atsushisthings

[atsushisthings]

It would happen eventually, but why so soon...?

2019 was when my dad passed away. Then before we had time to really cope, covid made everything weird for over a year. I needed something new in my life. Buck-Tick filled that void. Suddenly I felt really inspired again, I started teaching myself Japanese, I would wake up at 4 in the morning to watch B-T's concert streams on their Youtube channel. I met so many mutuals on Twitter, more than I ever had in any previous fandom.

Anyway, with Sakurai's passing, I feel a serious void. I don't know what to do. I've been hyperfixating on this band for almost three straight years. I went all in, I went in DEEP. I knew I'd never get to see them in person, so I thought that being noticed by the other fans via fanart would be enough. I should've been a fishtanker all that time. This hurts. This really hurts.

[atsushisthings]

It fills my heart to see how everyone refers to him with warmth, admiration, kindness and respect.

One of the things I really admire of him was his moments of wisdom, he had interesting thoughts and worldviews, you could learn so much from/of him and life through the interviews. Reading him felt very familiar and it was so rare to have similar ways of thinking/feelings, i appreciate that very much. You could see his qualities and humanity, he was genuine and didn't hide his flaws. He was full of love, he gave us all always. He loved life and loved love, even in his "darkest" lyrics and records, he was moved by it.

More than 36 years giving everything. Thanks for the tenderness, erotism, androgynous vibes, cuteness. Keep dreaming.

[atsushisthings]

good morning.

[atsushisthings]

twitter request for reigen in a pink suit ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

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Pov:atsushi get close to you

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