ask-lord-morgarath

[ask-lord-morgarath]

Just so.

Friendly reminder that if you feel like you have to apologize for being YOU, for existing…

That means your existence holds power over others that you must continuously reign in.

Let it loose.

The sun does not dim her own radiation. It’s up to humans to wear sunscreen and avert their eyes.

Impose yourself on others

[ask-lord-morgarath]

lord the peasants are so loud today

[ask-lord-morgarath]

Man I miss you/j

yes let's ignore the fact I died for like a long time

Have a uh great day/night :3

I have no idea who you are and I don't care, but I'll pass the word along.

[ask-lord-morgarath]

What is this?

Oh, this has got to be a joke.

This is what he's been doing?!

[ask-lord-morgarath]

One must do something with one's spare time.

I go to the grocery store, heading straight for the dairy section. Positioning myself in the middle of the milk shelf, I let out one single long, wailing, cheese-curdling scream. Every single carton of fresh dairy product within hearing distance has now been rendered undrinkable. The poor worker whose only task this shift was to keep me out of the store and most importantly away from the dairy at all costs is fired on the spot. I do not linger to bear witness to the grief and destruction I have caused. Knowing that I caused it is enough.

These petty, pointless acts of meaningless evil are the reason that I will not see the kingdom of heaven.

[ask-lord-morgarath]

Are you watching the Super Bowl, my lord?

Peasant crockery means little to me. What is in this bowl of yours that is worth watching?

One does not reach greatness by observing soup.

[ask-lord-morgarath]

Hey idk if you’ve been killed yet but I have something to say.

I CAN NEVER DRAW YOU RIGHT??? Whenever I technically do, something always looks off, but I can’t tell what it is. Maybe it’s your demeanor that I am not getting down. Oh, Lord Morgarath, Dark Lord of the Rain and Night, help be upon me.

Certainly I have not been killed yet.

Getting me down indeed. Oh, you pitiful thing. Your efforts amuse me, truly, they do. Did you think it would be simple to reduce me to a mere artistic rendering? By all means do keep trying, though; you are highly unlikely to find as magnificent a subject as myself.

Send your pathetic little attempts to me when you inevitably give up. I could do with a diversion. My Wargals have been particularly tiresome of late.

[ask-lord-morgarath]

This appears highly suspicious.

Morgarath wasn’t actually that bad. Didn’t deserve to be canceled

[ask-lord-morgarath]

Lord Morgie, how do you feel about Archive of Our Own (a big website with lots of stories) being down right now?

Are these stories as trivial and useless as the lot of you, I wonder? Little wonder it has ceased to function. This appears to be causing a great deal of turmoil, however. I wonder who is responsible, and whether they might be tempted...?

Perhaps I should venture into this new Archive realm and scout it out for myself.

[ask-lord-morgarath]

[ask-lord-morgarath]

12-31-2024, 11 PM

[ask-lord-morgarath]

Why does this call to mind those insufferable Rangers?

[ask-lord-morgarath]

It appears- as expected- that the raid has been unsuccessful against my stronghold. Carry on, peasants.

I hear tell of a 'gore ask raid' expected to take place within a few days upon certain denizens of this Tumblr realm.

As such, the lot of you will simply have to suffer until I see fit to allow you to approach me with your pathetic little bleatings again. You may, of course, tag me if you are desperate enough.

[ask-lord-morgarath]

Because I am, naturally, the first favorite.

I like making polls so here's one:

Mine's Horace

[ask-lord-morgarath]

As Permanent As My Disdain

Greetings, riffraff! Yes, yes, it is I, Lord Morgarath of the Mountains of Rain and Night, responding once more to the endless clamoring from the vast and questionable Tumblr realm, this time to bestow upon you a guide to dyeing your hair. Truly, what thrilling ambitions you have! But while my own locks cascade like moonlight over shadow with a splendor that could never be achieved through mortal artifice, I shall lower myself- temporarily, mind you- to guide you through this pitiable ritual.

Now then. First, in selecting a shade, you must consider what statement you wish to make with it. Do you long to embody the darkness? Black. Seek to appear rebellious? Red. Perhaps you aspire to resemble an ethereal forest spirit? Green. This choice will haunt you longer than your attention span usually allows, so… choose wisely, or as wisely as you can. 

If you expect results worthy of royalty, you must prepare to work for them. Gather your supplies: dye, gloves (yes, even you, dirt-streaked peasant- your hands needn’t resemble a tanner’s), and old cloths that you are willing to sacrifice. Unless, of course, you prefer to turn every surface in your hovel into a permanent reminder of your idiocy. Should your chosen shade be lighter than your current one, you’ll first need to apply a concoction best described as the chemical equivalent of razing a village to the ground. 

If you survive this ordeal and your hair remains on your head- more’s the pity- onto the dyeing. Drape your cloth about your shoulders like a warrior donning his armor. Section your hair with what little precision you can muster and apply the dye, starting at the roots. Saturate each section fully if you do not wish to resemble a mottled barn animal. Yes, this will be tedious, but victory is not for the lazy. 

Now you must wait. As the dye sets, resist the urge to touch it, adjust it, or panic. Sit in silence and contemplate your own foolishness. You may feel tingling or burning- those are your own poor decisions catching up to you. Wipe away any stray dye from your skin if you wish to avoid walking around looking like a plague victim for the next week. 

When the time comes to rinse, do so thoroughly. Keep going until the water runs clear. Once done, condition your hair liberally- this is no time to skimp. You would not like your hair to resemble luridly-hued straw, now would you? Pat it dry with as much delicacy as you can muster, as if handling the frayed threads of your dignity, and behold: you look different yet remain precisely as moronic as ever.  

And there you have it, peasants. Your new, magnificent color has either transformed you into a formidable figure or an absolute buffoon. If it’s the latter, remember: you did this to yourself. May your newfound color be as permanent as my disdain.

[ask-lord-morgarath]

I think I'm going to remember this phrase every time I cook for the next five years

[ask-lord-morgarath]

My lord, could you possibly impart some wisdom on how to dye your hair (NOT that I am saying you dye yours)

Of course I would never lower myself to indulge in such base practices. My locks are the epitome of nature’s perfection, far beyond the reach of those mere dyes which you seek to acquaint yourself with.

But very well. You may look forward to a Guide shortly.