I've been told I have issues. pls send frogs.
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“What I’m saying is that I want my body back, my whole body, my whole experience of the world.”
— — Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, from The Freezer Door
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No new art today but I did make frog cupcakes
(Inspired by a cake artist on Pinterest. I couldn’t find the original maker tho. Sry)
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Frogs are very nice to look at, they are also very friendly. I wish I had a frog-friend, actually, I wish I was a frog so I could look cute in hats and have human friends!
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Those wings… I want them, too.
#N O#they included this scene in WoFF and you can't imagine how badly seeing tiny chibi Zack say this and die fucked me up#even if in the actual game he's just sorta been resurrected#(or i guess technically it's not the same him but I'll take it)
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“I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever.”
— Rabindranath Tagore (via thelovejournals)
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“I have died for the smallest things. / Nothing washes off.”
— — Angela Jackson, from “The Love of Travelers,” And All These Roads Be Luminous: Poems Selected and New (via lifeinpoetry)
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Li-Young Lee, from “Folding a Five-Cornered Star So the Corners Meet”, The Undressing: Poems
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This is relevant again, I guess. So far he's been avoiding me like the plague, refusing to front when I'm out, and still is. I hope it stays that way because I know right now he's feeling the tug of his old ways and I'm feeling the pull back to him. At least he's got something (someone) to fight it for now, I guess. I really hope it's enough because I'm not strong enough to resist. And I really hope he's truly changed instead of just having moved on to the next target.
So I guess he really does want to change, or at least is considering it
I know I should be happy but actually I'm just scared he can't do it alone and because I don't have it in me to help him it'll just go back to the way it was before. I know he's considering that, too. It was easier.
#he's finally let someone close enough to not be alone anymore but no one can be there all the time#no one outside this body at least#I've just gotta stay strong I can't be the one to help him no matter how strong the pull gets#i. can't. help him.#hhhhhhhhh#(a small part of me is hurt he's 'lost interest' in me but he hasn't he's just actively choosing not to hurt me anymore)#(it's not love and it never was)
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is this vague enough to not count as oversharing
#it's terrifying seeing him in the games because then I remember the one sharing this head with me used to be the same#and i keep waiting for him to become that again#it's not that i don't want him to get better and learn how to function in a way that doesn't hurt the people around him it's just that#it's the only way I've ever known him to be and it's hard to believe that could be over#and I don't want to get my hopes up because if i do and he does go back I'll get sucked right back in#and i don't know if I'm capable of getting out another time#even if z's here#when it gets bad i push him away because I'm scared I'll slip up and he'll find out everything i don't ever want him to know#i guess it's a bit fucked up my highest priority in all this is that he never finds out because i know it would break his heart#even if that means going back#as long as he thinks I'm doing so willingly#i guess the non-canon content may be good for desensitizing him#because we'll be getting to the canon content when it releases and if he's not prepared he's going to backtrack and that. can't happen#me getting triggered to hell is manageable#especially if it'll help preventing the real Bad Thing from happening#and I mean......i like gaming#and i like playing as my canon self#it's fun right up until it gets bad#desensitizing s i mean i can't form coherent sentences but does anyone read this shit anyway? doubt#fictive stuff#physically we're safe this is just. headspace things
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I've been doing so well for so long I somehow forgot I am, in fact, severely traumatised.
#ptsd#or i guess#c ptsd#being a fictive is all fun and games (pun intended) until you remember you have extensive in-universe trauma
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It’s frog o’clock!!
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