b4n3n4

[b4n3n4]

I wish i could spontaneously combust on command, i sometimes think i legit hate everyone without any exception, everyone is a brainwashed sheep going meh meh and doing whatever they are told, i hate you

[b4n3n4]

I dont think i was created to enjoy life or even survive, it doesn't feel right, suicide feels like its the right option im just afraid of taking it in case it goes wrong

[b4n3n4]

I havent been feeling good at all again, i want to do it but im afraid it will go wrong, but even then, if it goes wrong, i can try again until i finally die, maybe i should today, im alone anyways, no one would find out unless im stupid and fail it, but i only have 2 insulin carts, i dont know if 400 units will do it for sure

[b4n3n4]

I don't know if i said this before here but im completely autistic about the purge, i used to draw everyday my ocs in the purge, have playlists ( I still do) and overall once i start talking about the philosophy and concept of the purge and how it is an right wing mockery movie i wont shut up, please tell me how the purge is a concept for how right wing people want to preach religion in order to purge the poor/minorities out and how the rich get richer and safer and the poor get even more poor and more likely to be victims

[b4n3n4]

yk what i wont change this account this is like my biggest feat in life

[b4n3n4]

i miss the old nena on Tumblr, should i remake this account, i dont like it anymore

[b4n3n4]

In December i went to france to be with my love. Been with him since May and i feel weirdly cured.

Maybe i never had bpd and was just in a series of awful relationships before, or maybe my bpd seems to get better when i am in such a healthy and good relationship but never goes away. Either way I feel happy.

Maybe this is the good ending finally. I never thought something like this would happen to me after all those years since im 13 in the worst relations possible.

I am happy, i havent cut in weeks now, i havent felt suicidal. I have been on and off meds ( when i can i dont take them but when i cant pretend to take them i take them) and this just shows how unnecessary they are to me, everything depends on the situations i am in, not in myself.

[b4n3n4]

Days have been weird, i can feel myself getting worse mentally in terms of relationships, i cant force myself to be nice anymore or to pretend to care, but it feels so much like a wave of freedom, not caring is who i am, why should i force myself to act like i do. All i want is to transfigurate your face to oblivion, not to be your friend.

[b4n3n4]

Favorite phrases

Mandate of disfigurement

Brutalize someone today

The last man standing gets no pity

The weak ones are there to justify the strong

You want to win the war? know what you're fighting for

Theres no time to discriminate, kill every mf thats in your way

I don't want to kill you, i want you to kill yourself.

Dead, meat, animal again, free.

I have a lot more I don't remember but these make me happy, my way of thinking is hard to explain but one day ill try to summarize it, maybe today my brain allows me to stay awake for longer.

[b4n3n4]

Ive been worse again, i feel so bad about myself, keep eating, not showering, not working out, I haven't worn makeup or nice clothes in so long, I gained a small amount of weight again and my skin looks like absolute dogshit as well as my hands and nails from picking my cuticles and bitting my nails

[b4n3n4]

someone tell me how to create designs i actually like because i see such beautiful sets on Pinterest and mine always look like shit in my eyes, ill post a new one im currently doing today but still wont put it on the shop because i kinda literally hate it

[b4n3n4]

little drawing im doing for classes

[b4n3n4]

I fucking kinda hate to be trying designs until i like one because i waste sm materials and then go "not good enough for selling" also i just want to say (im not really against the seller, more just wondering how the buyers are that braindead) i saw a girl on TikTok who sells nails and her prices are 60 each set and the sets are literally a solid color and 1 ali express charm on each (30 cents )

[b4n3n4]

Boyfriend working on my website while i am working on designs

[b4n3n4]

IF SOMEONE WANTS TO TRADE SECRET HONEY FOR NOEMIE HMU

[b4n3n4]

They (tumblr) got an angels (my) account can we be mooties again/nf

yes omg i havent checked tumblr in ages sorry, just followed back

[b4n3n4]

I might be getting addicted to lizlisa because i was browsing tokyo kawaii life every single second of this week

ALSO im selling 3 secret honey items ( swan dress isnt available anymore) or looking to trade for any lizlisa setup/dress or even just a top/skirt (pref for pink/white colorways)