ask-the-emersons

[ask-the-emersons]

“My son told me ‘Happy Father’s Day’ and proceeded to bombard me with a bunch of paper cranes on the kitchen table, I couldn’t even count them there were so many.”

“Why did it take me so long to say this? Uh. No reason.”

“John’s been crying over the table for the past two hours.”

“NO I WASN’T-“

“I came by to check on Ryder when he didn’t come to our session and I found John crumbled on the ground with a pile of cranes on the table, and that was definitely more than two hours ago. It’s okay to admit you were crying, John.”

“…………..”

[ask-the-emersons]

TW: very tiny metaphor for suicidal thoughts and teen John being homophobic I’m so sorry

Teen John, thinking about Altair: “I hate those homosexuals”

Adult John: “Buddy. Your son is gay.”

Teen John: “WHAT.”

Adult John: “Yeah.”

Teen John: “Was it Altair’s faul-“

Adult John: “That’s not how it works. Also no, but he did figure it out by being trapped on an island with a bunch o’ em.”

Teen John: “…”

Adult John: “Also one of the boys he’s…’friends’ with drinks, like, a lot.”

Teen John: “OH HELL NO.”

Adult John: “Yeah I banned him until he stops, I’ll see how long it takes before Ryder ends up sneaking out.”

Teen John: “You named him RYDER?”

Adult John: “Yeah what’s wrong with that?”

Teen John:

Adult John: “No, you know what? Why the FUCK are you such a little hater? How did Mary put up with this shit? She should’ve left and came back later on-“

Teen John: “We probably wouldn’t be here if she wasn’t the way she is…or was…Whatever.”

Adult John: “…Yeah you’re right.”

Also them: “Sighhhhh….Mary…🥰💚💚💚💚💚💚💚My girlfriend/wife…”

—

Teen Mary:

Adult Mary:

Teen Mary: “…Is he right for m-“

Adult Mary: “Yes.”

Teen Mary: “Cool…Hehe…heh…”

Adult Mary: “…”

Teen Mary: “…”

Adult Mary: “So we named our son Ryder-“

Teen Mary: “OH MY GOD THAT’S SO CUTE!!!”

Adult Mary: “But he sees ghosts.”

Teen Mary: “Oh.”

Adult Mary: “…He’s been hanging out with this one boy…And I’m afraid that’s going to make a repeat of…John…You know how he is around alcohol-“

Teen Mary: “I don’t.”

Adult Mary: “Oh- um…Let’s just say he despises it.”

Teen Mary: “Is that why I can never go to his parents’ house?”

Adult Mary: “…Something about that, yeah.”

Teen Mary: “My Johnny… :(“

Adult Mary: “He’s better now, don’t worry! It’s just…He gets a little irritated when it��s brought up.”

Teen Mary: “Is he still nice?”

Adult Mary: “Nicer, actually. He’s more open-minded too.”

Teen Mary: “Is Altair still around?”

Adult Mary: “Oh yeah! Him. Yes.”

Teen Mary: “Does he still-“

Adult Mary: “Unfortunately.”

—

Teen Altair:

Adult Altair:

Teen Altair: “J-“

Adult Altair: *loud sobbing noises* “IT’S NOT FAIR! IT ISN’T FAIR BUT IT IS AT THE SAME TIME! I’M HAPPY FOR THEM, BUT WHY COULDN’T IT HAVE BEEN M E?”

Teen Altair: “…:(“

Adult Altair: “…That was unnecessary of me. Um…We got our dream job…And..Uh…His- THEIR son is in our office sometimes.”

Teen Altair: “Does he look like John?”

Adult Altair: “Yyyyes but he has more ‘Mary’ in him. Recently, though…He’s been more…’John-y’…”

Teen Altair: “Is that bad?”

Adult Altair: “Very. He gets angry and I kind of just have to sit there and listen to him rant.”

[ask-the-emersons]

How do you feel about your house now being haunted?

“…It’s what.”

“Oh yeah there’s dead kids from the island in my room ^_^”

“I’ve seen one of them- actually- It looked like a small boy and he had multiple stab wounds, very disturbing, actually.”

“Oh that’s Simon.”

“…WHAT.”

“He’s! Very…Polite! I think! He just…Stands in the kitchen when I cook sometimes and it creeps me out…:(“

[ask-the-emersons]

TW: PTSD about alcoholism (See @john-mary-andco for context)

“This Lawrence kid needs to get the fuck out of my house. He CAN NOT stay over anymore if he keeps bringing bottles of FUCKING WINE IN MY HOUSE. WE DON’T DRINK IN MY HOUSEHOLD. NEVER. I DON’T CARE IF THEY’RE SHOTS. I DON’T CARE. GET THEM OUT OR GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.”

“….Father I don’t even-“

“YOU LIAR. RYDER EMERSON, I’VE SEEN YOU TAKE A SIP— WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING? DON’T DO THAT AGAIN.”

“…Okay.”

[ask-the-emersons]

“Alright, jail time for you. Harassment. Go on.”

/HEHEHE-

Ignore the fact I posted that on the wrong acc

Happy Father's Day John. Congrats on being the only good lotf dad.

As a present I won't thirst over you for a week and a half.

No promises about Todd or Snow tho.

“I’m sorry? What is ‘thirst’? Water? Are you all thirsty?”

“…Father-“

“Not now, son. I’m interrogating these strangers.”

[ask-the-emersons]

“…Okay then. That part I can manage.”

Happy Father's Day John. Congrats on being the only good lotf dad.

As a present I won't thirst over you for a week and a half.

No promises about Todd or Snow tho.

“I’m sorry? What is ‘thirst’? Water? Are you all thirsty?”

“…Father-“

“Not now, son. I’m interrogating these strangers.”

[ask-the-emersons]

H E L L O J O H N Y B O Y

“…Uh…Hi?”

[ask-the-emersons]

"Apple juice?"

- Victor

“…Okay, sure. Here you go, kid.”

[ask-the-emersons]

Happy Father's Day John. Congrats on being the only good lotf dad.

As a present I won't thirst over you for a week and a half.

No promises about Todd or Snow tho.

“I’m sorry? What is ‘thirst’? Water? Are you all thirsty?”

“…Father-“

“Not now, son. I’m interrogating these strangers.”

[ask-the-emersons]

Mary who’s your favorite child at the daycare?

“…I don’t have one!”

“It’s me-“

“It is most certainly N O T you.”

“I-…Wait what?”

[ask-the-emersons]

Happy mother's day Mary.

Hope that family o yours is pampering you today.

💚

“Oh they certainly have!…Plus the children from that island that Ryder was on…Y’know I thought after the littluns, that’d be everything, but then Ryder’s…Older friends?? Came over and dropped a pile of presents and stayed over for a while, it was rather nice, actually! I’ll be sure to open the gifts after John and I come back from our date; I’m sure they’re lovely! :,)”

“I wonder what the yellow flowers mean? I’ve gotten a bunch of them from the children; specifically roses…I mean, I love them, but I was expecting…Red?? White? Why are they all…Yellow?”

(Uncensored image + more under the cut!)

@lord-of-the-bundle-of-sticks owns the sins ocs

[ask-the-emersons]

Mr Emerson, I hear yer a cop.

If I give you the address of my dad can you arrest him for all the emotional trauma he caused my family?

If not I'll settle for putting the fear of God in him, that'll be fine.

- Victor Heinsworthy

“Yes, I am a cop. Sadly I don’t…Think…Emotional abuse qualifies for an arrest…But-“

“I’ll get him to hit me does that count?”

“Well…Uh…Ye-“

“Would he hit a woman too?”

“Those are both physical assaults-“

“Bet, Victor I’m coming.”

“Ryder nO-“

“I am God.”

[ask-the-emersons]

“I have come to say that John used to have a little bit of an emo phase.”

“I DID NOT??”

“Well, the hair anyway.”

“I-…OK??”

“…I love you.”

“I- wh- oh god- You-….I love you too.”

[ask-the-emersons]

*John, making something in the kitchen while rambling to the air.*“I love my wife so much…My everything…My queen…My love…My life…My-“

*Mary walks in the kitchen.* “Hullo, dear-“

“Oh sh- fu- AH-“ *He throws a butter knife he was holding into the sink.*

“…John?”

“H uh-“

“Are you okay? :(“

“YES.” (No he’s not)

“Your face is red…Are you sure?”

“…”

“…I interrupted you when you were babbling again, didn’t I?”

“…”

“…John Emerson.”

“…Yes, you did…”

:)

[ask-the-emersons]

Congratulations Mary!

You've been voted on as the best leader.

Your welcome. :)

“Wait what-“

“D O N ‘ T.”

“DO N O T PUT MY MOTHER IN DANGER ON AN UNINHABITED ISLAND WITH A BUNCH O’ PSYCHO CHILDREN. PISS OFF.”

[ask-the-emersons]

DW John, there are custody settlements for your wife and son too

“What the hell.”

[ask-the-emersons]

Mary, your words have the capability to make someone's hair go grey and I respect that.

👏👏👏👏

Best mother 10/10

“Listen, if they start attacking the children, there’s something wrong with them, I’m just saying. But thank you! I try my best.”