asklukeatmey

[asklukeatmey]

Dear Mr. Atmey, have you ever heard of the Pinocchio effect? It basically means that whenever you lie, your heart pumps faster, causing your nose to swell a bit. You can't see it with the naked eye, but the swelling causes itchiness, which is why you can tell someone is lying if they scratch their nose.

You are a sad, strange little anonymous, and I think you are just making up nonsense to affect me. Well, ha! I am unfazed by your childish deceptions.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

how would you have done things differently if ron delite was charged guilty of grand larceny and obtained the alibi/double jeopardy for the murder that you tried to get.

Well, ideally, that was my first plan. After all, those no-good ninnies of the police force wouldn't have had any hard evidence that I had done Bullard in, and my original alibi that I had been struck with a sudden bout of unconsciousness, thanks to the dastardly Mask DeMasque would have been confirmed, thereby sealing my freedom.

I suppose Bullard's death would have gone unsolved, or they would have bumbled their way into finding someone else guilty. Really, I would not have cared either way.

...Of course, Sir Lawyer had to go and run that brilliant plan into the ground.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

sir atmey you have made a grave error. you said that godot was personally approved by miles edgeworth himself but later on when edgeworth comes back from his travels he inquires into who godot is because he has never heard of him before. how can he personally approve someone he hasn't even heard of before?

Ah! W-well… er…

It’s quite simple, actually… Knowing Godot’s illustrious stature, I simply assumed that Sir Edgeworth would approve of him as a fellow prosecutor.

It seems I was mistaken, however…

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

Okey-doke then. So you're saying you've jumped into thousands of relationships blindly, not knowing if you'd even want to spend time with them for more than a week? Yes, I said a week. Assuming you've had women practically lining up to date you since I'd guess 14 up until now, you would only be just over one thousand if you dated each of them for a full week.

Dear shoreshimmer,

Ack!

Curses... your math skills are enviable...

...Fine. I shall be honest, and admit that I might have... slightly overestimated the amount of women I have dated in my lifetime. Just a wee bit, though...

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

Some time ago, I believe you said you had never fallen in love. So, what about those hundreds of women you have dated? Are you saying you never loved them?

Dear shoreshimmer,

H-hey, it's not like that... I just... um.

Ah! You see, dear friend, my heart is notoriously difficult to win over. So while those women were all wonderful individuals, they simply were not the one for me. And I could never continue a relationship with someone I did not truly love, so they had to end. it's sad but true, I'm afraid.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

Unfortunately I'm more than a week late, but Happy New Year, Mr. Atmey! Which reminds me, how many years left on that nasty prison sentence of yours?

Ah, yes, and my response is quite belated as well, but I appreciate the sentiment, regardless. Happy New Year, anonymous letter-sender!

And there's quite a while yet. Thinking about it makes enjoying this brand new year quite the arduous challenge, indeed. To answer your question, however, in terms of years, there are still 39 more revolutions of the Earth around our Sun to be had before I am to find freedom's warm embrace.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

So, have you ever heard of a certain pseudo-demoness (I mean "pseudo" as in both "false" AND "semi") named Dahlia Hawthorne? And if so, what's your opinion on her?

The name does ring a certain bell. That woman... she was involved in a number of murders that took place some years ago, wasn't she?

Given my own position, I hardly have a right to judge someone whom I have never met, but if she is truly as devilish a witch as her crimes would suggest, I can't imagine I would care much for her, no matter how beauteous she may have been.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

You actually have a great mind, I just wish your personality wasn't screaming, "look at me! I'm Luke Atmey!". Anyway, have you ever heard of a certain Scotlad Yard worker, Alfendi Layton? I feel his genius would match yours, solving your problem that left you seeming a little off your rocker.

Duly noted, though allow me to ask you this: Would Luke Atmey be the magnificent man he is today without the confidence to believe it? "Had Alexander not been Alexander, he would have been Diogenes", and were Luke Atmey not Luke Atmey, in all his divine grace, he may as well be Detective Gumshoe!

And no, I have not heard of any Alfendi Layton. What a ridiculous name, that. Though, if he is truly a genius to match my own, I cannot say that my curiosity is not piqued.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

So, Mr. Atmey, it seems you'll be getting a new doctor. It seems Dr. Bumby had an unfortunate accident while awaiting the train. Expect him later this week. -the guard down the hall

Ah, is that so? It's been a while since he's even graced my presence, so it will hardly be all that different. Very well, though I must remind you that I am a genius with little need for a doctor.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

A pleasure to stumble across your dashing Tumblr page, Mr. Atmey. I am a very big fan, so please, answer these questions: if you were a superhero, a) what would your name be? And b) what powers would you have?

Dear thecuriouswolfgirl,

Well, I certainly can't blame you there. With such politeness, how could I refuse to answer your questions.

If I were a superhero... what a silly thought. Hm, let me think...

How does The Mighty Mind sound? And my powers, you ask? Well, all abilities relating to the mind would be at superhuman levels. I would be telekinetic, telepathic, psionic, all of that. I would also be a skilled hand-to-hand combatant with grace and dashing good looks, but that's hardly a power, now is it? Anyway, I hope this satisfies your query well enough.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

Mr. Atmey, my nose is similar in length to yours and I'm thinking about dressing it up a bit for the holidays. Get in the festive mood, yeah? So what do they let you hang from your nose in prison? Candy canes? Air freshener? I'm thinking about mistletoe. I'm afraid my friends will say to me though, "Oldmanfucker! You look as though you have a mustache! That won't do as you're a girl!" Help me out, man. One person with a huge proboscis to another.

....

I really have nothing else to say to this and to you other than,

NO!

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

I know this is kind of late to ask, but what did you do this Halloween? Please tell me you at least got some candy.

Apologies for the late response, my dear Wolf, but I am afraid I have little to offer. I am in a federal prison, and though it does take some liberties, handing out candies to the inmates to celebrate a holiday is not something they cared to do.

As for what I did, I simply sat in my cell and reflected on my own inherent brilliance. 'Twas really not so different from most days, really.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

Dear Mr. Cyrano, I like Roxane but I'm no good at writing poetry. Will you please help me? Thanks. -Christian

Erm...

I am afraid you may have the wrong person.

(Or perhaps the wrong medium, altogether.)

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

Dear Mr. Atmey. Do you regret you murdered Kane Bullard? I know that man was a bad person. But still... Murder him? With love from Miss Louise.

Hardly.

Why should I regret doing something in which I had no choice? That man dared to try and control me with his wretched blackmail, and he paid the price. Luke Atmey is a slave to no man.

Honestly, when you think about it, he is entirely responsible for his own death. I was simply the agent of his demise. I should feel nothing but a sense of satisfaction that I got the job done.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

It may sound rude, Mr. Atmey, but what is your IQ?

Oh, it is not a rude inquiry, but all the same, I cannot share the answer with you. After all, my IQ is a secret that would no doubt overwhelm your senses were you to learn what it was.

I can say that it is indeed very high, but to what extent? That is for me to know, and for you to find out.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

Hello Sir Atmey. How are you today?

Oh, you know, it is the same old song and dance as always.

Misery punctuated with the occasional bright spot of either solitude or the rare kind message. So, it certainly could be better.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective

[asklukeatmey]

I probably did, but I'm an idiot. So, think of it as a friendly reminder.

Ah, well then, thank you very much. I thought as much.

I do appreciate the thought, and I shall commit it to memory. I'm sure it may come as a surprise to some, but I do like it when people show kindness to me.

-Luke Atmey, Ace Detective