assigmentshortstory

[assigmentshortstory]

What If

Standing and looking at myself in the mirror with my hair tied up, I was remembering a question somebody asked me recently. If you had a chance to ask your future self one question, what would it be? I found myself thinking about this question more often the past few days. Don’t ask me why, even though I know exactly why.

It made me think back to the time where Kevin and I lived together in an apartment in a troublesome neighbourhood. Living above a sketchy café, seeing the customers who walked out and were screaming bloody murder every night at 2 am in front of our building. A fairytale, having a first appartement together at such a location is not what I would call it, but we were happy. Or so I thought.

For myself I knew I wasn’t in a good place mentally. I was trying to find myself while losing myself completely. Meanwhile Kevin was going through something as well, without showing any signals. If I had known, maybe things would have been different now.

A specific moment keeps on entering my head. Coming back from school, tired and overstimulated, I entered an appartement, hearing a loud voice that sounded like Kevin was gaming with his friends. The dishes weren’t done like I asked him to, the dried washing wasn’t folded like I asked him to, and he didn’t get the groceries, like I asked him to. I didn’t expect him to do everything but one would’ve been helpful. But still, I accepted it. I greeted him, having to wait a minute until he noticed me to greet me back and for me to retreat to the bedroom. I remember feeling empty, but I wasn’t prepared to give up. So I hugged and kissed him goodbye after we had dinner and laughed together a bit before he went to work that evening and I settled myself on the couch.

It was a simple evening; I got a glass of wine and watched my show. Gotten over my tiredness, I stayed up quite late. Kevin had the habit of staying out late after work which sometimes had me worried and kept me awake, just like that night. When suddenly he called me in destress, telling me he was attacked on his way home just around the corner. I froze. How could I not have heard anything?

He arrived home and couldn’t even look me in the eye. ‘What happened? Are you okay?’ I asked worryingly.

‘No!’ he screamed with so many emotions that I wasn’t sure if he was just angry or also emotional, as he never showed me his vulnerable side. ‘No, I am not okay Clara! I was shoved of my bicycle by some assholes and then they kept threatening me and I couldn’t do anything.’ His voice cracked. His blue eyes started to water, and blond hair was wet from the rain. I didn’t know what to do.

I tried to hug him to comfort him. ‘It’s okay. I’m so sorry I didn’t hear anything, otherwise I would’ve come. But you’re okay now here with me. Okay?’

He released himself from my arms and entered the small balcony we had. He sat down. ‘I couldn’t do anything against them! I’m weak! I’m a loser, what is wrong with me?’

I stood in front of him and took him back into my arms. ‘There is nothing wrong with you. You will be okay. I am here with you, remember that. Okay?’

After a few minutes of sobbing, he nodded. ‘Okay. I love you. I’m so sorry.’ We stayed like this for a while.

The months after, we spend more time together and it felt right once again between us. I was so glad I never gave up; I felt like the luckiest and loved person ever. And still, I was wrong.

‘Clara, why aren’t you ready yet?’ I get pulled out of my daydream by my mother.

‘Oh, sorry, nothing. Just daydreaming.’ I reply. Looking at my reflection, in my wedding dress, I smile. If I had a chance to ask my future self one question, what would it be? I would ask myself what I could’ve done differently to save Kevin in the end and maybe he would’ve been the one at the end of the aisle.