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asweettemptationn · 4 years ago

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This is a post I I've been wanting to write for a while. Azriel is a complex character and while we do not have much of him to draw much content from but I'd like to explore his feelings more deeply especially to the two females he is interest in: Mor and Elain.

It's important to note that Azriel did not give himself the space to heal and take his heart back for his own for a while. After latching on to Mor for so long he gradually shifts to Elain but the feelings he shifts to Elain are still a carbon-copy of what he felt for Mor.

All of his feelings and resentment centers around the Mating Bond when it comes to these two females. This is an aspect I would also like to explore in this post.

...

We met both Mor and Azriel in ACOMAF and have known that Azriel fell in love with Mor at first sight when she came to visit Rhysand at the Illyrian Camp they were at and eversince he held onto that love.

“And you were never with anyone after it?” Not the cold, beautiful shadowsinger who tried so hard not to watch her with longing on his face?

She wore a gown of pure white, little more than a slip of silk that showed off her generous curves. Indeed, a glance over her shoulder revealed Azriel staring blatantly at the back view of it, Cassian and the stranger already too deep in conversation to notice what had drawn the spymaster’s attention. For a moment, the ravenous hunger on Azriel’s face made my stomach tighten.

Azriel's love for Mor was visible yet he never spoke of it as we experience the story with Feyre, we only know parts of the story from Mor and Rhysand but not Azriel himself.

Despite Mor having other lovers and constantly choosing anyone but him, he latched on to her for 500 years in hopes for a Mating Bond to snap between them. He lived for 500 years with the hope of his feelings being reciprocated and a Mating Bond clicking between them because it is one of the most sacred and powerful bonds in existence. It ties the threads of one's soul to another.

“Azriel,” Rhys said, “has been preoccupied with the same female for the past five hundred years.” “Wouldn’t the mating bond have snapped into place for them if it exists?” Rhys’s eyes shuttered. “I think that is a question Azriel has been asking himself every day since he met Mor.”

So it's clear Azriel places great importance on the mating bond that he had to wait centuries for it to snap and it never did. I do believe seeing Mor take up lovers instead of him (though he had his own share of secret lovers) kept grating at his self-worth that he had none left. And so, he puts Mor on a pedestal and that magnifies his insecurities and reinforces the idea that he is unworthy of her and thus he is unworthy of anyone and unworthiness and self-loath becomes a theme with Azriel.

What I believe made the situation even more awkward between them is having Cassian as Mor's buffer.

Mor’s frown now mirrored Cassian’s—as if she realized where and what he’d be doing tomorrow. She said to Azriel, “We don’t have to—” “I want to,” Azriel said, holding her gaze long enough that Mor dropped it, twisted toward Cassian, and said, “Will you deign to join us, or do you have plans to ogle your muscles in the mirror?” [...]

[..]It was an effort not to stare at Azriel as he watched them head up the steep street, arm in arm and bickering with every step. The shadows gathered around his shoulders, like they were indeed whispering to him, shielding him, perhaps. His broad chest expanded with a deep breath that sent them skittering, and then he set into an easy, graceful stroll after them.

This is a scene where Azriel puts in the effort to try and appease Mor and join her to dance yet she strings Cassian along and that also sends the message to Azriel that she does not want to spend Solstice with him alone.

“But—but he loves her. How can he sit idly by?” “He thinks she’s happier without him.” His eyes shone with the memory—of his own choice to sit back. “He thinks he’s unworthy of her.”

“The issue, actually, wouldn’t be me. It’d be him. I could peel off my clothes right in front of him and he wouldn’t move an inch. He might have defied and proved those Illyrian pricks wrong at every turn, but it won’t matter if Rhys makes him Prince of Velaris—he’ll see himself as a bastard-born nobody, and not good enough for anyone. Especially me.”

Azriel just stared after Mor, distant and bored. I wondered if he was as much of a mess inside as I was.

We know that there was a good chance Mor and Azriel would've been canon if it weren't for ACOWAR and SJM making Mor LGBTQ+ due to lack of representation in her books.

I think this scene was the shattering point for Azriel's heart, even though as Mor explained it in ACOWAR:

“After Azriel found me with that note nailed to my womb … I tried to explain. But he started to confess what he felt, and I panicked, and … and to get him to stop, to keep him from saying he loved me, I just turned and left, and … and I couldn’t face explaining it after that. To Az, to the others.”

“And the male lovers I took … it became a way to keep Azriel from wondering why—why I wouldn’t notice him. Make that move. You see—you see how marvelous he is. How special. But if I slept with him, even once, just to try it, to make sure … I think after all this time, he’d think it was a culmination—a happy ending. And … I think it might shatter him if I revealed afterward that … I’m not sure I can give my entire heart to him that way. And … and I love him enough to want him to find someone who can truly love him like he deserves. And I love myself … I love myself enough to not want to settle until I find that person, too.”

Mor knew if she reciprocated any kind of feeling for Azriel he would think they finally had their happy ending. He was desperate for that love that she knew any crumbs for her would be a risk, even if she tried to see where their relationship would go he was too attached to her to realize they might not work out. He was too attached to the idea that she was his mate.

She sought out others to avoid him, even though they both know they took secret lovers but it's also different when she takes one in front of him. That grates more of his self-worth. She is a pure High Fae and he is an Illyrian bastard after all so that fact also plays part.

They chatted and gossiped—even though Mor kept glancing at Helion. And the High Lord of Day kept glancing at her. Azriel barely spoke, those shadows still perched on his shoulders. Mor barely looked at him.

Despite Mor loving him as a friend and knowing what a marvelous person he is, there is still a side of him that she seems she cannot accept. There is a side of Azriel she might be uncomfortable with or even scared of.

“Mor gets spooked. And what Az did today scared the shit out of her.” “The violence?” “The violence as a result of what he feels, lingering guilt over the deal with Eris—and what neither of them will face.”

She told me little of the specifics—even less about how the frustration of not being able to get his spies or himself into those courts took a toll on him. The standards to which he held himself, she confided in me, bordered on sadistic.

Azriel's protectiveness of Mor could be compared to a mate's behavior even though they weren't. It could be that SJM planned to have them mates or maybe not it's all speculation. But we know Azriel instinctively becomes enraged when any of the females close to him are hurt and that calls back to what his mother was subjected to.

Jurian’s sword was already out—and he was looking at Mor as if he was going to kill her first. Azriel’s blood-drained face twisted with rage as he noticed that stare.

Azriel’s head lifted from where he was sprawled in his own blood, eyes full of rage and pain as he snarled at the king, “Don’t you touch her.” Mor looked at Azriel—and there was real fear there. Fear—and something else.

Now, the shadows are another thing. It's mentioned that the shadows tend to vanish around her, not the inner circle, it's highlighted more than once that they vanish around here specifically and it's something that happens around Elain too. My theory is that because both don't see through Azriel. In Mor's case there is a side of him that scares her and in Elain's case she only saw one side of him and doesn't know all of Azriel. It seems like even Azriel wonders about his Shadows behavior in his POV and then vanishing when she is around which: 1. Points out he doesn't control their behavior all the time, 2. He doesn't mention that they are doing this because they're giving them privacy or they leave when he is comfortable/safe.

Yes—Azriel, who kept a step away, whose shadows trailed him and seemed to fade in her presence.

“He did not,” Mor said, and the shadows that Azriel had indeed been subtly weaving around himself vanished. “Azriel has never once said anything that awful. Only you, Cassian. Only you.”

Elain sucked in a soft breath that whispered over his skin. His shadows skittered back at the sound. They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around.

So now moving to Elain.

I think she would like Velaris, despite herself. And I think Elain—Elain would like it, too. Though she’d probably cling to Azriel, just to have some peace and quiet.” I smiled at the thought—at how handsome they would be together. If the warrior ever stopped quietly loving Mor. I doubted it. Azriel would likely love Mor until he was a whisper of darkness between the stars.

The whole idea of Azriel and Elain being a couple was because of Feyre's POV. Even though she knew how madly in love Azriel was with Mor, she liked them together because they would make a handsome couple. She liked them together because she believes Azriel would provide the peace and quiet Elain seeks, even though is it something he can always provide? I must point out that Feyre doesn't know Azriel all that well except from what Mor and Rhys tell her. She looks at the surface but does not think of whether they are compatible or not. It was more about her sister than Azriel.

I met the hazel eyes of the shadowsinger. The cool face that hid such pain—and kindness.

She notes the pain in his eyes, she knows there is more to him and more to the pain he hides. This is also an expression that Nesta notices in ACOSF during Solstice. Is it connected because he is desperate to have someone? because one scene happens in ACOMAF before he met Elain and one scene happens in ACOSF when he already knew Elain. That pain isn't result of one person, what I can tell is that that pain is the one he had carried for so long because he wanted someone to love him, he wanted a mate, he wanted someone to be his.

“What if”—I jerked my chin toward the window, to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden— “that is what she needs? Is there no free will? What if Lucien wishes the union but she doesn’t?”

Feyre questions the Mating Bond between Lucien and Elain and thinks Azriel is what Elain might need and not Lucien. Rhys reminds her that Azriel is in love with the same female for 500 years and that Lucien is also a decent male. What if Azriel who sat in the garden heard her and it planted this idea in his head? Knowing that his shadows are around and can listen to whatever goes in the house. He knew Feyre was watching them so what if the shadows whispered to him what Feyre said and it made him believe he is what Elain needs and not Lucien. Kind of explains his resentment of Lucien later on.

It made sense, I supposed, that Azriel alone had listened to her. The male who heard things others could not … Perhaps he, too, had suffered as Elain had before he understood what gift he possessed.

Azriel and Elain had a quiet companionship in ACOWAR and I think Azriel can relate to someone's sorrow and pain as someone who had gone through the unthinkable. He exhibits the same emotion when Amren was explaining how she was stuck under the prison for ages. I think that seeing how Elain relied on him and his role in helping her made him like the role of being savior or a guardian to someone because it gives him this feeling of purpose and he likes being needed.

I think this is where his feelings for Elain stem from, I think to fill the void in his heart and the fact that Mor seems like she will never reciprocate his feelings, he slowly started to shift his attention and feelings towards Elain. But there are feelings that are still attached to Mor and it's evident in ACOFAS and ACOSF.

I had to look away to keep from laughing. Az, to his credit, gave Mor a smile of thanks, a blush creeping over his cheeks, his hazel eyes fixed on her. I looked away at the heat, the yearning that filled them.

Nesta said to Feyre, “Did you tell Elain?” Before Feyre could reply, Azriel said, “What about Mor?”

The High Lord of Day considered Cassian and Azriel, then frowned. “Where's my beautiful Mor?” Az said tightly “Away.”

And then you have Cassian's line:

He was still happy to be Mor's buffer with Azriel, but there'd been a change lately. In both of them. Mor no longer sat beside Cassian, draped herself over him, and Azriel ... those longing glances towards her become few and far between. As if he'd given up. After five hundred years, he'd somehow given up. Cassian couldn't think why.

Because his attention shifted to someone that began to notice him. Unlike Mor, the female he was attracted to responded to his glances and smiles. Even though he still reacts to Mor but he also tries to move on from her. But... is moving on means he finally found someone that can love him? remember that he stayed attached to Mor because he was waiting for the Mating Bond to click between them. He easily attaches himself to someone even though it may not be healthy for him if he did not give himself a break in-between. We also did not have Elain's POV so we do not know what he truly feels but with Azriel we did, let's have a look at what he thinks of his attraction to Elain and where it stems from.

It had never gone this far. They'd exchanged looks, the occasional brush of their fingers, but never this. Never blatant, unrestricted touching. Wrong -- it was so wrong. He didn't care.

They've known each other for two years yet in the past few months this is all they had.

He was elated for his brother and yet… Azriel couldn't stop it. The envy in his chest. Of Cassian, and Rhys. He knew he'd be swallowed by it if he went up to his bedroom, so he'd remained down here by the dying light of the fire.

He was the one that wanted a mate for 500 years yet now he sees both his brothers find their mates around the same time her he didn't. The female he is now attracted to also has a mate.

Because her mate had been in the family room and Azriel had needed to stay by the door the whole time because he couldn't stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much.

They weren't even sitting next to each other yet he resented that bond between them. He knows he wants what they have and he is envious of it. Why?

"What if the Cauldron was wrong?" Rhysand blinked. "What of Mor, Az?" Azriel ignored the question. "The Cauldron chose three sisters. Tell me how it's possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters, yet the third was given to another." He had never before dared speak the words aloud.

We have the answer. Coincidentally, two of his brothers were mated to two of the sisters around the same time and there are three sisters and three brothers. He questions why the Cauldron did not choose Elain for him, he questions that she must have been his and that is why the Cauldron must've been wrong. Just as he believed Mor was likely his mate for 500 years, now he believes Elain should've been his mate because 3 brothers = 3 sisters.

"What of Mor, Az?" Azriel ignored the question.

Rhysand questions him about Mor to see where he stands in regards to his feelings about her, and what does he do? He ignores the question. I think him ignoring that question convinced Rhys that Azriel is a mess inside and he is desperate to have what his brothers have.

"So you'll what?" Rhys's voice was pure ice. "Seduce her away from him?” Azriel said nothing. He hadn't gotten that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to.

This is his thoughts. He doesn't say that to Rhys, we're reading the thoughts in his head. “Not beyond the fantasies he pleasures himself to.” He clutches to fantasies about Elain rather than getting to know more about her because as mentioned before all they had were glances and brush of their fingers, nothing that hints that they spent time together or get to know each other better.

Rhys forbids him from pursuing Elain. Azriel is ready to get into a Blood Duel with Lucien claiming that he can defeat him with little effort despite knowing that what a Mate's death can do, knowing a mate's death can be excruciatingly painful for the other mate. That is alarming. Once he left the Riverside Manor he knew it was wrong and Rhys is right:

Knowing that if he slept in the riverside manor, he'd do something he regretted. He'd been so vigilant about keeping away from Elain as much as possible, and had stayed up here to avoid her, and tonight...tonight had proved he 'd been right to do so.

I'm not finished yet, let's go back a little earlier:

Az tried not to look at his scarred fingers as they took the gift. She hadn't bought her mate a present. But she'd gotten Azriel one last year --

She looked up at him, her face so trusting and hopeful and open that he knew she had no idea that he had done unspeakable things that sullied his hands far beyond their scars. Such terrible things that it was a sacrilege for his fingers to skin, tainting her with his presence. But he could have this. This one moment, and maybe a taste, and that would be it.

His self-loath is heavy here, even with Elain he can't help but rethink of every wrong thing about him. He puts her on a pedestal just as he did with Mor, to remind himself of how unworthy he is of them. He makes himself miserable with these thoughts even with Elain who is the first female to give him some attention and he should supposedly be at peace around her. But what we see is the idolization again, thinking of how unworthy he is of her, how Sarah picks out strong words like “sullied” “taint” and ”sacrilege”.

He did not have the space to heal, he is emotionally vulnerable and it keeps getting worse. He carried the same emotional luggage from Mor to Elain, only that seeing there is a chance that a female might reciprocate his feelings, that he liked having her look at him as her savior, it still did not change his low sense of self-worth.

He never got closure from Mor and that plays a significant role in realizing that Mor did not choose to love him because he was unworthy, in fact she adores him but as readers we all know her preference. I think some of him self-loath roots back to Mor and it's important to have that closure to move on. This is why even with Elain he is a mess.

So let's summarize quickly some important points:

• Azriel idealizes Mor and Elain and that plays a part in his low sense of self-worth.

• There is a side of Azriel that scares Mor and there's a side of Azriel that Elain does not know thus explains the reactions of his shadows.

• In his scene with Elain, there was no mention of love or any deep sentimental feelings. His feelings towards are genuine but they do not run as deep as they did with Mor and it's not love.

• Azriel never experienced true love, he has no experience in love. Putting someone on a pedestal and idolizing them is not an expression of love.

• Azriel is happy to be Elain's White Knight and that what differentiates her from Mor who is more independent and can stand on her own (plus he fell in love with Mor at first sight).

• Azriel's feelings for Elain stem from the idea of 3 brothers = 3 sisters because he entertains the idea of her being his rightful mate.

• When asked about Mor he chose to ignore the question rather than say that is someone I no longer feel any romantic feelings towards and now I am in love with this person.

• The focal point for his feelings to both Mor and Elain centers around the Mating Bond. He stayed attached to Mor because he waited for a Mating Bond to click and then attached himself to Elain because he thought perhaps she is his true mate and that explains why he shifted his feelings from Mor to Elain.

• There is indication in the text that Azriel was deeply in love with Mor however there is no indication in the text that he is in love with Elain even in his own POV. Even if he is attracted to her and has feelings for her, that's not love and he doesn't feel as deeply as he felt for Mor.

• His POV had many redflags in regards to his feelings and thoughts about Elain. Not that he is someone bad or filthy for entertaining "sexual thoughts" about someone he is attracted to because that is pretty normal. The issue is where those feelings stem from and his reasoning of wanting her.

• To sum it up, Azriel wants a mate.

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