average95bpm

[average95bpm]

hours of beating and clawing at my own skin late into the night and i feel? fine-ish. i haven't slept, maybe 2 hours but ive stayed up longer periods . i need 30 bucks to buy the materials needed to fill my room w co2.

if i stuff wet clothes under the door — it won't leak out and poison my family right?

i need to start arranging things for my absence, like proper notes & saving up for the cost of my funeral & coffin so my family doesn't suffer those expenses either

maybe if i wait until after my 18th bday i can just do it in a car in a parking lot so there's 0 risk to my family.

my funeral would be nearly 9k on average, not considering how much it would cost for the extra. it took me 3 months to earn 1k, so if i find a job that paid like my last — i should have 27 months of work at the most. i dunno if i want to live another year but it's clear that i have to.

[average95bpm]

i feel too big for my skin

[average95bpm]

the tools i need cost like 30 bucks, but a death by carbon monoxide in my room would be the thing i need... not only am i just passing when i fall asleep but im a walking radiohead reference LOL

i just need 30 bucks

[average95bpm]

i'm going to kill myself.

if i were to write a suicide note — i'd apologize to my online friends before my father, but after i apologize to my mother.

i don't think i could write down a reason aside from "it's getting bad again and i'm not pulling myself up this time."

if i were to kill myself, i'd lay down on the unguarded train tracks nearby our house until the train came. i don't think jumping off the balcony would do anything but break a few of my bones. i don't have enough pills to overdose .

it's not going to be tonight but soon probably. i just feel like i wouldn't mind dying now, since i finally had a good day.

[average95bpm]

Yes I know were dating but do you love me

[average95bpm]

I support this actually start scaring every single mf who tries u.

i need to be back on my creepy shit as im lowkey disgusted by how soft i am now

[average95bpm]

idk why I forgot abt the notif earlier but HELL YEAH we r locked in!

and hell yeah i love carrd making so matching carrds would be fun asl :P

i love you twin, and all ur aesthetics. new profile fire, and if u need help w carrds again i can make u fancy ones

i love you too twin!!! thx for being so loyal throughout all my aesthetics and blogs lmao

OMGG YESS WE GOTTA MAKE CARRDS WITH EACH OTHER ONE DAY!!!!

[average95bpm]

So...does anyone want to be sexed up, abusive lesbians?

[average95bpm]

GETTING INTO RADIOHEAD WAS THE WORST IDEA OF MY LIFE

[average95bpm]

Shocked nobody really talks about ageism in the queer community because some of y’all have such an undeniable, visceral hatred for queer kids.

Y’all love to bully queer children online at any chance you get. You mock their art and their earnest expression through it. You post memes mocking their chosen names and pronouns. You bash the way they dress and present themselves, right down to their hair and makeup. You shit on their music tastes. You invalidate their disabilities. You normalize it to the point where we’ve coined “baby gay” and “Steven Universe gay” as disparaging comments directed at queer minors trying to figure themselves out and constructed the “Arson” meme as an elaborate, fucked-up strawman of a bratty queer minor who fakes disabilities, dresses poorly, needs trigger warnings for breathing air, and sends their friends to cancel you online for the most minimal offense.

It’s always “protect trans kids” until it’s a trans kid you think is annoying, then they’re the first to be thrown under the bus. It’s always “queer kids are our future” until you feel the need to flex your meaningless respectability politics and prove you’re one of the good ones.

[average95bpm]

the "cycle"

[average95bpm]

am i allowed to post about my boobs. honestly they're so small that i forget i have them sometimes. i've got like exactly 1 scoop of chest and i fit in sports bras ive had since middle school.

i see them in the mirror sometimes and i get mad at how easily i could've been completely flat so i didn't need to spend money on a binder

[average95bpm]

an intriguing group discussion around a fire sounds kinda nice right now

[average95bpm]

TODAY IS MY LITTLE SISTERS BDAY! i can't believe she's turning 15 dude i swear a few months ago she was 5 and always wore her hair in two big puffballs and played with her animal toys 24/7..... 💔

[average95bpm]

some of you need to genuinely kill urselves and stop making everyone else so miserable

[average95bpm]

didn’t u hear! all vampires are queer!

[average95bpm]

nothing personal but i need that wardrobe twin.... RIGHT LEFT UPPERCUT HOME INVASION ROBBERY FLEE!

who want me???! LMAO NAH IM KIDDING

but this is how i dress irl