awkwardsgames

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The five types of writers block

Inspirationless: where you have the motivation but just can't think of anything good to write.

Motivation Deprived: you have the idea, but just, don't really wanna.

Pooped: Basically you have no ideas and don't really feel like writing anyways.

Procrastination: Where you are SO PUMPED TO GET THIS THING DONE!! But, there's that other thing, and, your show is on, and, you'll just do it tomorrow.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

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Falling... Part 6

Okay, so this one is going to have both MC and Becca’s POV. At least I am going to attempt to do it without confusing myself, the reader and the characters. I am aware a lot of it was Becca talking, I am working on getting MC back into a stronger position on the next part. 

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                                                      -MC-

I could only stand there. Her blonde hair and blue eyes seemed to glow with the sun shining down on her. I swallowed hard as I her eyes looked directly into mine. There was something different in her eyes though. They looked nervous? Uncertain? I couldn’t quite figure it out. Pulling my eyes away from hers, I looked down to see her purse still strewn on the ground. I readjusted my backpack and silently picked it up. Giving myself a moment to process what was happening.

What do I do? What do I say? God, she’s beautiful. Stop. She hurt you.

Letting out a deep sigh, I finally picked up her purse, tucking the items that escaped in the fall, safely back into the purse. Clearing my throat, I stood up slowly, trying to avoid admiring the girl in front of me. Her legs, her waist, her arms… My fingers tingled at remembering all the times I felt the warmth of her skin under my touch. I finally looked at her, closer to her than I had realized. Did she move closer? Did I move closer? I felt dizzy for a moment as the smell of her hair and perfume took over all my senses. I forced myself to take a step back.

All I could get out, as I jutted the purse out to her, was a squeak, “here.”

I held it out to her, avoiding looking up at her. Staring directly at the item in my hand, I waited for what seemed like forever.

                                                     -BECCA-

I looked into her eyes, waiting for her to say something. I tried to will everything I was thinking and wanting to say towards her. The sun revealed the freckles that ran across her nose. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling at how cute she looked. I studied her face, her nose, her jaw… her lips.

God, her lips…

Before I got lost deeper into thought, I watched as MC stooped down to pick up my purse that I completely forgot that I had dropped. I stared at the top of her head, wondering how hard the gears were working inside her brain. I knew she was trying to process and figure out her next move.

Please tell me you miss me… I miss you, god, I miss you more than you realize. I’m sorry. Forgive me. I love you.

As my mind was spinning with what I wanted to say, she was now standing in front of me.

Closer.

Did I move closer? Did she move closer to me?

My heart skipped slightly at the thought that it may have been her. Maybe she will forgive me after all. Then it plummeted into my stomach. I watched her take a step back. Sticking out her arm with the purse towards me. She wouldn’t even look at me. Sadness and defeat washed over me. I grabbed the purse from her and let it hang at my side. The tears started before I could try to control them.

“MC… I…”

I felt my voice waver.

“I am so unbelievably sorry. I get that you hate me and I wish I could take it all back. I… I… I just want you back. I don’t even care if it sounds like I’m begging because it’s true. Not having you has been one of the worst feelings… and I ruined it and I can’t apologize enough.”

I forced myself to look at her, to see if she was even listening to me. I looked at her and saw the glistening in her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it. I watched as she shifted from foot to foot. I knew she was trying to find the right words to say. Instead, she just hung her head and shook it.

“Becca, I… I can’t right now… I just can’t,” her voice dropped low with hurt. Clearing her throat, she looked up at me, “I’m here to talk to Madison and see how she’s doing. And this, us, is not the right time.” She sighed as I watched her turn towards the house. Walking slow, shoulders slumped.

I could feel a lump start to form in my throat. I swallowed hard, trying to keep some semblance of composure.

Before I could stop myself, I blurted it out,

“MC, I love you dammit. I’m in love with you.”

I sucked the air through my teeth when I realized what I had just said. Part of me hoping she didn’t hear me, the other part hoping she did.

Way to go Becca, could you have picked one of the worst times to reveal this? After momentarily scolding myself, I brought myself back to focusing on her. That’s when I watched her stop abruptly. She turned herself slightly towards me. I could see she was trying to figure out if she heard me correctly. I took a slow step forward and stopped.

“I’ve been a complete ass, and have the world’s shittiest timing, but being near you and not having you… well it’s been shit.”

I took another step forward, my heart pounding loudly in my ears.

“I don’t know how I will ever begin to earn your forgiveness.” My legs felt wobbly, hands were slightly shaking. I studied the girl in front of me. She turned directly at me. Staring at me with such intensity that my stomach flip flopped. I felt the hot tears well up and spill down my cheeks.

“I can’t lose you, MC,” it came out choked. I could feel my nose run, as the tears fell. I dropped my head as I felt all the fear and sadness course through my body.

There was only silence in response.

That’s when I noticed a second shadow on the ground that overlapped mine. I raised my head only to have a set of beautiful eyes looking right me.

                                                         -MC-

I stopped dead in my tracks as I heard the faint words said behind me. My ears perked up and I felt goose bumps run down my arms.

Wait. What did she just say?

I turned my ear slightly back to where Becca was. Trying to figure out if I heard her correctly. I could feel my heart pounding out of chest. Listening, I could hear Becca’s ragged breathing. My stomach dropped because I knew that she was crying. As I tried to grasp what was happening, I heard her soft voice enter through the chaos spinning through my head.

“I’ve been a complete ass, and have the world’s shittiest timing, but being near you and not having you… well it’s been shit.”

“I don’t know how I will ever begin to earn your forgiveness.”

Something inside of my chest seemed to loosen. I turned to face the heartbroken girl that now stood with her head dropped down. This isn’t just some blonde girl… this was a girl that I was madly in love with. She pissed me off more than anyone, but I’ll be damned.

I walked over to the sullen girl, feeling my skin start to buzz with the sudden urge to hold her close. To have her close.

When I was inches away from her, she lifted her head. Those piercing blue eyes looking right at me. I just had to lean an inch forward and would be able to make contact with the soft lips that brought butterflies alive inside of me. All the anger, frustration and hurt was washed away in that moment. Things weren’t completely fixed, but for this moment, I finally let myself admit, I missed her.

Our noses grazed for a second, lips hovered.

I needed to hear it, I needed to watch her eyes when she said it.

Lips centimeters away, I kept my eyes on hers, “say it again.”

She started to speak, our lips grazed, but neither of us broke eye contact.

“I lo-”

Becca was cut off with a voice behind me.

“MC? Becca? What are you doing here?”

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                         To be continued….

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MC X Becca - Drunk Part 2

“Move. Just let me do it.” You can sense Becca’s annoyance growing after watching you helplessly trying to shove your key into its slot on the front door but failing miserably.

You swivel around to face her and take one of her hands in your own. “Why are you so impatient?”

Becca huffs. “I just want to put you to bed so I know you’re okay. Is that all right?”

You’ve hit a nerve. You smile at her and replace the hand that’s still in her grasp with the set of keys.

“Care to do the honours?”

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As soon as you’re inside, Becca sits you down on the sofa and gets on her knees to help you take your heels off and leave them by the door. “Maybe now you’ll have a bit more balance.” She jokes.

She stands up and offers a hand, you take it and let her pull you up. Before she can object, you wrap your hands around her neck and pull her into another kiss. Startled at first, Becca welcomes the kiss and places her hands on your hips to pull you closer.

She pulls away and shakes her head slightly. “Come on, you. Bed time.”

“Hmph, fine.” You say, hold of her hand again.

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After barely making it up the stairs, you finally reach your bedroom and flop down into bed. You hold out your hand to Becca, “Join me?”

“Nice try. You’re still in a dress with a full face of makeup.”

She leans over and attacks your face with a face wipe. “Hey!” You argue.

“MC you can’t go to bed with makeup on. Play ball.”

She finished washing your face and then slowly peels your tight dress away from your skin.

“Now will you join me?” You ask sweetly.

Becca smiles at you “No, give me one minute.” She says as she places a kiss on your forehead.

A couple of minutes later she returns with a big glass of water and places it on your bedside table.

You raise an eyebrow at her, “Now?”

“Yes yes I’m coming, stop whining.” She says while undressing herself. “And drink some of that water.”

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MC X Becca - Drunk Part 1

“Just one more dance?” You flutter your eyelashes and pout, desperate to change her mind. “Pleeeeeeease?”

Becca sighs but can’t help hiding the smirk from catching her lips. She tightens her grip around your waist, almost failing to keep you upright. “Nice try but I gave into that almost two hours ago, now co-operate with me here so I can take you home.”

Frowning like a small child you admit defeat. “Fine. But I may be too drunk to undress myself.”

Becca laughs and keeps you from falling over again. "Let’s just worry about keeping you from falling over. Now hold on tighter to me.”

You bring your mouth to Becca’s ear, sliding away the hairs that are covering it by using the delicate tip of your finger and tucking them behind.

With seduction in your voice you whisper “Catch me if you can.” Darting towards the dance floor.

Becca lifts her hands high and sighs , shouting after you “Fine! But this is the last dance. I’m serious!”

Once you get far enough into the crowd of the dance floor you feel her slender hands gripping around your waist and her chin finding Its place on your shoulder. You take a moment to appreciate her familiar scent and how she felt on your skin before spinning around to face her.

“Hey.” You say, a huge grin on your lips.

Becca laughs again, trying to give you a stern look but failing miserably. “You’re going to be the death of me, you know that right?”

Instead of replying you grab her face with both hands and pull down until her lips meet yours.

You feel Becca smile into the kiss before she pulls away. “Your mouth tastes like vodka.”

You drag your tongue across your lips and wink at her. “Your lips taste like chapstick.”

This time it’s Becca that brings her lips to your ear with a hushed tone. “Now let me take you home.”

“Fine.” You detest. “One more kiss?”

Becca roles her eyes and presses a quick kiss to your lips. “There. Now let’s go.”

Just as you start to feel your legs wobble you feel her grabbing your waist again, offering her support.

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#whale #sunset #ocean #nature #breaching #city #clouds #city landscape

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Falling... Part 5

Sorry about the incredible delay! Work and school have been crazy busy. This isn’t very long, but I am trying to figure out how to wrap this all together.

It’s still in the POV of Becca and runs parallel with MC’s POV from the past parts. 

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I knew she had to go past me to get out of the lecture hall. It was my moment to be able to talk with her, where she couldn’t avoid me. Pulling myself out of my thoughts, I watched her. She kept looking over at me and then looking around the room. What was she doing? That’s when I watched her clamber over the chairs going down to a different row. I watched in shock and felt my stomach drop. It was then that I realized she didn’t want anything to do with me. I watched the back of her, remembering the night I screwed it all up. Just like that night, she never turned around. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat and blinked rapidly to keep the tears from spilling over.

I got up and tried to push my way through the remaining throngs of people. Maybe I could catch her. I felt my heartbeat begin to race. I made my way out of the building, scanning all the faces. “Where is she,” I muttered to myself as I walked forward slowly, studying the people around me. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw her. She wasn’t alone, I watched as a guy put his arm around her shoulders. What was his name? Fig?... Rig?... Zig. That was it, and that was the guy who had liked her her freshman year. I felt my face flush as I thought back to the night of the dance.

Did she change her mind? Was she with him now? 

Did he treat her the way she should be treated?

I watched them walk out onto the grass where the picnic tables were. I didn’t care that I was standing there, forcing people to move around me. Bumping into me every now and then. Normally it’d piss me off, but I could care less right now. Right now, I was watching something unfold and I didn’t know what it was that I was seeing. Even squinting I couldn’t tell what they were saying.

That’s when I saw it. My lungs constricted tightly in my chest.

She was smiling. She’s smiling and she’s smiling at him.

I couldn’t watch this anymore. I quickly grabbed my car keys out of my purse and headed to the parking lot. “Screw this,” I said to no one in particular. I finally got to my car and got in. As I started to put the key in the ignition I realized how bad my hands were shaking. I let out the breath I was holding in and tossed the keys onto the passenger seat. Letting my head fall against the steering wheel, I closed my eyes as hard as I could to try and keep my emotions in check.

“Get it together, Becca. You’re being ridiculous,” I tried to sound as assertive as possible, but the waver in voice couldn’t be hidden. I brought my head back up and grabbed my keys from the seat. As I started the car, I looked up and saw her. MC was walking right past my car. She had that look of being on a mission. She wasn’t smiling anymore, but she didn’t look so downtrodden either. She walked right past me, not even a glance in my direction. With a slight feeling of defeat, I buckled up my seatbelt and decided to move on to the next person that I needed to apologize profusely to. It was time for me to face Madison and hope that she will forgive me.

“Madison will forgive me, right?” Saying it out loud only made me feel worse. I was terrible to her that night. In fact, I was terrible to her most of the time. Yet, there she always was, right by my side. Shaking my head and gripping the steering wheel tightly, I backed out of my parking spot and headed towards the sorority house.

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I found a spot on the side of the street, close enough to the house, but hidden enough to where no one would see me. Looking in the rearview mirror, I smoothed down my hair, put on a new layer of lip gloss and pinched my cheeks trying to put color back into my face.

“Alright, Becca, let’s get this over with. You got this, just keep your shit together,” I rolled my eyes at my own reflection at how pitiful I sounded. Grabbing my purse, I opened the car door. I stepped out in the bright sunlight and closed my car door. Just as I was about to turn around to head to the house, I ended up running into someone. I dropped my purse and as I bent down to retrieve it, I heard the person apologizing.

“Oh shoot, I’m sorry, I didn’t even see you…” The voice trailed off all of a sudden.

I knew that voice.

My body shot straight up, forgetting about my purse laying on the sidewalk. Trying to figure out what to say, I just stared into her eyes. Completely stunned, I could barely get any coherent words out.

“MC, I didn’t… what are you…” I let out a huge sigh giving up on trying to come up with a proper sentence.

We just stood there, both wide eyed and unable to speak.

I was fully aware that I could easily reach out and brush the loose strand of hair on the side of her face. I fought the urge though, and stayed stone still, afraid she might run off if I moved too fast.

Instead, a heavy silence fell between us and we just stood there.

To be continued….

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MC X Becca

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MC: Compliment me. Becca: Uh, you… you have eyes. MC: MC: [shrugs] I’ll take it.

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Part 5

I promise it'll be coming... school and work have been crazy. It's managed to give me mad writers block. If you have any ideas of how I should approach this part, let me know. It'll help kick start my brain. If it isn't mush already!

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Fire

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Falling Part 4

Ok, so this is SUPER LONG. It all started to come to me and I’ve been so busy with school, I thought it was needed. It’s finally the POV of Becca. There isn’t a lot of dialogue. Pretty much because she’s alone. Thank you for reading!

Song: “And Then You”- Greg Laswell (I felt it an appropriate background song)

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I stared her down. The look on her face was disgust and disappointment. I noticed the sadness tinge her eyes. I knew I hurt her. I knew I hurt Madison. Did I feel good about it? No. I thought I would, I thought this would help get out all the frustration, anger and hurt. It didn’t though. What it did was hurt the two people that tolerated me. That overlooked any of my bitchiness and somehow managed to see through it. I crossed my arms harder as I watched Madison leave. I kept my face blank. I wasn’t backing down and I was not going to let them see that I may have regretted this moment. The girls left shortly after and it just left me with MC. I bit the inside of my cheek as I studied her out of the corner of my eye. I watched as every emotion ran across her beautiful face. I bit my cheek harder to stop from letting my emotions take over.

MC started to square her shoulders, she was about to tell me off. Frankly, I deserved it, but I wasn’t letting it happen. I’m Rebecca Davenport, bitches. I don’t owe anyone anything… even if it hit my heart with a searing pain. Finally, I cut her off before she even began. I felt the venomous words exit my mouth. Leaving a bitter taste on my tongue. Refocusing back to her, I saw her shoulders fall. God, I put that pain in those eyes. But I don’t care, I’m Rebecca Davenport, I’m stronger and better, alone. She winced at my words as if I had struck her. I watched her slowly turn around, defeated and deflated. My mind and heart were screaming to tell her I’m sorry. To come back to me. Don’t leave please. Instead, I told her the complete opposite, not caring who heard.

She stopped.

My heart leapt and my stomach flip flopped.

I held my breath, waiting for her to turn around.

Please, MC, please turn around.

I felt my feet move forward, wanting so badly to feel her again. To have her smile at me. That smile that made everything in me feel giddy. Made me feel free. I was my true me with her and I wanted her to bring that back.

I grit my teeth, inaudibly whispering, “turn around MC, dammit, turn around.” I felt the tears start to rim the sides of my eyes. Catching on my eyelashes. I was so close to her. I could smell her. She smelled warm, and she always wore something fruity. It was one of the most wonderful smells. Taking over all my senses when I lay with her under the sheets at night. Her skin against mine, the smell of shampoo calming me. I stood there for what seemed like forever. My eyes closed, as I remembered all our times together. She always looked at me in a way that told me, I was hers. She was mine.

And I loved her. I love her.

My eyes flew open, mouth open to tell her. Instead, I just found her walking away. I just stood there. I did it, I managed to push the two bests things in my life away. I pushed the one person that I fell in love with. She wasn’t expected and I didn’t know how to feel with how she made me feel. I just pushed away the one person that felt like home. 

I made my way back to the house, hoping no one was around. I wondered the whole way home where MC was going. “She better not do something stupid,” I muttered to myself as I finally found myself in front of the house. All the lights were off. Her light was off. Was she in there? Was she waiting to make sure I got home safe?

I went quietly into the house. No one was up. I carefully walked up the stairs to my room, being sure to avoid the parts of the floor that creaked. I felt a catch in my throat. The same spots I avoided as I made my way to MC’s room every night. I walked faster to my room, going and closing the door as fast and quietly as possible. I felt the sob hit my stomach, moving like fire into my chest. I had to cover my mouth as I felt the sounds try to escape. I slid down my door, as my legs started to shake. I pulled them close to my chest. Wrapping myself into a ball. Feeling the tears run down my face, falling on my dress. Leaving mascara streaks all the way down.

What did I do? What did I do?

I cried, I cried harder than I have before. This wasn’t something I’ve felt before. This wasn’t just sadness. This was the feeling of heartbreak. I realized at that moment, I finally hit rock bottom. I screwed over my best friend and… and the woman I loved. Disgusted with myself, I kept my mouth shut as I sobbed. My body shaking like I was cold. I cried until I found myself laying on the floor in a fetal position and falling into a restless sleep.

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The week had droned on and soon I found myself in the middle of class. Staring past the professor, completely numb and unfocused. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I ignored it. The tap started again. Finally, I turned around exasperated. A guy with disheveled brown hair smiled broadly at me. Leaning forward, he said, “are you as bored as I am?” I just looked at him, he squirmed a little and cleared his throat, “um, I’ve watched you in here and always wanted to see if maybe you want to, um, go get coffee or something.” He all of a sudden looked bashful. I looked at him and smiled seductively, “you know I would absolutely love to go, but unfortunately I already have a date with my boyfriend.” I made a pouty face, as if to say I was sad that we couldn’t go out.

He smiled at me, “hey that’s cool, he’s a lucky guy. But if you ever find yourself, you know, alone. You should give me a call.” With that he slid a piece of paper over to me. “See ya ‘round”. He then got up and headed out of the classroom. That’s when I realized class was over. Turning around in my desk, I looked at my blank page of notes. “Another win, Becca. Let’s just fail at this too,” I muttered to myself as I packed up my bag. I got up and left the room, the piece of paper still on the desk behind mine.

I stood outside of the building, scanning all the faces. Just like I did every day this week, looking for her face. I just wanted to see her smile. Even if it wasn’t towards me. I needed to see her. I walked quickly back to house. Running up the stairs, I went into my room. Locking myself in like I have done everyday. I dropped my backpack and felt out of breath. Not from the stairs, but from the growing need to see MC. I paced my room, “okay Becca, get your shit together. You need a game plan, MC always liked a game plan. It should be easy.” I kept muttering myself, frowning as I thought of different ideas, none of them any better than the rest.

“You can’t talk to her here in the house. Everyone would be nosy and want to know what we were talking about.” I flopped heavily onto the bed, my mind spinning from pacing in a circle around my room. “You’re going to get her back. You are going to do whatever it takes. Then you are going to beg Madison for forgiveness. She’d do anything for you, it’s time you returned it,” Becca said aloud to the ceiling. Then an idea popped up in her head. She shot straight up onto her feet. She knew what she needed to do to get MC to talk to her.

Becca grabbed her phone and scrolled through the text messages until she found the classes MC had sent her a list of. The moments where we could accidentally run into each other and I could hold her hand, even for a moment. Smiling like teenagers at each other. I looked at the time, shit, her class starts in 20 minutes. I looked in the mirror on my closet door and nearly screamed. My clothes were wrinkled, my eyeliner starting to smudge under my eye. “Oh dear lord Becca, you cannot leave the house like this, again,” I sternly scolded my reflection. I shook my head and quickly found an outfit. I’ve never been faster at cleaning up than I was at that moment. One shoe barely on, I grabbed my keys and headed out.

I finally got to the campus, trying to not run as I looked at the time. “Shit, four more minutes.” Faster Becca, you have long legs for a reason! Freaking move them! I kept internally yelling at myself. I eventually made it to the door to the class. It was a huge lecture hall. Good. Calming my breathing and smoothing my hair and outfit out, I confidently entered the room. I did a quick scan. I sucked the air through my teeth hard. 

There she was. 

Slouched in her seat. Looking tired and sad. Keep it together, Becca. You’re in a public setting. Don’t let her see you. You know what you have to do. Climbing the stairs carefully, and ducking behind other people’s heads. I sat down in the far right corner of the room, the same row as her. I tried to keep in the darkness of the spot.

As I breathed out, words tumbled with them, “you’re so beautiful”. 

I somehow wished that would reach her ear. 

I couldn’t look away, I just watched her. She’s lost weight, her face was pale, hair disheveled. Her clothes were wrinkled and her eyes stared off into an unknown world. All of a sudden she looked over. She looked right at me. The shock in her face reflected the emotions that hit me in the chest finally seeing her.

[awkwardsgames]

My relationship with sleep, work, school and life right now.

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Becca x MC

Hey all, I thought I’d do a short little fic about the post drama after this weeks episode. Becca’s perspective. I suck with titles but this is what I sorta imagine going through Becca’s head. Feedback pls pls pls 🤘🏻

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Her words didn’t hit me fully until she actually walked away. She can’t be with someone that acts like this. Well, what did she expect, I’m Becca.

You have to shape up, work on being kinder and more giving. Why does she care so much about trying to change me?

We’re not even together. No one has tried to change me before. Does she see potential in me that I can’t see myself?

Does she love me? If she does, and this is why she wants to change me and help me grow. Have I not ever been loved before?

All these thoughts are running through my head as I run after her, chasing her back to our house.

She’s not allowed to leave me.

—————————————————————

I get to the front door just as it’s being slammed in my face. How childish. I couldn’t roll my eyes any harder if I tried.

As I finally fish my key out of my bag to open the door, I shout out at the top of my lungs. “You’re being ridiculous by the way!”

At this point I don’t really care who can hear me shout. My roommates are her friends and they expect it from me. I even wonder what stories she’s told them about me over the last year or so.

I slam the door as hard as I can behind me, making a point. I can’t believe she made me chase after her in 6 inch heels.

Absolutely breathless I finally make my way to her room and let myself in without knocking. (Obviously)

“Get out!” She screamed at me.

“No.” I replied, blank expression.

Now she’s walking over to me, fists balled at her sides.

With our faces inches apart, she explodes once more, “I said, get out!”

God she’s so dramatic.

“Keep screaming, I don’t care. I’m not going to leave you.” I replied. Again, blank expression.

This is when she breaks down, tears have formed in her eyes and she’s starting to sob. I don’t know what it is but I can feel something in my chest. It hurts. All I want to do is to wrap her up in my arms and tell her it’s going to be okay, to stop crying. But I’ve been immobilised, I can’t speak or move.

“You have a hold over me.” She sobbed, her breaths jagged.

—————————————————————

And in this moment, It’s like everything had changed. I want to be better for her. I’m willing to put her feelings before my own. I don’t know why she cares so deeply for me after everything I’ve done but I know I can’t ruin it now.

I want to deserve her.

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MC: (dipping pretzel in jar of Nutella)

Becca: (watching mortified as she eats a celery stick) Seriously, MC, would it kill you to eat healthier foods?

MC: (swallows pretzel, reaches over and grabs the celery stick from Becca) Sure, I can do that.

Becca: (has a satisfied grin) Good, thank you.

MC: (dips celery stick into Nutella jar and takes a bite) You were right, this IS way better.

Becca: (gets up and leaves) ...

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MC: Whose turn is it to give the pep talk? Quinn: [sighs] It’s Estela’s turn Estela: Fuck shit up out there but don’t die. Sean: wow… Jake: That was beautiful.

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Falling Part 3

I’ve been having a blast writing these and love, love, love all the positive comments! It truly has been incredible. I hope that Part 3 meets all your expectations with the past two. Thank you again!

Background Soundtrack: “The Stranger” by Lord Huron (but honestly the whole album, “Lonesome Dreams”.

                               __________________________________

I don’t know how long I sat there staring at her. All I knew is that I couldn’t look away.

Her eyes. Her lips. Her hair.

I forced myself to look away. Staring down at my notebook, I started drawing random spirals all over the page. Looking up every so often to look at the professor. Pretending like I was processing anything he was saying. He might as well be the teacher from Charlie Brown because I couldn’t tell you a word that was coming out of his mouth. All I knew was there was a blonde devil sitting in the same room as me. I managed to keep looking everywhere, but to my right.

God, why I couldn’t I just fall in love with someone stable. Someone low key and, you know, doesn’t have the reputation of being an alpha bitch… and apparently living up to that title.

I heard rustling around me and realized that class was over. I avoided any eye contact as I went to put my stuff back into my backpack. Focused on the zipper like I’ve never focused on it before. I did a glance to see if she was gone. I slightly choked on my spit… nope. Then it dawned on me…

Exhaling, I muttered, “well shit,” it was at the moment I realized if she didn’t move, I would have to walk past her to get to the stairs to leave. Shit, shit, shit, shit. All of a sudden I felt a sense of panic. I was the mouse in the maze, looking for the cheese. Except the cheese is exactly what I don’t want to find. I looked around, coming up with some sort of game plan. Whatever happened to fire safety? Shouldn’t there be more than ONE set of stairs? I could just picture her self- satisfied smirk when she sees that I have to walk past her. That thought made my face feel hot when I realized that that actually pissed me off. So I did what every rational person would do… I climbed and clambered over the chairs. Carefully, making my way down a couple of rows. Finally, feeling satisfied with the distance, I walked down the row and down the stairs.

Ha. Becca. You didn’t win and you certainly didn’t get what you want. I furrowed my brow, what did she want and why does it feel like I’ll never win?

Readjusting the straps on my backpack and wiping the unattractive sweat on my face from my hurdle excursion, I let my eyes readjust to my surroundings. The campus was now full on busy. People laughing with each other, talking on their phones or just briskly walking to their next destination. I could hear the wheels of skateboards, heels clicking, gum popping and the small dings from people on their bikes weaving through. It was a nice day out, it really was, and the campus looked beautiful. As I took a moment to take it all in, letting my mind wander and relax. I felt a tap on my shoulder. My body went rigid.

Happy moment over. Groaning under my breath and trying to ease the pace of my heart rate, I reluctantly looked over my shoulder. I let out the biggest breath with complete relief. It was just Zig. I looked around quickly to make note of anyone else… let’s be real,  we all know, a certain somebody else. I felt a hand waving in front me, “yo, MC, you in there?” I shook the thoughts in my head away and looked back at him. “Sorry, just lost in thought.” He had a slight frown as he studied me, and then draped his arm over my shoulders, “walk with me.” With that, he started walking, and that meant apparently so was I.

He ended up leading us to a picnic table that set slightly away from the rest. We sat across from each other. There was silence… more silence… and even more. I started tapping my fingers on the table, glancing at him every so often and then looking around. This was getting incredibly awkward and my butt was starting to go numb from sitting on the bench.

I cleared my throat, and readjusted in my seat to try and get it to wake up, “so… what’s up?” I tried to be as nonchalant as possible. He laughed slightly, but looked right at me, “you know we’re all worried about you. Talking to the group, they told me that they rarely see you. Of course, I never get to see you. I know you don’t want to tell anyone what’s wrong, but, MC, you’re my bud. You’ve helped me deal with shit, even though they were things I am definitely not proud of.” He reached out and put a hand gently over my fidgety one. “Please, let me just be there for you. I get not wanting to share, but it’s me we’re talking about. Hell knows, I am definitely not one to judge.”

I looked at him, looked straight into his eyes. They were kind, but firm. His jaw was set as he looked at me. Well hell… I took a deep breath, as if I were going to be diving into water and blew it all out through my lips up to where my hair slightly moved from the disturbance.

“Okay, okay, but this stays between you and me. I mean it, it does not leave this table.” He laughed a little and zipped his lips shut and for emphasis, threw away the key. One last deep breath, I unraveled everything. Where it all started with Becca, a single night, that turned into another night, into another. Eventually, it became more than something physical. I told him how she opened up to me, how Becca would actually talk and laugh with me.

I dropped my head onto the table. “Zig, she was so different when it was just us. Then she has to go pull all this shit,” I waved my hand in the air, gesturing to whatever was around me. My head still facedown on the table. I dropped my hand, head down on the table and waited for a response.

Silence.

I looked up, not sure if I’d actually see anyone sitting across from me. To my disbelief I was greeted with a funny smirk on Zig’s lips. Lifting my head fully, “what? Why are you looking at me like that?” I started to pick at the wood slivers of the picnic table. Then, without warning, a burst of laughter came out of his mouth. I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. “Seriously, what is so funny?”

After taking a couple of breaths to stop his laughter, he looked at me amused, “MC, it’s been obvious for some time that you two have had some sort of connection. I just didn’t know that this whole time, you’ve well… that you’ve actually have acted on it.” I looked at him wide eyed, trying to process what he just told me. I felt the blood drain from my face, “if you know, d-do you think the others do to?” I swallowed hard as he thought about it. “Mm, I don’t think so.” Putting both elbows on the table, I rested my chin in my hands. “What do I do? I am so upset with her, but, god, every time I think about her… I can’t shake all the other feelings inside of me. I just get frustrated with myself.”

He looked at me somberly, “you have every right to be upset, but it’s okay to still love her. You can’t just forget all those feelings and act like nothing ever happened.” I sighed loudly, more frustrated, but feeling a slight relief to be able to talk with someone. “Look, I’m far from an expert in the love department, but I do know that you are an incredible person. You’ve been an amazing friend and far more supportive than any of my other friends have ever been. I can’t make the decisions for you, as to what you want to do with this secret relationship, but I can be there for you.” I felt my eyes start to well up as his words sunk in. “Whoa, whoa, MC, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Zig looked mortified. Shaking my head, “no, it’s okay, these tears are actually happy tears.” I wiped the stray tears that fell down my cheeks.

Zig looked down at his phone, “oh shit, I’ve got class in ten minutes and can’t miss it. I’m so sorry to leave you like this.” I held my hand up to stop him from talking, “stop, go to class, you are not leaving me like anything. In fact, I actually feel slightly better. Now that someone knows, it’s taken a bit of weight off my shoulders.” We both stood up and he came around the table and gave me a hug. It was a hug that I absolutely needed and in that moment, could feel myself genuinely smile. “Now go, have fun in class… learn something and try to make some friends, will you.” He grabbed his backpack and laughed, “yes mom, I’ll make sure to find some kids to play with at recess.” With that he laughed and hurriedly walked away.

I sat at the edge of the bench, reveling in the moment of peace I had in my heart. I felt a slight bound of confidence. I grabbed my backpack, squared my shoulders, and headed to the one place I knew I needed to be. I kept repeating the conversation I had with Zig, trying to keep my confidence up and keep my tears in check. With a brisk pace, I headed to the sorority house. It was time to talk with one heartbroken blonde.