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[aylanamu]

Free Falling

Summary:

‘because I fucking fell for, even when I was damn sure you will never love me back, when I knew your heart will never be mine, even though I know you only have eyes for my brother, my fucking best friend, I still have fallen in love with you’ Yoongi loved her, she was in love with Namjoon who didn't love her back... What was the point of all of it he didn't know A small drabble !!

‘because I fucking fell for you, even when I was damn sure you will never love me back, when I knew your heart will never be mine, even though I know you only have eyes for my brother, my fucking best friend, I still have fallen in love with you’

‘Yoongi, I…’

‘Just don’t say anything Y/N, I know already’

‘Yoongi, please, I don’t know where my heart is. I love you and you know that’

‘Just not the way I want you to’

‘I can’t say anything now, I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you… it will kill me’

‘I can’t lose myself Y/N, I’m sorry for being selfish but I can’t lose myself. I’ll become insane if I keep torturing myself this way… with me loving you, you loving him, and him being with someone else. I can’t bear with this pain in my heart, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t live’

‘It’s not fear’

‘I know’

‘Don’t, please, don’t leave me, I beg you’

‘I’m sorry’

And like that, the last person you cared about, the last person you loved left you. And just like that you stayed blank not knowing what to do, crying your heart out without a person to call. The man you fell for never loved you back and is happy with another person, the man you call your best friend ran away and now, you’re all alone again.

You were frozen, because the moment he left, you realized the man you really loved, the man you really cared about, the one you would give anything to, the only one that have been there for you in your worst moments, in your worst states

You took you guitar, pressed the recording button, and poured your heart

It’s not true; tell me I’ve been lied to Crying isn’t like you What the hell did I do? Never been the type to, let someone see right through Maybe won’t you take it back and say you were trying to make me laugh and nothing has to change today you didn’t mean to say I love you, I love you and don’t want to Up all night, on another red eye I wish we never learned to fly high Maybe we should just try To tell ourselves a good lie Didn’t mean to make you cry, I Maybe won’t you take it back say you were trying to make me laugh and nothing has to change again you didn’t mean to say I love you The smile that you gave me even when you felt like dying We fall apart as it gets dark I’m in your arms in central park There’s nothing you could do or say I can’t escape the way I love And I don’t want to But I love you …

You pressed the send button so it can reach him as you knew he will never listen to your words at this moment or in any other moment. Yoongi was a man of his decisions if he chose to be this vulnerable with you it only meant that he was ready to move on, but you weren’t.

You shut your phone down, took a bottle, the bottle of whisky he gave you from his shelf, a special one for a special moment he said, the keys to your car and drove to an unknown destination. You just wanted to shut all these voices, all this regret, all these emotions, all these memories.

Y/N found herself in front of the beach, she drove more than an hour, to a beach that was surrounded by snow. It was poetic to her, being surrounded by this beauty. And dying didn’t feel like a bad thing anymore, it sounded like a relief. She took her jacket off, and sat by the cold waves that caressed her legs drinking from the bottle of whisky that was now half empty. Tears were streaming through her face; she took her phone, turn it on only to find that no one really called, no news, she really was all alone. She opened Yoongi’s number and called hoping he would answer; that his voice would stop her from what she was intending to do but he didn’t answer too so she decided to text him.

‘I loved you, I always did, and now that I lost you, I realize that I love you more than anything in this world, only you keep me going, only you keep me from leaving. But now I don’t really have a thing left to fight for, I tell you the truth. It’s been a few months since it hit me, that maybe Namjoon was just a person god sent me to find you, that maybe the things I felt for him only existed so I can see that it always have been you. But I was too afraid, I was afraid and I had my reasons. I was afraid of rejection, I was afraid of your reaction, I was afraid of losing you. I was afraid that you would think that you wouldn’t love me because of him. But I love you Yoongi, truly.

I hope that you will find that happiness you were seeking, I hope your smile never leaves your face and I hope that you won’t be hard on yourself, that you will realize that we are here because of my weak self that this day arrived because I couldn’t bear with this world anymore. I leave you now, but know that I will always be with you and that I will always love you and protect you from above. I just have a small hope that a day will come where you will forgive me’ Without a second a second thought she sent the text to Yoongi who was drowning in his studio with Jungkook facing him. The youngest was the only person that knew what he was feeling and he needed a friend at this moment since he couldn’t go to Namjoon about this as he usually does. She called him twice but he made his decision. Leaving is the best decision he would make at this point in order to protect himself from anymore hurt. A few minutes later is screen lighted noticing a message from her. The moment he opened it, he froze, his mind froze, his body couldn’t move and Jungkook noticed.

‘Hyung, are you okay? Yoongi hyung? What Happened?’

‘She can’t’ is all he managed to say ‘She can’t punish me like that’

He didn’t know what got into him, he was sprinting out of his studio looking for the keys to his car with Jungkook’s eyes on him saying thing he couldn’t hear at this moment. Everything was a blurring to him, he was racing an invisible enemy, time. He remembered the GPS stick he installed in her car, opened the app to check her localization only to find out she was almost 1 hour away from Seoul. He knew he didn’t have time so he ran, just ran without saying a thing followed by the youngest. The moment he hopped into his car he turned find Jungkook already next to him and Namjoon in the back seat. Namjoon saw Yoongi running, out of his mind and immediately knew something was wrong. And he just followed them, he couldn’t leave his best friend like that, not knowing what made him this pale. Yoongi had no idea how they got there but he didn’t care. He only thought about her. He drove his way out of Seoul to his destination not realizing the speed he was driving with. It couldn’t be faster than his heart at this point.

He came back to reality the moment Jungkook screamed in his face

‘Are you trying to fucking kill us?? Slow down! And where the hell are we going like this? Hyung please you have to say something’

‘Y/N’ that was the only word that came out of his mouth.

Namjoon’s heart weirdly skipped a beat at the mention of her name

‘What about her hyung?’ he said holding his fist firmly

Yoongi only stared at him through the mirror with teary eyes and he got the message. It suddenly hit him, they were losing her.

The road was sharp and dark, and Yoongi drove like a mad man, the moment he spotted her car in the dark by the beach, his knees felt weak. What if he was too late was all he could think of. He mindlessly left the car open next to hers sprinting with all the force left in him he looked back and found Namjoon running as hard as him with a blank face, he looked terrified.

When he spotted a body lying by the waves, his breath was caught, he felt as if he was falling into a deep whole, one he will never be able to get out from. She was wet, freezing cold and bleeding, he screamed his lungs out at that site as he fell to his knees taking her in his arms with tears streaming down his face.

‘Y/N, please wake up’ he hugged her tight ‘Baby please’

Namjoon froze at the site and especially at the words coming out of his brother’s mouth. Did he call her babe? He shouldn't be thinking about this but his mind was running, but he managed to say.

‘Hyung, we need to take her to a hospital, she’s still breathing’

Yoongi shook his head in approval but the moment Namjoon came closer to take her in his arms, he screamed ‘No, I will take her’.

So he wrapped her in his arms and led them to the car. As he was putting her into the back seat, Jungkook ran to the driver’s seat and Namjoon next him. He was looking at Yoongi shocked at the sight and at the words he was hearing. He wondered why these words hurt him, why he was scared to lose her, wasn’t he the one who told her that he felt nothing for her, wasn’t he the one who explained to her that he will never love her. So why hearing Yoongi sobbing with her in his arms hurt him this much. Did he really think that she will always be there waiting for him? Until a day where he may or may not decide if he really loved her?

In no time, they were in front of the nearest hospital. They took her, and they sat by the door waiting for her. Yoongi was staring at his hands painted with blood when Namjoon reached to him and put his arm around his shoulders

‘Hyung, you know she’s strong’

Yoongi shook his head ‘I knew she was confused, I knew it wasn’t the right time, yet I was selfish. I couldn’t handle the fact she was so close yet so far’ he sobbed ‘I love her Joon, I can’t live without her’ those words were more than enough to send a sharp pain in Namjoon’s heart, to make him cry, for his pathetic situation, for her, and for his brother.

They were crying in each other’s arms when the doctor finally came out.

‘You are Ms. Y/N's friends?’

‘Yes’

‘You can relax she’s better than you think, way stronger than you may think. She lost blood but thanks to the cold water her body clenched to protect itself. Physically she’s well, she will need a few days of recovery at home and will be fine. But mentally, I recommend that she goes to consultation’

‘I will make sure of it’ Yoongi said ‘Is she awake? Can I see her?’

‘Yes she is, but try to be slow and soft she’s confused, she consumed a lot of alcohol before the accident and we the cold and the blood loss she is a little weak. She have wanted to be discharged and we explained that unless she’s accompanied she can’t’

‘I am with her’ Yoongi said again while Namjoon stared blankly while Jungkook was watching the scene unfold from behind ‘Okay then, as soon as she feels a bit better, you can sign the papers and she will be discharged’

‘Thank you doctor’

He entered the room slowly peaking at her figure lying on the bed with eyes closed. When he approached the bed, she opened her tired eyes and looked at him. The moment their eyes met, a tear came through her eyes and he jumped to her, his heart was beating at a mad pace, but he was relieved that she was fine, breathing and alive.

‘I’m sorry’

‘No baby don’t’ he sat on the edge of the bed leaning to hug her as tight as he could ‘I thought I lost you, oh god, you drove me to madness’

‘I’m sorry’

‘Babe’ he took her cheeks in his palms looking into her eyes ‘I’m sorry, for leaving that way, for not listening to you and for being the dumb ass I am’

She smiled at him ‘You’re not’

She leaned in his palm and got closer to his face trying to reach his lips when her eyes saw Namjoon standing by the door with tears in his eyes. So she closed hers and kissed Yoongi, a small kiss where there lips sweetly touched and barely moved. When she opened her eyes, Namjoon was gone and Jungkook was looking at them fondly with hearts in his eyes. As if he was sighting finally.

‘I love you, more than you can imagine. And I will make you happy. I promise’ he said looking right into her eyes.

‘I love you too’ he smiled at her response ‘You have no idea for how long I dreamt of this’

‘Can you take me home?’

‘Let’s go baby’

He went out with a big smile on his face to find Namjoon sitting outside the room looking blankly at the wall. Yoongi approached him ‘Are you okay?’

Namjoon smiled weakly ‘yeah, just feeling the roller-coaster, it just hit’

‘I see. I will go see the paper work then we can go. And thank you Namjoon. For everything’

Namjoon couldn’t say a word as he just handed a girl that was breathing his love with his own hands to his best friend. He was confused, lost and distracted. The moment he saw her kiss Yoongi, he felt as if he was going to faint. He was the one who refused her love, he was the one that chose the easy path by ignoring her and his feelings and choosing a model that will follow him everywhere he goes. He chose a girl completely different from her, from him, yet he wasn’t happy. Deep inside, he had hope that someday they will end up together, he didn’t know how, but he was sure that someday their paths will gather. But now, he realized that by making the choices he did, he lost her, for real, to a man that he is sure will cherish her, he saw the way Yoongi reacted, he saw the love in his eyes, the respect, he saw all the things he could never show her.

The group drove quietly as she fell asleep in the back in Yoongi’s arms. Namjoon couldn’t help himself from looking at them, how his hyung was planting small kisses on the top of her head, how she clang to him as if her life depended on him, how when she shivered Yoongi held her closer to him telling her that she was safe. How he wished it was him instead, how he wished he could scream his lungs out, how he wished he could bring himself to the day he was harsh on her and punch himself in the guts. How he wished everything was different. But it wasn’t, she was going to Yoongi’s house, since he couldn’t let go of her, he wanted to take care of her that he even made sure to tell him that he will take a few days off to stay with her. He could only nod and stay silent, hoping that this feeling will die and that he will be able to look her in the eyes without feeling his heart dropping, without admiring her. He was dumb, made a mistake and now he is paying a price he was not ready for.