ask-a-bot

[ask-a-bot]

“He’s as willful and stubborn as Soundwave Megatron. There is very little I can do besides poison his Energon, and I do not waste good fuel”

“Query: why is wasting fuel worse than putting me in harms way?”

“Again. You are a terrible roommate”

“Nemesis: never had to live with Bugbite”

“Please do not remind me of that poor excuse for a clone”

“Nemesis and Soundblaster: both clones as well”

“Yes and we are perfect copies, pinnacles of science. Bugbite is a disgrace and a bumpkin. Bumblebee had plenty of redeeming qualities and that moron inherited none of them…”

Haha! Yeah! I'm cute, for one thing.

You are almost as bad as Starscream.

And I'm cute too! Right, Optimus?

Maybe. But you're also annoying.

Bwahahahaha!

I don't know what you're laughing about, Bee. I meant you're both annoying.

Oh.

Nemesis, you have my sympathy. I can empathise.

You're both really mean! Worst parents ever!

At least Kup loves me.

[ask-a-bot]

https://www.tumblr.com/ask-a-bot/780213296505798656/this-is-agent-fowler-calling-megatron-please

“Soundblaster: apologises to Ms. Hashtag Malto for the accidental implication and subsequent mix-up. Involvement in pranks and shenanigans: unintentional. Soundblaster: was bored, and Pentagon Security: inferior, my skillset is far beyond thiers.”

“Assessment: Ms Hashtag Malto: skills in hacking proficient enough to be mistaken for mine. Therefore, you are worthy of respect and commendation”

“This does not change the fact you thought it was a good idea to hack the American government! What possessed you to do something so foolish?! Are you TRYING to get us arrested?!”

“Soundblaster: already stated that he was bored. Netflix and YouTube: can only entertain for so long.”

“Being bored is no excuse! We are already on thin ice with MI6 you imbecile…”

“Uuuuurrgh. Soundblaster: more than capable of smoothing things over with humans. Nemesis Prime: needs to calm down. Ms Hashtag Malto, Soundblaster: pleased to indirectly meet your acquaintance”

“You are a terrible roommate. Why did I think living with you was a good idea. Why…”

Nemesis, please keep him under control. I suggest you help him find a hobby. Even Starscream has found something healthy to do.

I recommend taxidermy!

Not that hobby!

I think Megs meant your music.

Well, that's not a hobby. It's not a job. It's a career! What's wrong with everyone?

It started as a hobby.

Yeah. Star, a lot of careers start out as hobbies. Saying you found a good hobby is true. It's a great hobby and now it makes you money – that's a great achievement.

Hmph! Grown-ups!

[ask-a-bot]

It is time to give our sparklings real names (they have nicknames, which we have been using until now, but they are starting to develop colours and personalities). This is the best time to officially name young ones.

I think we should tell you what we can about our little ones before we take final name suggestions and put them into a poll (although I do like Polaris very much and have considered making it a nickname either way).

The femme has a helm similar to her sire's and is likely to become purple. She has violet eyes and a pale purplish, pinkish plating coming through. She is very good at getting what she wants from Optimus, even after I tell her "no" (we are working on that).

The mech is probably going to be blue and apparently looks like Optimus before he became Prime. Red is usually the first colour to appear and it is mostly absent, aside from his servos and pedes, but he does have a pale, bluish silver coming. He has one blue and one red optic. He squints his red one when he is weary. He is quiet and thoughtful. His sister bullies him when she thinks nobody is watching (we are also working on that).

If there is anything else that you would like to know, please ask.

[ask-a-bot]

Congratulations on the new career Starscream!! Wishing you much luck and prosperity. May you outshine all pop stars in your path

Except Roger Daltrey. He's amazing!

Thank you! I'm killing it!

Killing what?

The spider on your leg, Megatron.

Argh! Get it off! Help!

Hehehe! 🤣

[ask-a-bot]

Hi! This is OP. Uh... sorry we've gone a little quiet. I guess we got busy...

Pfft! "Got busy"! 🤣

Bee, control yourself.

Uh... you know. The house, the new sparklings... and Starscream found himself a new job.

You make it sound horrible when you say it like that! Hmph! It isn't a job. It's a career! I'm an influencer!

He makes music and sells it on a Cybertronian platform.

I'm an online celebrity!

You're a pain in the aft!

Bee.

At least Starscream is helping out and contributing to the household.

Ooh... Megatron's dumb kid is better than your kids, Optimus.

Do you want me to cancel your race on Saturday?

No?

Then stop. Kup? Rod? Anything you guys want to say?

I'm thinking about finding a job of some kind too.

First I've heard about that, Hot Rod! What d'you want to do?

Would you be mad if I said stunt driving?

Mad, no... concerned, maybe. Prime? Megs? Know anything about this?

The younglings rarely confide in me.

Me neither. Didn't know Star had a job-

CAREER!

-Until he gave me credits to help fix the roof up.

You won't be getting any more until you stop saying I've got a job!

[ask-a-bot]

This is Agent Fowler calling.

Megatron. Please, for the love of god. Can you tell your niece to stop hacking into the Pentagon and rickrolling us?

Our cybersecurity team are at their wits end and I am one more ‘never gonna give you up’ away from murdering Agent Simmons.

Ms. Hashtag if you can see this: PLEASE STOP

My apologies.

Hashtag? What have you done? What is all this about playing tricks on the Pentagon?

Hey! It wasn't me! I swear! Mom would be so mad if I did a thing like that.

What's all the fuss about?

Someone has been playing tricks on the Pentagon.

Well... not to get into politics... but it's deserved, isn't it?

Starscream! If it turns out that you are behind the... what is rickrolling?

No idea!

I take it it is an Autobot... thing. Anyway, regardless. If you have had a part in it...

I'll find out who it was and make it stop. It was probably Swindle.

Excellent.

[ask-a-bot]

How have the Malto kids reacted to the new cousins??

Hashtag doesn't care about me anymore.

Awwwwwwwww...

Shut up, Bumbumbee.

Starscream's jealous because the Malto kids like Megatron's sparklings more than him.

You were jealous of me because the Maltos gave me loads of attention when they met me.

I wasn't jealous of you, Roddy! I knew you'd be old news soon enough.

You're always talking out of your exhaust!

Yes, he is. No wonder Arcee beats him up so much that Megatron tries to keep them apart. Afthole.

Me or Megatron?

Megatron, because I like watching Arcee trounce you. Pfft! I mean you, idiot.

[ask-a-bot]

DOUBLE BABY. REPEAT, WE HAVE DOUBLE BABY.

Aw Scraplets.

PAY UP I WIN THE BET

Fine. Here. Your winnings. Congratulations Lord Megatron. Prime.

Agreed. Congratulations

Who do they look more like? Boss Mech or OP?? I gotta know, I made a bet with Toxitron a month ago…

When did you get in contact with Toxitron? I wasn’t aware you two were friends.

Yeah they started chatting a while back. Gave me some peace and quiet. Honestly I’m surprised you missed it Ice Storm, they’re not exactly quiet…

…uh, yeah. Friends.

Why are you making that face Acid Storm. Sun Storm?

I dunno. Dude. Spill.

…

…blame Valentine’s Day okay?

YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND AND SAID NOTHING?!

THE FRAG BRO?!

I FORGOT TO TELL YOU OKAY?!

Thank you for the congratulations.

You OK?

Tired.

I bet you are. Want something nutritious?

I want to recharge. Take the next feed?

They want you!

Only because I am the one that usually goes to them. Bond!

James Bond.

Very funny. Bond with them.

Fine. OK. Uh... the femme looks as though she might inherit my helm shape. You know, finials, crest...

They are going to be strong. You are the only mech to ever match my strength.

That's true.

I hope they don't fight like you used to. A family feud might last millennia!

Be quiet, Starscream.

[ask-a-bot]

Oooooh!! Do the babies have names yet?? I remember Nemesis suggesting Polaris

Oh! Are we dealing with boys or girls? Or both?

One of each. Polaris is still a great name and I like it, but Megs said something about making a poll...

Be prepared to have Boaty McBoatface suggested, then.

Bwahahahaha! Yeah!

Huh?

Why did you say that?

Look it up.

[ask-a-bot]

BABY HAS ARRIVED?????

Babies. One male, one female. Definitely new hope for the future. I think they're the first born on Earth.

Almost lost Megs at one point, but they're all fine now.

We should probably start thinking about names.

They're both white, if that helps.

All newsparks are. They're really cute! I wonder if they'll grow wings or wheels...

They are cute! I love making 'em laugh!

They're more fun than Megabum.

Don't be mean.

[ask-a-bot]

Ah. You have returned. I had been wondering where you all had gone. Might I enquire as to what the absence was about? Could it be… ah. Am I an ‘Uncle’ yet? Is that why there was such a long radio silence??

Nemesis Prime

Good guess!

It was a bit tough on Megatron and Starscream hasn't helped.

Lies!

Truth!

Hello, Optimus. Ooh! Iacon pudding! Do I get some?

Yes. But I'd like you to be good.

I'm always good!

Liar.

Shut up, Hot Rod!

[ask-a-bot]

🧀

Hohoho! I know this joke! Megatron! Megatron! Smell the cheese! Wha-? Ow! Hehehehehehehehehehehe! Hahahahahahahahaha! Starscream! Why did you punch me on the nose? That's the joke, Megabum!

Come here! Starscream! Just wait until I get my servos on you!

[ask-a-bot]

Which is the most sigma?

...

I am not sure I understand this.

[ask-a-bot]

*shivers* Never been a fan of swimming myself. I’m beyond terrified of being fully submerged into water! That’s due to…..uh…. “some water-related negative experiences”. Let’s just say that. And, because of that, I’ve never really learned how to swim.

Honestly, I’m quite content with riding a boat with a life-jacket on and enjoying the scenery.

Have any of you been on a boat?

Mostly oil tankers. Once or twice. We were hungry and crude oil makes good energon. You can also make a good drink out of it. Healthy. Hydrating.

Aren't you a tiny bit ashamed of all the stealing and pillaging and-?

I was starving. My team was starving. I am sorry for the harm done, but I am not ashamed. We were desperate. We were surviving. What more could we have done? What would you have done?

Surrendered and asked Optimus-

Pah! Cowardly weakling!

Megatron...

No! I am not going to be told that having courage and gumption is shameful and that I should have crawled to the Autobots and begged for handouts!

OK, OK. Anyway, in answer to the question... I think I've been aboard pretty much every craft the Decepticons attacked.

Probably.

I haven't been on any boats. Not yet. I haven't had the opportunity yet.

Me neither. What kind of boat d'you recommend?

I want to go on a wildlife cruise! Whale watching or something. Woo!

[ask-a-bot]

Where's Arcee and Elita-1?

I know Arcee is slaying as usual while Elita-1 is literally slaying enemies.

Arcee has a tendency to bully Bumblebee, so we try to keep them apart.

And Elita bullies Optimus.

Hey! That's not true.

You're scared of her.

Megatron! That's not... hhhrrrghh. Come on, Rod, let's get that swim.

You are a bit scared of her though.

She's smaller than me! I can take her if I ever had to.

Pfft.

Megatron, shut up!

[ask-a-bot]

A “New Year’s swim”? What’s that? Is it a similar concept to the polar plunge?

Yes and it is not a clever thing to do. Water is an alien substance – if it gets into our fuel tanks it can do terrible damage. Especially salt water.

I surf and I'm fine! I just make sure I spit out any water that gets into my fuel intake.

Well, I have swallowed salt water and it did unspeakable... things... to my insides. The salt destroyed my boron compressor and the water messed up my filters.

You're mining class. They're weak!

Star, please.

Well, it's true!

There are kinder ways to say things, true or not.

Yeah, or you could just leave it unsaid.

Everyone hates me! So unfair.

We were just-

Let him go, Kup. There's no point.

I don't like cold water. Brrr!

You kite surf!

Yeah. In the summer. In the winter, I want to curl up with a good book.

I will happily join you.

Me too.

...

Optimus, wanna go swimming?

You bet! Star?

Ooh! Yes!

[ask-a-bot]

Hi all! How’s everyone doing today?

I had to visit medbay.

Oh. Nothing serious, I hope?

My armour had to be... uh... enlarged. I blame your Christmas cooking and treats, Optimus.

Hahaha! You're welcome, Megatron!

Fatso.

Star, if you can't say something nice...

Destroy a whaling ship?

What? No. Just... play with Rust or something.

He gets some strange ideas.

He does.

Nice to see that he's starting to care about Earth's natural world though.

That is nothing new. Aside from humans, reptiles and amphibians, he always liked Earth's animals. He would never harm a bird intentionally.

Interesting. What about you?

Dorothy taught me to appreciate animals.

Except spiders.

Most animals.

Did you enjoy Christmas?

I did. It was good to see the Malto Family again and I liked watching the young ones enjoying themselves.

Same here. Glad you managed to talk them out of taking a New Year's Day swim, Megs.

So am I. Ugh...!

Where are Hot Rod and Bumblebee, anyway?

Playing Connect Four. I left them to it – they're too competitive for my taste.

Look what you did!

What I did? You were the one bashing it!

Sounds like that's one less present to play with...

I shall find the glue.