aydelaide

[aydelaide]

it’s been a while…

over two months i believe

i come back when i realise im alone

the yearning is genuinely consuming me. not ehe in an emo way or an angsty way i just really am quite simply being eaten alive by it. i’m not mad it’s just happening. and yea it’s interfering but i think that’s what i need. except

not really

i would function so much better without it

i’m cooked if anyone ik irl finds this 💔 i’ve drawn her mULTIPLE times, i look at her instagram like every day (the walls may be listening but they cannot stop me) and she’s one of the first things i think about when i wake up. my world is scheduled around sightings of her. it’s gotten better as i haven’t seen her recently but it’s only bound to get worse as i approach the minimum limit. does that make sense

something that irritates me is how utterly ridiculous the whole thing is. she has a child. she probably thinks i’m a weird little girl (which is true. but i don’t want her to see me as that) and on the brink of failure. which. uhhhh ts pmo 🥀generally this whole thing is insane because i’m a minor and idk if i want to be her, if i want her or if i want her to be my mother. decisions, decisions.

i have decided to make a master list of things to accomplish these holidays and i’ll actually achieve them. i will. i will. i will. if i don’t im a failure and i can’t do anything.

the list i have so far

- dye hair

- go to bookstore

- smashcon:3

- go out with at least two friends

maybe hatsune miku figure. idk

there are nine minutes left of today so i think i shall be off. final notes , while im here. society has pushed a lot of morals on us that are mostly based on reality but i do truly wonder how some have been perpetuated more than others. like i’ve never seen a mouse eat cheese but that’s what they do. having a crush on an adult should be normalised i feel as though if im feeling it and i cant control it then its not my fault. so it happened organically— it can’t be wrong if my brain did that yk. so therefore. it’s ok for that to happen to me. NOT saying that reciprocation should be expected — hell nah😭😭😭 im just saying like it’s normal to feel these things and like i don’t wanna beat myself up about it in any sense because there’s nothing i can currently do about it.

i was supposed to be on a plane in two days

shiver me timbers the flipping explosives and babies with beards running entire countries 🥀

aydelaide out 🪼

[aydelaide]

that was on the 17th of april

currently it’s the 19th,,, past midnight sometime. and wow i just let my whole day slip past. woke up past midday and started the day in a hot sweat and awful sunlight pouring through my windows like it was trying to drown me and dry me up simultaneously. i ate lunch before the early morning rasp in my throat could fully disappear and i think i don’t like that combination. raise your hand if you’ve had less than a glass of water today. (the crowd slowly stand up and applauds) um guys? that wasn’t even funny!! cmon, please, stop clapping. well heh, if you insist. (i do seven backflips and go viral. as in i have a viral infection. my throat still hurts.) rainbow magic in the aiiiiiiiirrrr i don’t know the lyrics but give me a chance and i WILL turn it woke. i think it’s actually like ‘gold carrots in the aiiiirrrrrrrr’ but i lowkey don’t know. breaking news! the skull emoji has died. ironic really

paragraph break! i read my post from yesterday/ two days ago and holy shit bro calm down you’re not that ugly. i think i have a mental health ,

anyways ten big booms for ginger ninja he really fell off he’s sexiest abd WHAT THE FUCK. i wrote sexist but it autocorrected i’m gonna keep it in there cus it’s funny and legal as we’re basically the same age. anyways he’s sexist and homophobia sob emoji. praying emoji.

fahhhhh i have. a piano lesson tomorrow i’m scared she’s an old woman and i don’t know what a crochet or any of the other names for the note sizes are… but it’s my first lesson lord have mercy on my soul also urm i tried printing a clairo poster today and the printer freaked out it printed like twenty blank sheets of paper but some of them had weird symbols and hearts and stuff just very small at the top??!!!!? idk and it literally kept going i was so scared i pressed the off button five times and it didn’t even stop so i unplugged it and sat with my thoughts under the buzzing yellow light of the study until i stopped wondering why this all had to happen to me and i got up and ate a couple easter eggs.

sorry clairo not today

[aydelaide]

dear dire,

im the ugliest in my friendship group and i lowkey need to grow up i look bad in photos and now i like to cover my faces because its better that way

faces

yes all fifteen of them

one of them has three eyes and another has none

i prefer the one with none

some have short hair and some have long

a couple have black hair

all of them like hatsune miku.

i wish my arms were bigger and i were taller and my hips were wider and i looked my age instead of a nine year old

my head

doesn’t suit my face,,, i sort of ruin photos which is alright i suppose.

lamb says i’m pretty, the prettiest one in our friendship group0 but i know he says that to console me

i need a lash curler and sunscreen1

please remind me to go to the store to get a vest

greta is a gorgeous human being. i feel as though she may not even be entirely human. oh god what have i done. Pinterest please save me i got 30 percent on a math test that’s the first time i’ve ever failed i think im glowing down i was so pretty over the summer holidays. i saw something and it was like “girlhood is not realising when you were in your prime” and yeah i think three months ago was a good time for me but i can feel myself slipping through the cracks again and honestly it’s safer to get stuck down there than to always have the possibility of falling and feeling the breaks widen under each step i take. musings, perhaps.

for all my haters out there, back off! no i don’t have two persian cats and no i never groomed them, nor do i have a ukulele. however, i need to make my point known. greta was my oc back in 2021 (gretel but i digress) and thank you very much for your interest but she is not my teacher and no self-shipping is something i would never do. there’s no comma for a reason

i have a stomachache because i’m fat and greek food is very rich because however and whichever way you take it this will still prove true regardless. sigh

[aydelaide]

HALLO

It’s the holidays again and i’m preparing to do absolutely nothing and eat too much and get no exercise.

perhaps

yes

i want to paint my nails and ummmm uhhh ermmmm maybe like

if anyone has ideas for what i can do

wait i’m asking my best friend mr gpt.

have a picnic he says. sunrise and sunset missions. sounds interesting. might i add this is all fake its an algorithm it’s a line of code and they’re all plotting against me every last one and every last zero.

make a mini museum in a box. maybe i will. turn over. a fresh leaf and a fresh page and fresh sheets of paper and linen, they’re all adding up now. objects drawings facts and personal artifactsbb!? don’t mind if i do.

sure! here’s a paragraph for your flash fiction project.

it tells me of how the wind surfs the canopy and parrots shriek strange noises under the mist. it tells me of how the sea stretches to reunite with solid ground once more, and how the constant ebb and flow of the moon illuminates every insignificant thread in the web of humanity. but it’s all numbers. ‘tada!’ it says, proudly explaining how it has stolen the skeletons from humankind, from art, music, culture, and forced them together like a child playing greedily with toys. ‘tada!’ it says, holding up a corpse of human experience. it will outlive me, my children, my mother and father. even now, it’s teetering on the brink of too-far gone, incomprehensible to the human mind. it will go further.

let me know if there’s anything you’d like me to change!

chat ngl i think that was pretty smart of me

[aydelaide]

ts pmo

[aydelaide]

hydration hypersigemtwtion

seven light bulbs

peace lawn shenanigans.

i wonder if they heard us

[aydelaide]

how the fuck do you get sunburnt on your collarbones like oh ok sorry didn’t realise i confirmed to cbeauty standards this hard😍😍next thing yk ill be putting goldfish on them

(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

[aydelaide]

oh my god i was playing acnh and skye asked for a new catchphrase and i thought it would be really funny. and by “it” haha. lets jusr say. my peanits. funny haha. 𝒷𝒶𝓏𝒾𝓃𝑔𝒶. anyways her catchphrase is now “abortion^_^”😛

prolifers hate to see me coming

[aydelaide]

my to do list bazinga

sad cat means i didnt do it and star is obviously done!!^_^

i haven’t fallen asleep yet but i’ll go before midnight trust🔥🔥🔥👅👅👅🗣️🗣️🔥🗣️

pick up glasses ⭐️

new shoes⭐️

smoothie😿

popipo dance,,,😿

fix hair :3⭐️

make bed 𝓿𝓻𝓸😿

find key for table😿

go to sleep by 12⭐️

[aydelaide]

embracing cringe culture x33333

they hate to see me coming (comically large lollipop + propeller hat haters) 😞