autisticelation - Tumblr blog

[autisticelation]

i havent been on tumblr in a while but i just had such a huge shift in my life i need to talk about it (summary: i got an owner)

i was a bit lonely so my friend introduced me to his other friend (who sadly lives in the states while both of us live in europe) and we quickly clicked. we introduced eachother to our favorite games and hopped on call like in the first two hours since we started talking which was very unusual for me, considering i’m usually very shy when it comes to them, especially at first.

i watched him play games, we hanged out for a good few hours and we teased eachother a little bit, then he admitted to almost calling me a good boy which while unexpected, was very much welcome. he’s very gentle, charismatic, funny and always makes sure i feel comfortable with his jokes or actions, which while being the bare minimum still means a lot to me.

on the second day we got a little more personal and playful, which resulted in him calling me a puppy which was again, unexpected but welcome. at first i was very worried about weirding him out with my kinks considering a lot of people consider pet play to be a bit off, but he was very much okay with it and seemed into it. we talked for like good seven hours that day and he ended up calling me his puppy multiple times, but i was still very anxious about being a freak until he straight up asked me to bark for him !!!

then i realized how desperate i was for this kind of attention??? like someone calling me their puppy, having me bark for them and praising me for it, god it felt so good. not even saying it turned me on, because for me petplay is much more than just a sex thing which he understood and treats it the same way.

we’ve been on call with eachother for a good few hours (im talking 5-7 hours) for the past five days, with the exception of one (but we were texting a lot then anyway) so our connection quickly progressed. i was very anxious about everything at first, as i mentioned previously but it passed the moment he asked if i wanted to be his puppy, while he could be my owner. all while being friends!! which was perfect for me.

we hang out, play games together, talk about random stuff all while having that pet-owner relationship. i don’t believe it could be this way if he didn’t consider me his friend as well, because it just makes me feel safer in this arrangement especially considering how long our distance is. i’m not just something to get off to for him or anything (bc yes we did get sexual with this along the way lmao), we can chill together with no issue.

im propably getting excited over the most minor things as my friend who introduced us pointed out, but ive never had anything close to this. he double checks if im okay multiple times, makes sure im comfortable with things he tells me or orders me to do (even when i clarify i am, he loves to triple check) all while still having that dominant aura.

submitting and obeying him feels natural to me, it feels good and i just have the desire to do it any time no matter what. everything about him is just so attractive to me, everything i ever wanted in a friend as well as an owner.

and before you assume, both of us are aromantic so we are quite uncapable of catching feelings for eachother, which doesn’t devalue the fact we get along very well both as friends and as a pet/owner. we aren’t exclusive to eachother, the friend who introduced us is on it too so we are kind of having a threesome situation rn (even though it is clear im the puppy of the group 24/7 while my friend just switches, and even if hes more submissive as well i’m more submissive iykwm) and we have no problem with us seeing other people in the future because we are friends above everything else.

i have no rules or punishments and i always have the option to say no to every order he gives me, especially if its nsfw. he’s the softest dom i’ve ever seen in my life and is so happy that he has me, it’s insane, i’ve never felt more appreciated in my life. not to mention that even if i don’t know him that long, my friend knew him for months before this so i know i can trust him a little bit more.

so safe to say he sped run training me bc now i just bark for him without thinking and i giggle like a little bitch any time he calls me his pup or anything along those lines. i love him so much this is insane

[autisticelation]

one of my more transgender thoughts these days is seeing a very pretty woman and saying i want to be a girl but deep inside knowing ill never be one

if i truly was cis id just say im a girl, id feel comfortable calling myself one and all

i just want to look in a more feminine way like girls without being one

[autisticelation]

i feel like the the reason why i dont see full bodies of demons in my hallucinations is my brain knowing id want to fuck them

i see the hat man and the strap is walking out of the closet by itself

[autisticelation]

i have geography finals today and i feel the need to study but i know that if i were to actually study, id loose all the will to do so

i wish i was more functioning sometimes because relying on sudden surges of wanting to live that mainly happen when youre sleep deprived is not the way to go

[autisticelation]

Chemistry dinosaur was a Patreon request from a while ago, but I was asked to add it as a print on Redbubble, so it is there now!

[autisticelation]

quick introduction post in case someone sticks around or simply checks out my profile

- due to my mental illness i go by many names, but here you can simply call me veritas ratio (this might change however)

- im 18, nonbinary and polish, however all posts will be in english < 3

- this account is for shitposts, info dumps, rants, etc. i just need to talk about things sometimes

[autisticelation]

i wpuldnt call those delusions ngl but as long asi can remember i havent been me, more like a dude pretending to br me because the way i think i should be is impossibke

i dont know which brand of kental illness is i feel like a fictional character but i vibe with that

not in a delusional i believe i am that character way 100% but in a fully concious way

as like mentally i feel like that character but also accept im not which makes me sad but i wont argue if you say im not does that make sense

[autisticelation]

i dont know which brand of kental illness is i feel like a fictional character but i vibe with that

not in a delusional i believe i am that character way 100% but in a fully concious way

as like mentally i feel like that character but also accept im not which makes me sad but i wont argue if you say im not does that make sense

[autisticelation]

all this intelligent yapping about 2.3 but all i took from it was that sunday is a communist

[autisticelation]

sampo is either an emanator of elation or aha themselves and ill be taking no criticism on that, will also talk about ahavilii

the most obvious hint to sampo being an emanator/aha are how his powers looks. the daggers he has, cut through the ground leaving faint void marks as if he was cutting through reality itself. void is a reoccuring theme in his animations in general, as it appears in his burst as well. sampo also appears to be able to teleport, as he did drag four people to the underworld at once, not to mention his constant reappearing back and forth. he also leaves no traces in the sand or the water.

another thing, is how he appears to end up on the luofu, following us same as Aha (their bells and giggled are heard in the Phantylia battle). Sampo had no need to follow us like that if he was just a regular masked fool, we benefitted his schemes and he should go on his marry way, especially since he really seems to care about Belobog, so be should stay and keep an eye on it. instead he flew/teleported all the way to us. but why would Aha be so interested in us anyway?

Aha cared about Akivilii (in their own way), they mourn them and seem to have an extensive history with the trailblaze path as well. Aha seems to care about us the most in the SU, so why wouldn’t they care about us so much in the real world? not to mention I also believe we’re Akivilii’s emanator (just an emanator, not a reincarnation as ive seen people say), which makes us even more connected to Aha.

and it shows.

Aha just doesn’t let serious harm come to us, as Sampo saves our asses for zero reason (do we really believe he would save us if we weren’t trailblazers?), flatters us as if we’ve known eachother for years even if he has nothing to gain WHILE we are being dicks to him. it mirrors Aha and Akivilii now that i think about it. Sampo fucks with us, we seem to despise him but at the end of the day we are drawn to eachother

also on that note;

schemes of elation seem to collerate with our trailblazing for some reason? which ties in with how Aha just doesn’t let us come to serious, mortal harm in any way. sparkle could easily kill us, like in real life, not just the dream (putting aside 2.3 knowledge), yet she helped us discover the deeper dreamscape. obviously because it was beneficiary to her, but after such a case happening twice it should start to raise some eyebrows.

also, Aha being with us during the Phantylia battle means they would propably step in if we were truly fucked, because i doubt they’d just watch us die, how would extinguishing one of the last sparks of Akivilii be entertaining?

also i think the next path we’re gonna get is either elation or hunt, since we arent getting eurudition or abundance (unless we want the luofu to shoot as down or smth). if not for the fact that 5* herta and march seem to be further in development than 5* sampo, i doubt we’re getting sampo lore soon :(( i bet theyre gonna try to finish ipc a little more before they divr into aeons

[autisticelation]

[jade kit leaks mention]

i’ve seen a twitter thread about this and REALLY had to chime in because i have quite a few thoughts.

jade having a whip in her animations as a weapon haven’t sit right with me since the beginning, mainly because this imagery is VERY straightforward if not in a nsfw context. jade as an ipc worker on a high position having a whip and using it on people is questionable at best, not to mention how in the 2.1 quest she says to aventurine that a slave should obey their master, making it clear what her views are if shes not putting on a mask.

heres where my thoughts start.

both topaz and aventurines backstories shaped them into what they are now, yelena advocating for ipc’s colonization of belobog due to her being quite literally groomed by the ipc, while kakavashas entire arc literally circulates about his past experiences. what if jade is similiar? jade could also be a slave? her words couldve been mocking, while her use of a whip and general demeanor could be coping mechanisms she uses, wanting to prove herself shes as good as her masters were. aventurine hated his master, perhaps jade wants to become like them?

ive also heard that jade hides her "evil personality" behind a good one, but perhaps the evil persona is also just a mask? it would be really interesting if she was just hiding her fears and anxietes behind false dominance, perhaps even obsesiveness or need of control?

of course, no matter the case shes not a "good" character, her backstory may explain her demeanor but wont excuse it, its a similiar case to topaz. all the stonehearts are propably victims to the ipc, which doesnt mean theyre good people. no amount of capitalistic brainwashing will excuse the harm theyve done to people, because im assuming they all did in one way or another. however, i just want to see jade have multiple layers to her as all of the ipc writing so far is perhaps one of the best in the game.

sadly, we’ll see jade being reduced to hot mommy, or a plain racist no matter what her story is.