awesomedigityx

[awesomedigityx]

making jericho corpse on tv? 

YOU JUST MADE THE LIST. 

[awesomedigityx]

I need evidence.

[awesomedigityx]

[awesomedigityx]

💛💛💛

[awesomedigityx]

New Year’s emotions.

New Years Eve was normally one of Xandra’s favorite holidays since she loved to have an excuse to drink. However, this year she wouldn’t be able to take a drink. No matter how much she had wanted to take a drink. Being pregnant really sucked. She had really wanted to drink. She had been having a rough six months. Being left by one guy, only to really find the right one, just for him to be taken away from her in the blink of an eye. She was distraught. Depression had been hard on her. Xandra was only still functioning because she had to. She had her son Adin to think about. That and Gabby would kick her ass into gear if she didn’t do it herself. The woman kept her as busy as she could. It was like Gabby knew that if Xandra fell too hard into her depression that she would fall into old habits again. Something that she really couldn’t do being that she was pregnant. 

Xandra sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. She had promised that she would go out that night after the small ceremony. Not that she really wanted to. Her mother was watching Adin. Which, her son always loved to be with his grandparents. Today had been eventful. Gabby and Tyler had finally tied the knot. Which, Xandra loved. She loved how happy Tyler made her sister. Now that it was time to go out for New Years Eve into New Years Day, she wanted to hide and not go. She would be tempted to get a drink, or drugs. Her emotions getting the better of her. When would she catch a break. She wondered. That’s all she wanted in the New Year, to be happy, to beat depression. Possibly find love again. Which, she doubted  would happen. She was better off single. Less painful that way. Shaking her head, she fixed her dress before heading out to meet everyone. There was a group of people going out and Xandra wasn’t completely sure who all was going to be there. 

Arriving at the party, Xandra glanced around. There was a large group of people. Some that she knew, some that she didn’t. Now she was stressed, mopey, and emotional. Darn her pregnancy hormones. The woman wanted to whine. She shouldn’t have promised that she would go out. This was not going to be fun. No drinking for her? What was she thinking. Her New Year’s resolution was going to be putting her foot down and no longer doing things that she didn’t feel up too. That and she wanted to really be the best mother that she could be. She shook her head and glanced around the party. What in the world does a sober person do at a party? Xandra was really out of her element. Which was making the depression that much worse. 

The countdown for the New Year had started. Many were drunk by this point screaming out the count. Xandra was just standing there feeling like she should have already left long ago. When the clock struck midnight, confetti fell from the ceiling and couples brushed their lips together for a kiss. Xandra took a deep breath as she tried to look away from all the kissing. It was making her even more emotional. Grabbing her sprite, she went over and took a seat while everyone else continued to party. Xandra was really starting to feel her depression kick into high gear. The woman tried to kick it from her system not wanting to break out into tears once again. She had been breaking out into random fits of tears often since William’s death. 

Xandra knew that she was being anti-social, but she couldn’t bring herself to go immerse herself into the sea of couples. It would hurt her heart even more than it hurt. She hoped that in the New Year, she would be able to overcome the heartbreak of watching the man she loved die in her arms. The woman would forever have that moment burned into her memory, even though it wasn’t a great memory. She just wanted to be woken up from this terrible dream. Sadly, it wasn’t a dream. It was reality. The woman could feel tears starting to prick at the back of her eyes. Shit, she thought. She was really going to cry. The last thing that she wanted to do in public. Yet, she knew that there wasn’t going to be much that she could do about it. The woman brushed her tears away as she stood up and started to make her way towards an exit. That’s when she bumped into someone because she wasn’t looking. “Crap, sorry. I need to pay more attention to where I am going.” she said with a sigh as she glanced up to see who she had bumped into.

[awesomedigityx]

My year in color.

01. Song of your year? Lose you to love me - Selena Gomez. Not really sure why, but this song has really hit hard for me in 2019. 

02. Favorite musical artist/group you started listening to this year? This year I started to listen to Bad Wolves. I went and seen them in a concert and it was the best thing ever! 03. Movie of your year? The best movie of the year for me would have to be Star Wars The rise of Skywalker. Hands down. Fight me.  04. TV show of your year? The TV show I found myself watching the most of this year is River Monsters. 05. Favorite actor of your year? This one is a tough one. There are so many possibilities. I’d have to say Bill Skarsgard. 06. Best month for you this year? Why? Best month this year? Well, shit. November. That’s when life seemed to be getting so much better.  07. Something that you made cry this year. Everything. Losing a boyfriend to a super model, Losing a boyfriend to his job, finding out I was pregnant, finding out I have two siblings. Just to name a few things that made me cry this year.  08. Something that made you laugh this year. There are so many things that made me laugh this year. The biggest one would have to be my sister, brother and son, Adin.  09. What's a bad habit you picked up this year? I picked up the nervous habit of biting my lip and peeling and picking at my nails.  10. Did you take any vacations this year? Sadly, I didn’t get a chance too. There is one planned for early 2020, but it was planned with William. So, not sure if I will go on it.  11. Any regrets this year? If so, what are they? I live life without regrets. I found that regrets hold you back.  12. The moment you could re-live over and over again this year. Telling William that I was pregnant with his child.  13. Favorite place you visited this year. Does my comic book shop count even though I have visited it everyday for the longest time.  14. A valuable lesson you learned this year. People always leave. That I shouldn’t allow myself to get that attached that quickly anymore.  15. Did you fall in love? Out of love? Fell in love twice. Lost both of them to things out of my control. 

16. One thing you wished you could say to someone this year. I’d love to tell William that I loved him one more time.  17. Your favorite meal/restaurant. My current favorite meal is from Fogo De Chao. They have a delicious all you can eat meat buffet.  18. Your favorite color(s). This hasn’t changed since I was a little girl. Purple and Orange. 19. Did you keep any New Year's resolutions? Just to keep moving forward. Stop letting the past dictate my future.  20. What are you excited about for next year? Getting to meet my new little one. 

[awesomedigityx]

[awesomedigityx]

Xandra had decided to come and surprise Will at work. She had made him a wonderful little lunch that she planned on taking to him. The lunch consisted of homemade cookies, a sandwich and some other little goodies. Xandra was taking to taking him lunch nearly everyday. It was just something that she had wanted to do. She felt more wifely, than she had ever felt. He had recently moved in with her. She loved having him and Emily there at the house with her and Adin. When she found out she was pregnant.  Her and William were over the moon. This would have been his first biological child. That never changed the fact that he loved Emily very much. She was his world. Now their family would be a family of five. Which, Xandra was completely excited about. This was something that she had always wanted. A family. Granted, she had one now with Gabby and Antonio. They were her siblings. She also had her adoptive family, but this was something totally different. This was her own little family. There had even been talk about William adopting Adin and giving him his last name. Xandra had even talked about adopting Emily. That way if anything were to happen, she would be able to keep the beautiful girl. 

Stopping at the desk she dropped off some cookies from the other officers before she was allowed to go back to William’s office. She would have never expected to walk into something like what she had. If she had just came a few minutes after, maybe it would have had a different turn out. As she pushed open the door. She had startled the man holding a gun at William. He turned around quickly, his aim now on Xandra. Xandra stood frozen. Not sure what was going on. She froze completely. The woman couldn’t even speak. Her eyes were locked on the man that had the gun pointed at her. It was in that moment that she was taken back to the man back in the Dominican Republic that used to hold a gun to her as he raped her. Fear peeked in her body. The woman wasn’t even hearing anything going on around her. She was frozen in fear. Her dark hues wouldn’t show that fear though. She had managed to keep a calm composure, one that would make the man holding a gun to her think that she wasn’t scared of him even though she really was. 

Everything started to happen so fast. William was rushing at her, he had managed to get to her in enough time to pull her out of the way and take the bullet. This instantly brought her back to reality. She lowered him to the floor, tears already streaming down her face. He was in pain, she could see it. The woman got him down on the floor on his side. She tried her best to put pressure on the wound but he was losing blood so quickly, she was freaking out. “William, stay with me babe.” she begged him. The man that had pulled the trigger took off running out of his office. “Help!” she hollered. Wanting to get an officer in the office. William was fading fast, she could see it. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Hold on.” she said. As soon as she said that an officer was coming into the office. “Chief!” he yelled as she quickly radioed for an ambulance. 

The ambulance was there quick. The medics were two that she knew very well. Elsa, and her sister Gabby. She backed up, tears still streaming down her face. Blood covered her white outfit and her hands. She was freaking out. William had lost so much blood. She just hoped that he would be able to fight this. Before she knew it, she was in the back of the ambulance, holding onto Will’s hand. Hoping that he would be strong enough to make it to the hospital. He had already lost so much blood. This couldn’t be happening. She was distraught. He couldn’t leave her now. She needed him. The baby needed him. Emily needed him. He was needed. The woman could feel the life leaving him. His hand was becoming limp in hers. “Gabby!” she yelled. Knowing her sister was the one driving. She was freaking out. 

Soon enough they were at the hospital. Elsa and Gabby were quick to get him into the hospital and telling the Dr what was going on. Xandra walked in and was instructed by the nurse to sit in the waiting room that she would go and get her some towels and such to clean herself up. Xandra nodded before going to where she was instructed to go. She still was crying. 

The nurse came back and helped her get cleaned up. Xandra thanked the woman and then asked her if she had heard anything about William. The woman assured her that she would tell her once she knew anything. Hearing her name, she seen Gabby and Antonio. Both of them coming over to her. The woman was completely lost. She couldn’t believe that had just happened. Who had that man been. She wasn’t sure. She could still remember what he looked like. She knew that they would want a sketch since he had shot the Chief of police. She would cross that bridge when she got to it. She was still praying that William would come out of this alright. He needed to meet his child. He needed to be there for Emily. 

Gabby and Antonio stayed with her. Which she was thankful for. After about an hour of sitting in the waiting room. The nurse came out and told them that William had not survived that the damage had been too severe for them to fix. Had Xandra not been sitting down, she would have fallen down crying. Thankfully she was sitting down. She put her head in her hands. Tears streaming down her face as she sobbed. The woman was heart broken. Now, Emily would be alone. Her child would never know their father. Xandra felt arms around her and leaned into them. She wasn’t sure if it was Gabby or if it was Antonio. In that moment she didn’t care. She just wanted the comfort. She would have to go home and break the news to Emily and Adin. Xandra didn’t want to do it. This was not going to be a good Holiday season. She would just be going through them on auto pilot.

[awesomedigityx]

“First, we're going to set some bait Inside a nasty trap and wait When he comes a-sniffing we will Snap the trap and close the gate” -Kidnapping Santy Claws, The Nightmare before Christmas.

[awesomedigityx]

Christmas Wish List,

1. A healthy Baby 2. House renovations (Kitchen and bathroom)  3. Star Wars movies (All of them)  4. Harry Potter books 5. A new tattoo 6. Tickets to go see I prevail 7. News that the sperm donor is dead  8. A puppy  9. Cleaning services for the next month  10. Just to have a merry and happy Christmas. 

[awesomedigityx]

[awesomedigityx]

This Thanksgiving Xandra experienced a lot of fun things. A lot of new traditions were made with her family. She even enjoyed Black Friday shopping for the first time. Sitting down, she decided to write down a list of ten things that she really enjoyed this Thanksgiving season. She would have trouble narrowing it down though. 

1. First Thanksgiving with Antonio and Gabby: This was the very first Thanksgiving for the siblings. They hadn’t know about each other, so being able to spend Thanksgiving together was amazing. It was something that Xandra would forever remember.  2. Black Friday shopping: Xandra decided that Black Friday shopping this year was a must. She managed to get a lot of gender neutral things for the baby.  3. Finding out she was pregnant: The woman hadn’t known she was pregnant, she found out the day before Thanksgiving. She was over the moon.  4. Spending time with the Salvatores: Every year she always makes sure she has time to go over and watch the entire Santa Clause series with her mother and father. It was a tradition that her would never be taken away.  5. Decorating the house for Christmas: She decided with the help of Gabby that she would decorate a lot sooner and more extragavant than she normally would. She did a Harry Potter theme this year. Next would be Star Wars.  6. Binge watching Disney+: Xandra enjoyed an entire day re-watching all of her favorite Disney shows and movies. She didn’t move from her couch that entire day.  7. Mandalorian: THIS SHOW GAVE HER CHILLS and she can’t wait for it to continue. She tunes in every time a new episode is released.  8. Selling out at the Comic shop: On black Friday she sold out completely. She had such a great deal that everyone was coming in to take advantage of it.  9. Closing shop early: It was great to sell out and be able to close shop early and enjoy Black Friday and go shopping herself. 10. Extended break: She gets an extended break due to not getting a shipment of anything until December 7th. Which means that she won’t really have anything to do at the shop. 

[awesomedigityx]

Letter to my sperm donor.

Her therapist had suggested that she write a letter to Raphael, her sperm donor. The therapist said that she had a lot that she would need to get off of her chest. Plus, there had been numerous attempts on her life because he still had a pull with the wrong side of the tracks. It was time to try and make this man leave her alone. Leave her siblings alone. If he didn't, Xandra would end up doing something that she shouldn't.

Grabbing a piece of her scrapbooking card stock, envelope and a felt tip pen, she sat down at her desk in the craft room. Her craft room would be moving to the basement once they finished the floor in the basement. The reason behind that was Xandra firmly believed that each of the kids needed their own room to get away if they needed. Adrian had his own room, Adris had his own, Adin had his own, and Emily even had her own since there were many nights that she spent the night with Xandra when william worked late, and now this craft room would need to be converted into a nursery for the newest addition that was currently cooking.

Dear Raphael,

I should never write you. I have nothing nice to say to you. You are easily the worst person to walk planet earth. The things you did to Antonio, Gabby and myself were vile. Even though you never physically touched me, you mentally scared me. You tossed me away to Alejandro like I didn't matter. All because you had a wife and kids at home. You probably never thought all your kids would end up in New York. Yet, here we are. We are all happy. No thanks to you. It's time you move forward. None of us want you in our lives. The damage is done. You damaged each and every one of us.Honestly, while writing this I begin to wonder if at one time if you had a decent bone in your body. What a joke, right? You, a decent man? Never.I hope you die a slow, torturous death. Same goes to Alejandro. Enjoy prison, assholes.

Xandra Salvatore

Once she finished writing the letter, she folded it and shoved it into the envelope and addressed it to Raphael Perez. She had gotten the address from the prison. It had been easy to get. They didn't seem to care who could get to the prisoners inside. Made her almost want to lace this letter with arsenic or anthrax. Anything to make the man die, painfully.

[awesomedigityx]

Holiday fears

The Holidays normally weren't her cup of tea. Her background and childhood made her miss out on a lot until she was taken to New York. Growing up she never got to have Thanksgiving, Christmas, or any holiday fun. Some of that was due to the fact that she grew up outside of the United States. The other part that kept her from enjoying the holidays was the fact that holidays meant more customers for her to please and any way that they wanted. They'd come before their get together, use her body and then leave and go spend time with their family. Then they'd come back after and let loose on her. After all, they didn't have to worry about leaving bruises on her like they did their wives or girlfriends.  Combined all that together and what resulted was a girl that dreaded holidays. Didn't want anything to do with them. Hell, to this day she still struggled with the holidays. It meant that she would have to see her aunt Mercedes. Which, she never wants to do. 

This year, things were going to be different since she wouldn't be going to her foster mother's thanksgiving dinner this time. She had made plans to go next door, to her sister Gabby and Tyler's place for Thanksgiving.  This was going to be the first thanksgiving that she would be spending with Gabby, Antonio, William, the kids, her niece and nephews. It was going to be great. Granted she really didn't know Antonio well. They had only met a handful of times. He was her older half brother. Even though she never looked at anyone being a half sibling. It just meant that they didn't share the same parents. She didn't know much about Antonio other than he was a detective and had kids. That was about the extent of her knowledge of the male. She hoped that she would be able to get to know him much better this year. After all, he was her only brother. That she knew of anyways. It was always possible that Raphael had other children that they had yet to find out about. There was always the chance that they'd never find out about it too. If they didn't want to be found. Xandra couldn't blame them for that. Raphael and Alejandro continually tortured her even though they were in jail. 

This year she had so much to be thankful for. She had family, not just her adoptive family, she had wonderful children, an amazing relationship, caring siblings, close friends, and she had just learned that she and William were expecting a little one together. William was over the moon since he wanted children. Emily, wasn't biologically his but that didn't mean that he didn't love her. Xandra was concerned about the pregnancy, she didn't want her boys to start feeling neglected, or feeling that she was a terrible mother because she had kept them from their father. She had plans to eventually tell jesse, let him know that he was a father to three of the most amazing boys she knew. They were kind, considerate, athletic, nerdy, and all so loving. The three of them were excited to meet Gabby and her family and Antonio and his. It was all that they could talk about. It warmed her heart that they were excited to meet them. 

[awesomedigityx]

Thanksgiving tunes.

1. If I’m James Dean you’re Audrey Hepburn - Sleeping with Sirens  2. All my heart - Sleeping with Sirens  3.The Thanksgiving song - Adam Sandler 4. Alice’s restaurant - Arlo  Gurthie  5. Give thanks and praises - Bob Marley  6. You and I - Lady Gaga  7. Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams  8. Thank you for lovin’ me - Bon Jovi  9. Never Forget - Judas Priest  10. Thank you - Led Zeppelin 

[awesomedigityx]

About 15 years ago: 

Thanksgiving time was always a fun time-- Xandra loved spending time with her adoptive family. However, this year was going to be very hard on her. While she was still very young herself, she now found herself as a new mother. It wasn’t something that she was proud of, but she did the ‘crime’ so now she would do the time. She had been hiding the fact that she was pregnant for months. Now, it was impossible to do so. She was due to pop at any minute with her first son. She had decided on the name of Adrian Levi. Her mother and father were very supportive of her. They did make sure that she knew that she would be the primary care taker. She would start to be home schooled that way she wouldn’t be missing any school. At her young age she would be doing it all by herself. It terrified her.  A part of her had wanted to tell Jesse that she was pregnant but that didn’t seem like it would be the best idea. Instead, she would do it alone. She signed as she got dressed for the Thanksgiving dinner at her parents house. This was going to be the first time that she would be seeing most of the family. Xandra had been pretty well hiding that way she didn’t have to get the looks, questions or anything of that nature. Today, she couldn’t hide away. She had to be present. Which, meant that she would be getting a ton of questions. The girl was already ready to give birth in just a few short days -- according to her OBGYN. As much as she was excited to meet her son, she was scared because she had decided that she didn’t want anyone in the room with her. She was going to be giving birth all alone. No parents, no Jesse, no one.  “Xandra come down here, everyone is starting to show up!” her mother’s voice called up to her. Sighing, she started to make her way down the stairs. She really didn’t want to do this. There were a million things that she would rather do than deal with the looks, questions, and snide comments. She knew that they would be coming her way. After all, she was a mom and wasn’t even sixteen yet. When she came into the dinning room, everyone’s eyes were on her. Jaws dropped, people stopped talking, all just stared at her large belly. Xandra looked down, tears already burning the back of her eyes. This sucked. “Vickie, she’s pregnant. I told you that you shouldn’t adopt a kid that was used for sex! She’s still a little whore!” one of her mother’s older sisters spoke out. 

The tears broke free. She knew that her aunt Mercedes would have something nasty to say about her. Xandra tried her best to keep the tears from being visible. Vickie sighed before she spoke. “Let’s just eat.” she said with a shake of her head. Xandra felt hurt that her mother hadn’t stood up for her, but she should have known better. No one would stand up for a teen getting pregnant. “Vics, this girl will never amount to anything.” her grandmother said to Vickie. Xandra couldn’t take it. She turned quickly and sprinted out of the house. The girl ran out of the house on the cool Thanksgiving Evening without a coat, just slip on shoes. She ran for a while before she had gotten tired. The girl was crying her eyes out. She almost had wished that she was still in the Dominican Republic. At least she knew what to expect there. She never knew what to expect with the Salvatore family. Xandra found herself walking to Jesse’s house, but not bothering to knock on the door. In that moment, she had wanted to have the comfort of him.  Present day:  Pushing the thoughts of that Thanksgiving from her mind, she tried to focus on being happy at the Thanksgiving dinner with the same family. Things had changed. Mercedes and her husband adored her sons. Nothing would ever change their mind on Xandra though. They thought she was worthless. Mercedes glanced in her direction “You knocked up again? You’re looking a little fat.” her aunt said. Xandra growled and wanted to say something but knew that she shouldn’t. “Probably knocked up since you don’t know how to keep your legs closed, slut.” that was all it took for Xandra to want to punch the woman in the face. Thank goodness she never had said those things to her when her kids were around. The moment she went to go and say something, William grabbed her hand and spun her around as if they were dancing and pulled her against him. He had leaned down and told her to leave it be, it wasn’t worth it. She sighed and laid her head against his chest in order to ignore her aunt. 

[awesomedigityx]

Hitman Holidays.

Thanksgiving easily could be one of her favorite Holiday’s-- simply because she was able to pig out and not have to feel guilty about it. This year, was going to be the biggest Thanksgiving yet. The day before she always had dinner at her adoptive parent’s place. It was always a huge deal. All the Salvatore family was there. The boys always loved it because they got to see all their cousins that were around their age. Xandra struggled with it at times since she was judged pretty harshly due to the fact that she got pregnant when she was young. That was her own fault and she would never change it for anything. She loved all three of her boys. They were her world. On Thanksgiving day, she had plans to go next door to spend the day with Gabby, Tyler and his lovely children. They had even said that Will and Emily could come.  

Since they wouldn’t be having a dinner at her place, she still wanted to cook for the kids and Will. That’s what spurred on the idea of her cooking a small Thanksgiving dinner for just them. The thought of cooking her first dinner made her excited. It would be a blast! That morning, she woke up early to get things started. The turkey had been thawing in the fridge for two days. She made sure to put that into the oven, after prepping it. Now she would move on to making pies, sides, and anything else that she would need to prepare for her little family Thanksgiving dinner. Xandra went to the fridge and got out the Cranberries. The first thing on her to do list was making the cranberry sauce. Xandra wasn’t a fan of cranberry sauce but all three of her boys really loved it. It was one of their favorite things to eat on Thanksgiving.

Once the cranberry sauce was made, she put it in the fridge to chill. Now to move on to the next item on the list green bean casserole. Which was her favorite thing. She was moving right along with preparing all their favorite dishes for their little Thanksgiving. Will came into the kitchen to grab himself something to drink and when he saw the Whipped Cream he turned and gave her a smirk. “Do you have extra of that, I have some not PG ideas for whipped cream, ma.” he said with a smirk. Laughing, Xandra playfully batted at him with the wooden spoon she was using. “WILL!” she exclaimed as her mind now went to all the dirty things that he had just put into her head with his comment. The man laughed before giving her a kiss on the cheek and going back out to the living room to hang out with the kids. 

While Xandra had been busy working on getting the rest of the things ready for their Thanksgiving dinner she didn’t notice that someone was in her backyard. She was too engrossed with what she was doing to notice the man creeping around in her yard. Xandra had the window open to let out steam as she cooked, plus she was hot. Her window still didn’t have a screen since it was broken during the summer. Which meant that her window was just open. This man took that to his advantage. “MOM!” she heard coming from the living room. She went to the living room to see what was going on and had to laugh when she seen that Will was a human jungle gym for all the boys and his daughter. They were all taking turns trying to get Will to fall down. During the time the man in her backyard tossed reached in and used a match to catch the sheer curtains on fire then he tossed a small little bottle of alcohol on the stove with a piece of cloth in the end.

The small explosion scared the crap out of the kids. They all stopped what they were doing and tried to figure out what had happened. Xandra was glad that she had walked out of the kitchen. “Will, call the cops. Nothing should have blown up.” she muttered. Concern that her father had sent another hitman after her making shake with fear. She didn’t have time for that. She needed to grab the Fire extinguisher and try and put the fire out. She didn’t want it to destroy her home that she had worked so hard to buy on her own. The black haired woman found the fire extinguisher in the closet right before walking into the kitchen and pulled the tab as she walked into the kitchen. Smoke was filling the air, it smelled awful. Her dinner ruined. Once she got close enough to the fire she aimed and pulled the trigger. She slowly moved the nozzle back and forth, trying to get it to go out. The fire had gotten too big too soon. It wasn’t going out with her little extinguisher. The extinguisher ran out before the fire actually went out. Time to get out of her house. She ran out of the kitchen, Will had already got the kids and the dogs outside and away from the house. Xandra glanced back once she was with them. This was not good. She would need to text Tyler and tell him to be on the lookout since he was her neighbor. If it had been her father hiring another hitman-- Gabby and even Antonio could be in danger.