awkwardawnt

[awkwardawnt]

It's time

to stop saying serious things in a funny way so people will take it seriously. 

[awkwardawnt]

stop checking in on people who don't check in on you. they don't care. you're wasting your time. move on and find someone that will appreciate your concern.

?

[awkwardawnt]

Oh dear Lord,

Please save the people from my mood swings

[awkwardawnt]

Rendered

[awkwardawnt]

AWNT. Awkward Aunt.

Me

[awkwardawnt]

[awkwardawnt]

Road to okay

It's a process.

I can't wait to be okay again!

I'm dwelling just a bit to wring out all of what's left of these feelings.

And then, clean slate.

Hopefully, I'd still like unicorns after this.

💗

[awkwardawnt]

Quote note mine. Edited on Adobe Spark Post and Over

[awkwardawnt]

I also get sad

it’s easy to assume that im the happy type. 

The witty one. 

The funny girl at work.

I usually bring rainbows and unicorns at the office. That’s true.

But I stopped being happy.

Maybe the unicorns got a bit heavy.

I got tired. 

So there. 

Charot (Kidding). Let’s cut the drama and on to what happened to your good old Awnt lately.  

Three months ago I was doing a good job of keeping everything together at work. Until it got too many and I was overwhelmed. I broke down and basically quit. 

Yup, I quit and gave up a pretty great job post in one of the leading broadcast networks in the PH. 

Why, because I was no longer happy. It occupied all of my time and mind space. I was always thinking about others. And totoo pala yun ano (It’s really true), you forget yourself. 

And when you forget you, you find yourself helpless and drowning in tears in the middle of the mess called work. 

It was a very important time, so many deadlines and heavy workload. We were a few weeks away from our 10th anniversary. Everybody was busy. And my team, we were falling apart. 

We were just four. Two of which already made it clear that they won’t make it that far because dyusko nga kasi ang bigat ng workload (My Gosh because workload was heavy).

I begged them to stay. Yup. We will finish strong, I said. But while treading through the days, I felt like a target and nobody would shield me. No one was willing to help. Shet, I felt so api (defeated). 

But let me not discount the pep talks given by my bosses. They would insist I can do it. And that I have to be excited. But while they were at it, I was running out of air. I really felt the pressure breathing down my neck and unnecessary stress was also present. They were all too busy not realizing that for our projects for the whole team to materialize, they would have to help my team. 

I was tasked with too many. But it was all too much. There were even assignments that usually wasn’t assigned to our department. And I cried for help. Nobody would listen. They thought I was just throwing tantrums. But I wasn’t. Nobody listened. They insisted. I was drowning. It felt like my head would explode. 

Maybe, you’d think, Awnt you’re such a drama queen. But I wasn’t acting at the time. I felt defeated, which was weird because I always, always finish strong. A former boss once said, “you’re very resilient and you’re a gem.” Yassss, I know like Aladdin, I am a diamond in the rough.  

But this time, it was all too much. I wanted to get out. I wanted the job. But not like this. It was too much. There were no boundaries. I felt helpless. I was drowning. Nobody was reaching out until I was completely underwater. And it was all too late.

So I quit. 

And while everybody is busy with the ongoing anniversary. Here I am, processing my feelings. 

[awkwardawnt]

got the quote somewhere from the web. 

this. is.so. true.

only you can protect your vibe. don’t assume someone else would do eeet for you, ziz. 

love yourself. 

get it? got it? good.

[awkwardawnt]

Stop the Hate

I have decided to stop the hate and be a better person by loving myself. I will workout. I will do what I love. I won't care about others that don't really matter to me. I will concentrate my energy to making myself better and happier and making more crafts than ever.

[awkwardawnt]

I wonder if you know how much your breaking my heart.

[awkwardawnt]

[awkwardawnt]

Sushi Platter courtesy of RFD Team by rfd_mediative

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