asoldieroutoftime

[asoldieroutoftime]

I'm sorry guys, but, I'm putting this blog on an indefinite hiatus. I don't know if I'm going to drop all the threads and revamp it or what, but I really have lost my Steve muse. I'm really sorry to the people I've kept waiting for replies. I might be on spontaneously and send out a reply every now and again but I really don't have my muse to be on here consistently.

If you want to RP with me still, I'm over here and here and my kik is: blahblahallie.

mxskedhero: I hope you know I'll always be your Steve, okay? And if it weren't for you being my Bucky, I'd have probably lost my muse a long time ago. I love you, bae.

[asoldieroutoftime]

We have. But he doesn't have the heart to fight what he's saying, to pull out the photo albums and scraps of memories somehow kept in tact throughout the years he was gone. Something made it clear that trying to force the man standing calmly in front of him to believe anything he had to say would be a wrong move. It would drive him away and he'd take the ache in his heart that came from him denying his identity over that outcome any night.

So Steve nods with his jaw tight to pretend that he understands what Bucky is telling him even if he doesn't. He has some idea, he isn't stupid, about what is implied with his statement. It doesn't mean he's okay with it -- the only thing he's okay with is the way he holds out his arm to show the countdown brandished on the inner side of his wrist at a standstill.

Just like his.

He has choices to make, things to say, and he weighs each of them carefully despite his gut instinct to pull Bucky into a forceful hug and demand that he drop whatever stunt he's pulling, that he call this wicked joke off. 

"...Then who are you?" 

Brows furrow, just for a moment, as if the movement was a response he could not control. He blinks, forcing the sign of emotion, whatever that may be, to leave him. It’s quick, but he’s not too sure the other, Steve he called himself, hadn’t yet picked up on it.

He stays rooted to where he stands, processing the obviously false information. There was no doubt that this man was familiar, that something inside his mind and body yearned to see him again. Flashes of the same smiles, same eyes. But his target should know nothing of him, shouldn’t think of him as an old friend. Maybe this Steve is drugged, and the images his brain is concocting is taking shape in that of whoever the hell this Bucky was. 

"We have never met." He makes the point clear, voice low. Each word is deliberately spoken, making sure the blond knew that he wasn’t the other man he was looking for. 

The silence after is almost deafening, and the words he says next slip past him without any thought beforehand.

"I’m supposed to kill you."

There’s no inflection to his tone, no opening to truly see what that meant. He’s been trained well in that regard. Steve is still a target, a target he doesn’t necessarily wish to take out, however. Pierce will have his head for this, he’s sure. Yet he still stands instead of running, going against everything this mission had dictated.

He steps closer, extends his right arm out, the torn fabric from the long-sleeved attire torn to expose the no longer moving countdown. 

"I won’t."

[asoldieroutoftime]

 ❝ But you're N O T.        Not  to  me.  The       faster             you       understand  that,        the  less  painful       this has to be. ❞

+4

[asoldieroutoftime]

He glanced to his shoulder where the white wires were draped.

           "...It's possible."

"Uh." Clint glanced around the bathroom, spotting his headphones and frowning. "Just… Are those my headphones?"

[asoldieroutoftime]

Sebastian Stan as Ben in The Apparition 2012

[asoldieroutoftime]

[asoldieroutoftime]

[asoldieroutoftime]

So as I'm replying to things I couldn't help but notice that there are replies that aren't in my activity feed, but on mobile they're there.

If I owe you a reply please like this post for a new starter. Sorry about my absence loves c:

[asoldieroutoftime]

I'm still alive, I swear.

[asoldieroutoftime]

    Steve's expression hardened with resolve as he     instead  stood his ground, rooting himself to the     floor.

            "That's not an option for me and you know it."

+4

[asoldieroutoftime]

"Was..I not good enough?"

         ”…You were always good enough.”

[asoldieroutoftime]

SAD RP STARTERS

"Was..I not good enough?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Was it something I did?"

"Was it..something I said?"

"How could you?"

"I don't miss you.."

"I miss you so much, my heart bleeds when I think of you.."

"It's my fault.."

"I should have been there."

"I'm..so..so sorry I couldn't protect you."

"You're dead to me."

"Maybe he was right."

"Maybe she was right."

"I'm not worth your while, am I?"

"Am I so insignificant?"

"I need you."

"It's your choice, now you have to live with it."

"I want to be once again with you."

"You choose the road, love. And I'll make the vows."

"You had it coming."

"You only have yourself to blame."

"I only have myself to blame."

"I have only tears to shed."

"My heart is black and my mind is darkness.."

"The truth is, we're both frauds."

"At least you had good intentions."

"He was too strong."

"I hate this life."

"Once something is truly lost, one can never get it back again."

"You had better start believing in nightmares, you're in one."

"Don't worry about my falling limbs and broken heart, my stitches feel no pain. I love you, that's all that matters."

"You just have to let it go."

"Some things happen, and there is nothing you can do about it."

"This the end."

"Scream all you want, no one can hear you."

"No one can save you now."

"Rest in peace."

"You will never see the light again."

"Lost.."

"Just let me die."

"Just leave me behind."

"I won't say it to him, but he's got us beat."

"There is still a way to defeat you."

"Fine, knock yourself out. I mean it."

"You're not a cat. You're a rat."

[asoldieroutoftime]

"Put your arm around me. I'll help you walk"

            “Chris, no. There’s no time.”

[asoldieroutoftime]

[ BECAUSE ILY OBVIOUSLY ]

[ asoldieroutoftime WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT.]

[asoldieroutoftime]

A brief consideration, of just closing the door and walking away to sleep off whatever hallucination presenting itself, crossed his mind and Steve's fingertips smudged on the muted white lining of his door with how tightly they pressed against the wood. He was used to hearing that from Peggy. On the days she didn't remember him or her husband -- when she saw only unfamiliar faces and not the faces of those she'd served with years ago -- he'd learned to sit back and introduce himself as someone new. By the next day, she'd hopefully come back to him, if only for a half hour or so.

Bucky was never supposed to come back to him; how on earth was he supposed to prepare for that kind of punch in the gut? He was dead. He had slipped through his fingertips and plummeted into the icy clutches of winter. He had fallen where he couldn't get to him and Steve wasn't sure how to cope with that.

Even with the mirror image of him in the hallway outside his apartment, he still didn't know how.

Instead he had to focus on the hammering, breaking heart in his chest and on not letting his expression crumble into incomprehensible pain.

"I ---- " Steve's voice was pitched, tight in his throat and it was getting increasingly difficult to breathe with how thick the air was, swirling around in his lungs like polluted smog. "Don't you remember, pal?" He took a step forward into the hallway, hands leaving the support of the door with a desperate smile on his face, blue eyes getting irritated with the wetness gathering at his eyelids.

"It's me, Steve. Steve Rogers? We grew up together in Brooklyn and fought -- " No, no, no. He couldn't revisit that now, not with his best friend impossibly before him. It was getting increasingly difficult to remain calm. "And you're Bucky, Bucky Barnes."

The word, the name that escapes his target’s lips means nothing to him. For a moment, he tries to analyze the situation, clearly able to see the other man’s rush to open the door. Perhaps he had been expecting someone else. That would explain the music he could pick up from inside the apartment, and the way the name came out far more strangled than it should be. 

Moments ago, when he was standing closed off from the other, there hadn’t been any intruding thoughts on this unprecedented plan of action. Now, staring at the blond man with an expectation of something, be it to speak or embrace, the small thoughts of doubt and the clenching of regret seemed to wind their way inside of him, sending his plan into disarray.

He should have consulted Pierce beforehand.

Instead, he stays rooted to the spot, eyes unwavering as body tense, ready for anything this enemy would throw at him. His jaw is tight and lips remain un-moving, more due to the fact he has nothing to say than he’s afraid to.

And yet, something in those eyes, in the way his hair curls, in the way his voice cracks in the worst and sweetest kind of way    

What was he thinking? Why was this man’s voice luring him closer? None of this made sense. Not the man, not the name, not himself. He was wrong for coming here, wrong for assuming this was his soulmate. Pierce would fix this, fix him. Revert the clock back to normal and make sure he back on task. He could trust him. He should trust him. Not the blond in front of him.

But he’s already come this far. He’s given away everything this mission dictated. If he went back now, he’s sure the other would follow him. Even worse would be the punishment awaiting him. Failing his orders was treason in the extreme.

With furrowed brows and somewhat shaking lips does he speak, forcing himself to stand still, almost statue-like. 

"Who are you?"

[asoldieroutoftime]

          At his question, Steve's brow furrowed and he pressed his palm between his eyes to relieve the ache that came with trying to remember. "Steve." He finally said, baby blues narrowed in fixation at the floor. "Steve Rogers."

"Do you remember what happened?"

                “I … no.”

                            Steve blinked, his head pounding with a headache                            he couldn’t seem to pinpoint the cause of.

                “Where am I right now?”

[asoldieroutoftime]

Draft Count: 6

notahxro (1)

oldtimebrawler (1)

redhairedsoldier (2)

mxskedhero (1)

thegreatestmarksman (1)

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