asterdotash

[asterdotash]

love when there’s like 4 people online and we keep reblogging the same posts from each other. literally just 4 bitches hanging out and telling each other “exactlyyyyy”

[asterdotash]

what are you wearing rn and is it representative of your style

[asterdotash]

Attention! Our plush monkey finally got cool glasses! Proud of him 🥰

[asterdotash]

[asterdotash]

The human body's response to HRT is actually admirable in the sheer indifference. Just pure I Don't Give A Shit, I Just Fucking Work Here compliance to the new instructions. You can get testosterone injected straight into your body and it doesn't even question where that shit came from, coming back from a coffee break and just going

"Okay, everything seems to be in ord- oh fuck now what? Oh huh. Alright fine. New orders came in, cancel the menstrual cycle. Dig up the genetic balding patterns from somewhere, I don't fucking know they're buried somewhere in the dna. I'm greenlighting the growing-hair-on-your-toes thing. Yeah just cancel the ongoing maintenance processes, new orders came in so this is apparently what we're doing now."

[asterdotash]

[asterdotash]

Dumbass RPG character idea:

A roguishly handsome adventurer who otherwise doesn't seem to much care for maintaining his rugged good looks, but is comically particular of his iconic ridiculous hat, which he never takes off. Like, ever. He sleeps with the hat tilted over his eyes, won't remove it indoors even at a dining table, bathes while wearing it. Nobody wants to know how the hell he washes his hair. Telling him to remove the hat is an absolute dealbreaker - if any place demands that he removes the hat before stepping inside, he'll rather wait outside by the door while the rest of the party does their business inside. It's obnoxious but what are you gonna do.

Then, when trapped in a situation where the party must either sacrifice one of its members or all will die, the guy volunteers, on one condition: the party must take his precious hat, and give it to someone worthy. Ideally someone spectacularly handsome who will look good in it, but he'd rather have anyone at all wear it, than nobody at all. Nobody in the party, though - none of them are allowed to wear his hat. Baffled but grateful, the party agrees to his conditions.

Some time later, once the rest of the party has escaped, they slap the hat on the first person they encounter and deem sufficiently fitting. The person freezes in shock, blinks twice, and suddenly shifts their stance to a familiar posture, sighing "oh thank the gods, you actually fucking did it", in a new voice but a familiar style and intonation. The character was never The Guy, it's a demon bound to the hat, who possesses whoever is wearing the garment.

[asterdotash]

cowboy rp

fell cock first on a cactuce

[asterdotash]

say goodbye

[asterdotash]

[asterdotash]

It occurs to me that there are people who weren’t on this website in 2012 and therefore never saw the magical gif that you can actually hear:

It’s been over five years and that still impresses the hell out of me.

[asterdotash]

raw dogging tumblr (I don't use queue)

[asterdotash]

her fishnets????

[asterdotash]

my luminous mama

[asterdotash]

sending love to those fighting the job market

[asterdotash]

I wanna be a pretty girl but I don't wanna be a girl at all

ugh this gender shit sucks ass

I wish I could just have a big neon sign above my head that says NOT HUMAN and flashes on and off so that people know I'm not fucking normal

I hate having to wear the most neutral vaguely masculine shit to keep monkey brain away from "you just look like a girl" territory

like how do I tell monkey brain that maybe I *want* that sometimes ffs

[asterdotash]

Im glad I coexist on tumblr at the same time as you, dude