autistic-duck

[autistic-duck]

I can't stop thinking about how hard it is to actually stay... aware. As a human being.

Ever since we got our hands on these screens.

A few minutes ago I started watching a video that's edited like a movie trailer, and it's got all this dramatic, anxiety-inducing music and all it's saying is that social media is completely changing/erasing our identities.

it's talking about "mass amnesia" and using other reactive language without ANY kind of scientific evidence, but even when I KNOW this, watching it feels terrifying, and I have this pit in my stomach that won't go away.

For the past week, I've been desperately trying not to let myself fall into the trap of social media. I've been trying to focus on showering, cooking healthy foods, exercising, journaling... literally ANYTHING to keep my mind occupied and away from my screen, but I keep coming back. I'm still here.

And when I'm here, nothing is real.

Politics, fears, cultures, identities, they all blend together into this tasteless experience that means absolutely nothing to me. Yet at the same time, this sometimes feels like all that is left of me.

We're fucking TRAPPED here. Why is nobody talking about this? Why is nobody saying what we're all feeling? No matter where you go, advertisements follow you. They beg you to come back, to keep watching.

They want every second of every day of our lives. They listen to our conversations and use our thoughts against us. Their bottom line is our goddamn minds.

I keep seeing videos and social media posts telling us to WAKE UP, but social media can't wake us up.

This should have never become normal, and I don't know how to escape. I want to go back to writing everything on paper. I should have done that the moment I realized my phone completely fucked up my head.

We've all been telling people to touch grass, but how many of us have actually done that?

What are we even doing?

[autistic-duck]

I feel like an alien tomb would be sooooo fucking cool until a alien mummy gets up and chase you

[autistic-duck]

I will always reblog this

[autistic-duck]

listen. if u like/reblog my posts fairly frequently, u better believe that i have noticed ok. even if we don’t ever talk. if we aren’t even mutuals! doesn’t matter. i see you. i see your URL pop up in my notifications every so often. and when it does? oh, when it does……… i’m like “oh hey there’s my buddy! gee i sure missed u pal!” and i get real happy for a minute ok. sorry, i don’t make the rules.

[autistic-duck]

I had no idea the digital manatee ecosystem was thriving on tumblr but this is excellent news

[autistic-duck]

one time my mom and i were talking about autism and she said if i got it from anyone i got it from my dad, a man who has been buying and sorting pokemon cards for several months straight and likes to memorize license plates and then quiz my mom on them. and then she remembered that my father is not actually biologically related to me (#childofdivorce) and lost her shit laughing. i got that proxy autism

[autistic-duck]

”autistic people don’t do [ extremely common higher support need , higher level autistic trait / symptom ] , that just stereotype”

you need include us too : you need include childish autistic person , you need include nonverbal autistic person , you need include autistic person who drool , you need include autistic people with intellectual disability , you need include autistic person with loud messy public meltdowns .

can not hide behind “it just stereotype” because that not true . there are many people very disabled by autism , you need remember us and include us .

[autistic-duck]

“take your headphones off” “i’m sorry um i have sensory issues?” “sensory what?” “i have issues that are within my senses, and i use these headphones to block out one of them which is sound” “you can’t lie about stuff like that,there are peopl-“ “I am one of those people who needs these stuff.” “okay well you need a better reason that that.” “IM AUTISTIC OKAY???” “…you new generations always using that as an excuse”

..

Listen to me, very closely. Due to past experiences, i don’t like having to use my autism as a first resort to get through people’s thick skulls that that’s why i need blank or that’s why i do blank. So i try REALLY hard not to.(course if its friends they already know cus duh their close enough to me and most of them have adhd or autism or both anyway). But when I do(typically to people who are my superiors or far older), they throw in my face i used that as an excuse.

I don’t even think you should call it that, it’s a valid reason for me to use what i have been using before you happen to see me to help muffle out sounds that bother me to an extreme that is not the same for an allistic. I happen to be playing with a fidget or something that is one of the best ways i regulate emotions and/or energy,do not throw in my face that that thing i’m holding is for kids, literally it’s not, for EVERYONE. Sorry if you happen to see me vocal stimming like crazy or moving about my hands in fast odd motions cause i’m around people who doesn’t care if i do and are my friends, but really im not because it’s not an issue till you make it be one.

I know when I need to put on a mask that fits the crowd, doing it subconsciously all my life, so I know when not to be the weird guy, but i know when i can toss my mask aside and do my thing because im not hurting anyone nor myself when i do so.

So i am NOT using my autism as an excuse to have special privileges that nobody else has, Im using my autism as a valid reason to be able to use my headphones so i dont always be on the brink of sensory overload, a valid reason as to why i may be stimming so amazingly hard(in my experience,people around me don’t really care too much!!:3), a valid reason as to why i may be using a fidget toy!, hell a valid reason that i am desperately asking for a quiet room regardless on why i need to be with peers so i can take my time to calm down so i wont have a meltdown. It’s not an excuse, I have it. I will give it as a reason for things related to it WHEN I see fit and IF I FEEL like the person really needs to know.

It becomes an excuse when i’m being crappy and blaming it on my autism even though i may have harassed someone(EXAMPLE NEVER HAPPENED!!!). THATS when it’s wrong. Because as much as it is something i have, it shouldn’t be used to justify me doing very harmful things to others or even myself!

Quit trying to say it’s an excuse when it really REALLY isn’t. Maybe people with adhd can relate to this as well maybe anyone who is neurodivergent can relate, and I’m sorry that people keep on accusing you of lying or using your “whatever you have” card as an excuse even though the situation really calls for you to say that u have it and it’s probably why u did this or act this way or didn’t do this or act this way.

deeply sorry if this offends someone but at the same time i’m not

[autistic-duck]

the problem with water is like. it's the cleaning fluid right. that's the obvious part. you stop drinking and you stop peeing and your kidneys are like ough. ough. ough. ough. but you don't die. unless you're not drinking anything At All and not eating watery food either. so all it is is you pee less but you're okay. kind of.

BUT THEN when it gets too hot it starts being the coolant! and suddenly there are so many ways it can get out! you have so many sweat glands and so much skin and they all need to be cooled down before you DIE.

but then. you realize the least obvious one. it's the transmission fluid. it's the fucking transmission fluid. you can't transmit SHIT without your fliud. which is still fucking water somehow.

so now you're LEAKING your transmission fluid out of every goddamn pore and your kidneys are like hey. gimme that cleaning fluid cmon dude. while your pores are like ITS COOLANT. NEED COOLANT. FOR THE FIRE. NEED MORE COOLANT. SO MUCH FIRE. KILL IT. KILL IT MORE. MORE COOLANT. and then. the rest of you. that uses all that fluid to transmit things. it's like hey. hey. hey what the fuck.. i need that. hello? can anyone hear me? hello? it's so dark in here..

and then you drink more water or you die.

[autistic-duck]

I finally have a way to explain what ADHD is like

(Also ignore any spelling errors im writing this late at night lol)

Imagine your doing an 8 hour walk with your friends. You all have heavy bags and youre all in good shape. Some of your friends even have asthma

You do some research and watch videos about other people discussing their experience with the walk, they all say its easy, everyone finds it easy.

At first it goes well, you're at the front. And everything is going fine. But then you get a little tired so you take a break. You arent at the front anymore. but its fine because theres still people in your group walking with you.

But then you keep getting tired and taking breaks. Getting further and further. Eventually your too far to talk to anyone without shouting, you dont know why youve needed so many breaks. The walk is supposed to be easy? Some of your friends have asthma! you should be ahead of them at least, they havent even had to use their inhalers once. Your bag is one of the lighter ones so its not like thats hindering you anymore than anyone else either.

You really need a break now. Your group stops for a break and you feel relieved. as soon as you catch up you can take a break with them. but as soon as you catch up them get up and start going again. Its annoying but its fine. so you continue.

They take breaks often but it feels like every single time you catch up they start moving again. You shouldnt have fallen behind in the first place, the walk is supposed to be easy you were taking breaks way sooner than they were. there was no reason to and now your always 50 steps behind. You end up taking no more breaks for the next 4 hours because all that would lead you to is you being even further behind.

Your bag is lighter than everyone elses

You dont have asthma

You are not out of shape

And yet everyone is in front of you.

They've taken 10 breaks and you've taken 50.

At the end of the walk everyone talks about the walk you talk about how hard it was that all those people saying it was easy were clearly lying. They look at you confused, they say it WAS easy

You think thats ridiculous you were physically exhausted. But everyone seems to agree it was fine, the next day you cant even get out of bed with how tired you are but your friends are already going on another one

your parents say that the walk was easy when they used to do it, they used to do it every day!

You dont know why you needed so many breaks. You dont have asthma. You arent out of shape. Everyone was in the same conditions as you if not in a worse one. You just assume your useless, your just bad at walking and so you give up

Later in life you attempt the 8 hour walk again you struggle again but you manage it.

Eventually someone offers the option to do the 2 hour walk, much easier than the 8 hour one. but you dont want to. The 8 hour walks are supposed to be easy. You can get by. you feel tired all the time, but everyone else does the 8 hour one so why shouldnt you. You're never gonna learn to just deal with the exhaustion if you do the 2 hour walks! So you exhaust yourself day after day.

And eventually one day after all that stress you collapse.

You have to teach yourself that its OKAY to do the easier 2 hour walks. Youre not less of a person. You cant do the 8 hour ones and thats fine you cant control that, you arent doing anything wrong to not be able to. Some people judge you, they ask why you cant just do the the 8 hour walks, a lot of people just assume you can do the 8 hour walks and invite you to join them and you have to explain how you cant. sometimes youre forced into doing the 8 hour walks and just push through again because they dont understand that you really struggle. But you deal with it, thats a part that never goes away.

That is a lot more text then i thought this would be T-T

[autistic-duck]

hitting return early on libby when there's people waiting and feeling like a benevolent queen distributing alms to the poor

[autistic-duck]

don’t get mad at your doordasher if they’re late. they could have been distracted by the majestic plumage of a tom wild turkey fully fanned on the side of the road

[autistic-duck]

Beautiful cow who is mooing at you

[autistic-duck]

Duolingo Sucks, Now What?: A Guide

Now that the quality of Duolingo has fallen (even more) due to AI and people are more willing to make the jump here are just some alternative apps and what languages they have:

"I just want an identical experience to DL"

Busuu (Languages: Spanish, Japanese, French, English, German, Dutch, Italian, Portuguese, Chinese, Polish, Turkish, Russian, Arabic, Korean)

"I want a good audio-based app"

Language Transfer (Languages: French, Swahili, Italian, Greek, German, Turkish, Arabic, Spanish, English for Spanish Speakers)

"I want a good audio-based app and money's no object"

Pimsleur (Literally so many languages)

Glossika (Also a lot of languages, but minority languages are free)

*anecdote: I borrowed my brother's Japanese Pimsleur CD as a kid and I still remember how to say the weather is nice over a decade later. You can find the CDs at libraries and "other" places I'm sure.

"I have a pretty neat library card"

Mango (Languages: So many and the endangered/Indigenous courses are free even if you don't have a library that has a partnership with Mango)

Transparent Language: (Languages: THE MOST! Also the one that has the widest variety of African languages! Perhaps the most diverse in ESL and learning a foreign language not in English)

"I want SRS flashcards and have an android"

AnkiDroid: (Theoretically all languages, pre-made decks can be found easily)

"I want SRS flashcards and I have an iphone"

AnkiApp: It's almost as good as AnkiDroid and free compared to the official Anki app for iphone

"I don't mind ads and just want to learn Korean"

lingory

"I want an app made for Mandarin that's BETTER than DL and has multiple languages to learn Mandarin in"

ChineseSkill (You can use their older version of the course for free)

"I don't like any of these apps you mentioned already, give me one more"

Bunpo: (Languages: Japanese, Spanish, French, German, Korean, and Mandarin)

[autistic-duck]

Shout out to mentally ill people who dropped out of school

- shout out to the kids who were “so bright” and ‘heading somewhere” and had to drop out because school was too much to handle along with mental illness

- shout out to the kids who struggled to get where they got before they dropped out

- shout out to the kids who tried and tried and tried and still couldn’t finish

you aren’t unintelligent because you dropped out of school, you aren’t a delinquent or a bad person because you dropped out of school, just because you did what you had to doesn’t make you a bad person

[autistic-duck]

"That's not autism, they need help"

"That's not an autistic thing, that's wrong and they need therapy"

"That's not because of autism, they shouldn't be let out of the house"

Often, it IS autism. Often, it IS because of autism.

But a lot of those symptoms/behaviours tend to be labelled as "bad autism" or "scary autism". Due to that, it becomes a taboo topic to talk about in public spaces, in online spaces.

There has been a lot of backlash in online autism spaces when these very common and real behaviours of autism are talked about, and it needs to stop.

Just because you don't relate to it, or don't want to be associated to these behaviours doesn't mean it's not real for autistics to experience due to their autism.

It is so important for the "bad" symptoms, the "scary" symptoms to be talked about in autistic spaces. People need to be educated about the whole spectrum and how it presents, not just the "quirky" side of autism.

When you refuse to acknowledge these as autism things, you are actively hurting a part of the community that needs the most understanding and support.

[autistic-duck]

In hindsight it's very insulting to be told that flunking out of college due to adhd is actually "quite common"