atendersun-archived

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Me being a little nosy of what is going on on this blog before hopping back over the new one. come follow me there, friends.

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an independent original character | +10 roleplay experience | multi-verse & ship friendly | canon characters, fellow ocs, & self inserts welcome

hey, hey! with this being a recent blog move to entice a sense of clarity and self accountability, the muu-man and I are much in need of some wonderfully creative blogs to interact with and get to know. feel very much so welcomed to give this a like and a reblog for I, myself, to check out your blog & see where things go from there. about & rules can be found here.

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THIS BLOG HAS BEEN MOVED HERE

an independent original character | +10 roleplay experience | multi-verse & ship friendly | canon characters, fellow ocs, & self inserts welcome

hey, hey! with this being a recent blog move to entice a sense of clarity and self accountability, the muu-man and I are much in need of some wonderfully creative blogs to interact with and get to know. feel very much so welcomed to give this a like and a reblog for I, myself, to check out your blog & see where things go from there. about & rules can be found here.

[atendersun-archived]

an independent original character | +10 roleplay experience | multi-verse & ship friendly | canon characters, fellow ocs, & self inserts welcome

hey, hey! with this being a recent blog move to entice a sense of clarity and self accountability, the muu-man and I are much in need of some wonderfully creative blogs to interact with and get to know. feel very much so welcomed to give this a like and a reblog for I, myself, to check out your blog & see where things go from there. about & rules can be found here.

[atendersun-archived]

an independent original character | +10 roleplay experience | multi-verse & ship friendly | canon characters, fellow ocs, & self inserts welcome

hey, hey! with this being a recent blog move to entice a sense of clarity and self accountability, the muu-man and I are much in need of some wonderfully creative blogs to interact with and get to know. feel very much so welcomed to give this a like and a reblog for I, myself, to check out your blog & see where things go from there. about & rules can be found here.

[atendersun-archived]

nvrcmplt·:

"Mmm, toasted Muubuns. Also, why not dominate instead? No one says you can't."

"I think..", he began, thinking out loud, "We have to make a dice decide. Or cards? That way we making for the fate of excitement without leavin' it up to a Muu who can't make decision."

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Im going to spend the next infinity bitter as hell I can't reply to things on my phone

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@nvrcmplt

"I cannot emphasize enough that I'd rather sit on a hot grill than ask someone to dominate m.. Muu."

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what if I made a nsfw starter call to get muu to leave me alone

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One would anticipate that sadness would befall upon the male who awoke to the realization three friends of his had all put a cease to their availability for contact. Such an assumption was incorrect, however, as he has remained in the same state as he had all morning: lustful.

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What I'm supposed to be doing: working on the new blog so muu can be moved before the next coming ice age

What I'm doing instead: eating pickles at 1am and admiring body claim references that can be used for muu's physique

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Picking out new tags for this new blog is the worst. How do yall do this sort of thing.

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Trauma Bonding: An in-depth glance at the impact and integration complex trauma has within Muu's interpersonal relationships and love languages.

Disclaimer: Even though there are numerous studies even at present, and with psychology always changing, this post will only be dealing with the five most recognized love languages and how they fair in Muu's every day life / core values.

Gift Giving: The least of all the love languages that Muu will often willingly participate on. Even with all the years that have past, he still so vividly can recall the heartbreak of watching items he both worked on and poured his love into be dismantled or discussed in a disgusted manner in his late teens / early twenties that he actively goes out of his way of letting history repeat itself as much as possible. To receive a gift from him is one of the greatest indicators that he finds one's company to be a safe haven, but know that right can and will be revoked at any time the opposite has been even slightly announced to him.

Physical Touch: Another one low on the pole until he is most certain physical and emotional harm is off the table, this one too carries with a heavy burden from the past. It is to be noted that around the time in which his name took on the label of being a predatory individual, he had both already endured and would go on to experience more trauma of the sexual nature that he had no clear cut idea of how to go about handling at an already lonesome and abandoned time in his life. Even kissing, an active of love he so wholesomely gave out at every whim of a merry heart back in the day is solemnly acted upon in his adult age.

It aids him no further that he carries the added hinderance of feeling as though both his body and his touch are grotesque. That he would perhaps injure those around him with an experience akin to being burned on the surface of their own person should he have unwisely connected their livelihoods without properly assuring such a thing was the right and available thing to do. He's never the one to make the first move in a dance of affection, and yet it is the starvation of his soul that leaves him as the last to let go.

Words of Affirmation: Unsatisfactory moments in time proved to taint this one as well over the years; however, in some twisted manner Muu would feel appreciation towards many down the line. He is not one to state 'I love you' so simply. Instead choosing to suggest such a manner of thought in a way that is very personal and unique to the individual he is professing towards. He grew to hear himself being referred to as being a flatline-- one in which that made all in his life feel so uncannily the same in terms of importance ( or a lack thereof really) that it grew to be no surprise when love turned to sour resentment and hurt across the way well down the line. Fearful of being thought as being that once more, the male is plenty guilty of applying what studying he can into ensuring his recognition of those around him are based not on what they do for him, but instead the value they bring to his life for no reason other than the admiration he holds for them as a soul within a person he's so thankful to have met.

Quality Time: There is something to be said about a young man who knows so much of being made to feel like an unsatisfactory blip in someone's life, and yet knows no bounds in wishing for greater success for his own worth time and time again. Muu is not oblivious to the fact that his fearfulness and tremendous lack of self esteem makes him not only a bore in comparison to far more exciting people to be around, but that it also comes with the added work of having not only tolerate time spent with him, but to also manage it as well. And while it can be so easy to adjust to the idea that little can be gained from settling with someone who, at most, might only exchange the words 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' to you with little else between as he resides so heavily in survival mode even in the least of threatening company, know that beneath that all he is so hopelessly ecstatic at being chosen that every little bit of nurturing that goes on within those moments will and can build up to a time well spent with the joyfully authentic version of a heart waiting to envelop you in every glimmer of love it is plenty capable of radiating. There's a worthwhile person in there underneath all the timid chatter and tears, he promises.

Acts of Service: The go to. The umpteenth 'perhaps this one will make me good enough' attempt at hopefully giving him the clearance to be loved unconditionally after many years of feeling anything but. He'll happily clean, cook, tend to, and be present at every beckon and call if it so means he'll be doing something right. At twenty five years of age, Muu holds no value to his personhood whatsoever. One can very easily acquire from him the belief that he is not on par with dirt, but rather one step below. It has become integral to his safety that he holds such strong negativity towards his existence, because any complaint in the past only drew forward more pain from those that implanted such an idea in his influential mind in the first place. Hold no hesitation in turning his acts of anxiousness back at him. Persistently inquire as to whether or not his helpfulness is rooted in genuine care for their wellbeing, or perhaps he is acting on the instinct that to do otherwise would be asking for danger to befall on his own.

This love language, in the case of Muu at least, is a trauma response. He's helpful because he's scared. He's compliant because he's already imagined enough situations for what could occur to him if he decides not to be just that. He's been beaten, neglected, abused, assaulted, and bullied for so much of his life by people that he continues to be accessible to as they do not exist within the two dimensional. These are people on the platform that I did not create-- nor can I take them away. The only thing you can really do is say the same thing maybe a hundred, thousand, or even a million times over: you are loveable and you are safe. He's not going to believe you for a long, long time. But when he does, there is a beautiful person tucked well beneath the rubble of a grieving and frightened young man that even now still lashes out at a world he strongly believes shunned him first.

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I know so much of this blog is centered around the topic of trauma that it gets to be comparable to beating a dead horse, but.. I never said I was done.

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I'm trying to pass on the who gives a fuck attitude onto Muu that he once had, because I don't what else to do with someone who has spent last night and today stuck in a crying spell over needing to prove his good to people who most definitely can't read his mind / see him off this platform he calls home.

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Muu's just going to snooze this one out. Tomorrow focus is really going to have to go into the new blog, so he can have some new sights. Right now he's just feeling very overwhelmed by the thought of having anyone to go to with his emotions, because nobody else he can think of shares any kind of experiences surrounding trauma acquired from tumblr itself and not from backstories.

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nvrcmplt·:

“Very edible too!” A joke, but it spoke of nothing but truths! “It sounds like fun, we should practice at home! So you are a pro when you go one day.” Pchan was learning, many whims of this precious one rarely happened due to the mental monsters he had to battle but the fun of planning things was something even he could enjoy.

“They so would. I know I would if I didn’t know you and we met there.”

In seconds, his joyfulness faltered into nervousness at the realization of what implications could have been pulled from his attempt at placing himself out onto the dating field. What if he were to be bad at carrying himself well during any number of rounds of speed dating and his failures brought happiness to those watching out for his next mistake? Or perhaps the contrary would have occurred instead. Perhaps he would find that he was very successful at networking himself and one of two things grew to be the result of such a strength: Either the same people who took enjoyment out of his displeasure would become mad at him for not fulfilling their internalized projections of him, or he’d find that he accidently misled the person to fall for his charm in some way into giving up a potentially better opportunity by failing to accurately convey the truer and far needier face of himself from behind any façade he created in an attempt to suggest he was anything but.

In a way, Pchan would become lucky to not wind up being imposed upon by the smaller's anxiousness for very long. At least not on behalf of the medication working its way through his petite frame to bring him from one type of low to another. Dread dulled to a relaxation that often preceded a need for a nap, but even that he knew the solution to immediately: movement.

"But.. We- we can't practice without a table. And we gonna need little drinks and a flower to put on the table, Pchan. I gonna make little pretend ones with stuffed animals as the pretend people, so that we can has warm ups, you know?"