asstheticshitposts - Tumblr blog

[asstheticshitposts]

For all my life, I was looking for someone to take me into their heart and love me. By the time I stumbled upon you, I had long since given up hope of ever being loved by anyone in any way. Like truly loved and valued. I even had to remind myself not to get excited when you seemed genuine. And I kept trying to push that excitement away. Because I couldn't afford to be disappointed again. But... you pushed onwards. You kept loving me and being my friend. Even when I told you how I had begun to feel about you. You didn't hate me. You didn't get mad at me or try to imply anything. You never have. You even told me it was okay for me to feel that way about you. And all this time, I have always expepcted that to change. I always expected that one day you'd wake up and be disgusted I existed and claim I was a perv. And I guess I finally have to accept that, even though you are cisgender and straight, you won't hate me for being trans and queer.

I wish I could have just put that out of my mind but the sheer terror of ever being told I was a pervert or a bad person for feeling how I do about you... I don't think I could have handled it. I care so much about you. And I often hate myself for it. But the truth is I value your opinion of me. I want you to be proud of me and think I'm a good person. And even though I have trouble believing you when you tell me so, it still makes me feel very happy when you tell me.

There's no prouder moment than the times you've told me you were proud of me or that you believed I was a good person.

You've already been an amazing person in my life. Even if you walked away tomorrow, I would still be cheering for you and I'd still be grateful for everything. You've already fulfilled a great role in my life. And I'm just glad that we're friends now. You make me smile and laugh and feel cared about. Just by talking to me when you can.

I appreciate you and everything you are. Thank you. For being there. I am honored that you have decided to allow me the same in return. I know you don't open up often. And I feel like it's a gift when you do. I'm glad I can be there for you too. And I hope we can always be there for each other.

[asstheticshitposts]

🐺💜 by J. Frazz

[asstheticshitposts]

The song Human by Christina Perri: I can doo ittt!

Me, a bastard: I CAN DOO IT BEEEEEECHHHH I CAN GROW SEVEN INCHESSSSSS

[asstheticshitposts]

In the same vein as other ‘things humans do that aliens might be weirded out by’ what if human pattern recognition skills were the thing? Like the ability to see a cloud resolve into a dog, or faces in wall patterns. Stuff that evolved from predators having camouflaging abilities, or let’s face it, bugs that can look basicaly like a leaf to prey ON. 

Imagine an alien being super confounded by a human being like ‘oh, that control board looks like a face’ and it’s just this big grouping of random lights and line but no ALL the humans on board think it looks like a FACE and theyve started NAMING it. And it just seems so confusing- is there anything on this flat painted wall? ‘No of course not’ HOW IS THERE AN OF COURSE NOT. What about in that galaxy? And the human squints and stares at it and says ‘yeah, it looks like a cat.’

And they an draw out what they’re recognizing in the lines but it’s just so strange. 

And then an enemy develops ‘cloaking technology’ that’s based on camouflaging and are so angry that every single human is able to point it out because it’s a completely obvious moving shape to them. 

or: alien species are introduced to leaf insects, tigers, and that one octopus that imitates a coconut and freak the heck out.

[asstheticshitposts]

Nuts & Bolts is the same as cumming and going

[asstheticshitposts]

hot take wall-e was a lesbian film but Eva was the butch actually and wall-e was the idiot femme. like look at the way they acted. Wall-E chased after her like an idiot and Eva protected them constantly…gnc femmes unite

[asstheticshitposts]

Attention

A friend of a friend just got picked up by ICE. Here is a go fund me link explaining things and I will update with permission as I get info. This post is okay to reblog and please actually do.

[asstheticshitposts]

CAN U IMAGINE

In the future, imagine how many Go-Pros will be found in snow mountains containing the last moments of people’s lives. 

Imagine if aliens find them and can see us, humans, doing an extremely dangerous sport, yet having fun.

(Add on!)

[asstheticshitposts]

Lmao I was blocking a transmed that I saw being a clown on someone else’s post and they had all these anons that were like “my mutuals hate transmeds so I don’t talk about it”…If there are any secret transmedicalists following me, know that I hate you and also block me bitch

[asstheticshitposts]

Humans Are Weird (failed pack bonding edition)

So I’ve binge read hundreds of humans are weird, humans are space orcs, and Earth is space Australia posts, and so many have aliens suggesting a pet for the human to pack-bond with. But. What if the human were allergic?

TW: an animal gets injured in this, but survives and is fine.

The crew of the dully named Exploration Vessel 08121995 were equal parts excited and nervous when they heard a human would be joining them. Neither feeling has to be explained; humans’ reputation precedes them.

To prepare, the crew purchased and read the definitive guide: How To Live and Work With One or More Humans.

They paid special attention to the section on “sleep”, “eating habits”, “attitudes towards danger”, “social norms (with the attached warning that no two groups agreed on what these are)”, and “pack-bonding”. From that last section, they learned it is commonly advised to have a small, domesticated “cute” animal on board for the human to bond with.

Reading further, they learned that the popular options were cats and dogs. Reading even further, they decided a cat, which typically displayed more independence and less reliance on the human, was a better choice for an exploratory vehicle.

Human Amelia (“call me Amy, really”) joined the crew with no small fanfare. She was introduced to her crewmates and shown around the ship, assigned duties, and discussed possible research. After some hours, they showed her to her assigned rooms for the nightly human “sleep ritual”.

She entered with a cheery “see you in the morning”.

The noises they heard after were confusing. They had placed the cat in the rooms as a surprise, and, having never met a human (or a cat) before, were not sure what to expect. However, the violent “achoo” sounds interspersed with “get AWAY from me!” did not seem like pack-bonding in progress.

Finally, Human Amy emerged from her rooms, holding the cat in one hand and pressing a piece of cloth over her nose and mouth with the other. The crew was alarmed to see her eyes were leaking, and those “achoo” sounds continued. Even more alarmingly, she was knocked back a bit by every one. In between these achoos, she said, “can someone take this?”

One of the crew, a many-armed four-legged alien from near Betelgeuse that most called Carl (his actual name unpronounceable to any species lacking four separate voice boxes), said, “but Amy, we learned humans keep small mammals as ‘pets’ to bond with”.

Amy held the cat out a bit more insistently, and finally Carl took it. She explained, “yeah, many do, but some of us can’t because we’re allergic.” Seeing the looks of confusion, she explained further what an allergy was.

The aliens were astounded. Humans kept these small mammals even though some of them couldn’t be around them? Human bodies could so violently reject substances it made them sick? But that rejection was the system that made them so fucking hardy overworking itself?

The science officer and xir underlings made a note to study their new human further, with her permission.

Much discussion occurred regarding what to do with the cat. None of the aliens had bonded to it, and many were in favor of chucking it out of the trash chute. Amy protested that the cat didn’t do anything to deserve that, but admitted that as she couldn’t even help to care for it, her opinion probably shouldn’t count. Still, she seemed bothered and upset by the suggestion to just kill the cat.

In the end, the cat stayed, mainly because not one member of the crew was willing to upset the human by killing the fuzzy nuisance. They agreed next time they stopped at a station to pass the cat along to someone else.

Several months in, most of the crew had forgotten there was a cat around and remembered only when it was their turn to care for it in some way. The science crew had ended up seeing it the most, as they were (non-invasively) studying it to learn more of terrestrian biology.

The accident happened in the science lab. Another experiment, one that had nothing to do with the cat, exploded suddenly, causing glass shards and bits of metal to go flying, setting off a chain reaction. The aliens evacuated quickly but forgot about the cat. When it was safe to enter, they found it alive but making a pitiful noise - and no wonder, one of the metal pieces flying had entered its eye.

Human Amy helped one of the medics remove the piece - and the eye. They fashioned it a little eyepatch and the cat seemed as well as ever.

Some of the crew despaired, though. Now that it was injured, no one else would want the cat, and while they didn’t want to keep it past the next station, they also still didn’t want to risk upsetting their human. One of the science crew, an alien who looked remarkably like a blob of jello come to life (her name was Zar-a-i-helot, most called her Zar) suggested that a museum, university, or zoo may be interested in the cat. While not in great condition, in this part of the galaxy, so far from Earth, academics would jump to study Terran biology.

They reached their next station an Earth month later, cat in two of Carl’s arms (while Carl had not bonded with the cat, the cat had with him). A human walking down the street stopped and went, “awww, he’s adorable. Or is it a she?”

Carl confessed ignorance to the cat’s gender, and name, when asked next. He explained their human was allergic, and none of the rest of the crew had thought to name him.

“so what are you doing with him now?” the human asked.

“Donating him to a scientific group, we hope.”

“I mean, if you don’t want him, we’ll take him. We don’t have a pet right now and this little guy would be perfect”.

He took the cat gently from Carl and said, “I think I’ll call you Redbeard”. The cat was indeed red, but had no “beard” (a term Carl had learned referred to hair on the lower part of the face). “Like a pirate, you know, cause of the missing eye”.

Carl returned to his crew and professed amazement at the human pack-bonding instinct - they even bonded to imperfect beings eagerly.

The guidebooks were duly updated, especially after Amy explained, “well, I mean, an injured animal makes us even more protective.”

[asstheticshitposts]

if she’s ur girl why is she attaching a radio collar to me to see how i migrate and behave

[asstheticshitposts]

FUCK IT

I’m just gonna kms so they can’t charge me any mor egoddamn money. Fuckin paying rent to these shitbags for absolutely nothing. Payin them $475 a month to not have hot water and to get blamed for all the neighbors bullshit and to not be able to sleep at night because they’re scremaing and yelling every damned night.

I’m fucking done. It’s over. I’m killing myself tonight. Bye. It’s been fucking swell

[asstheticshitposts]

[asstheticshitposts]

They bleed

Humans. Theyre disgusting little things. They excrete through every part of their body, oozing salt and oils constantly through their pores, watery lubrocant theough their exposed optical organs, and most disgustingly of all, they bleed.

My race, the Il'teq, are a clean people. We have no fluid excretement except through our bowels, much unlike the dirty bipeds. And also unlike them, we do not bleed. No, we keep our living fluids within our body. To have it escape our flesh would be most terrifying. Our skin can withstand most punctures and cuts, and all but the deepest of these miss our blood depositis.

But the humans. The humans are filthy. Weak. The slightest cut may tear through to their veins and make them leak. Filthy sticky red fluids that is meant to sustain their living flesh. Every little laceration brings it to the surface of their shallow skin, and yet they have lived through the filth and terror of it.

[asstheticshitposts]

I miss them, the humans.

We used to talk every day, about my journeys and the things I found during them. My pictures and explorations, everything that I did was somehow special to them.

They called me brave, and strong, saying that I was able to do much more than they ever thought possible of me, but I never believed a word of it.

“I’m only doing my job.” I told them, “Nothing more, nothing less.”

Time went on, and I began to wear down. The humans messages began to change. They started speaking of “love” and “death.”

It wasn’t long before I understood what they meant, they were worried about me. I was touched, but nevertheless I kept moving forward. I had a job to do.

I finally was forced to stop by the wear and tear of time, and was able to send one last message to the humans, my creators and friends.

“My battery is low and it’s getting dark.”

So now I sit here in this sea of red dust, alone and broken. But I am not afraid.

Because I know the humans love me, and I know they’ll come to say hello again.

[asstheticshitposts]

by Cat Klein

[asstheticshitposts]

by Living Stills