auntiereeof5

[auntiereeof5]

[auntiereeof5]

First Responders and Mental Health: Father’s Day

Hey, it’s your humble former first responder here. Back with another blog.

Father’s Day. It’s a time to honor our fathers. But first I want to mention a recent loss.

This year will be bittersweet for a firefighter’s family who just lost their dad/husband/son on the 26th of May. He died doing what he loved. His family, friends, community, and FD family will surely miss him. His name was James Michael Muller. He was only 25 years old. He was a 7 year veteran firefighter with the Irmo Fire Department. He died when his department was assisting the Columbia/Richland County Fire Department with an apartment fire. His funeral was May 31st 2023. My heart goes out to his family, blood and fire. If you know anyone that is having a hard time dealing with this or any other loss, please help them reach out for help. Its only a phone call away. I could do a whole blog on loss of First Responders, but I’ll leave that for another day. RIP James Michael Muller.

So, to bring it around. Sometimes, as a father, you tend to have unknown (to you) certain anxieties. For instance, a FF may run his family through fire drills at home. It is a great thing to do. But to scare the crap out of your already anxious child into thinking her home is about to burn to the ground, as she is running out the door while you stand there with a match at the smoke detector. Yeah, probably not a good idea. I understand the concept now. But then, not so much.

Or as a LEO, come home from shift and try to get your kids to obey you. In your cop voice. Seriously. That may work at first but in the long run, not good for your kiddos. They are not suspects or criminals. I know that it’s hard to separate it when you get agitated or mad at them. Shoot, I still use my Paramedic voice. It’s second nature to you.

As I write this blog, I chuckle at these fellas. Folks that work in the public safety or first responders fields, tend to be very vigilant. We want to know the best way to handle a situation. It’s a great habit to have but we have to learn when to turn it off. Whether it’s to leave work in that patrol car when you sign off, or climbing in your POV when you leave shift. You’ve got to turn it off. You could be influencing your children into some of their anxieties if you go too far. Like Hypervigilance. It’s okay to be vigilant or even extra vigilant but be careful, it could border obsession or paranoia.

According to verywellmind.com, hypervigilance is someone who are constantly on guard and prone to overreact. They maintain an intense and sometimes obsessive awareness of their surroundings, frequently scanning for threats or routes of escape. They also say that it often occurs in response to some threat that triggers feelings of anxiety or a past trauma related memory.

One of the main causes could be from PTSD and anxiety disorders. It could also be a medical condition. You won’t know until you get checked out. According to the website, there are many triggers. You may not even realize that you have any of these disorders. That’s why it is very important to get a routine checkup. Mental and physical.

There are many different treatments for PTSD and anxiety disorders out there. Given by trained therapist. Exposure therapy and CBT are just 2 of the many ways to help. Here at Choices Counseling, we do these therapies.

So, if you or a loved one seems to be hypervigilant or paranoid-ish, get them some help.

They may even have to medicate but do so through a doctor. There is NOTHING wrong with getting help. NOTHING WRONG WITH GETTING HELP. Once more to the people in the back, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH GETTING HELP!!! BREAK THE STIGMA PEOPLE!!!!!!!

Happy Father’s Day to all you silly fellas and quit traumatizing your kids! I’m joking. Seriously though, I hope ya’ll have a great day. Please get a mental health checkup. Love on your babies and relax!! You deserve it!!!

*PS, go read that article on verywellmind.com on Hypervigilance. It’s a good article. *

SAMHSA hotline 1-800-662-4357

[auntiereeof5]

[auntiereeof5]

First responders and Mental Health: EMS week edition

In 1974, President Gerald Ford authorized EMS week to celebrate EMS and their work.

This used to be my favorite week. We’d get all kinds of goodies from hospitals and helicopter services. Our boss would buy the shifts pizza. Sometimes we’d get cool presents like shirts. Sometimes we had awards and a cookout. We even got to play volleyball. We had so much fun.

According to NAEMT.org, this year’s theme is EMS: Where Emergency Care Begins. It begins on May the 21st and goes until May 27th. I love that this website has days broken down as to what you should do each day. They even have a list of activities to do. My favorite is Sunday for this year. The 21st. Starting off with a good one!

Sunday the 21st is Health, Wellness, and Resilience Day. So, as medical professionals, we suck at taking care of ourselves. That call that nags at us, we ignore. That pain in our lower backs, we ignore. That headache that lasts for a couple of days, we ignore. Instead, we drink or take a drug to numb the pain. Or even “hook” up as a way to cope. As I’ve stated before, that only numbs the pain. It does NOT go away.

SO, my challenge for the 21st of May, is to take care of yourself. Vow to schedule that medical appt with your primary physician on Monday morning. Most doctors have apps now to where you can schedule appts online. Call that EAP number that HR gave you. Work on your mental health. You can take a mental health test online. FREE OF CHARGE! MHAscreening.org.

There are so many options out there. And they are all confidential. Also, as I’ve previously stated, if you know your partner is in counseling because they have confided in you, don’t give them crap. Support them. It is very difficult to talk about and if they trust you enough, support them. If you notice that your partner isn’t “acting right”, talk to them. LISTEN to them and then get them help.

Ya’ll, seriously, the job is tough. The stigma is real. STOP IT!! No need for you to be “tough”. No need to “battle through”. Speak up! Your mental health is very important. Especially if you want to retire from EMS instead being forced to either quit or retire early. It will take a toll on your body and you will face a higher risk of getting injured. Find healthy ways to deal with the stress. Walking, dancing, going to the gym are just a few suggestions for stress relief.

So kick back, relax. Enjoy that pizza, cake, and free goodies. (Have one for me, wink) Take care of yourself. And enjoy your week. You deserve it!!

Marie B, former first responder

[auntiereeof5]

No shame. No judgement. Choices Counseling is here for you!

[auntiereeof5]

First Responders and Mental Health Part 2: Station House Chatter

So I know when your sitting around at your station house, you get to talking. Most of the time we telling lies to make us look good, brag about “conquest” and families. So your partner starts talking about things going on at home. Their significant other (SO) is getting on their nerves. You are listening, maybe completely or just passively. You start trading stories about your life with them. Next thing you know, y’all are giving advice. Now we both know, that giving advice based on what we “know” is NOT a good idea.

 According to firstrespondersinitiative.org, divorce rate averages between 60 to 70% for first responders! Wow! The national rate is only 50%. Y’ALL! That is crazy! Now, there are many factors to this such as stress of the job, etc. I personally have witnessed relationships fall apart for many reasons such as cheating. 

 That being said, I really don’t think it is a good idea for any of us to give out relationship advice. We mean well. We have good intentions. But there is a saying somewhere about good intentions and a road and hell. I don’t know, but the point is, that we need to be careful of what we are advising. Real people get hurt. Our jobs are to keep people from getting hurt or to fix the hurt.  

 I understand that we sit around, sometimes for 24 hours, with nothing to do (hopefully). We talk. It’s going to happen. Sometimes, things you say just flow out. Without some type of filter. Mine used to get clogged all the time. Next thing you know, the whole “house” knows your business. God forbid your SO shows up and they start talking to them about it. You know you’re probably going to be in trouble with your SO. I know most of you are probably good friends/family with your partner/shift. And that’s great. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes your/their business gets out innocently. 

 When they start talking about things, listen. If they seem to be getting in deep convo about their SO, let them know that they should probably get some help. Especially if they think they’re cheating, struggling with addiction, etc. You can help break that stigma. You can keep quiet about their struggles, don’t tell the world, even if you do so innocently. Tell them to seek help. You can help them find help. 

 Remember that EAP I spoke about in the last blog? They can help with relationship problems. Lord knows I should have done this BEFORE I got married. Again, the stigma. Man, it gets us every time!! Y’all we need to stop the stigma with therapy and First Responders!! It may help save a relationship or it could point out that you shouldn’t be together and help you through it. 

So, in short, mind ya business. Kidding! Help them out by getting them to seek help. And if they tell you they are in counseling, don’t give them crap about it. Support them along the way. 

[auntiereeof5]

First Responders and Mental Health- National Police Week

National Police Week is this week. It is meant to celebrate those officers who gave their life to protecting us and this week also honors the family members of said LEOs. They send them off to serve and protect! Sons, Daughters, Mothers and Fathers.

I for one, will be remembering those brave men and women that gave their lives to make me and my family safer. I am proud to have worked side by side with some of these men and women.

So, a little backstory of the history of police week. In 1962, President John F. Kennedy signed a proclamation with designated May 15th as Peace Officers Memorial Day and the week it falls in, as Police Week. Thousands of officers, family and community gather to remember those who gave their lives to the job, according to policeweek.org.

LEOs run towards you when you need them. No questions asked. These folks, LEOs, whether they like to admit it or not, they/you are not 10ft tall and bulletproof. (Hence the vest, wink) When they respond to calls, even “routine” calls, they do so out of a sense of commitment and concern.

Please remember those that have fallen and their families. Along with the ones that remain to serve and protect. As well as their families. Their Mothers, Fathers, Spouses, Children and Community need them. Please remember them.

If you know anyone in the LE community and they are struggling, please get them help. The ongoing stress of the job can get to be to much. If you are a loved one of an officer, you feel the heat too, reach out. There are many of therapist out there that get it. We here at Choices Counseling have at least one counselor that is experienced in first responder’s stressors. EAPs that I’ve been talking about covers LEO and their families. Choices Counseling is one of them, here in South Carolina. We here, always here to support those that support and give their lives daily. No questions asked. We pride ourselves in being judgement free.

Many thanks to the men and woman who sacrifice so much to protect me, and to their families who love and support them. I am grateful to y’all!

Thank you for reading this. I appreciate you. Marie B. Former First Responder

[auntiereeof5]

When Life is Happening For Your Therapist, What Do You Do?

Therapists are people just like you. They are brothers, sisters, sons and daughters, mother, fathers, husbands, and wives…they have responsibilities to themselves and theirs in the same way that you have responsibilities to you and yours. You choose a therapist. You build a bond. You vest in yourself. You begin to experience positive change in your world. You show vulnerability. You laugh. You cry. You grow and you begin to rely on the support of your therapist. This has happened, in part, because your therapist is dependable and always available for you. 

One day you receive a call from the Practice Support Specialist asking you to reschedule your appointment. This has never happened before so even though you were looking forward to your weekly appointment you reluctantly rescheduled. Then your reschedule gets rescheduled! You are feeling annoyed, so you ask the Practice Support Specialist the reason the appointment is continuing to be rescheduled. She says simply that your therapist had a family emergency. Suddenly, you feel frightened and confused. This seems strange to you because it is not your family emergency. You might even feel selfish or even a little angry. How dare your therapist prioritize anyone but you!

Please do not react or take this personal. Deploy your coping skills. Breath, use self-talk, use some grounding techniques to help you process how you are feeling. Accept how you are feeling in the moment. Feel the feeling for a moment or two and then move forward with your day. 

Your therapist has life happening for them just like you have life happening for you. So again, the question remains when life is happening for your therapist what do you do? At your next appointment you should talk to your therapist about how the rescheduling made you feel. You should feel just as comfortable speaking about this event and how it made you feel as you would speak about anything else. After all your relationship is built on trust and honesty. The response you may get from your therapist may not be the response you wanted or expected but none the less it is a response and just how your therapist accepts your responses unconditionally you should except whatever the response from your therapist might be-unconditionally and with positive regard. 

It is important for you to remember that therapists usually have a safety plan in place so that their clients are never left without a therapist for support. For group practices there is easily another clinician available for you, especially if you are in crisis. For individual practices there should be another therapist available to assist you if you need to have an appointment immediately and your therapist is unavailable.

It is important to remember that therapists take their ethics very seriously and their dedication to care is particularly important to them. Babies will be born, loved ones will die, relationships will be challenged. Therapists even get a cold from time to time. A therapist’s consideration for you should always be a priority. When it is you will know it and sticking with your therapist when life happens to them will benefit you more than you realize.

Christine Johnson LPC, LPC-S, CCTP, CCATP

[auntiereeof5]