awaitingapricity

[awaitingapricity]

8.11.2018

I hunger for your voice, as if it were honey, dripping sunlight from a comb. When I am consumed, steeled by blue, you radiate a deep yellow tone, so soothing. The whole trembling world stills in your golden embrace and I weep for its loss, though it need never come.

An exquisite reminder of light, widening your eyes, of certainty, pursing your lips of mischief, wrinkling your nose. A bloom of your color can have no worthy price.

[awaitingapricity]

[awaitingapricity]

you’ll be dreaming that you don’t need to breathe; that breathless silence is the music of the dark and it’s part of the rhythm to vanish like a spark.

Wislawa Szymborska, from Poems: New & Collected; “I Am Working on The World,”

[awaitingapricity]

12.17.2017

The sunny lacquer is setting, staining the siding ever so cheerfully, casting golden light on the snow so casually it seems spirited by summer rays.

There is an unsuspected sorrow furrowing the painter’s brow, as she just now is realizing her color’s discontinuous nature; It’s a beauty unparalleled.

The bare trees are earthen grey and the pavement a tarnished tarmac. The composition reads caution, and its companions are awash with a subdued blue.

Her store of pastels is depleted; they sing in vivid unison, in a vibrato that wavers on sight but unseen calls, a modest siren. She should strike this, her vision, but it is her hope, externalized.

[awaitingapricity]

loving you was the most exquisite form of self destruction.

d.j

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Democrat and Chronicle, Rochester, New York, January 4, 1907

[awaitingapricity]

12.15.2017

it grew cold without you,

i am trapped beneath the sheets

shivering in solitude.

there is so much I wish I’d said

to show possibilities in life.

my distance was self-imposed

and my silence proposed

a falsity of forgotten years.

now there are just memories

of crystallized breath hanging

above our heads, a chandelier

rattling as the iron tracks

tremble from the weight

pressing down on them,

thundering closer to leave us

trembling in its wake.

[awaitingapricity]

12.5.2017 - 2

to the big brother I never had;

your laugh could cut the night air

clear in half, and your arms

squeezed so tight I couldn’t breathe

but I never wanted you to stop.

your wide mouth grin teased

me relentlessly about this or that

and made me take life a little less

seriously. i thought it couldn’t be

so sad if you could still smile

in spite of it all.

i don’t know when you gave up,

because when I left you were

improving, taking each day to step

a little further away to safety.

i wish you could have seen me

learn to swim in a bigger pond

and know where my courage

came from. love, me

[awaitingapricity]

[awaitingapricity]

12.5.2017

black wisps frame the portrait

faded and stained with dust.

faintly you can make out the outline

of a slender face, pale

and shifting. it has lost intrigue

for you, passed over one too many

times for novelty. eyes which once

were held attentive are drawn away,

and carefully tousled hair falls

untouched. you have no depths

to reach for, or fingers to lace

together. you are the shallow

shadows shading their eyes

and living - still, colorless

[awaitingapricity]

12.4.2017

The warmth of anguish holds me,

sunken into the earth as though

mourning a loss to come.

I think of his lips puckered

into an “oh” and a haze carefully

spilling into the air, curling

through the empty space we fill

and it’s a striking numbness

we are aware of.

If only you knew her too,

the sunshine whose delight bubbles

through you, knowing you compare

to her, and whose attention is beautifully freeing. Maybe this love

would have given you cause to stay,

I’d rather lay in the grave with you

than give up this sheer careless bliss. We’ll never be more

than shadows loitering by

the train tracks and yet

we both pretend to be more.

Her light is unmatchable -

to think I could go silently

when she sets on another horizon.

I think of you often, of how you traded one set of tracks for another,

but I don’t know why you did

or why I didn’t -

[awaitingapricity]

Let me know when you decide to miss me, so I can tell you it’s too late.

Poetry At Most (via poetryatmost)

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[awaitingapricity]

11.19.2017

i press the colorful cube to the underside of my tongue and shudder as it leeches saliva, releasing vague sweetness.  it’ll be our game in the coming hours i wonder what the rules are this time around.   the first round i saw i couldn’t win, you’ll never take my hand in yours without intending to let it go the next round i knew i’d been deceiving myself, had pulled wool over my eyes, and ignored the hand always outstretched to catch me when i fall.   i’m sorry if i brought you down – these words will follow me every night losing you can’t bring me down; there’s nowhere without you, the room spins, the carpet breathes, lights trail behind each motion and i become but a figment of my own machination

[awaitingapricity]

I put up a front like I don’t care, like I don’t feel. But it’s because I’ve cared too much, felt to much, that I don’t want to go through that all over again.

Nicolas De Leon (via nicotineposts)

[awaitingapricity]

11.18.2017

the woven threads made a pattern swimming in disjointed circles around themselves. a dark curl sprung from the center, careless, crashing into the pale lengths of the arrows straining to fly, yet visibly untethered. perhaps ensnared by their persistent longing, a desire to be steadied; no longer wavering, they were thin branches plucked and left to embrittle then were carved by deft hands in the warm light of a winter hearth, now unaided by her arbitrarily cool tendril as she embraces them whimsically. audibly, their core splinters – revealing the hollowness permeating their structure, now carved out to allow sweet reverberations – her voice circling back to insincere adoration, faintly resembling reciprocation but without warmth.