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Come the fuck on.
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I am very um. Well adjusted.
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what they dont tell u about bouncing on it is that is actually takes a lot of stamina and core strength
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I was going to say something cute involving Robert on here last night and before I did I had the thought "that's kinda pathetic isn't it" and that really made me kinda mad and upset about my life so.
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I have to be so honest part of why I don't like go crazy and post a lot in fandoms when I'm obsessed w a character as much as I could--it's because I'm am so OCD autism mode that like I CANNNOOOTTTTT not be possessive and fucking weird and change resistant. And you're bound to get people who are obsessed w that character too coming at you and MOST OF THE TIME they interpret that bastard badly let's be so honest.
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Hugging your f/o and they have such a distinct scent.. deliciousness..
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Thinking about FANG and I keeping in touch even in hiding after the organization collapses and I could cryyyy man I'm so normal about friendships between people whose shared friend died. Like I think I would grow so attached to him and it would be so miserable but like at least we have each other.
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If I think about how it would be for my self insert to meet Bison sometime into the 10 year timeskip that leads us to the 6th game I think I'll throw up so bad. He has HAD to have made a new life for himself after his man's crime empire fell apart. Went into hiding, started a business, SOMETHING,,,but like. You carry on. I don't want to even imagine if he was dating after that and like ENCOUNTERED THE AMNESIAC LOVE OF HIS LIFE AGAIN???
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I did genuinely hyperventilate when my partner put its hands on my face while talking about how Bison would do that. Fucking. Brain melted out my ears. Involuntary visceral ass reaction holy fuck.
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Tryinggggg to be brave and use this blog so I don't post graphic shit on main and feel weird about it later--that's to say w my intense Bison brainrot I made like. An entire horny evil music playlist bc I was like this man fucks so hard I need something to listen to w him.
I suppose my ongoing self insert idea is, so far, that--debatably I may have at least a friendship to Rose as I decided retroactively bc I think my Me should be metaphysically interested. And it is very, very funny for her to have known me then to become very disappointed in my romantic choices. "You're such a promising, bring young man Nemesis, please, search your heart--" NO GIRL I CANNOT BE SAVED! WHICH IS TO SAY. I think my idea is that I was recruited ("recruited") as a sort of consultant to help optimize the big man's healing, the research being done by his scientists for his spare bodies, from a spiritually informed point of view. More or less gradually could get more romantic or intimate just from the fact I'm pretty and he'd like me I would be one of the only people allowed close enough to somewhat examine him. Um. He did ask for the back rubs, though. That's not. Standard practice under any metaphysical authority. Nor him insisting on holding my waist.
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S/I: Why do you have to be so tall?
Tall F/O: Would you prefer me on my knees?
S/I: What?
F/O: What?
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Not putting this on main it's too aaaaa but I don't think Nem and John have a lot of like, missionary sex/most of it is from behind for whatever reason but I thought about Nem topping John looking down at him and his body with all its sores and discolored spots and his lanky frame and he's so easily like ohhhhh look at you, my handsome boy 💕✨️ he loves him so much I'm gonna be sick
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It should be acceptable to scratch under the chin of a man with stubble not unlike that of how you'd scratch a cat's chin.
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Writing fic is so hard sometimes I just ade some high effort art I liked but noooo writing still has to be this godawful herculean task. I need to write about Nem and John SO bad
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NSFW ALPHABET: DANTE

writing these is so funnnn. i lowkey want to make nsfw headcanons for their devil triggers, too, but we’ll see.
as always, thank you for reading and hope you enjoy !
yours, obscura
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Dante is literally a lap dog. He’s the more needy one after sex - hands glued to your limbs, head buried in your skin. He’s a sensitive guy deep down, and he needs the reassurance that you’re not just gonna up and leave him after getting what you wanted. He’ll go as far to lay on top of you just to ensure you don’t leave the bed too soon.
He’ll of course make sure you’re okay after. He’s already got a drawer in his nightstand filled with snacks and water on hand to feed you, replenishing any nutrients he might’ve sucked out of your body. Big on post-sex cuddles and pillow-talk.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Dante loves his arms, but more specifically: he loves your face when he flexes his muscles or lifts a piece of furniture without breaking a sweat. He walks around the house and office shirtless just to show them off.
If we know Vergil to be an ass man, it’s only right that his twin is a tits guy. I mean, we’ve seen Dante ogle at those adult magazines - the man loves a good rack. But with Dante, all tits are in fact created equal. Any shape, size, color - doesn’t matter. He’s grabbing them, squishing them, shoving his face in them. I think he also has a thing for thighs. Let him lay between them and he’s in heaven. He’s even offered you a crumpled five dollar bill to squeeze the life out of him with them.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
This man is FILTHYYYY. You know Deepthroat by Cupcakke? Yeah, he’s blowin’ bubbles with sperm. No matter the gender, Dante is a fiend - begging to be covered in your release.
When Dante comes, it’s more of a dribble/gush, than a straight shoot of ropes. ‘The fountain of youth’, he calls it. Dante doesn’t care where it goes as long as you’re happy, though he’s partial to covering your chest in cum, watching it drip down only to lick it off himself.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Panty thief. ((God, I hate the word ‘panty’)). BUT IT’S TRUE. Your favorite pair will always go missing and sure enough, Dante has it either in a drawer at the office or stuffed into the inner pocket of his coat. It’s mostly for the reason you think, but he also keeps it for sentimental reasons. He’s a sentimental guy, after all. You two always squeeze in a good fuck before he leaves for a job, and he’s sure to swipe up the pair you wore that night as a reminder of you and what he’s fighting for, keeping it zipped up in the pocket by his heart.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
Dante ACTS like a Casanova, a real playboy, but in reality, he’s scared as hell of intimacy. He’s had a handful of one night stands and drunken hookups but they served more as distractions than actual points of experience.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Cowgirl, sideways 69, leapfrog (variation of doggy)
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Laughter is necessary in the bedroom for Dante. His job is awful, his life is literally hell - he needs the light moments with you to unwind and remind himself that there’s more to life than killing and being miserable.
This man thinks he’s a comedian. He’s telling you a damn knock-knock joke, expecting you to say ‘who’s there?’ while your mouth is wrapped around him. This being said, Dante is excellent at reading a room. If the situation calls for more serious or passionate love-making, he can switch off his playful side for a while.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
C’mon, we’ve all seen the man - he’s hairy. Soft silver hair starts at the stubble on his chin and goes allllll the way down to his damn ankles. Would probably be inclined to trim his nethers, if he was home more often or if you had a preference for it. Otherwise, it’s homegrown and all-American, babeeyyyy.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Big ol’ teddy bear - kisses all over, sweet words murmured in your ear. Dante isn’t the most materialistic or showy lover, but he’ll make you feel like you’re the most prized diamond in the world. Takes his time with you, makes sure you’re comfortable and he’s doing everything right before he even thinks about getting off. Big on communication, wants you to talk him through it as he does to you. He’s not the most romantic man, but he’ll definitely do his best to keep you happy and loved.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Dante will jack off if the wind hits him wrong. It’s an outlet for him. When he’s sad, angry, happy, whatever. He’s not all that good at expressing his emotions, so having a moment of release sort of helps him let go of whatever is on his mind.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Breeding, humiliation, edging, impact play, pet play. Anything where Dante can let loose and let his guard down. All of these are reciprocal - he’s a true switch. Loves to have you bent over his knee, hand marking up your ass as punishment one moment, to flipping the tables and having you walk him around the house with a leash.
PRAISE KINK. Dante is a glutton for your words. He’ll sit and pout til you tell him he’s a good boy, or how pretty he is. There have been multiple occasions where he’s come just from praise alone, cock twitching in the air as you whisper compliments to him.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Really anywhere he can have you, doesn’t matter to him. He’s always busy, so he’s taking any chance he can get. The default is usually the leather couch in his office, since he’s there more than he is home.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Dante loves a good sext. Send him a picture of you in an old band shirt of his or a message about how much you miss him, and he’s almost causing a five-car pile up on the freeway just to turn the car around as fast as physically possible.
Is also stereotypical in that if he comes home to you splayed out on the bed in a piece of lingerie, he’ll literally (and I mean, literally) tear his clothes off as he scrambles to you.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Sex for the sake of sex is borderline a no for him. If you two have been together for a while, it’s different, but if not, he’s not putting out. Not only does he have trust issues, Dante has a lot of insecurities and trauma. He’s not fucking someone just to watch them leave him - it hurts too much.
Dante’s a pretty easy-going man otherwise. If you’re happy, he’s happy.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
I know I said Vergil is a munch, but man, so is Dante. But in a different way. Dante is a tease, and loves to get you riled up in the most mundane situations. He’ll be stationed between your legs while you watch a movie in the living room, lazily licking stripes just to keep you on edge, or squatted behind you as you try to cook dinner. He’s a nuisance, really, but there’s no use trying to shake him off. He’ll get whiny and huff around til you let him keep going.
Dante is more of a giver. He almost never asks for oral and usually dismisses it, unless you ask specifically. But if anything, it’s more for you than him, knowing how much you love to gulp down his seed.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Dante has a tendency to get a little too enthusiastic, unless he’s purposefully trying to play the long-game and tease you. He’ll try oh so hard to go slow for you, make it last, but he just gets too excited. He can’t fathom that someone is actually letting him fuck them, and damn, you look perfect underneath him. If he slows down at all, it’s only because he’s trying to have a sliver of self-control as to not come prematurely.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Quickies are the norm for you two, not that Dante minds. Again, he’s often shuffling a lot so it’s rare that he can set aside a whole lot of time for you two. Any opportunity with you is fair game.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
I feel like it’s obvious that Dante is an adrenaline junkie. He loves the thrill of new things. He’ll go as far as his partner will take him, as long as it’s within reason and no one gets seriously hurt (or arrested).
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
Back to back to back to back. The devil blood in him works overtime when he’s in the mood. Even if you’re wiped after two rounds, he’s pulling you back down by your ankles, asking you in that bedroom voice you love so much to give him one more, to show him how good and sweet you can be.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Dante is a big fan of toys. He’s holding a vibrator to you while he does paperwork, or he’s shackled to the bedframe with a gag and cage around his tip. Probably wouldn’t be all that experienced with them initially, but once you two are comfortable, he’s happy to acquire a good collection.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
The most annoying, frustrating man you will ever let into your bedroom. Dante loves to tease more than he might even love fucking you. He’ll spend hours saying suggestive things, grabbing your ass, toying with your clothes, only to walk away and act indifferent until you beg him to give in. It’s borderline evil.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Dante never shuts the fuck up. Ever. Doesn’t matter what you’re doing, who’s on top, where you are - he’s either talking or moaning. He’s an extremely vocal lover. The neighbors have already put in two noise complaints from how loudly Dante groans and swears when you two are together.
Constantly in your ear, mumbling nonsense and praise. Whiny, loud, and obnoxious - and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
There’s no section here for top/bottom, unfortunately, so I’ll put this here: loves to get fucked as much as he loves to do it himself. Whether you got the parts, or you gotta use a strap for it, the man is more than happy to have his head pressed into the pillows as you ram into him. He’s a sloppy, whiny, needy bottom, and I’ll die by that.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
As with Vergil, Dante is not a small man. Only an inch shorter than his twin, he carries a lot of height. I think it’s canon (?) that Dante is not as big as Vergil in the meat department. I’m banking on a hard 7, soft 5. Grower, for sure. What he lacks in length is made up for in girth.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
It’s damn near incessant, even as he ages. Dante hasn’t honed in his devil side as much as Vergil, which means he has less control of his hormones. If he’s not too stressed, he’s constantly waiting for the next moment to get his hands on you.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Dante will literally pass out the second his head hits the pillow. He’ll stay awake for a bit to make sure you’re all good, but the second he lays down, it’s lights out. And he’s out for the entire night, snuggled into your side and snoring away til late morning.
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