astonedraider-blog

[astonedraider-blog]

Depression Wednesday

“Your depression is just an excuse for no responsibility”

After a long early morning talk with my husband about how I'm feeling/what's really going on inside my head. Lately I haven't felt like myself I just feel all these feeling and emotions at this point i just wish i can yell my lungs out. I've been trying to keep myself together but everyone reaches their breaking point at one point. Being a mom that deals with depression even before my post-partum.Every single day is hard yesterday i felt so bad to the point where i couldn't breath and my body felt sore i felt like i got hit by a car i couldn't handle anything didn't want to eat. I Just kept telling myself to keep it together because i just let myself go into my shell and hide and cry but i was already ready to have a melt down. In the middle of all of my melt down my family decides to come over i TRY and keep it together but a mother knows what wrong with there child,I couldn't help but burst into tears and let my mom hold me after 20 mins my baby finally got home with her daddy. My husband being my husband knows that i still don't feel good but i try and act like nothing is wrong because i just want to spend time with my child.

After all that i think i finally NEED to have a melt down to feel like a person again !

As a mother we try and hide a lot but remember we are human too 

[astonedraider-blog]

Being a mom on TACO TUESDAY!

Tuesday got to a family start !

You know when you are super late and you forget everything all because you thought you had extra time to spend with your baby. That moment when you get to work and your are already exhausted but you just got to work and you have so much work ahead of you when you forget about that 1pm meeting . When you take a super late lunch to come home and “try’ to sleep but you just end up catch up on house cleaning stuff.

Once you are back to work you just can't wait to go home and relax and but with your baby but once you get to pick up your baby she asleep so you just don't want to wake her since she is sleeping beauty. WHAT to do now? Right? well let me go to the store and buy the gallons of waters that i forgot mind you and also stock up on baby items, Just getting home and i want to go to the gym but my body is exhausted working 14 days straight so i try and rest but i just try and find more house work to do also smoke a few dabs while i make dinner and wait for my husband and daughter to get home I'm just trying to get thru taco Tuesday . 

[astonedraider-blog]

Anxiety Monday!

Today is a start of a week with more than enough anxiety.

I'm Just trying to get thru this new week . Trying make my weekly plans to go workout , be a mom and a wife also work a full time job! Never fails for me to get way into my head at the beginning of the week like always I always feel like I'm FULL of anxiety I always just feel it kicking in I start to think that I'm not doing enough for someone my age. I start to think about stuff that makes no sense.

It always the start of the week where I feel like I have so much built in because I'm that mom that works a full time job and hates to leave my baby behind I always get more anxiety when I hear her cry but I try to remember that its what best for her but I always beat myself up about everything when it comes to my baby I never spend as much time as I can with her because I'm always working but that's just the start when you feel like you cant handle it any of it anymore and you just want to have a brake down in the car but you remember its just MONDAY