asilewxyz

[asilewxyz]

For all the right you have to be I still have trouble not wanting you to be right for me//

For all the wrong I am for you I still hold my breath hoping it’s not true//

Let’s just say I get it. //It’s everything to do with me and not you//

I keep hoping you find a reason or two to check in on me 

 I’ve been staying busy trying to find a way to convey the things you never told me & reason I needed you to stay yet this started with an exasperation date. If I could unsend those text, 

I keep telling my self that those photographs hold the truth to all the things left unsaid but are doing backflips in my head// how it hurt my feelings or how I’ve been running from my truth. I don’t want to miss you// I don’t do that, well maybe I guess I do//

 I just wanted you to know I found my car keys, my ID and everything I need but lose daily/// I swear this part of me drove you crazy but the problem is I like those parts of me// I’ve been trying to understand that I guess now I have to hold my own hand// That’s fine, I’m fine, I’ll find a way to use this in the name of art// I have my heart but seem to have just lost apart of my head  & a part of me misses your bed// Since what I want doesn’t matter ill return to the latter and pretend that losing you doesn’t matter//  

[asilewxyz]

Don’t mind me

I’m the lunatic I’ve swore I’d never be, //I’m the Illness that I can’t pull out and the darkness no one writes home about //Some call it mental//Other day it’s chemical //I’ll say it’s half and half mixed with a wide range of delusional //I’m bit embarrassed slightly tired of this constant fight that is looking like my swinging high for my dimmisishing life. If I’m so lovable where why are all my notes home being returned to sender //it’s getting harder to breathe in all this water //-The one perched on my shoulder won’t stop telling me to fight harder //Scream softer//Everyone hears me but stop answering cause it’s just gotten a messy. //But I’m telling you it’s just getting me to the point where I don’t hear anything but how sick my head is and how I used to be, who I used to be, and why I’m not allowed to be that version of the happier sounder E.My brain won’t let me. I’m trying and tired of failing.//it’s not them.I Found out that’s the chemical make up inside me //And god made me this way and I just can’t understand why he’d make me wrong then tell me to just be strong//It’s not more then I can bare but I’m telling you I feel like I’m strapped to an mental electric chair.// if that’s the case then show me my file cause I don’t have the luxury anymore for denial. Hard facts and denial don’t tell me it’ll be okay if you haven’t seen a case of manic bipolar losing hope but wanting a home. //I’m a out of sanity to spare but if your wondering what it feels like, my heart says it’s a lot like living with despair.

[asilewxyz]

“I still catch myself. Underneath it all. I’m still hoping that you will come back”

— Ranata Suzuki  (via ranata-suzuki)

[asilewxyz]

How often do you come visit vb?

I haven’t been back to VB in almost 5 years.

So I don’t, I guess.

[asilewxyz]

[asilewxyz]

LA for a day

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June gloom

[asilewxyz]

Tess

[asilewxyz]

“i’m drinking again - every now and then. i’m the girl who preached sobriety so this poem sent out to society gives me anxiety. i am longer seeing double but they think i will forever live within a cycle of trouble because it used to be a struggle - i’m better now. i don’t fall asleep in red water and wear puke as perfume - this monster isn’t wearing me as a costume because i threw away that family heirloom. it was a dark time in my life and my medications were not right - these eyes are finally headlights and because of you i have to see everything in hindsight. occasionally i may have a drink but you’ll never again see me huddled over a kitchen sink because i now vomit ink.”

— smspoetry 

[asilewxyz]

People get tired of you being sad.

// “… and then they leave, even when they promised they wouldn’t.”  (via nicoleanntanovitz)

[asilewxyz]

I’m wishing my best was better//

[asilewxyz]

Portraits  work over the last few weeks

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San Deigo last month //

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[asilewxyz]

Streets over break