awkward-halfhug

[awkward-halfhug]

pls never stop writing omg ur fics are absolutely amazing!! the way u write warren peace has me blushing fr like i just love ur writing style,, u are so seriously talented 🫶🏼🫶🏼

Thank u so much! Poor self esteem talking here but I often feel like I write warren kinda flat so hearing this is so nice! Thank u so much for ur kind words, it means a lot!

And I'll get back to writing, don't worry. I'm just Going Through ItTm at the moment. But i still have some warren works in the ol' wips file dont u worry

[awkward-halfhug]

Not a request! Just checking in on you. I know losing someone very dear to your heart can destroy and shatter the life you know and I'm here to remind you that people over the world are here to support you:) People whose lives you changed for the better through your works and I know this little message might not do a lot to ease your pain but i hope it'll at least remind you that you are not alone:)

I can't express how kind this message is. I don't know how in the world I've changed lives for the better through my writing tbh but that might be poor self esteem talking. Nonetheless it means a lot the idea that my writing could have that effect on people. Thank u so much. I am still going through a rough time, now with my mental health probably triggered by recent events (im kindof having an bipolar mixed episode which means im experiencing both depression and mania symptoms,, and having an OCD flare-up) but seeing this message truly warmed my heart and made my day better

[awkward-halfhug]

Thank you everybody here who is nice to me

[awkward-halfhug]

Thanks sm, i will try 🫡

Okay so someone precious to me just died, so writing my john sheppard fic will probably take a bit longer. I hope u don't mind @distracted-milkshake I will still work on it but I am having a hard time

[awkward-halfhug]

Okay so someone precious to me just died, so writing my john sheppard fic will probably take a bit longer. I hope u don't mind @distracted-milkshake I will still work on it but I am having a hard time

[awkward-halfhug]

I will try it! I just gotta get my head in the game plotwise [cue Troy Bolton on a loop in my head for the next however long]

Thank you 🥹 and also thank you for being so cool and talking with me

I would like to make a request but I have no clue where to start so think we could talk ideas or something I dunno it’s for John Sheppard

Yayy some John love 💙 and I feel u, I wanna write for him but dont know what to write 😂 sure let's brainstorm!

What genre do u prefer– fluff, hurt/comfort, angst, humor (mix of some?)?

Do u want platonic or romantic?

And do u care what the reader is like? I could give the reader personality traits (spunky, sunshine, shy, really oblivious/dense, mischievous, etc.), or ailments/struggles (anxious, injured, disabled in some way, etc.)

If romantic, we could do mutual crush where they both think its unrequited (aka idiots to lovers), flirty coworkers/fellow lantean, secret relationship, we could do a good old fashioned 'accidentally married cuz we made eye contact the wrong way' à la cultural differences which would so happen to john, we could have john just be an absolute sucker for reader, etc.

Do u care what role/job reader has? Like botanist, cafeteria worker, janitor, offworlder, scientist, doctor, etc.

And bonus question: are there any john quirks u want me to incorporate?

(U can answer on asks or in my dms either way!)

[awkward-halfhug]

Begging y'all to read Jazz Emu's Spotify bio

[awkward-halfhug]

HI HEY HELLO im sorry responding so late this has been a busy week and im having AnxietyTM about writing! Which stalls the actual act of writing, obviously. I'm upping my anxiety meds to see if that helps and I think also im just gonna have to convince my body that this is extremely low stakes 😅

I have not heard of autism/adhd soup lol we got taught by different neurodivergent chefs

Okay so I will be working on this prompt! Thank u for giving me lots of lovely details. Idk when it'll be out because of the stupid anxiety and some cognitive block happening but I will be working on it!

I would like to make a request but I have no clue where to start so think we could talk ideas or something I dunno it’s for John Sheppard

Yayy some John love 💙 and I feel u, I wanna write for him but dont know what to write 😂 sure let's brainstorm!

What genre do u prefer– fluff, hurt/comfort, angst, humor (mix of some?)?

Do u want platonic or romantic?

And do u care what the reader is like? I could give the reader personality traits (spunky, sunshine, shy, really oblivious/dense, mischievous, etc.), or ailments/struggles (anxious, injured, disabled in some way, etc.)

If romantic, we could do mutual crush where they both think its unrequited (aka idiots to lovers), flirty coworkers/fellow lantean, secret relationship, we could do a good old fashioned 'accidentally married cuz we made eye contact the wrong way' à la cultural differences which would so happen to john, we could have john just be an absolute sucker for reader, etc.

Do u care what role/job reader has? Like botanist, cafeteria worker, janitor, offworlder, scientist, doctor, etc.

And bonus question: are there any john quirks u want me to incorporate?

(U can answer on asks or in my dms either way!)

[awkward-halfhug]

sometimes i feel ive got to

[awkward-halfhug]

Im so glad it made u happy!! Twas the goal! (And im glad I sent the ask then! I get nervous cuz I always feel like im bothering someone when i reach out)

I have NOT seen whatever bad things there are 😂 i only searched ur name on Tumblr which im so glad for now that i know theres stuff to avoid.

Don't worry about it at all! I actually thought u must have a lot of asks and wouldn't see mine at all so it was a nice surprise for me that u answered me at all! And i feel u about all the spam asks! Everytime I get a notification that says i got an ask i get so excited, and then its usually spam and I deflate :\

But yes definitely still bringing joy, ur one of my favorite authors!

Hey so I just found ur blog (I mightve searched ur ao3 user and found u thats not stalking thats not stalking) and i just wanted to tell u I love all ur biospecialist fics. I was just thinking about jemma x grant today and was so glad to have ur fics to binge read again. Ur an amazing author and I love ur writing style. Thanks for sharing ur writing ♡

This ask makes me SO HAPPY. It's so nice to know that my fics are still bringing joy, especially for a ship like biospec. I'm also glad you were able to find me! It genuinely bothers me that I have a different name on the two sites, but there are reasons for that. (Oh wow, I hope you didn't see ... the bad things. Seriously people, do NOT search my ao3 name on the wider internet. It's dangerous. I am not affiliated with the other JD!)

But also I'm SO SORRY I didn't respond to this sooner! I mostly ignore the ask alerts because of so much spam lately, but makes this ask EVEN BETTER because I was not expecting a real ask, especially one this sweet. <3

[awkward-halfhug]

Couple + Sibling/relative third wheel is honestly an S-tier trio dynamic and I wish we saw more of this in media.

"You are my soulmate. We are forged together by battle and tears and love. Also my brother's coming along."

"Yo."

[awkward-halfhug]

ideal career: best friend/assistant to eccentric detective

[awkward-halfhug]

Yeses John Sheppard women respecter we love to see it (I love his dynamic with telya too)

You're so right, i think he'd need time to ease into feelings and to get to the friends stage

Thats such a cute idea. I think it'd be so easy for john not to realize it too because john likes a good banter and bantering and flirting feels like there's some sort of thin line to it (so much so I always stress i might be accidentally flirting when I have a really good banter session with a guy)

Ooh stubborn reader that'll be interesting. And I had to look up what the symptoms of audhd cuz I was worried I would do it wrong but I think I have it lol I know I have adhd but my dad and sister snd brother all have various autism traits and my best friend has autism so ive always been like yeah I always felt like there was something Wrong With Me socially growing up but I idk besides the feeling of wrongness I feel normal. As in, this is the only me ive ever been so how would I know how a neurotypical person acts and feels. And I dont have all the same symptoms as my friends and family. But I know its like a salad bar, right? So like autism picks and chooses. Anyway all that to say i will endeavor to write audhd but if my autism traits come out too subtle or too on the nose i am sorry many apologies, I am copying my own experiences and what I see in my family

Ahhh yes our little ferris wheel loving nerd 🎡💙 if I do an alien reader she's in for it

Yeah no worries! I forgot replying was an option lol

I would like to make a request but I have no clue where to start so think we could talk ideas or something I dunno it’s for John Sheppard

Yayy some John love 💙 and I feel u, I wanna write for him but dont know what to write 😂 sure let's brainstorm!

What genre do u prefer– fluff, hurt/comfort, angst, humor (mix of some?)?

Do u want platonic or romantic?

And do u care what the reader is like? I could give the reader personality traits (spunky, sunshine, shy, really oblivious/dense, mischievous, etc.), or ailments/struggles (anxious, injured, disabled in some way, etc.)

If romantic, we could do mutual crush where they both think its unrequited (aka idiots to lovers), flirty coworkers/fellow lantean, secret relationship, we could do a good old fashioned 'accidentally married cuz we made eye contact the wrong way' à la cultural differences which would so happen to john, we could have john just be an absolute sucker for reader, etc.

Do u care what role/job reader has? Like botanist, cafeteria worker, janitor, offworlder, scientist, doctor, etc.

And bonus question: are there any john quirks u want me to incorporate?

(U can answer on asks or in my dms either way!)

[awkward-halfhug]

I would like to make a request but I have no clue where to start so think we could talk ideas or something I dunno it’s for John Sheppard

Yayy some John love 💙 and I feel u, I wanna write for him but dont know what to write 😂 sure let's brainstorm!

What genre do u prefer– fluff, hurt/comfort, angst, humor (mix of some?)?

Do u want platonic or romantic?

And do u care what the reader is like? I could give the reader personality traits (spunky, sunshine, shy, really oblivious/dense, mischievous, etc.), or ailments/struggles (anxious, injured, disabled in some way, etc.)

If romantic, we could do mutual crush where they both think its unrequited (aka idiots to lovers), flirty coworkers/fellow lantean, secret relationship, we could do a good old fashioned 'accidentally married cuz we made eye contact the wrong way' à la cultural differences which would so happen to john, we could have john just be an absolute sucker for reader, etc.

Do u care what role/job reader has? Like botanist, cafeteria worker, janitor, offworlder, scientist, doctor, etc.

And bonus question: are there any john quirks u want me to incorporate?

(U can answer on asks or in my dms either way!)

[awkward-halfhug]

you're not turning your fandom hobby into a job are you? giving yourself deadlines and quotas that you have to meet? focusing on the numbers instead of your enjoyment of the act of creation?

[awkward-halfhug]

course correcting and other ways to apologize | carson beckett

summary: "Dr. Carson Beckett may seem fine on the outside, but he carries around a heavy load of guilt for his actions. Particularly in regards to one Michael Kenmore. "Legal in the Pegasus galaxy" or not, his actions were inexcusable.

He can't change the past, but he can keep from repeating the same mistakes."

based on the prompt "a redemption arc— you choose whose" for the sga gen mayathon 2025

contents: this is a gen fic so no romance. spoilers for stargate atlantis season 2 episode 7 "instinct", season 2 episode 15 "the tower" and season 2 episode 18 "michael"

2k

also on ao3

Carson knew it was wrong.

He knew it was wrong when they took Michael. He knew it was wrong when they had him strapped to a gurney, the wraith– the man– whatever he was, thrashing against the restraints and threatening bloody murder.

He knew it was wrong when he lied to his...patient... again and again and again.

All the way back to when they were developing the retrovirus, he knew, deep down, that it was wrong. He'd felt it like a twisting in his stomach every time he went to work. He could hear it like whispers in his head, too quiet. Quieter still, each time he hushed them down.

What are ye doing, lad? What are ye doing?

But he knew what he was doing. He'd always known what this was leading to. Experimentation. It left a nasty taste in his mouth just saying the word. But he'd convinced himself it was necessary.

He didn't expect it to hit so hard, like a physical blow, seeing the accusation in the wraith's — in Michael's — eyes. The betrayal.

The hurt.

'Do no harm'. Before that moment he'd been able to dismiss the thought, almost into silence, whenever it threatened to condemn him.

Now he condemned himself. He was guilty. They all were, everybody involved. But he'd taken an oath. To heal. To uphold justice. To protect a person's autonomy. To do no harm. If he only applied that to humans, then where was his humanity? What made them better than the wraith, who simply took whatever they wanted from whomever they wanted, until they were satisfied? What difference was there?

These questions he'd been keeping like a secret, hidden from his fellow 'lantians. When he went to work it was with a smile. When he was asked how his experiments were coming along, he said "quite nicely". Putting his nose to the grindstone, so to speak, and working to find a solution, he could pretend they were going about things all right.

But they weren't. They haven't been. There was no defense that held up, if he were being honest with himself. He finally allowed himself that honesty, brutal and damning as it was.

They had taken away someone's agency, wraith or not. They'd bloody experimented on him. It was always leading to that. That's what the retrovirus was for. He knew it since they first found it. Seeing that wraith, Ellia, had convinced him initially it would be fine. All they'd have to do was perfect the retrovirus. Atlantis, earth, humans all across the galaxy and beyond would be safe, and the wraith would feed on things that weren't sentient. Everyone would be happy.

Except, Ellia, the sweet lass, she'd wanted it.

Carson sighed, soul deep and heavy.

He should've put a stop to it. He could have put a stop to it, maybe. Or at least tried to, at any part of the process. He could have raised objections to the experiment. Could have suggested alternatives to taking away someone's free will, wraith or not; insisted upon them. He's not sure precisely what the alternatives would be, but there had to be some. There had to be.

Carson felt something like resolve settle in his veins. They couldn't do it again. He wouldn't.

He didn't know where that would leave them with the wraith. He didn't know where it would leave him with Elizabeth and the Colonel; if he'd get demoted for his change of heart. Or rather, his finally listening to what his heart had been trying to tell him.

But he did know he didn't have a choice.

——

The talk with Elizabeth went about as well as could be expected. She understood his 'hesitancy' about further testing, and she respected his integrity.

"But we're at war" she'd said. "The threat we're facing requires us to do things we may not be comfortable with normally. Believe me, experimentation was not something I'd have ever thought I would have any part in. But unfortunately, we don't have the luxury of clean hands or a clear conscience."

Carson knew there was no arguing with Elizabeth when she'd taken a stance on something. He wished he could carry on the way Colonel Sheppard did, asking for forgiveness rather than permission and the like.

But Carson wasn't John. No, what he needed was an alternative.

After wracking his mind to come up with something, anything, an idea finally emerged.

A little spark of hope planted itself in his chest like a seed, growing the more he considered his plan. It was risky, there would be a great deal of diplomacy involved, and there was no guarantee it would actually work. But it was also bloody brilliant, if he did say so himself.

——

The next talk with Elizabeth went far better than the first. She was still wary, but he could see the flash of interest in her eyes, which was a win in his book already.

"You're saying you'd like to return to the replica city of Atlantis in search of ZPMs."

"Aye. We already know there are hundreds, maybe thousands of them down there, if Rodney's estimation is correct. We'd just need to go back for them."

Elizabeth raised a brow. "'Down there' being underground, where they were blocked off by an earthquake. Is that what you mean?"

Carson hesitated. "...Aye."

Dr. Weir sat back in her chair and appraised him, her eyes presumably calculating the risk versus reward. Then coming to the next obvious conclusion.

"Let's say we were able to somehow retrieve the ZPMs, what would we trade for them?"

Carson had an answer prepared. Perhaps a weak answer, but an answer nonetheless. "We could offer them more medical supplies. And gene therapy."

Elizabeth canted her head to the side. "I doubt the medicines we supplied them a couple months ago have diminished that significantly, but the gene therapy could be something. We didn't offer it to them last time around. Of course, then we'd need to teach them what it's for, how to use the chair and call the drones at will. And for that, we'd need to change out their depleted ZPM for a fresh one."

"Which would mean we'd have to go back underground to install it, of course, but since we'd be down there anyway it shouldn't be too much hassle. We could leave a few of their ZPMs down there for them in case they deplete theirs, but with the amount of the city they were using, one should last them for millenia."

"And if they ask for something more to trade?"

"Then we ask around and see if our allies have anything more of interest. But I really don't think it'll come to that. The people of the village seemed incredibly grateful for our help last time. And giving them gene therapy would ensure their protection against the wraith. As long as we explain things to them, I truly believe this could work, Elizabeth."

"The real issue then, besides brokering this deal, would be getting down there."

"True, but a little manual excavation never hurt anybody. I believe the team of archeologists we have here on Atlantis would be thrilled to have a project!" Carson affected a cheerful tone that wasn't fooling either of them. "Right, well, they'll at least be trained for it."

"True." Elizabeth took a deep breath and stood. "I believe we have a plan. No harm in trying, I suppose."

Carson restrained himself from beaming too brightly. "Thank ye, Elizabeth."

The woman gave him a quizzical look in response to his thanks but appeared to brush it off.

——

It worked.

Carson almost couldn't believe it, and it had been his plan. But it really worked!

The villagers were more than happy to assist them, and were extraordinarily generous with the ZPMs. Atlantis would have enough to power the city, and protect it, for millennia to come.

They had far more than they needed, in fact. And this, to Carson, was the most important part of the plan. The first part of it anyway.

Step one: obtain ZPMs. A great many of them, if they could. (It turned out, they could indeed.)

Step two: technology. Force fields, designed to be powered by ZPMs to be exact.

He'd leave that part to Colonel Shepherd and his team. They'd come across different technologies that could fit the bill. They just needed to produce more. (Rodney would hate him for the oversimplification.)

Step three: distributing the forcefields to all their allied civilizations on their neighboring planets in the Pegasus galaxy. A tall order, Carson knew, and time consuming, but he knew the Atlantis team wouldn't mind. Do-gooders the lot of 'em, bless.

Step four: this one was actually running in the background of steps one through three. Every lopped off piece of wraith anatomy anybody could procure was to be brought to Carson and his team for experimentation. (No live specimens. Carson was adamant on this. Not again) He and his team continued to work in the retrovirus, tweaking and tweaking it until they hit breakthrough after minor breakthrough. These were tempered by setbacks of course, but overall, they were seeing great improvements in the effects of the drug. How long lasting. How much was necessary. How effective. He didn't know if it was by sheer will that was the cause of such successes but he decided not to question it.

It was a long, arduous process, every step of his plan. And they'd run into some quite fortunate circumstances along the way. But now they were ready.

Step four: negotiations. With the exception of some enemies Atlantis has made along the way, namely the Genii, they'd been pretty successful in starving the Wraith out of their food supply. And while that didn't necessarily sit well with Carson too much better than the experimentation did, they really truly didn't have a choice in the matter. They had a moral obligation. Humans were living sentient beings, no matter how the wraith (as a whole) seemed to consider them little more than cattle.

However, they did have a solution. One that would solve the food supply issue should each hive choose, willingly, to take it. The retrovirus was nearly complete. It still needed semi-regular doses to maintain effect, but the result was what they'd been hoping for. They could turn any wraith into a human.

The actual "negotiations" came as a bit tricky. After discovering, with the help of extra ZPMs, that the city could fly, Atlantis took to the skies and into space. There, they sent a message, broadcast to all wraithships they could reach.

'The humans are under our protection' was the gist of it. Followed by an explanation of the retrovirus they'd created, as a means of survival.

Unsurprisingly, the wraith did not take kindly to this overture.

None reached out with anything but threats upon their lives and the lives of everyone they love. But the option was there. Every year, the message was sent out again, with the same offer of the retrovirus.

Carson didn't know if the wraith ever would take them up on it. He knew they had the solution to their hunger. He knew they had the means to protect the people of those galaxy for a long, long time. And he knew he did his best. They all did.

Still, some nights he woke up, plagued by the things he'd done. There were more things he regretted doing than he'd like. And he hoped one day he could atone for them. He hoped he was learning from his mistakes day by day.

But whenever he woke up in a cold sweat, heavy weight on his chest, with a pair of hurt eyes staring back at him behind his eyelids? Carson would make his way to the control room. Slip the watchman a wee sedative; wait for him to fall asleep. Then, he would send out a signal of his own, out into the galaxy, with hopes it would be heard.

"I'm sorry, Michael."

thank you for reading! please let me know your thoughts! And if you want to yap about Stargate atlantis or any of the characters please don't hesitate to talk to me in the comments or my inbox. or if you want to request a fic, please feel free to drop it in my inbox! (I'll write character studies, character x reader romantic or platonic, whatever, just not sm*t)♡

[awkward-halfhug]

carson beckett

x reader

gen fic

course correcting and other ways to apologize