joel.

You’d do a lot for him, and he you. It was painfully obvious the two of you liked one another; it was part of the reason why Joel and Tommy’s mother hated them coming to see you so often. You were sinful in her eyes. You didn’t understand it really.

You and Joel had never discussed what you two truly were, even with all the times you two hung out alone. He especially liked when his mother was distracted with Tommy and he got to spend more time with you. He enjoyed when you two could curl up in your bed and rewatch The Fox and The Hound for the umpteenth time through your dad’s ongoing collection of VHS tapes. Limbs intertwined together, unwilling to be untangled, with hearts beating as one.

But he wasn’t queer or anything. That was wrong, his mother said. Sure, he thought your eyes were pretty and his gut got all warm when he heard you speak, but that wasn’t gay. That was just liking how pretty your best friend is! How pretty, and nice, and warm, and funny, and good at Mario you were.

“Hey, check this out!” Joel calls over towards you as he bends down to pick up a stick partially hidden in the dirt, the soil getting up underneath his nails. The wood had grown into a pointed angle, as if it were the handle to a gun. Pointing it towards you with a mischievous giggle, his hands wrapped around the “handle”.

Feigning surprise, you put your hands up near your head as you stop in place, a grin splitting across your face. “Yeahh.. That’s right. Just keep your hands up, mister. I ain’t plannin’ on lettin’ you go any time soon.” He states affirmatively as he glances around the surroundings rapidly, searching for something else to use, but ultimately finding nothing.

“Just-” Joel begins again as he approaches you, pushing the pointed end of the stick against your sternum, earning a slight grimace of pain from you. “Put your hands behind your back.” He continues, looking right back into your eyes. It was a bit stupid, the entire thing, but that lovely smile told you everything you needed to know.

“Please don’t arrest me, sir! I gotta family back home!” You exclaim dramatically as you turn your back on Joel, lowering your hands from your head to clasp behind your back. Glancing over your shoulder, you watch as he tries to figure out where to put his new stick on his body, but not wanting a lecture from his mother on getting his clothes dirty, he just drops it at his feet.

“Not anymore, you don’t!” Joel declares. The comment didn’t make much sense, and that was the hilarious bit about it. Prolonged jokes; they were a true joy. Joel’s hands reach down and wrap around your own, but he pauses for a singular second. Shifting his grip on your hands to intertwine your fingers with his own. The dirt on his fingertips rubbing off against you, the grains gently scraping against your skin, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You could feel your heart begin to race and your mouth go dry.

“Yeah? Why not?” You muse, gently prying your hands from his. Instead, turning around to face him again, grabbing ahold of his hands in yours. Joel’s thumb fidgets mindlessly with the skin between your forefinger and your thumb, creating a slight gap between your palms.

“I dunno.” He confesses with a lazy shrug. Snickering, you let go of him, playfully pushing against his chest. “You’re stupid.” You tease. “So are you!” Joel replies adamantly as he takes a step back. Only to follow up your shove with another against your chest.

“I am what?” You taunt, barely even budging from Joel’s lackluster push. You knew “stupid” was a bad word in his household. Along with other “swear words” like “hate” or “dumb”. Joel said his mother would make him bite into a bar of soap if he said them, so he tried to avoid those words and ACTUAL curse words.

“Shut up.” Joel huffs as he folds his arms over his chest like a petulant toddler, but you knew it was all an act and his words lacked any real bite. You’d been friends since preschool, of course you could read your best friend… boyfriend? ‘s body language!

With a small hum, you step closer towards him again, coaxing his arms from across his chest to drape over your shoulders. It was just like this. Alone time was rare on its own, but physical affection was just natural in your friendship, even if it made you question everything you’d ever felt before.

Joel, however, felt torn. He was sure his heart was spelling out your name every time it beat. His body and soul yearned for you. He used to freeze up with your touch, but now he couldn’t help but to miss it when he goes without. Yet, it was against his mother’s wishes. It was against God’s wishes. Her opinion was very important to him, and he couldn’t just disappoint her. He couldn’t choose between wanting to please you, or wanting to please her, even if that was an impossible task.

“You know she doesn’t want me hangin’ around you so much.. My mama.” He mumbles, right out of the blue. It makes you pause. Your hands stilling on his sides, fingers instinctively wanting to curl around Joel’s shirt and never let him go.

“I know. It’s why you gotta bring Tommy along everywhere.” You joke lightheartedly, but Joel doesn’t laugh. If anything, he looks pained. The earlier grin was nowhere to be seen. His eyes downturned to your boots caked in mud, only collecting more grime the longer you two are outside.

“She thinks you’re a queer…” He adds as he drops his arms back down to his sides. Part of him doesn’t want to, just wanting your touch to bring him through all of his troubles, but he’s smart enough to know it doesn’t work that way. “Heck, she thinks I’m a queer just ‘cause I wanna be a musician.”

“Well you ain’t.” You huff, clutching his shirt between your fists. Joel steps away from you and pushes your hands off of his shirt, only to smooth the fabric down, trying to prevent it from wrinkling. “Sorry.” You mutter. You’d forgotten all about his mom’s stupid rules. Your mother raised you better than to say you hated someone, but you did. You hated Joel and Tommy’s mom, even if you’d never said it out loud. You hated God. If it didn’t exist, Joel’s mom wouldn’t be all weird!

Joel doesn’t respond to your apology as his eyebrows furrow, a slow sigh leaving his lips. “Are you?” He prompts, nearly causing you to jolt out of your skin. It was such an abrupt conversation change, you wondered just how long this was bothering him for.

“Am I queer?” You question, earning a slow nod. You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know. You’d thought about kissing boys before, yeah, and sometimes the male football players looked better than the female cheerleaders, but that was normal. Everyone thought like that. You knew Joel shared the same sentiment.

Months ago, you and him had a conversation, more akin to gossiping, about “who’s the hottest in school”. From the freshman, to sophomores, to juniors, maybe even a few seniors wormed their way into your lists. Being sophomores yourselves, you thought this was a normal thing every guy did at some point.

“I mean- I dunno.” You confess, automatically feeling anxiety boil bile in your throat, forcing it down with a swallow. “Never thought about it much, I guess. Like- I mean- I guess I’ve thought about you a few times, but haven’t you?” You add on as you stare into Joel’s downturned eyes, almost pleading that he understands where you’re coming from.

Joel remains silent, idly kicking at the dirt underneath his sneakers, squishing a clump or two beneath the toe of his shoe. “You said that Travis B. was hot. In your Chemistry class?” You remind, resting your hands on your hips.

“‘cause he looks like you…” He admits, wringing his hands together. He doesn’t want to hear what you think. This was sinful. He was broken for this. Boys couldn’t like boys. “You think I look like Travis B.??” You echo in slight offense, the comment going right over your head. To you, your classmate wasn’t the most attractive guy, there’s definitely better..like Joel.

“No, you don’t-” Joel pauses with a sigh. “I think you look…nice..” He rephrases as his eyebrows knit together with discontent. He didn’t want to be like this. He hated how he wanted your touch. He loved the way your skin felt against his own. The heat of your body absorbing him entirely each time the two of you cuddled in secret.

“B-But I can’t go against my mama like this. What would Tommy think of it?” He grits out, stumbling over his words slightly. “Your mama ‘n Tommy?” You repeat in confusion. You didn’t really understand. You thought you were having such a good day today and now a bombshell just had to come and ruin it? “Joel, what about you? I mean.. Do you really not wanna see me no more?”

Joel didn’t know what to say. The admission felt like acid on his tongue, but the truth was just begging to burst right out into the open. Awkwardly sliding his hands into the pockets of his pants, picking at the pocket lint inside. He can’t even look at you, and he’s not sure why. Maybe it’s the knowledge that he knows he’ll crumble, just like always. He couldn’t stomach the idea of hurting you.

“It ain’t that simple, Y/N. My mama expects better of me. I gotta set an example for Tommy. What would he think if he saw me lovin’ on you like that?” He clears his throat as his voice cracks, exposing the layers his dilemma runs through. His soul yearned to align with yours, but his mother’s expectations– his church’s expectations– they were holding him back.

“My mama will love you if yours don’t. You know she will. Y’all can just live with me and my folks and…not have to worry ‘bout all that!” You explain optimistically. Unable to resist, you step closer to Joel again, pulling him into a gentle hug, your hand stroking his back–resigning to down strokes only, keeping the shirt wrinkles in the forefront of your mind. You wanted to be selfish. You wanted Joel in your life because it was all you knew.

Joel falters for a moment, hesitantly wrapping his arms around your back as his chin finds its place on your shoulder. His eyes boring into a tree behind you, staring at an old carving in the bark you two made in elementary school.

“That’s…nice of you to say, but it’s different.” He mumbles as he grabs on just a little bit tighter at the possibility that you would part. You smell like a mixture of sweat, dirt, and your laundry soap, but he likes it. More than that, it’s addicting. Its distinctly you, and he craves to savor it.

“You ‘member ‘Jealous Jane’ back in middle school?” You prompt, to which Joel nods against you, shifting him just enough to nestle his face into your shoulder. “And when she got sent off to that camp ‘cause her daddy thought she was weird over her boyfriend?” You continue, earning another nod.

“She came back last year, I guess. She’s in my fourth hour now, but she’s changed. She broke up with her boyfriend and apologized to Molly for bitin’ her over him.” You explain. The memory of the start of the school year felt fresh in your head. “She’s all ‘bout God now. She’s different… and ‘m scared you’ll be like her too.”

“What’d you mean..?” Joel questions, voice slightly muffled by your shoulder. He doesn’t bother to correct himself, finding comfort in your embrace. “I’m scared you’ll get sent away and forget about me. I’m scared you’ll turn into some freakazoid and never talk to me again ‘cause your mama’s worried about us bein’ queer.”

“I’m not gonna just…forget you. That’d be stupid.” Joel scoffs as he leans back slightly, just enough to finally make eye contact again. “But ‘m not gonna disobey ma either..” He adds, leaning back into your warm hug. He needed this, more than anything. Even if his legs were falling asleep from standing still for too long.

Though, the two of you barely have enough time to register the crunching approaching you until the person is finally running away, narrowly missing Tommy’s stupid yellow shirt over the hill. Joel breaks away from you in a hurry, chasing after his younger brother back towards your neighborhood. You just hoped the little brat would keep his mouth shut after you let him play your Mario. You didn’t even want to imagine what would happen back at the Miller household.

With a huff, you slump down into the dirt, your eyes drawn to Joel’s “pistol” stick. You wondered if he would come back with you, or if Tommy just ruined the last chance you had with Joel. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I KNOW IM LATE IM SORRY </333 been so tired recently and fighting with Tumblr every post stg Return to masterlist

[ashs-cardboard-box]

"Stay."

~ L Lawliet/GN!Reader ~ Whump (Day 7) ~ Implied romantic/crush ~ 2k words Mentions of death/bodies, slightly altered from canon. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

L didn’t get attached easily. In fact, it usually took him more time trying to get attracted to someone to start a “relationship” than the relationship ever lasted itself. Unfortunate but a fact. They were pointless anyway, especially during his investigations. From criminal to criminal, his work always came first. Maybe that was his biggest flaw. Somehow, some way, he got attached to you. Like a dog to a bone, like water to a dying man, like candy is to…him. He hated it. Ever since you were signed onto the Task Force in the early weeks to help with the Kira case, you plagued his every thought. You remembered just the way he liked his coffee. You rubbed the tension from his shoulders after the fourth consecutive night of both no sleep, and sitting in his crouched position. You brushed his, admittedly a bit greasy, hair out of his face when he was focused on his monitor. You weren’t the smartest of the Task Force, but neither was Matsuda and he was still around. Of course, everyone noticed how sweet you were being to him. How could they not? He only ever flirted with Misa when he was undercover at To-Oh University, not really the “ladies man” Light is. But you.. For some reason, unbeknownst to even him, you stuck around. Sure, he speculated. Maybe you were attracted to his smarts, or the possibility of money. Maybe you liked how quirky he was, deciding you wanted to “fix him”. Maybe you were just missing a few screws. It was one case he just couldn’t solve. The ONLY case he couldn’t solve. He never pushed himself away, but he never admitted he liked you, either. He was supposed to be focused on Kira. He was so damn close to solving his case, he could almost taste it. At least, as close as close could be, with a Shinigami watching over his shoulder constantly. She was a bit of a pest, but she proved to be useful to the case…somewhat. More so than those bells, at least. Ringing in intervals of three; a death knell. He wondered if Light finally figured out his name. If this is what years of work had all finally climaxed to. Him, seated at his computer, staring at the bright screen as he chews on taffy, feeling it get stuck to his teeth each time he pries his jaws apart. The words on the screens had to be burned into his retinas by now. He was sure that, when he closed his eyes, the text would be printed right there. He’d been avoiding you for the past few days. At least to him, “avoiding”, in this context, meant going out of his way to stop thinking about you. You were more of a pest than the Shinigami was. Though, you never stopped showing him affection. You even got his ears to turn red one time after you had to cross in between his chair and his desk to grab his empty coffee sweetener containers stacked high. That one action put your chest right in his face and he’d never felt more out of control since then. Even if his only reaction was a small hum at your apology for intruding, barely even blinking. 192 hours, 43 minutes, and 27– 28 seconds. That’s how long it took him to finally pass out from sleep deprivation. He’d never willingly go to sleep on his own, he had more important things to be doing. Yet part of him let himself rest, knowing he’d be up in two hours, maximum. But he soon realized that falling asleep was also a huge mistake, as always. When he woke up, the Task Force Headquarters was dark and still, and he was seated at his desk. A bright white screen across all of his monitors, with text reading “All Data Deleted”. Did Kira finally get to Watari? No one was around to check on the old man, which caused a single moment of panic to rise in his chest. He was L. He didn’t fret. Watari was probably fine and somehow hit the button accidentally.

Rising up out of his chair, his knees cracking out of protest for being curled up for so many hours, he shuffles right up the stairs to the first elevator, pushing the button to close the doors and Watari’s floor number. Despite usually enjoying a still environment for more work and less distractions, it’s eerie. There’s a pit in his stomach he’s unused to. He’s not used to being anxious. Pride? Sure. Maybe a little arrogant? Okay. But fear? Nervousness? Anxiety? Not likely. It’s been years since he’s felt that way. As far back as he can remember, it’s just been blank. He was logistical, not emotional. When the doors open, his hands slide into his pockets with ease, taking it upon himself to enter Watari’s surveillance room without announcing himself. But, even from in front of the elevator doors, he could see that Watari wasn’t there. Everything was in its perfect space, L knew just how much Watari liked to be tidy. With an annoyed sigh, he turns back around towards the elevator, figuring he might as well go start back up on getting his computers running again. At least, until he hears crashing behind him, followed by a body hitting the floor. Turning around quickly in both confusion, he stares down at..you? You weren’t supposed to be here. Face down on the floor, body entirely limp against the ground. The familiar rise and fall of your chest wasn’t there. There wasn’t any sign of blood at all. Gritting his teeth, L forces himself to approach you, crouching down right in front of you. His bony hand reaches out to press two fingers against your neck, feeling for a pulse. His blood almost freezes in his veins when he doesn’t find one. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You weren’t supposed to die so soon! He was used to seeing bodies and the horrors of humanity daily, but this felt different. Forcing himself to move, L rolls you over onto your back, your lifeless eyes staring back at him. You were supposed to outlive him and kill Kira! He didn’t know where all of this was coming from. For once, he wasn’t logistical. He was an utterly emotional wreck. Chest compressions in intervals of four, trying desperately to get your heart to start again. He can feel your ribs cracking from the desperate pressure he’s putting onto you. Leaning down, he pushes a thumb into your mouth to part your lips. Pinching your nose and breathing into your mouth firmly. How funny. That would’ve been your “first kiss”. He knew you loved sappy stuff like that. Even if he wasn’t trying to, he was always paying attention, especially when you spoke. You could talk about those overdone cop shows in Western media, that you seemed to find as an absolute “hoot”, for hours on end, and he would listen. Not because he cared, but because it was you. Moving back into position, one interlaced hand over the other, he resumes. 1-2-3-4– breathe..pause..continue. “Please..” He whispers, yet the words cut through the silence like a megaphone. L wasn’t sure what, or who, he was begging towards. Maybe for you to spring back to life and thank him. Maybe for a God of any kind to bring you back to him. Maybe for him to join you, knowing that after experiencing an affection like yours, going back to life without it would be miserable. Maybe for himself to stop doing compressions, to give up. He was uncertain, for the first time in his life. You weren’t breathing, he knew that. You were dead. He could feel your cold body beneath his hands, against his lips, but he wasn’t stopping. Why wasn’t he stopping? His muscles were beginning to ache with strain, he could feel his eyes pricking with tears and his nose began to run against his will. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried. 1-2-3-4–breathe..pause..continue. He’d never had much of a reason. He never got attached to anyone except for Watari. No one was trustworthy enough to stay in his life, but you were. You wanted him. He hated that. He hated the weight in his chest as he stared down at your lifeless body. He was sure his soul was cracking with each straining pop of the ligaments between your ribcage.

1-2-3-4–breathe..pause..continue. He wondered if you would still like him, seeing him like this. A mess, sobbing over your corpse. He could feel the dam inside him shattering into pieces. His tears rolled down his cheeks and right onto your nice, uniform blazer. It was no different from the rest of the Task Force, but on you, it was special. You were special. “Stay..” His face was a mask of stoicism, despite the new torrent of emotion crashing inside him. It was frightening. Alone, in the dark, trying to bring you back to life again. He knew it was the Death Note that caused this. Deep down, he knew Kira was somehow at fault. 1-2-3-4–breathe..pause… He stopped. Removing his hands from your chest with a defeated, shaky exhale. One of his hands coming up, swiping down from your forehead, over your eyes, forcing your eyelids to close. At least, if you died, you could rest in peace. He’d have to have Mogi take care of your body or something. Since that day you spun him out of control, he hasn’t felt that way since, until now. He could just barely hear your voice echoing in his head, growing louder and louder and louder until you’re shouting at him, and he finally wakes up with a jolt, meeting your panicked expression. “The Shinigami is gone!” You inform. L was confused. Didn’t you just die? His face felt wet, he internally groaned. His eyes darted over to the large monitors, the light piercing against his weary eyes. He could hear the other Task Force members panicking behind him, even if it’s mostly Matsuda, with Soichiro and Aizawa trying to coax him to use his head and not his heart. He could’ve used that advice a bit ago, even if his plea for advice would never leave his lips. He was too prideful for that. “Say again?” He muses, swiping a hand over his cheek and absentmindedly checking it for tears, but his hand came back dry. Yet, he’s put off when you abruptly pause. A small breath escaping you as you clutch your chest in pain, doubling over momentarily, only to collapse to the floor in an instant. The Shinigami was gone, you said. It registers to him in that very second. It was happening again. Only this time, he wasn’t given enough time to process as his monitors flash white. “All Data Deletion”, it reads. Didn’t this just happen? “Watari?” He questions, the name leaving his mouth before he could catch it. His eyes fall down onto you, watching you lay there on the floor. “Y/N..?” He mumbles. Finally coming to his senses as soon as Aizawa kneels to check on you. “Quick! We need to find that Shini–” He pauses, his breath getting caught in his throat. His chest hurts, like he can’t expand it enough. A numbing pain shooting up and down his left arm, his ears beginning to ring. He could feel himself start to sweat, just barely, as the pain in his body begins to fade into nothing but a slight buzz of his nerves. Kira. The bells were growing louder, so many at once, it was hard to think. He wanted it to stop, he couldn’t concentrate like this. He barely registers himself falling out of his chair until the weight of gravity is pulling him down, landing on someone. Everything feels so foggy, his brain trying to push into overdrive to keep his body working, but it doesn’t work. All he can see is Light’s face, the smug grin, and he knew he won, even at the cost of your lives. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ y'all don't understand how long this took just because I was fighting with Tumblr 😭 Return to masterlist