eroslostarrow

[eroslostarrow]

And just like that, when i thought i was comfortable and happy, that i found people who actually want me for me, It's proven again that i am too much.

I'm always too much. My feelings, my actions, everything about me.

My emotions are starting to feel live a venom that hurts me when i choke it down, and the few times I share them with others, I get blamed for how the Venom burns.

I know it burns. I swallow it all the time, and i feel the burn in my throat and It is raw for weeks. I'm sorry sometimes i can't choke it down all the time.

But if it hurts you so much, and doing that is a much bigger treason to myself than swallowing the venom of my feelings, I'll drown in them. If it makes you more happy and comfortable, I'll swallow the venom untill i am mute and you will never hear my cries at all.

I'm always too much, and at the same time never enough.

[eroslostarrow]

Everytime I let it slip how bad I’m actually doing, I’m reminded I’m not allowed to actually feel anything.

I have to be okay all the time that’s my job.

[eroslostarrow]

sometimes, we have conversations about what if we were fictional characters.

I hope the fans would be kind to us. I hope they would make aus where nothing bad happened to us. I am a swimmer, and you are a pianist. We are happy, and safe. And i hope we are together.

We talk about how we want to know who we would be shipped with. I wonder if they would see the way I look at you. I wonder if they hear the confessions in good mornings and goodnights, even though i know you are asleep. Maybe they will give us our happy ending, we have a cozy little appartment together, and cats, and we are watching our favorite movies. Maybe they wouldn't. We'll never know.

But i still think about it sometimes, when i am in your dorm and it has gotten dark.