babaengmadaldal

[babaengmadaldal]

Signing Off

This is not a post saying that I'm going on an indefinite hiatus. This is a post of saying goodbye to my blog/s and Tumblr itself.

Tumblr's my safe space since college (2016 or 2017) nung pinush ako ni @ssoulsearching na maging active ulit dito and use my blog again for my thoughts and poems. I met and talked to a lot of people, have great online friends who became real life friends, and I even met my past relationship here on this blogging site.

Babaengmadaldal was my outlet for everything I cannot put into words to even say to my friends. Kung kilala mo ako in person, you'll know na I'm quiet at some point and won't even open up my problems. Kung may ikukwento man ako, that's just the tip or summary of the story unless sobrang bigat na niya for me na ikukwento ko bawat detalye. Nabuhay ang babaengmadaldal para sabihin lahat ng thoughts ko para kapag kinuwento ko na siya sa mga kaibigan ko, hindi na siya mashadong mabigat, hindi na dala ng kwento ung mga emosyon na nasa likod noon.

2020 was very challenging. I lost people for the first half and gained friends for the next half. I got my shit together, love and took care of myself more, became more confident on my face and body, and even lose a lot of weight.

I've been thinking about saying goodbye to Tumblr simula nung hindi na ako nagpo-post, nung nag-uninstall ako ng app, at nagre-reblog na lamang ako ng mga posts ng mga friends ko just to keep this blog active or something like that. I am not good with goodbyes, I don't even like that word but someone made me realize na, hindi mo mapipigilan ang isang tao kung gusto niya umalis sa buhay mo. So, here I am, saying goodbye to babaengmadaldal, and my other blogs linked to it (blissvoyager, balahurangmanunulat, beatthenorm, babaengmadaldal-personalrba, and bitchimrantingshutup).

I know na, I'll be having a hard time opening up to people and sharing my problems, and even argue and speak up. I'm going and planning to keep everything to myself again because I learned it the hard way nung pinaramdam sa'kin na, my words will be used against me to break me all over again. Now, I know that I can't even trust my words. Thank you for making me realize that in that way.

Another reason is, Tumblr is not my safe space anymore. I know myself, I'm good at repressing memories. Kinakalimutan ko lahat kapag sobrang sama o masakit siya for me kaya kahit ung masasaya, nakakalimutan ko na rin because of that. Tumblr became my keeper of memories, and now, I want to forget everything. Iiwanan ko na ang safe space ko para maging safe space niya away from me, iykyk.

Btw, as a person na maraming kilala dito & maraming alam na kwento behind every blogger I know (ofc, 'di ko ikukwento mga sinabi niyo sa'kin, secrets are safe hanggang sa paglisan ko), please know kung kanino kayo magtitiwala. Maraming taong mapagpanggap dito na kunwari nakikinig sa mga kwento mo pero bina-backstab na pala kayo o nakikichismis lang at wala naman talagang pakialam sa kwento mo. Maging mapagmasid, okay? Ingat kayo.

Here are some photos of myself for the fourth quarter of 2020

That's it. Good bye, Tumblr.

Good bye, babaengmadaldal.

[babaengmadaldal]

Our very first podcast episode is now out on Spotify!!! Find out how I changed my name to Jai, why we decided to call this The Adobo Radio and so much more. Hope you enjoy!! @adobongmayfeelings @babaengmadaldal ❤️

[babaengmadaldal]

Gusto ko lang sabihin na, ang hindi mag-support ay hindi magkakajowa at kung may jowa ka man ngayon, hindi kayo magtatagal. Salamat.

Please join us as we bring our everyday discussion on literally anything under the sun over to Spotify for everyone to hear. From online acquaintances (Tumblr) to actual friends! @adobongmayfeelings, @babaengmadaldal and I (along with our friends) created a podcast. Sharing with you the link: https://open.spotify.com/show/2pRfjjUEdASJqXilVvllGL?si=qKiMbVnaTnOmgN-rv4yakg

[babaengmadaldal]

Mahal ko kayo. (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )

i can’t thank each one of them enough for organizing one of the best birthdays i’ve ever had. it was really one for the books!! the entire weekend was still a blur to me because of how overwhelmed i still am from all the surprises and efforts you pulled off to make my day vvv special. also, I borrowed our car (thanks papa!) and drove from Pampanga to Cavite to Tagaytay and back to Manila, grabe it was so tiring but fulfilling at the same time. Thank you my PBB fam ft. my best friends, Fabs & Raven for everything! I love you all loads and loads. You all mean so much to me AS IN. 

Thank you and i love you @bbarican @adobongmayfeelings (for the i-love-you-sabay-bayo cake, the macaroni salad and the gifts!! @chimkenphillet (for the food and video which i super super appreciate and for letting us invade your abode) @babaengmadaldal (esp for the blog post) @starsandrocketsss @atomicdump @nnovmbr @eccentrieth @hugoterongmakata @hannahbananuuh @sopasislife @raritysht @garlicbraed @n-dv @the-lost-boi-from-neverland @speakdtruth @themusicalcyanide @seaimyourmanx @rodnottaken @yummerz @tiredburrito667 @maskinegro @thefatherofkhalebandanwyll @lovingshannen (our angel), @plantito (for the gift!) & @dumpdumpgra (for joining us, we had so much fun with you!)

[babaengmadaldal]

I miss you again, squad. 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

[babaengmadaldal]

Happiest birthday, our Chie! I love you so much! (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) @chieesecake

✨Another fun night with the best people✨

@chieesecake’s Birthday Salubong is a success! See you all next time!

@babaengmadaldal @bbarican @hugoterongmakata @chimkenphillet @98fourth @dumpdumpgra

[babaengmadaldal]

Constants (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。

thank you for everything, my constants. finally got to take my PBB pill last week and it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me in the midst of this pandemic. i had no clue we’d be this close (and clingy) ever since we all thought what happened to our previous group was the end of it all. we do not regret doing that bold move of keeping us guys together. i love you my crazy bunch. here’s to more milk tea and fries dates, rite n lite sesh, discord and zoom nights! 

@bbarican @adobongmayfeelings @chimkenphillet @starsandrocketsss @the-lost-boi-from-neverland @babaengmadaldal @atomicdump @n-dv @raritysht @seaimyourmanx @nnovmbr @hannahbananuuh @hugoterongmakata @trashburrito667 @eccentrieth @themusicalcyanide @rodnottaken @yummerz @maskinegro @thefatherofkhalebandanwyll @garlicbraed @sopasislife @speakdtruth and our angel up there, @lovingshannen 

[babaengmadaldal]

MAHAL NA MAHAL KO KAYO SAGAD NA SAGAD SA KALULUWA. (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。

you guys matter so much to me; i know you guys are probably gonna tease me for this super lovey-dovey post of mine but please know that i genuinely mean it when i say that i love you guys and that im so thankful to be able to call you guys my friends for life 🤍 thank you so much for today! here's to more dates like this, filled with laughter and just pure chaos, with the obvious sexual tension between each and everyone of us 🥵

i love you guys so fucking much! @chieesecake @adobongmayfeelings @starsandrocketsss @chimkenphillet @n-dv @the-lost-boi-from-neverland @babaengmadaldal

see you next time okay you guys? 🥺 @atomicdump @hannahbananuuh @nnovmbr @trashburrito667 @rodnottaken @themusicalcyanide @hugoterongmakata @raritysht @eccentrieth

and ofcourse, we felt your presence the whole day, angel. 🦋 we hope we made you smile and laugh up there, @lovingshannen 🤍

[babaengmadaldal]

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, GUYS!!! ( ◜‿◝ )♡

I love my friends, thank you so much for today!

@bbarican @chieesecake @the-lost-boi-from-neverland @chimkenphillet @starsandrocketsss @n-dv @babaengmadaldal @atomicdump

Also, i love you guys and really wish to see you too soon @eccentrieth @raritysht @garlicbraed @rodnottaken @hugoterongmakata @hannahbananuuh @nnovmbr @trashburrito667 @kate @bej @four @darryl @ambuoy @maskinegro & we miss you so much @lovingshannen

[babaengmadaldal]

I love you vvvv much, guys! Happy Halloween!!! (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

i love you guys so so so much, tonight was really fun, and it was even full of surprises! im so fucking thankful to have you guys as my friends 🤍 happy halloween from the pbb family!

@babaengmadaldal @eccentrieth @n-dv @nnovmbr @raritysht @hugoterongmakata @chieesecake @adobongmayfeelings @seaimyourmanx @chimkenphillet @garlicbraed @atomicdump @starsandrocketsss @the-lost-boi-from-neverland

[babaengmadaldal]

THIS is good communication.

[babaengmadaldal]

All I want is to be in a relationship where I can be myself.

[babaengmadaldal]

Because I'm busy chatting with my friends, I had no time to talk to Jed and clearly, he’s bored and needs my attention HAHAAHAHAHAHAHA pero ang cute nya kasi nagpapapansin siya sakin huhu.

Good night, love. @adobongmayfeelings

[babaengmadaldal]

bago ko idistract ‘yung sarili ko and to refrain myself from crying again, i just wanna let some of it out through this post. the entire morning just felt so heavy ‘cause we found out that our dear Shannen passed away. we all thought she was just busy or on a detox, the usual. pero hindi naman namin inakala na ganito kalala. this is too much, ang hirap tanggapin na we’ve lost you. i immediately checked her last message in our gc and it was an unanswered reply to me asking everyone if they know and can recommend any psychiatrist in the area and she wrote “Up. I think I need it too.” it broke my heart.

thank you Shannen for everything and for teaching me a lesson today.. i’m sorry for not reaching out, for not replying to your call for help. what’s more sad is the fact that we never got the chance to meet you in person. we’ll miss you everyday. see you in my dreams, love. rest easy @lovingshannen.

[babaengmadaldal]

talk to me through your playlist, shan. i’m here.

[babaengmadaldal]

i hope you get to watch all of your favorite musicals up in heaven, @lovingshannen

i miss you so much, the whole pbb family misses you so much

[babaengmadaldal]

Ate Shannen, I miss you. Mami-miss ka naming lahat. You are in a better place now. Papakinggan ko pa rin lagi mga playlists mo. (╥﹏╥)

all this time, all i ever hoped for was for you to be okay since we didnt really get to talk much anymore in the gc

im so so so happy we got to be friends along the way, @lovingshannen, and that we got to share our love for musicals and even explore new girl-problems related things together

i will always always be thankful for our friendship; me and the rest of pbb will miss you everyday