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If you find yourself in times of trouble, ask yourself, ‘what would Gandalf do’, and remember, ‘beat a man unconscious with a big stick’ is a valid answer

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Maglor during his wandering by the sea years but less sad seaweed soul and more “incredibly tanned older dude you meet at the local surf pub who has circumnavigated the globe in a kayak and needs you to hear about it”. Let me find my giant pencil. This portrait needs a home.

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Maedhros in Mithrim mapping construction for the north: Alright I’ll take this mountain for my fortress and call it Himring. Maglor you have separation anxiety so you should settle by me shall we say 20 miles from my boundary? And Celegorm you should stay where Maglor can supervise you so let’s say within 10 miles of Maglor’s lands? And Curufin, you and my nephew should remain in the guardianship of the hunting parties, you should be no less than 5 miles from Celegorm’s territory.

Caranthir: what about me?

Maedhros: I was thinking you could have the 9000 miles between here and the dwarven mountains? Here, sweetheart, take my black platinum card.

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I firmly believe that Elrond had difficulties with courting Celebrian because he wasn't properly socialised between the ages of 6-50

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Today’s aesthetic: villainous couples who are totally respectful and supportive of one another in spite of having violently dysfunctional value systems.

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Mairon: *is busy*

Melkor: Mairon Mairon Mairon Mairon Mairon Mairon Mairon Lieutenant Lieutenant Lieutenant Lieutenant Lieutenant Lieutenant Lieutenant Lieutenant my precious my precious my precious my precious my precious

Mairon: WHAT?

Melkor: Hi

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An Angbang headcanon

Mairon is, at every given moment, simultaneously mad as a hatter and the most organised person to ever exist. 

He is the type of person to cackle evilly both while torturing someone to the brink of insanity and while organising what deliveries the kitchen needs that month. Does he do it on purpose to unnerve his elf assistants? no-one knows. His paperwork is always filled out in triplicate, but it also always manages to get delivered at the exact moment someone is about to leave and smelling faintly of sulphur.

His study seems meticulously organised at first glance. Then someone actually needs a report and realises they’re organised by what he was eating when he read it the first time and not something…reasonable. It’s a system, it makes a certain type of sense, its just…not the most practical. He knows this. He also enjoys watching them try to figure it out and laughing at them because they can’t wrap their heads around it.

Melkor by contrast is utterly incapable of being even remotely orderly. It is fundamentally against his nature. His study looks like a tornado decided to stay for a weekend and even he doesn’t know where anything is. He is the worst at giving protracted speeches- he always ends up on a rambling tangent that goes absolutely nowhere.

But he is very good at looking like he knows what he’s doing. Mairon always looks like he’s a second away from just eating anyone who talks to him, but Melkor has mastered ominous silences. This means people make the mistake of assuming Melkor is competent.

Because Mairon might have logic that is a bit all over the place, but there is a logic to everything he does. He does have a system, convoluted though it might be. And that’s why he works so well with Melkor. He can spin logic out of Melkor’s thought process and turn it into something truly brilliant.

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Listen. We all know that Elrond is peak dad material. And I always thought of him parenting every child-adjacent creature in a five mile radius at any given time.

Going to visit Imladris with the family?

BAM!

Your children have gained an extra dad. No exceptions. No take backsies.

But when did this start? When did First Age Elrond, certified Baby™, transition into Dad!Elrond?

Option 1: There was no change. Elrond emerged from Elwing's womb as a fully formed parental figure. Imagine Baby Elrond scolding his murder dads: "No instruments at the table, Atya. We talked about this. And no paperwork either, Atto. I don't care how important it is. Dinner time is family time."

Option 2: A gradual transition. The more involved he became in Gil's court, the more exasperated he became with the 'adults' around him. These are the elves in charge? Look at them! They've got anxiety! Maybe he started with some overworked scribes in the Lindon library, moved on to the courtiers of varying incompetence, and nearing the end of the Second Age regularly ranted at Celebrimbor about his lackadaisical approach to forge safety and at Ereinion about his un-kingly habit of chewing his nails.

Option 3: A sudden and unexpected Change. Elrond continued being exclusively baby right up until the birth of his children. He took one look at those screaming, wrinkly little worms and abruptly went like 'Dad mode activated'.

Either way, he's still Baby. He's just also Dad.

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how the hell did jrrt write the silmarillion without tolkien gateway

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The funniest part of the LOTR movies is Legolas. This man has like five lines total across all three movies but sometimes they'll zero in on his face during a big scene and he's having the BEST reactions. It gets better when he's in the back of a shot judging everyone around him. Orlando Bloom was doing the MOST

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Reblog if you too love fetishizing evil and turning something good into softcore pornography

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i'm sorry for this

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yes honey your evil laugh is utterly diabolical and will definitely strike terror into the hearts of all your enemies now will you please come to bed

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watching the Moria scene in the fellowship

Y'know what, why start a story at the beginning. So Eru Illuvatar-

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Curufin: I'm aromantic.

Celegorm: what about your wife?

Curufin: we're friends with benefits.

Celegorm: you're literally married???

Curufin: the benefits are tax breaks and hospital visitation rights.

Celegorm: you have a son?????

Curufin: yeah he's great, we love that little guy.