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[atime2write]

The Gathering

I have a friend whom I’ve known since I was nine years old, and he remains my best friend despite the years and the fact that he’s a he. His youngest child is my godchild, just as my youngest is his. My family knew him since we’re kids, and My husband and kids knew him too. Whenever I go on vacation, I make sure we have time to catch up and share updates about our lives.

That Saturday morning, we chatted because his birthday was coming up. I told him about the recent fallout with my friend of seven years. He downplayed it, saying it was just a small matter, akin to a child’s tantrum. I agreed and said it would pass with time. He jokingly asked for her Facebook profile so he could reprimand her. I told him I thought she had deactivated her account since I couldn’t see her in our group chat anymore. He searched her name and found her profile. “So she blocked you,” he said. “She apologized, and when you ignored her, she blocked you. Her apology doesn’t seem sincere.” I mentioned that we would see each other at an upcoming dinner.

I messaged our mutual friend who was hosting the dinner to confirm the time I would arrive. I was the first guest there. I shared with the hosts (a husband and wife) that my friend of seven years and I had a misunderstanding, and I felt hurt. I speculated that she had either deactivated her account or blocked me. The husband, who is also our friend, checked her profile and there it was confirmed that she had blocked me. At that moment, I felt a mix of frustration, anger, and disbelief.

Later, the spectator messaged me to ask what time I would arrive at the dinner. I replied that I had just arrived. They were on the bus and would be there shortly. The wife asked how I would react if I saw my friend of seven years. I said I would be civil, but my frustration surged knowing she had blocked me.

When they arrived, I caught up with a friend from Spain, asking about her life and happiness there. She sensed the tension and she met her through me. They met her through me. As dinner was being served, with a glass of wine in hand, I told the joker sitting next to me, “Hey, she blocked me. I found her apology insincere. With my voice raised, I said, ‘Sorry but not sorry, where’s the sincerity?’” The dinner table fell silent, and I felt the eerie atmosphere. It was just me and my anger. I said, “I know you all talk to each other.”

After a while, to ease the tension, I told them I would leave first. I removed myself because I didn’t want my emotions to ruin everything. That night, after I left, I blocked all possible ways for her to communicate with me.She had a week to reach out to me, but she chose to block me instead. Like all her past failed relationship instead to reach out she chose to blocked, I knew her, and returned the favor and gave her a taste of her own medicine. I cut her off completely. I knew our mutual friends would walk on eggshells at gatherings, so I chose to be the one to walk away. I like solitude. Being alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I have my husband and kids to cheer me up, a book to read, and nature to explore. Having friends is a social norm, but it’s hard to sustain when disrespect enters, and wavelengths are not met. Now, I stay away from unpleasant vibes. I’ve learned my lesson and will carry it forward.

[atime2write]

The Spectator

She’s the youngest in our circle, younger than me by fourteen years. We’ve known her for five years but became closer last year after hanging out more often. She organized a memorable party for her flatmate, who is also our friend. They were spectators, but this conversation involved only her.

I reached out to her first, mentioning the Joker had contacted me. She asked how I was, and I explained that my frustration wasn't with them but with my friend of seven years. I told her I wouldn't justify my emotions or act out of self-interest. I hoped my friend would reflect on her behavior towards me. I said I wouldn’t have mentioned it if it wasn’t disrespectful; she needs to own her actions.

That’s why I ignored her apology. She blamed the joke and my mood but didn’t take responsibility for her behavior. The spectator was shocked by my reaction. I explained that this had happened many times before, and I usually let it pass, knowing how insensitive she was. But it can't continue. She needs to learn social cues. When will she take responsibility? Recognize disrespect? Realize her insensitivity hurts others?

The spectator was concerned about a party we're attending next week with a friend visiting from Spain. We don’t know how my friend of seven years and I will react when we see each other. I said I’m still upset and sometimes feel like being harsh. She advised, “Save it for later when our friend leaves, but still, you should talk properly.” I replied I’d ignore her but joked, “What if she mocks my clothes again or asks me to buy something?” Sometimes I want to be the joker too. She said, “You both need to cool down first.” Then she mentioned the Joker again, joking that she’s to blame for inviting people when it wasn’t her party.

The blame circulates, but one thing is clear: that Sunday, I felt humiliated and hurt, and I might have to end a friendship. It’s no longer a two-way relationship. I have good intentions for her, wanting her in healthy relationships, but I can't stay friends. I hope she realizes how her insensitivity ruins relationships. The spectator said, “You’ve known her for a long time, and that’s who she is.” I replied, “I’ve known her for seven years and kept her grounded. But now, her insensitivity hurts me, and she doesn’t seem sensible and sorry at all.”

Our conversation ends here. We’re looking forward to the gathering next week. For now, she’s the spectator.

[atime2write]

The Joker She was a friend of mine for nearly five years. After the disastrous event at the party when my friend walked out, my emotions were still high. The others who were there were also shocked that it happened. I continued to eat, and the one who made a joke stood up and said, "So jokes are not allowed?" I replied that it was the timing. I felt her stance lower, indicating she knew she was in the wrong. After a while, she went inside the room. After I finished eating, I told the others there that I would leave. I felt my presence was not welcome.

That night, the Joker reached out and asked if I was already home, and I said yes. That was how Sunday went. Come Monday afternoon, my phone rang; the Joker was calling me, but she wasn’t answering. Concerned that something had happened to her, I sent her a message asking if she was okay. Then there was another call. I dropped the call and called her back, but to no avail. Later, I received a message that she had called accidentally. After a while, she sent a message saying she was sorry for the joke she made, acknowledging that it was made at a bad time. She mentioned that someone told her she was the one who started it all with her bad joke and that she would take all the blame. They suggested I might direct my anger toward my seven-year friend instead of her because she’s an elder and I would never fight back.

So bizarre . She argued that as an elder, she acknowledges when she’s at fault. I responded that on Sunday, I already felt her remorse and sincerity about the bad timing. I knew they were discussing the incident among themselves, trying to decide who would reach out to me first. She also joked about instigating the other party to message me and put the blame on her to see my reaction, which i found ludicrous.

At the end of our message exchange, I saw the game they were playing, and I didn’t want to be a part of it. I assert my boundary and theres a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Instead of thinking about how to approach me about their disrespect, they blamed each other. The Joker told me she lowered her pride because she couldn't be proud of what she did and that she accepted the blame as they saw her as the instigator. My response was that I would distance myself because it was no longer a healthy friendship. I realized that maybe I had become too complacent and seemed to tolerate disrespect and ill behavior too easily.

Now it’s been months, and I’ve kept my distance. Friendship is a relationship based on mutual trust, vibes, energy, interests, and respect. I learned that forced energy cannot coexist in the same field; it will create chaos and entropy. But after this process, a series of self-understandings emerge. I came out better from this experience.

[atime2write]

*A Conversation with Darr * Part 2 - An Unanswered Prayer

During the first Covid lockdown, we had a female cat that went missing for days. When she came back, she was pregnant. My kids were ecstatic to have kittens roaming around the house since, during the lockdown, they had playthings to keep them busy. Darr was five, turning six then, and after three years, the one cat we had turned into five cats. My girls named them Missy (the mom cat), Coco, Freeda, Cremo, and Teddy. Darr said when she grew up, she wanted to be a veterinarian. My eldest, who is thirteen years older than Darr, told her that she would build a zoo for Darr.

Last year, when her father went out to see his friends, Freeda went out by the window and didn’t come back for a night. She went missing. I told Darr that maybe Freeda went out to find Papa because Papa had been gone for a long time and hadn't come back yet. I said, "Let’s wait; maybe Freeda will come back after a while." Days turned into weeks and months, and Freeda didn’t come back. That August, during my summer vacation, on the day we went to church, Darr told me that she prayed for Freeda to come back. I told her that was good and that maybe Freeda was still finding her way back.

Three days later, my girls and I wanted to go out, but it was raining hard. Darr told me, "Mommy, why is it still raining when I already prayed for the rain to stop?" I told her to pray for the sun to come out and shine so we could go out. She kept quiet in a corner; I think she prayed, and after ten minutes, the rain stopped. Darr was so happy that we could go out. I told her, "That's the power of prayer and the words of intentions." While walking out, she asked me, "Mommy, why hasn't Freeda come back yet?" I told her to pray that Freeda is happy wherever she is now. She asked, "What if somebody hurt her and she went to heaven?" Then I told her to pray that Freeda would look after her and the other cats to keep them safe from harm.

Darr, my youngest at nine, has a curious and inquisitive mind. I’m happy talking to her. I look back to when I was nine and wonder what I was thinking or whom I was asking when I had a wondering mind. It was no one. At nine, I was always in church, learning how to play the banduria and read musical notes. I shared these conversations with my husband, and he was envious that Darr was asking me these questions. I encourage Darr that if she has a question in her mind, she can ask her Papa or message me, and we will answer her. At her age, with a developing mind questioning the things around her, as a mom and prolific reader, I must answer her in a manner that helps her develop good character. Her mind is a blank canvas, and a bad input could affect her later in life. Just like her two older sisters, we are molding her to be a kind and good person. That’s why our environment is also a factor in how we mold our kids. My husband and I are eager to see our kids' future and how their lives will unfold. We hope that they will be happy and purposeful moving forward.

[atime2write]

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**A Conversation with Darr ** Part 1

She’s nine years old, my youngest of three girls. A curious, kind, and shy girl, not afraid to speak her mind and to question things around her. I’m her mom, working abroad on a continent far away, with a seven-hour time difference. I left to work in another country when she was almost three years old. It was a hard decision for me and my husband, but it was an opportunity for our girls to have a better life. It’s even harder for me to be in a country where I don’t know anyone except the family I work with.

For the first year working here, I didn’t have a vacation and didn’t come to see my family. But after two years, I had my vacation, and since then, I visit them twice a year. Even during COVID, I made sure to be with them for Christmas. This conversation happened last year during my summer visit in August. She’s always happy to be with me. Whenever I’m home, she always hugs me and says she loves me. And I love her too; I make sure she always feels loved.

A week at home, while at breakfast, she asked my thoughts on transgender issues, pronouns, and people identifying as animals. I was stunned. I looked at her, and she was holding her tablet. Then I knew she saw it online, and I had to answer her truthfully.

I answered her about transgender people. I said if a person feels attracted to or loves the same sex, yes, it happens. But to feel trapped in a body that you don’t want to be in, just to be with the person you love, I don’t believe in it. To take out parts of your body and take something to make you feel like the other gender, no, it’s not right. She asked me why. I said, for me, they’re thinking that they’re a flaw of nature, which is not true. Every creation has a purpose in life; a mind and a heart have to be in harmony so a person can accept whom God created them to be.

Then she asked my thoughts on a person thinking, dressing, and identifying themselves as an animal. I said to her, don’t lower your God-given privilege to think and rationalize things around you. You have the ability to take care of the animals you want to be. Maybe that’s the cause, and they have to see it through.

Then she asked me about religion. I said to her, if you believe in a faith that will make you a better person walking on this planet, then be one. But you have to think and not be manipulated into thinking that another faith is better than yours. There is one God, a creator of all things. Then she asked me if I believe in God. I said yes, of course. The God I believe in is the God who creates everything.

I told her my story about why I believe in God. When I pray, there’s always an answer in one way or another. When I was six years old and very sick, in and out of consciousness on the operating table, I heard the nurses saying, “Too bad for this boy if he doesn’t make it.” In my mind, I replied, "Hey, I’m a girl, and I don’t want to die." Then I prayed, "I don’t want to die, God. I want to see my younger brother’s birthday. I want to go to school. I want to see my sisters. If I live, I’ll always pray to you." That was a six-year-old praying to live. And here is your mommy. Maybe at that time, God helped the doctor to save me. God heard my prayer. So I always talk to God whenever I’m afraid, confused, in church, in the morning when I wake up, or in the evening when I’m about to sleep. I thank God for the food, the water, the sun, the rain, and the trees, because they keep me alive. That is my God.

She asked me if I go to church. I said yes, of course, but not every Sunday. Then I asked her if she wanted to go to church tomorrow since it was Sunday, and we could hear Mass. She could pray for what’s on her mind, and God would hear and give her the answer. And be alert for the answer when it’s given. The next day, we went to attend Mass.

[atime2write]

Almost Seven Years Thinking about how to start. They say that if a friendship lasts for seven years, it will last a lifetime. A myth that we're a month short of achieving. It happened too suddenly and unexpectedly. Maybe we ignored the signs, or I overlooked them as ordinary days of your cluelessness. But on that Sunday, it all came crashing down, and severed the last hope of saving it. That Sunday, amidst my cousin's nine days of passing, I went to church out of respect for the tradition my family grew up with, and you knew I would be there to say a prayer. We discussed your father's health issues and your contemplation of returning home to help your family, and I reminded you about your daughter, who's still studying and in need of your support. You called me countless times while I was at church, reminding me to buy a wine you forgot as a present for a party we were both invited to. While thinking of your father, I also lit a candle and said a prayer for you to have discernment and clarity on your next move. Everything seemed fine until I removed my coat, and you judged how I was dressed, but I let it pass. Then I noticed there was no cake, and I mentioned how I wish I had bought one if I had known, and you smirked at me, saying I could go out and get one. I was stunned by how you looked at me, as if I shouldn't be there. With a wondering thought, I asked you why you hadn't thought of buying one earlier when you were here, just as you forgot to buy a gift for the celebrant. You could have walked to a store; it would have been good exercise. You excused yourself, saying you earned the fats you stored. I thought that was the end of it. But then came a joke about how I dressed conservatively and looked like an usherette. You laughed hysterically, and I felt anger rising within me. Here was my friend of almost seven years, the same friend I had prayed for discernment and lit a candle for her ill father. I asked you, "Why are you laughing? Am I dressed inappropriately?" My anger clouded my mind; yes, this was my friend. I kept repeating the question, but you didn't know how to answer. You got up, grabbed your things, and walked out. After a while, you sent a message apologizing if I felt offended, stating it wasn't your intention to laugh at me going to church or how I dressed, but you still laughed. I asked why and what was funny, but you blamed the joke and the person who made it, and you blamed me for not being in the mood, saying you weren't either. How could I reply to you when you weren't sincere enough for forgiveness? How could I reply when you didn't acknowledge my hurt? Instead of talking to me about my silence, you relied on others and then blocked me. The moment I realized what you had done, I severed all ties that bound us. And this is my closure to almost seven years of friendship.

-YeZeXi-