askmrtorgue

[askmrtorgue]

no

FAIR ENOUGH!

[askmrtorgue]

Hi Mr. Torgue, I’m a big fan. I was just wondering what your thoughts on the 4th of July is?

WE AT THE TORGUE CORPORATION WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO STATE OUR EMPHATIC AND UNWAVERING ANTI-CALENDAR STANCE. AT NO POINT HAVE WE EVER LEARNED A DATE AND WE HAVE NO INTENTION OF STARTING SOON.

[askmrtorgue]

I purchased Mr. Torgue -brand fireworks and now I live in a crater shaped like a bicep.

I'M MISTER TORGUE, AND I ENDORSE THIS ENDORSEMENT

[askmrtorgue]

JUST INFORMED WHAT HOT SPOTS ARE

EVERYONE WITHOUT SH*TTY OPINIONS IS ENCOURAGED TO STAY FROM ALL COFFEE SHOPS UNTIL I FIND OUT WHO’S BEEN SAYING DUMB SH*T ON TUMBLR

THIS IS A SUPERWHOLOCKDOWN

JUST SAW SOMEONE I DISAGREE WITH ONLINE BUT THEY DIDN’T GIVE THEIR FULL NAME

GOING TO SEND GRENADES TO RANDOM HOUSES UNTIL THEY STOP POSTING

[askmrtorgue]

JUST SAW SOMEONE I DISAGREE WITH ONLINE BUT THEY DIDN’T GIVE THEIR FULL NAME

GOING TO SEND GRENADES TO RANDOM HOUSES UNTIL THEY STOP POSTING

[askmrtorgue]

F*CK YEAH !!!!! MAKE ME INTO A CANNON

DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

Petition to make AskMrTorgue canon Mr. Torgue

[askmrtorgue]

A TORGUE PRIDE FLAG FOR TORGUE BECAUSE PRIDE IS BADASS 💥💥💥💥💥💥

THIS IS A G*DDAMN MASTERPIECE AND I HEREBY DEMAND THAT EVERYONE GETS IT TATTOOED SOMEWHERE DEEPLY CONCERNING

[askmrtorgue]

REBLOGGING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE AND I REFUSE TO EVER TYPE MORE WORDS THAN I ABSOLUTELY NEED TO

I WILL BE CELEBRATING PRIDE MONTH BY SUPLEXING ANY AND ALL DOUBTS THAT YOUR QUEERNESS IS VALID!!

- “I’M NOT BI ENOUGH TO-“ SUPLEX

- “IS ACE REALLY A PART OF- “SUPLEX

- “I’M QUEER BUT MY PARTNER IS STRAIGHT SO-“ TRIPLE DECKER SUPLEX SUPREME

YOUR SEXUAL AND GENDER IDENTITIES ARE AS VALID AS MY RIPPLING PECS. NOW GET OUT THERE AND WAVE YOUR PRIDE FLAG SO HARD THAT BIGOTRY SH*TS ITS PANTS IN FEAR.

END OF AFFIRMATION

[askmrtorgue]

MR TORGUE CAN WE GET A WORD ON FIREWORKS

I'LL GIVE YOU TWO:

OOOHHHHH

AAHHHHHH

[askmrtorgue]

Is dead?

[askmrtorgue]

IT'S TIME FOR MR TORGUE'S RECIPE CORNER

TODAY'S RECIPE: MOOSE STEAKS

AND WE'RE PUTTING BULLET POINTS ON THIS BECAUSE F*CK COUNTING

FIND A MOOSE AND SCREAM AT IT UNTIL IT DIES OF FRIGHT. MOOSE ARE NOT SCARED OF SH*T SO THIS WILL TAKE SEVERAL HOURS.

THROW THE MOOSE CORPSE OVER YOUR SHOULDERS AND CARRY IT BACK TO CAMP. BE SURE TO STOP AND CONSIDER THE DELICATE-ASS MAJESTY OF NATURE'S BEAUTY. IT IS AWE INSPIRING

SET MOOSE CORPSE ON PILE OF KINDLING. MAKE SURE THAT THE BODY IS SPREAD EVENLY, WITH NOTHING UNEXPOSED OR FOLDED ONTO ITSELF.

ENSURE THAT KINDLING IS SUFFICIENT TO LAY UNDER MOOSE'S BODY, WITH NO PARTS LAYING ON THE DIRT.

ADD SEASONS LIBERALLY. YOU MAY BE ASKING ME, "MR TORGUE, WHAT TYPE OF SEASONINGS SHOULD I APPLY?". ANSWER: BUCKETS FULL

GRAB A MATCH, LIGHT A HANDFUL OF GRENADES, AND THROW THEM AT MOOSE

SERVES 12

THANK YOU FOR JOINING MR TORGUE'S RECIPE CORNER. JOIN ME NEXT TIME, WHEN I SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A FIVE COURSE MEAL USING NOTHING BUT A FOOD DELIVERY APP AND CRUSHING AMOUNTS OF DEBT

[askmrtorgue]

WHY DOES THE NUMBER ONE ON THE KEYBOARD ALWAYS SEEM SO SURPRISED??

[askmrtorgue]

MR TORGUE, I HAVE HEARD THAT YOU SAID THAT YOU FOUND OUT HOW MANY NUMBERS THERE ARE, TELL ME HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE THERE?

AT LEAST SIX >:-(

[askmrtorgue]

JUST FOUND OUT HOW MANY NUMBERS THERE ARE AND AM VERY UPSET

[askmrtorgue]

MISTER TORGUE HERE, ASKING YOU ALL IF IT EVER FEELS LIKE SOME TREES ARE TRYING TO START SOME SH*T?????????

[askmrtorgue]

MR TORGUE I WANT YOU TO KNOW I LEARNED TO READ EXCLUSIVELY SO I COULD GO BACK AND READ YOUR ENTIRE BLOG GIVE ME A JOB AT TORGUE

MY RESUME INCLUDES EXPLOSIONS

SORRY TO SAY IT, BUDDY, BUT THIS VIOLATES THE ANTI-LITERACY POLICY OUTLINED IN OUR COMPANY GUIDEBOOK.

THAT SAID, THE REST OF THE HANDBOOK IS PENCIL SKETCHES OF VARIOUS ANIMALS SCREAMING "F*CK THE HANDBOOK", SO I THINK THERE'S SOME WIGGLE ROOM THERE

WELCOME ABOARD

[askmrtorgue]

Mr. Torgue meet your dog-self

HOLY SH*T, I AM ONE GOOD BOY