aspectations - Tumblr blog

[aspectations]

I am so proud.

My mother, in her mid-50s, just came out as aromantic. She never knew there was a word for what she felt. She asked if this means she's "part of the LGBT now", and I got to happily inform her that there are more letters now, and Aces and Aros are absolutely a part of our community.

It's so important to remember that there are people in generations before us who still don't know themselves, and self-discovery is for any age. They should know they have a community. I am so proud of new, older queers!

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God, the platonic tension is crazy. They wanna be friends so bad.

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By the way "some aroace people still date and have sex" and "it's weird how internet spaces makes every single aroace character romance and sex favourable" can and should co-exist. Sincerely, an aroace person

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being on the aro spectrum would be a lot easier if being single wasn’t made to feel like a literal death sentence

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i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues

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the asexual double edged sword is that a lot of people, particularly queer discoursers(tm) online, are really really rancid about ace people who have sex, I mean like stunningly awful, so naturally sex favorable/indifferent asexuals will be very keen on making sure that they aren't erased within their own community and that people at large know they exist. at the same time, people are also Very Bad about ace people who don't have sex, and sex averse/repulsed asexuals face a lot of pressure both on societal and interpersonal scales to submit to sex that they don't want, and so naturally it'll really rub them the wrong way to constantly have "but don't worry, ace people can still conform to the societal expectation!" appended to their PSAs about their experiences of asexuality. and so everyone's just kinda upset and annoyed all the time when instead it should be peace and love on planet ace.

[aspectations]

I think people who consider aromanticism as "basically straight" underestimate how noticeable absence can be to those around you.

Whether you're a kid in school with classmates who won't take "no one" as an answer to who you have a crush on or an adult whose coworkers have picked up on the fact that you've never mentioned a romantic partner; after enough time, a lack or insufficient amount of romantic interest will raise the antennae of friends, family, coworkers, etc... They will notice and they will speculate and they will ask.

It is impossible to meet the societal bar for straightness through inaction.

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It was crazy that people on here got so mad at the idea of ace people being opressed and how it wasnt real that they just like invented oppression for them. Like scapegoating and harassment and bigotry and all. Just invented a whole lexicon in their efforts to prove ace people are bad

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I know this isn’t the case for everyone but when i think about it I don’t really get romantically interested in characters. Even when I “crush” on a character it feels more like an act (a fun act to be sure) and while i keep it up for a bit the exciting feelings with it rapidly fade.

I would one day love to learn what a crush is but for now I’m just as confused as when i was in sixth grade and genuinely confused what a crush was.

[aspectations]

I think people who consider aromanticism as "basically straight" underestimate how noticeable absence can be to those around you.

Whether you're a kid in school with classmates who won't take "no one" as an answer to who you have a crush on or an adult whose coworkers have picked up on the fact that you've never mentioned a romantic partner; after enough time, a lack or insufficient amount of romantic interest will raise the antennae of friends, family, coworkers, etc... They will notice and they will speculate and they will ask.

It is impossible to meet the societal bar for straightness through inaction.

[aspectations]

I'M DOING AN EXPERIMENT

To prove something to a friend, please

REBLOG IF YOU THINK ASEXUALS BELONG IN LGBTQ+ SPACES

LIKE IF YOU THINK ASEXUALS DON’T BELONG IN LGBTQ+ SPACES

[aspectations]

honestly my advice for people questioning if they're aro is kind of the same as my advice for people questioning if they're trans which is do less worrying about whether or not you inherently fall into this arbitrary category and do more considering what you want in and from your life. like ultimately deconstructing societal ideals of what relationships (or gender) should be like and figuring out what you want them to look like in your life is what matters and whether or not you experience romantic attraction is kind of immaterial

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i think one of the reasons that people have a hard time wrapping their head around aspec identities (and why it's hard for questioning people to come to a conclusion) is because aspec identities sort of rely on the idea that sexual identity is not a concrete psychological truth. no sexual identity really is but i think it's easier to treat straight, gay, and mspec (as long as you take mspec as one identity and don't examine the nuances people do or don't find between different mspec labels) as well-defined, mutually exclusive labels, that are biologically ingrained (which is also where the mspec gay discourse comes from).

aspec identities, on the other hand, sort of force you to acknowledge that sexuality (which i am using to include all attraction types, not just sexual) is heavily influenced by culture and is subjective. when i was first questioning my identity, i didn't see any discussion of comphet in the wlw circles i was a part of, but it was taken as a given in the aspec circles i was a part of, and while this has changed in the past decade, i feel like it highlights the way that aspecness forces people to think about identity differently.

sexual identity is kind of like pop psychology tbh. they're attempts to simplify the range of human experience, not concrete and mutually exclusive realities.

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“I don’t understand aromanticism”

Let me break it down for you:

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here's the thing. "ace people can still have sex" and "aro people can still be in relationships" are objectively true statements. this is because people can do whatever the fuck they want forever regardless of their label/orientation. however some of you have GOT to get your shit together and stop using those statements to undermine larger conversations about aspec identity. following up "ace people don't owe you sex in a relationship" with "ace people can still have sex in a relationship though!" is not fucking helpful! yes it's true. yes it's a reality for many people. however if we used our fucking brains for a second and thought about how following up "people don't have to conform to societal expectation" with "but people can still conform!! don't worry they can still conform!!!!" is counterproductive and very frustrating for a lot of people then we could get back to the actual point which is not "aspec people can still have sex/be in relationships" but "aspec people can do whatever they want with their relationships and their bodies". which they can, by the way. they can do whatever they want forever. and you should give them 200 dollars every time you see them for dealing with this shit

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The funniest thing about being aroace is growing up in middle school and thinking to yourself “…you guys are too young to be dating. We’re kids right now.” And then as you get older and reach college you’re still like “…you guys are too young to get married, how do you even know you like them like that?”

Like no that’s just how allo people are.

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gotta be honest, i hate the whole oppression contest between romance-favorable and romance-averse aromantics that’s going on right now. both of those groups are pressured to act like the other. you know why? because people just don’t like us being aromantic. that’s it. nobody’s more privileged than the other, at least not in this context.

if you’re alright with being in relationships, then you’re told you’re not really aromantic. the goal is to make you doubt you’re aromantic.

if you don’t want to be in relationships, then you’re told that aromantics can date, so you should! the goal is to make you more palatable, to make you romance-favorable so then, they can gaslight you into thinking you’re not actually aromantic. or they just straight up call you heartless (shoutout heartless aros, love you guys <2) and/or inhuman, but thats just their true colors showing. they think that of all aros.

and the aromantic people who says shit like that? they’re trying to throw the group they’re not part of under the bus to make themselves more palatable or less ‘confusing’. they’re scared.

nobody’s winning here. let’s all just shut the fuck up for a second and recognize that these people just don’t want us to be aromantic. that’s it. doesn’t matter if you’re romance-averse, romance-favorable or anything else. they just want us to conform. and if you’re accusing the other side of being responsible for your oppression, you’re playing right into their game.