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【Ateez/Hojoong】 His Tree

Jongho & Hongjoong

*Original Chinese text is below the English version :). The full text is translated from the Chinese.

The story about the king and the seed in this fic is an oriental folktale: a king wanted to choose an heir among the children of the whole country, so he gave seeds to all the children and told everyone that whoever could grow the most beautiful flowers would be the heir . A boy found that his seeds did not germinate even though he cultivated them carefully. On the appointed day, all the children brought all kinds of beautiful flowers, and only the boy told the king the truth. In the end the king chose the boy because all the seeds were fried and could not germinate.

"But Jongho didn't know what he is in Hongjoong's heart."

-

Everyone has different habits when entering the house.

Someone are full of energy, such as Wooyoung and Yunho, when they return to the dormitory, they will habitually shout: I am back! No one knows if they really have no worries, or if they have digested the negative emotions alone outside the door. Or like Seonghwa and Yeosang, who will greet people who sitting on the sofa. San and Mingi are the type who tell their experiences as soon as they open the door.

Some people are introverted, they will silently walk into the room and close the door and lay down on the bed, such as Jongho.

Of course, there are also someone who always sleep on company. If need to give an example, probably everyone in KQ entertainment will say Hongjoong’s name.

"Jongho." Yunho suddenly opened the door, put his hands on the door frame, and half his body in, "We are going to the convenience store to buy some snacks, would you like together with me?"

At the end of summer, Jongho still entered the early autumn mode earlier than other members. Yunho is still in short-sleeved shorts, but Jongho has already changed into thin long-sleeved pajamas, with short messy hair, and his eyes behind the glasses look a little hazy.

"I just woke up." He said hoarsely to Yunho, the pronunciation sounded vague. Almost at the same time as he spoke, Yunho froze for a moment, his face was suddenly worried, then he hesitated for a moment, asked Jongho: "Is your throat okay?"

"Ahem..." Jongho cleared his throat and sounded better, he gave Yunho a comforting smile, "I'm fine, I just slept too much. Could you bring me a bottle of oolong tea later?"

"Sure." Yunho said, "Are you hungry?"

"Not yet."

"Just call us if you're hungry and we'd bring you some food." Yunho exited but pushed the door open again, and said excitedly to Jongho, "Hey, I just remembered, there is beef soup rice left by Hongjoong hyung in the refrigerator."

Jongho surprised: "Hongjoong hyung is back?"

"Oh my god...you have a broken voice." Yunho couldn't help laughing, "Hongjoong hyung didn't come back. He was supposed to come back yesterday, even he ordered food to home, but he suddenly had a new inspiration at the entrance of the company.”

"Ah, what kind of inspiration can come from the entrance of the company!" Wooyoung, who was already well dressed, also came over to complain, "Aside from convenience stores and restaurants, what else is there around our company."

Yunho was shocked by him: "Why do you wear pink sunglasses at night? It's too exaggerated."

"He's going to become the second Kim Hongjoong!" Mingi said leisurely in the living room, "Hey Wooyoung, Hongjoong hyung dressed up to go to company, but you are just go to the convenience store."

"Why am I the second Kim Hongjoong?" Wooyoung turned his head and refuted him from a distance, and then patted Yunho on the shoulder to make him go quickly. He said if they keep chatting here, Yeosang would starve to death, he keeps complaining.

"Jongho, just heat up that meal if you're hungry. Hongjoong hyung said we can eat that." After Yunho finished speaking, he gestured for the phone, and waited patiently for Jongho to nod his head slowly, and then ran away. Yeosang muttered faintly from the living room, as if he was complaining about Mingi, and then Mingi yelled aggrievedly. In the end Yunho tried to break the fight and Wooyoung urged them impatiently, with San laughing.

The sound of kicking and changing shoes came from the entrance, and the messy laughter was suddenly blocked by closing the door. The whole room is like a ship, submerged into the deepest part of the ocean in an instant.

Jongho pressed his face against the pillow and lay still for a while. He looked at the bear digital alarm clock on the desk, which was brought back from Japan by Hongjoong as a gift for his 20th birthday.

There is no second on the clock, so Jongho can never guess when the time on it will change. The beating of the numbers is like a surprise given to him by Hongjoong. It is small and sudden, which will make him a little panicked.

"It's already 11 o'clock." Jongho wrapped himself in the quilt, thinking silently, "I'm going to lose sleep again at night."

Teenagers at this age, as Wooyoung said, need their own personal space. Therefore, it is really rare to have the occasional opportunity to occupy the entire dormitory like now. The silence at home should have calmed the mind, but Jongho felt that the silence was like a dark and cold iron cage in the mist. His heart was like a crow longing for freedom, constantly crashing into the black cage and making violent noises. Some kind of emotion was so intense that it made him ache all over.

In such pain and collision, he fell asleep again in a daze.

It might because 99line talk about Hongjoong, Jongho dreamed about Hongjoong, it was in last year, Hongjoong was being quarantined a few days before the Real NOW recording.

Hongjoong always sleep at the company, even when he was quarantined, the producers in their company knew about it before all the Ateez members, then they notified Seonghwa, finally notified other members. At that time, Seonghwa was out of the company, and Jongho was in the car with him when his phone rang. While Jongho was drowsy, he heard Seonghwa nervously asking: "How is Hongjoong now?" He staring at Seonghwa's serious face.

Seonghwa caught his gaze very sensitively, turned his head and waved to him lightly, which means don't be nervous.

"Umm...our members? I'm not at home right now, Jongho stays with me."

"Okay, so we won't go to the company today." Seonghwa held up the phone, seeing Jongho's tense face, and showing him a comforting smile, shook his head, "It's fine if he's not seriously ill -- has he just arrived at the hotel now?"

"Okay, I'll give him a call later -- okie you too."

Seonghwa hung up the phone, he was about to speak when Jongho interrupted: "Has Hongjoong hyung been quarantined?"

"Yes, he should be at the hotel now." Seonghwa nodded and opened the call log, dialed Hongjoong, "Don't be nervous, it's okay. Let me make a call."

Just as Jongho put his hand into his pocket, the palm of his hand holding the phone was already sweating. He felt a dull pain in every finger. He remembered that Mingi had told him that when he looked down from a high place, he would have this reaction. But Jongho is too brave and not afraid of too many things, he seems to have never experienced this kind of reaction.

"Hongjoong?"

Seonghwa quickly called Hongjoong, his voice was low, like a cloud drifting outside the window.

"What's your temperature now?"

"Hey...don't worry about your work, just take a good rest, okay? Have you had lunch yet?"

"Take care of yourself, and call me or our manager if you feel so ill."

Hongjoong seemed to said something on the phone, Seonghwa sighed helplessly, subconsciously glanced at Jongho, and quickly looked away. That's what Jongho often sees, Seonghwa's eyes when Hongjoong doesn't eat or drink all night. Angry, absurd, and helpless like treating a five-year-old child.

"...Do you think the members are really kids who haven't grown up? Trust them, hmm?"

"Jongho stays with me now." Seonghwa pointed to the phone, asked Jongho with his eyes if he want to talk with Hongjoong. Jongho thought for a second, felt that Hongjoong would only ask for trivial matters when he answered the phone, so he finally refused the call.

Seonghwa is always considerate. He didn't ask Jongho why he refused to answer Hongjoong's call, but said meaningfully after hanging up the phone: "Now you can rest assured." Then he stopped teasing Jongho.

Jongho couldn't hide his thoughts in front of Seonghwa, he just smiled a little embarrassedly.

Jongho has a somewhat restrained personality, and he is the worst person in Ateez who is not good at dealing with strangers except Yeosang. Even his personal schedule, which doesn't have too many parts, is much longer for him than team shows in his mind. When he returned home exhausted, the members gathered together and chatted. Everyone's expressions were not very good, but fortunately, it was not a serious atmosphere. It was almost Wooyoung, San and Yunho who were talking, and Seonghwa was sitting quietly typing on his mobile phone, as if he was talking to someone. When saw Jongho, they greeted immediately: "Hey maknae!"

As soon as Wooyoung uttered the word "hong", Seonghwa, who had been silent for a long time, suddenly interrupted him: "Jongho already knows."

Yunho seemed to notice that he was a little tired, and asked with concern: "Jongho, how was your recording today? You look so tired."

"Well, not bad." Jongho nodded, looked at the room full of members with different expressions, said, "I'm going to bed, you don't need to call me for dinner."

"Okey dokey, take a good rest our maknae~"

Jongho closed the bedroom door, and the noise in the living room was deliberately silenced by the members. The ceiling light was turned off, and only the computer screen on the desk was still on. It was the game that Yeosang had played halfway through. Jongho changed into pajamas and fell on the bed, rolled himself into the quilt like a silkworm chrysalis.

The light of the computer screen sprinkled dimly on his desk. The numbers on the digital clock seemed to jump. He remembered that the day before his 20th birthday, Hongjoong, who came back from work, mysteriously opened the bedroom door, leaned against the door and smiled at him, wondering what he was laughing at, asked Jongho who was playing games on the bed: "Hey Jongho, have you notice any changes in your room?"

Jongho paused the game and stared at him suspiciously through the glasses: "So the digital clock on my desk is a gift from you?"

Hongjoong responded with a smile: "Ah. Do you like it? I bought it during our Japanese schedule."

"Hyung, I'm already twenty years old." Jongho looked at him helplessly, but thanked him anyway, "But it's cute, is that bear me?"

"Yeah, don't you think it's exactly the same as you?" Hongjoong smiled with crooked eyes, his eyes were sly. Jongho looks at him and thinks the fans are right, the captain does look like a cat sometimes, although Hongjoong himself doesn't quite agree with that.

"Umm, yea I think so. Thank you Hyung."

"What..." Hongjoong pouted and muttered dissatisfiedly to Jongho, "Are you perfunctory to me?"

Jongho is always helpless about his willfulness, explaining dumbfoundingly: "No, I really like it."

"I just find it interesting," he looked at Hongjoong's eyes, found his face with an unnatural expression, and said, "Other brothers say I'm precocious, but hyung, you always seem to think that I'm a child... is it because everyone is a child in the captain's mind? Including Seonghwa hyung."

Hongjoong seemed relieved after hearing this, and habitually showed his helpless and doting expression. Jongho saw this expression on his face several times, towards Wooyoung, towards Mingi, but it was the first time he saw Hongjoong look at him with this look. Is it because I was older that he had this change in me? Jongho thought nonsensically.

Different from 99line, Jongho is precocious, introverted, stable, and exudes a reliable temperament from the inside to the outside. Occasionally, even Hongjoong and Seonghwa will subconsciously rely on him. Because of this, they didn't seem to treat him as a younger brother who needed to be taken care of.

He felt like an awkward contradiction, hoping that Hongjoong would treat him like a younger brother who needed to be worried about like Wooyoung and Mingi. On the one hand, he didn't want the relationship between Hongjoong and him, just the captain and the youngest in the team.

"No." Hongjoong thought for a while and replied, "I just... I don't think you need to be so precocious."

"And actually... Although we always say that Jongho is so stable, unlike others at your age, you will always be our maknae in this family."

Again such words. Jongho sighed inwardly, he thought maybe he didn't know what he really wanted to hear from Hongjoong. He would rather Hongjoong just say to him, happy birthday Jongho, I love you forever.

"I see..." finally he didn't say anything, just smiled at Hongjoong obediently, "Thank you hyung, I love you."

After hearing this sentence, Hongjoong closed the door and left with a smile on his face that he had succeeded.

...Should I give Hongjoong hyung a call? After reminiscing, Jongho thought in the dark. When he came back to his senses, his finger had already swiped away from the phone and landed on "ATEEZ Hongjoong hyung" in the address book.

When did "Should I call him or not" become a question to wrestle with? He wondered for a moment, and simply pressed Hongjoong's name, the screen immediately displayed the call interface, and then the call duration popped up quickly.

Before Jongho finished brewing, a hoarse voice came from the receiver: "Jongho... what's wrong?"

"It's nothing, I just finished the schedule." Jongho thought about it calmly, and said, "Today's recording went smoothly. The seniors said that they didn't expect me to be an idol, and they thought I was an OST singer."

It sounded very quiet on the phone, the environment in the hotel is indeed different from that at home. Hongjoong burst into low laughter because of covid: "Really?...Did you talk something about music?"

"Umm...I said that I actually haven't sung an OST. But if there is a chance, I hope they could give me some advice." Jongho said, "Is it okay for me to say that?"

"Well, you are actually articulate, don't worry." Hongjoong seemed to hold the phone away and coughed twice, with a heavy nasal voice, "I heard that the company is contacting some opportunities for you to sing OST, I don't know if there is any suitable one. If they meet a good one, they should discuss it with you."

"Really? I've never heard that before."

"Ah... because it's uncertain, so they only mentioned it to me. And I didn't tell you because I’m no sure what the results would be."

"Why you told me now?" Jongho laughed at his unconsciously coquettish tone.

"Now? umm...because Jongho is getting better and better, OST is not a problem for you. Ahem...!"

There was silence in the phone receiver for a while, Jongho listened quietly under the quilt, and faintly heard the sound of Hongjoong pouring water. With a thud, it was like a fish swimming nimbly. While Hongjoong was drinking water, his Adam's apple popped up in Jongho's mind. It often appeared in pictures taken by fans and was always discussed by the Atinys.

"Hyung, are you okay?"

Hongjoong laughed: "Hey boy... so you don't remember to care about me until now? When I received the call just now, I thought you must cared about me specially."

"But there are already many people who care about you, don't they?"

"It's outrageous... This is not a team task."

"I didn't mean that... sorry hyung."

"Fine. I still have a fever. But I've already taken the medicine." Hongjoong sniffed, "You also need to rest quickly. You've worked hard today, so don't worry about me."

"Sure. You too." Jongho and the little bear on the digital clock exchanged a glance. It turned out that it was almost 9 o'clock, and there was still the crisp sound of bowls and chopsticks colliding outside the door.

"Good night, Jongho."

"Good night."

The heat in the bed became a little higher. Jongho was still confused when he was about to sleep. Did Hongjoong really need him to ask for his care, or is he just playing petty temper, or just teasing him? He thought that the four seasons of Hongjoong are actually well filled by other people. There are flowers in spring, rain in summer, wind in autumn, and snow in winter.

But Jongho didn't know what he is in Hongjoong's heart. Hongjoong is sometimes like a teacher, always trying to test him. He thought that Hongjoong is the wise king in the story, but unfortunately, Jongho is not the honest child who can inherit the throne, he may just be the seed in the pot that is doomed to fail to bear fruit, no matter how carefully cultivated, the seed in the soil is indifferent.

His love with Hongjoong, like that seed, will not blossom.

At the first night of Real NOW’s recording, he was sleeping alone on a single bed in a hotel suite. In his dream, he felt someone slowly approaching him. He opened his eyes, and Hongjoong’s face with makeup appeared in front of him.

"How are you..." He asked vaguely with eyes wide open, as if he hadn't woken up yet. The warm breath fell on his face, like the moon god weaving a hazy tulle. At that moment, he couldn't distinguish dream from reality.

"How am I?" The person in the dream smiled softly, with a clear and bright voice. He suddenly woke up from the dream and quickly pulled himself back to the real world.

"Do you know who I am?"

"Jongho..."

"Hmm……?"

Jongho opened his eyes, the room was dark, and Yeosang's lit computer screen cast a thin layer of cold light on the dark night.

He vaguely felt a figure moving in front of him.

"Hyung...?"

"Are you awake now?"

It's Hongjoong. He still has the heat from the outside, and it looks like he just came back from the company. Like an intruder, he snapped on the lamp on his desk without Jongho's consent. Jongho fumbled from the bedside to grab his glasses and put them on, and saw Hongjoong looking at him worriedly.

"Yunho said your throat is uncomfortable, I bought you some throat lozenges."

"My throat...? I just slept too long.

"Don't lie to me, I knew it as soon as I heard you talk." Hongjoong looked at him with a serious expression on his face. He reached out and patted Jongho's back lightly, feeling the sweat on his back. He immediately touched Jongho's forehead with the back of his hand, and heaved a sigh of relief, "Fortunately, you only have a low-grade fever. Get up and eat, I've already warmed up the food for you."

"...Am I still dreaming? Hyung."

"What?" Hongjoong pretended to be a little annoyed, "You are not allowed to question my cooking skills. I know how to use a microwave oven."

"Hyung, I hope you didn't overcook the rice, right?"

"...Do you want to die?"

"Haha...I see, I'll get up now."

Hongjoong rolled his eyes and went out first. Jongho sat on the bed for a while longer, until he heard the sound of Hongjoong taking the cutlery from the cupboard in the kitchen, and he had the real feeling that Hongjoong was finally home.

This kind of real feeling made him surrounded by an inexplicable sense of peace of mind, he thought to himself, in fact, he could also be the fried seed. It doesn't matter if it doesn't bloom, and it doesn't matter if it is buried in the soil forever, because there is a small tree accompanying that poor seed.

The tree will slowly grow taller, and eventually become a towering tree that no one can match, resisting the storm for the precocious seed.

"Jongho, did you fall asleep again?"

"No. Just give me a second."

-end-

他的树

“崔钟浩不知道他在金弘中心里是什么。”

每个人回家的习惯不同。

有元气满满的人，比如郑友荣和丁润浩，他们回宿舍的时候会习惯性地喊一声：我回来了！不知是真的没有烦恼，还是已经独自在门外消化掉了负面情绪。或如朴星化和姜吕尚，会和沙发上坐着的人很自然地打招呼。宋旼琦和崔伞则是那种一开门就开始叽哩咕噜讲述今日心路历程的类型。

有情绪内敛，会沉默地走进房间关门放好东西往床上一倒的人，例如崔钟浩。

当然也有不怎么回家的人，如果要举例的话，大概全公司都会说出金弘中的名字。

“钟浩啊，”丁润浩突然推开房门，手撑在门框上，半个身子探进来，“哥哥们要去便利店买点零食，一起去吗？”

在夏天的尾巴，崔钟浩依然比哥哥们提前进入初秋模式，丁润浩还在短袖短裤，他却已经换上了薄薄的长袖家居服，顶着乱糟糟的短发，镜片后的眼神看起来有些迷蒙。

“我刚睡醒。”他哑着嗓子对丁润浩说，咬字难得有些含糊，几乎是他开口的同时，丁润浩愣了一下，脸上表情顿时有些担忧，他迟疑了一下，问钟浩：“你嗓子没事吗？”

“咳咳……”钟浩清了清嗓子，听上去似乎稍好了些，他对润浩露出了一个安抚性的笑，“我没事，就是睡多了，哥帮我带瓶乌龙茶吧。”

“行。”丁润浩应了声，忽然想到什么，又问，“你饿不饿？”

“暂时不。”

“那我们走了，饿了给哥哥们打电话，给你带点吃的。”丁润浩说完就退出去，结果门关到一半又被他推开，兴冲冲地对崔钟浩说，“呀呀，我才想起来，冰箱里有弘中哥留的牛肉汤饭。”

崔钟浩一愣，问他：“弘中哥回来了？”

“哎哟……你这个破锣嗓子。”丁润浩听得忍不住笑，“弘中哥没回呢，他本来昨天要回来，外卖都提前点好了，结果说在公司门口突然灵感来了。”

“呀，公司门口能来什么灵感啊！”已经全副武装好的郑友荣也凑过来吐槽，“我们公司门口除了便利店和饭馆还有什么啊。”

丁润浩被他吓一跳：“你大晚上戴什么粉色墨镜啊？太夸张了吧。”

“他要成为第二个金弘中了！”宋旼琦在客厅悠悠道，“喂郑友荣，人家弘中哥打扮好歹是去公司，你只是去便利店而已啊。”

“我哪里第二个金弘中了？”郑友荣扭过头远远地反驳他，又拍拍丁润浩肩膀说快走了，再不走姜吕尚要饿死了，他一直在那里叽歪。

“钟浩啊，那你饿了就去把那个饭热一下，弘中哥说任我们处置。”丁润浩说完比了个电话的手势，颇有耐心地等崔钟浩慢吞吞点了个头，然后一溜烟跑没影了，客厅隐隐约约传来姜吕尚嘟嘟囔囔的声音，似乎在抱怨宋旼琦，接着宋旼琦委屈地嚷嚷起来，最后又以丁润浩劝架和郑友荣不耐烦地催促结束，期间夹杂着崔伞的笑声。

踢踢踏踏的换鞋声从玄关传来，乱七八糟的笑闹突然被关门声阻断了，整间屋子好似一艘船，顷刻之间没入海洋最深处。

崔钟浩把脸埋在枕头里，静静地躺了一会儿，他抬眼看向书桌上的小熊电子钟，那是金弘中从日本带回来的，赠他作二十岁生日礼物。

时钟上没有秒表，因而钟浩总是猜不透上面时间何时变化，数字的跳动就像弘中予他的惊喜般，小小的，又是很突然的，会令他手足无措。

“怎么就突然十一点了啊。”崔钟浩把自己裹在被子里，心里默默想道，“晚上又要失眠了。”

这个年纪的孩子，如郑友荣所说，都很需要自己的个人空间。因此像现在这样，能偶尔拥有霸占整个宿舍的机会，实在是难能可贵。家里这样静，本该是能让心静下来的，崔钟浩却觉得这寂静像迷雾中漆黑冰冷的铁牢笼，他的心脏像只渴望自由的乌鸦，不断冲撞着黑笼，发出怦！怦！的响声。某种心绪激烈得让他浑身发疼。

在这样的疼痛和冲撞中，他又迷迷糊糊地睡了过去。

不知是不是方才哥哥们一口一个金弘中的原因，他梦到了去年录制团综的前几天，金弘中被隔离的事情。

金弘中常年不回宿舍，连被隔离都是公司制作人哥哥们比成员先知道，再通知的朴星化，然后正式通知给所有成员。朴星化正好不在公司，接到电话时崔钟浩和他在一辆车上，睡得迷迷糊糊间听到朴星化紧张地问了一句：“中儿怎么样了现在？”瞌睡立刻醒了大半，直直坐起来盯着面色凝重的星化。

朴星化很敏感地捕捉到他的视线，转过头来对他轻轻摆了摆手，意思是不要紧张。

“嗯，嗯……成员们？我不在宿舍，钟浩和我呆在一起。”

“那我们今天就不去公司了。”朴星化举着手机，看到崔钟浩紧绷着一张脸，还对他露出一个安抚的微笑来，摇了摇头，“不严重就好——他现在刚去酒店吗？”

“好，我一会儿给他打个电话——好，哥哥们也是。”

朴星化挂掉电话，刚要开口就被崔钟浩打断：“弘中哥被隔离了吗？”

“嗯，今天中午刚过去，现在应该到酒店了。”朴星化低头点开通话记录，给金弘中拨过去，“不要紧张，没关系的，我打个电话给他。”

崔钟浩刚把手伸进衣服口袋里，握着手机的手心已经沁出汗来，他感到每根手指都在隐隐胀痛。他记得宋旼琦告诉过他，站在高处往下看时，就会产生这种反应，只是崔钟浩太勇敢，不怕的东西太多了，他好像还从未体验过这种反应。

“喂？”

朴星化很快拨通了金弘中的电话，他的声音压得很低，像窗外飘得沉沉的云。

“多少度？”

“喂…这种情况就不要担心工作了，好好休息好吗——你吃饭了吗？”

“那你自己看着点，有什么问题给我或者经纪人哥打电话。”

不知道金弘中在那头说了什么，朴星化很无奈地叹出一口气，下意识地看了一眼崔钟浩，又很快把眼神收了回去。那是钟浩经常看见的，在金弘中通宵不吃不喝的时候，朴星化会露出的眼神。像对待五岁小孩一样，气恼，荒唐，又无可奈何。

“…你以为弟弟们真的是没长大的小孩吗？相信他们吧，嗯？”

“钟浩和我呆在一起呢。”星化指了指正在通话的手机，又歪了下头，意思问钟浩是否和弘中通话，钟浩思考了两秒，觉得金弘中接了电话也只会叮嘱他这那的，最终还是摇头拒绝了朴星化的提议。

朴星化情商高，也一向善解人意，他没有问崔钟浩为什么不接金弘中电话，只是挂掉电话后意味深长地说了句：“这下可以放心了。”便不再继续逗他了。

崔钟浩在朴星化面前藏不住事，招架不住他的打趣，难得有些不好意思地笑了一声。

崔钟浩性格有些内敛，是队里除了姜吕尚外最不擅长和陌生人打交道的人。即使是没什么太多分量的单人节目，对他来说也比团队综艺漫长许多。他身心疲惫地回到宿舍时，成员们正凑在一起七嘴八舌，大家表情都不算好，但也不是什么紧张的氛围，几乎是郑友荣、崔伞和丁润浩在讲话，朴星化静静地坐在一旁拿着手机打字，似乎在和谁讲事情。几个人见到他立刻招呼道：“老小啊！”

崔钟浩换上拖鞋，正把换下来的帆布鞋往鞋柜里放：“怎么了？”

郑友荣刚一个“弘”字出口，沉默许久的朴星化便突然将他打断：“钟浩已经知道了。”

“哦哦。”

丁润浩似乎看出他有些疲倦，关切问道：“钟浩啊，今天录节目顺利吗？很累吗？”

“嗯，还不错。”崔钟浩点头，看着一屋子哥哥神情各异，挠了挠头，说，“我去睡一会儿，晚饭不用等我了。”

“好的，好好休息我们忙咚儿～”

崔钟浩关上房间门，客厅的吵闹声被成员们刻意压了下去，变成一些细碎的动静。吸顶灯也被关掉，只剩姜吕尚书桌上的显示器屏幕还亮着，是玩了一半的游戏。崔钟浩换好睡衣倒在床上，把自己卷进被子里，像个蚕蛹。

电脑的亮光模糊地洒在他的桌上，电子钟的数字似乎跳动了一下。他想起来二十岁生日前一天，下班回来的金弘中神神秘秘地开他房间的门，倚在门边上冲他抿着嘴笑，不知道在傻乐什么，问正在床上打游戏的钟浩：呀钟浩啊，你没发现你房间有什么变化吗？

崔钟浩默默暂停游戏，透过镜片疑惑地盯着他：“所以我桌上那个电子钟是哥哥送的吗？”

金弘中笑着应道：“啊。怎么样？在日本活动的时候买的。”

“哥，我都二十岁了。”钟浩无奈地看着他，但还是好好感谢了他的心意，“不过挺可爱的，那个小熊是我吗？”

“是啊，不觉得和你一模一样吗？”金弘中弯着眼笑，眼神狡黠。崔钟浩看着他，觉得粉丝说得对，队长有时候确实有点像只猫，尽管金弘中本人对此不算感冒。

“嗯，是蛮像的。谢谢哥。”

“什么啊……”弘中撅起嘴，对着钟浩不满地嘟囔道，“怎么感觉在敷衍我。”

钟浩最招架不住他耍脾气，哭笑不得地解释道：“没有，我真的很喜欢。”

“我只是觉得很神奇，”他对上金弘中的眼睛，看着他神色变得不自然的脸，说，“别的哥哥都说我很早熟，可是哥你好像一直觉得我是小孩子……是因为队长看谁都像小孩子吗？包括星化哥。”

金弘中听罢像是松了一口气，又习惯性地露出他那个无奈中带着点宠溺的神情。崔钟浩好几次在他脸上见到这种表情，对着郑友荣的，对着宋旼琦的，却是第一次见金弘中拿这种眼神看着他。是我长大了一岁，他对我才有了这种变化吗？钟浩无厘头地想。

和其他哥哥不同，崔钟浩早熟，内敛，稳重，从内里到外形都散发着一种可靠的气质，偶尔连金弘中和朴星化都会下意识依靠他。也因此如此，他们好像也没有特意将他当需要关照的弟弟看。

他感到自己像个别扭的矛盾体，一边希望金弘中能像对郑友荣、宋旼琦他们一样，把他当一个需要操心的弟弟对待；一边又不希望他之于金弘中，只是老幺之于一队之长。

“不是。”金弘中想了想，回答他道，“我只是觉得你没必要那么早熟而已。”

“而且其实……虽然哥哥们总是说钟浩很稳重，不像你这个年纪的小孩子，但是你在这个家里就是我们的老幺啊。”

又来了。钟浩在心里叹了口气，他想他可能也不知道自己到底想听金弘中说什么话，还不如就告诉他，钟浩啊生日快乐，我永远爱你。

“知道啦……”最后他什么都没说出来，只是乖乖地对弘中笑着说，“谢谢你啊哥，我爱你。”

金弘中得了这句话，一副得逞了的小表情，笑眯眯地关门溜走了。

……要不要给弘中哥打个电话？回过神来的崔钟浩在黑暗中思考起来。等他回过神，手指已经划开手机，停在了通讯录里的“ATEEZ 弘中哥”上。

打给对方是个需要纠结的事情么？他纳闷了一下，干脆按了下去，画面立刻跳转到了通话界面，接着迅速弹出了通话时长。

未等崔钟浩酝酿完毕，听筒里已经传出了沙哑的声音：“钟浩啊……怎么了？”

“哦、没事哥，我刚结束行程回来。”崔钟浩冷静地想了想，说，“今天录制挺顺利的，前辈们说没想到我是爱豆呢，还以为我是OST歌手。”

对面听起来很安静，酒店和家里的环境果然是不一样的。金弘中因为肺炎变成低沉的笑声响起来：“真的吗？…那都和前辈们请教了什么呢？”

“哦……我说我没有唱过OST呢，如果有机会的话希望前辈们帮忙指点指点。”钟浩说，“我这样说是可以的吧？”

“嗯，话说得挺漂亮的啊，我们老幺。”金弘中似乎拿远手机咳了两声，鼻音有些重，“我之前听说公司有在帮你联系OST了，不知道有没有合适的，如果有碰到不错的应该会和你商量的。”

“真的？第一次听说呢。”

“啊……因为是不确定的事情嘛，所以也只和我提了一下，我担心没结果就没和你说。”

“那现在呢，为什么突然告诉我了？”钟浩被他无意识撒娇般的语调逗笑了。

“现在？哦……因为钟浩越来越厉害了，OST感觉不成问题咳、咳咳……”

对面安静了一会儿，崔钟浩在被窝里静静听着，隐约听见了金弘中倒水喝水的声音。咕咚一声，像一条灵活游弋的鱼，他的脑海里突然出现了弘中平常喝水时滚动的喉结，它常常出现在饭拍里，被粉丝们津津乐道。

“哥，你还好吗？”

金弘中“哈”地笑了声：“呀小子……你现在才想起来关心我吗？刚刚接到电话还以为是特地来关心我的呢。”

“关心哥的人不是很多吗。”

“这是什么话啊……你以为做团队任务吗？”

“不是啦……对不起哥。”

“嗯，你哥我现在在发烧，38度多点，吃了药了准备一会儿睡。”金弘中吸了吸鼻子，“你也快点休息吧，今天辛苦了，不要担心。”

“嗯，哥哥也是。”崔钟浩和电子钟上的小熊对视一眼，原来已经快九点了，门外还时不时传来碗筷碰撞的清脆响声。

“晚安钟浩。”

“晚安。”

被窝里的热度有些高，崔钟浩在将睡未睡之际还在困惑，金弘中是真心需要他嘘寒问暖呢，还是只是耍小脾气呢，或者只是逗逗他罢了。他想，金弘中的一年四季其实都被别人好好地填满了，春有花，夏有雨，秋有风，冬有雪。花…朴星化或许是花，崔伞和郑友荣是雨，丁润浩和宋旼琦是风，姜吕尚是雪。

可崔钟浩不知道他在金弘中心里是什么。金弘中有时候像一位器重他的老师，好像总想考验他点什么。他觉得金弘中是故事里那位聪明有趣，不太按照常理出牌的国王，但可惜的是，他不是诚实的孩子，说不定只是花盆里那颗注定无法结果的种子，无论怎么精心栽培，土壤里的种子都无动于衷。

他们之间亦无结果。

团综录制的第一个晚上，他一个人睡在酒店套房的单人床上，半梦半醒间感觉有人慢慢向他靠过来，他睁开眼，金弘中带了妆的脸就在他眼前。

“你过得好吗……”他迷瞪着眼，含糊不清地问道，只当自己还未梦醒。温热的鼻息扑在他脸庞，像月神织出朦胧的薄纱。那瞬间，他分不清梦境与现实。

“我过得好吗？”梦里的人温柔地笑了一声，声音清晰明亮，他这才大梦初醒，迅速把自己拉扯回现实世界。

“你知道我是谁吗？”

“钟浩……”

“嗯……？”

崔钟浩睁开眼，房间里一片昏暗，姜吕尚亮着的电脑屏幕给漆黑的夜里洒上了一层薄薄的冷光。

他隐约感觉到面前有人影晃动。

“哥……？”

“你醒了？”

是金弘中。他身上还带着室外的热度，看样子是刚从公司回来。他像个入侵者一样，没有经过崔钟浩同意，直接啪一下打开了他桌���的台灯。钟浩从床头摸索着抓起眼镜戴上，才发现金弘中正一脸担忧地看着他。

“润浩说你嗓子不舒服，我给你买了点喉糖。”

“我嗓子……？应该是睡多了。”

“不要骗我，我一听你讲话就知道。”金弘中看着他，脸上表情不太好看，他伸手轻轻拍了拍崔钟浩的背，摸到一手的潮湿，立刻用手背探了探钟浩的额头，松了口气，“还好不是很烫，起来吃饭吧，饭给你热好了。”

“……我还在做梦吗？哥。”

“什么啊？”金弘中被他气笑，“我有那么糟糕吗？热饭还是会的吧。”

“哥，你没有把饭热糊吧？”

“……你想死吗？”

“哈哈…知道了，这就起。”

金弘中翻了个白眼，摇了摇头，起身先出门去了。崔钟浩在床上又坐了小半分钟，直到听见厨房传来了金弘中从碗柜里取餐具的声音，才有了这哥终于回家了的实感。

这种实感令他被一种莫名而来的安心包围，他在心里默默想，其实他也可以是那颗被炒熟的种子。不开花也无所谓，永远被埋在土里也无所谓，因为在那颗可怜的种子身边，有一棵尚未长成的树。

那棵树会慢慢地，越长越高，直至冲破云层，成为无人能及的参天大树，为那颗早熟的种子遮风挡雨。

“钟浩啊——你又睡过去了吗？”

“没有啊，这就来。”

-Fin

文中关于国王和种子的故事：国王要在全国的孩子中挑选继承人，给孩子们都发了种子，告诉大家谁能种出最美的花就能成为继承人。有一个男孩的种子怎么也不发芽。别的孩子都捧来了各种美丽的花，男孩向国王实话实说。最后国王选择了这个男孩，因为所有的种子都是炒熟的，不能发芽。