astergenius - Tumblr blog

[astergenius]

[astergenius]

I just want to get dicked down again =/

[astergenius]

[astergenius]

if you’re reading this i hope something good happens to you today

[astergenius]

a jpeg is like an animal

[astergenius]

Who wants to come with me to New Jersey to go on an exciting adventure to find the magical mystery baseball mud

[astergenius]

"dracula's wives" no those are his deadbeat roommates who haven't paid rent in a millennium and just hang around the castle providing ambience and loudly judging dracula's life choices

[astergenius]

sorry i cant come over today. it's the whole eagle pecking out my liver thing. tomorrows not good either. yeah it's the eagle again, im kind of booked up for a while actually

[astergenius]

do they warn trans girls about boob sweat? girls did they warn you

[astergenius]

you majored in math? uhh, i think i kinda know it all already. adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing. it’s all up here. i even know about negative numbers.

[astergenius]

one of my favorite genres of Little Kid Joke is when the child has clearly been told a joke & attempts to retell it without understanding the meaning of the joke, keeping the approximate framework but removing any clear punchline, somehow making it about 50x funnier

[astergenius]

can you imagine how freaky shark mermaids would be like unlike sharks, shark mermaids would have actual arms/hands and could rely on touching things with their hands to see if they’re prey rather than having to bite like sharks do. like youre just swimming in the ocean and suddenly you feel a strong grip on your leg, you freak the FUCK out because uh what????? the fuck??? youre swimming alone in the ocean??

a head pops out of the water, dorsal fin pointed from its back and it just points at you and says in a low whisper: “i thought you were a seal. please dont swim alone like this, im sorry i scared you i just wanted to see what you are” and then disappears back into the depth. what the fuck.

[astergenius]

Everyone keeps acting like as a druid I'm just boring and not as interesting or violent as wizards or warlocks but they'll all see when I finally perfect my new spell, Himalayan Blackberries Growing Inside Of Your Blood

[astergenius]

A warning to my Romani friends reading Dracula Daily. Today's entry uses the G slur. And you will see many of the harmful stereotypes of the Romani and other traveler cultures in this chapter.

[astergenius]

[astergenius]

remember these shits? they smelled like brain cell death

[astergenius]

South Carolina followers: free green beans on I-95!