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Me: Hi, this is Ebony at work; how can I help you today?

Customer: Oh wow

Me: Is everything alright?

Customer: Oh yes, it’s just that you’re so good at this, I thought you were a recording at first

Me, internally: Your, “most people only call me a robot *after* they know I’m Autistic,” joke is an inside thought until you can get to Tumblr; same with the, “script writer,” bit.

Me: Ha, can you tell I’ve been doing this for a while?

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I still won't forget when my wisdom tooth got infected and couldn't sleep bc the pain was so bad and I took like 4 of those those blue gel ibuprofens and I finally fell asleep for a couple hours and kept having dreams about beautiful glowing blue animals that help you and I kept waking up thinking the blue animals will help me and realizing wait what are blue animals they aren't real and immediately falling back asleep thinking about the blue animals again

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Okay nope I'm still thinking about it.

Odysseus is what? 55? 60? Idk he and penelope are that old couple (tm). Odysseus is a veteran who decided a long time ago that he doesn't actually give a shit about anything or anyone beyond having as much fun as possible and his family. Penelope was always prone to tricks and lies and pranks and whatnot so when her husband was presumed dead (pow), she turned to crime to supplement her textile income. Now she's tired and while she is proud of her schemes it's been 20 years of weaving plots and lies and being the spider at the center of it all and she's tired! So she's here for chaos and fun and as long as odysseus never leaves her side again she's down for anything.

(Telemachus is off at college and decidedly not thinking about his parents sex livea please and thank you. Occasionally he gets a call from Athena who's screaming you'll never believe the trouble your parents just dumped in my lap) (she loves them. They are her best friends.)

And then. One day odysseus stumbles across a drunk and despondent diomedes. (Dios dad commited a cannibalism on live tv the other day) He takes him home . Diomedes is too drunk to consent to anything and thus has a very confusing evening where odypen take turns brushing his hair and feeding him snacks and it's literally the best night (or like a week idk) of his life. He is confused. He's obsessed. He wakes up tied up (badly. He can get out easily, the jnots are made to be so) to a tree in the middle of nowhere. Everything in his wallet but his military ID has been stolen. He's baffled? He's impressed (despite how young he is he has proven he can beat anybody on his base) how did they even move him? How did he not wake up? He is also. Crucially the most relaxed he's been in his entire life (what spell did they put him under he feels amazing).

Diomedes is now very very obsessed he would do anything. Anything! To see them again. And this time he's prepared he's got all this useless jewelry that would look fantastic on penelope

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-homer Odysseus-

*someone breathes*

*Odysseus starts crying and thinks of ways to end himself*

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Penelope is all of us

Art credit: Ximena Natzel

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Odysseus: Agamemnon just banned overly specific nicknames in the camp and the whole army is staring at Rat Snitch Palamedes The Good Time Ruiner.

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if you ever find yourself thinking “wow I scraped the bottom of the barrel with my energy with that and came out okay!” that’s the devil talking. you did not come out okay. you borrowed energy from the future. you will repay it if you don’t rest and replenish the borrowed energy first.

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BJ has a very clear understanding of Objectives unfortunately he lacks that level of comprehension when it comes to tactics methods procedures etc. Thus: his Behaviors.

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medieval manuscript commission for @/kathrynthehuman.bsky.social

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hot take but I refuse to believe that ARR g'raha was a twink. that man was an archer. give him more muscle. give him the tits and shoulders and archer back muscles he deserves

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I am once again thinking about my swinger! con artists! Odypen and diomedes being their much younger bratty thrid au

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Do we think vald/sophie/nate had a threesome after the hockey job?

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it drives me bonkers the way people don't know how to read classic books in context anymore. i just read a review of the picture of dorian gray that said "it pains me that the homosexual subtext is just that, a subtext, rather than a fully explored part of the narrative." and now i fully want to put my head through a table. first of all, we are so lucky in the 21st century to have an entire category of books that are able to loudly and lovingly declare their queerness that we've become blind to the idea that queerness can exist in a different language than our contemporary mode of communication. second it IS a fully explored part of the narrative! dorian gray IS a textually queer story, even removed from the context of its writing. it's the story of toxic queer relationships and attraction and dangerous scandals and the intertwining of late 19th century "uranianism" and misogyny. second of all, i'm sorry that oscar wilde didn't include 15k words of graphic gay sex with ao3-style tags in his 1890 novel that was literally used to convict him of indecent behaviour. get well soon, i guess...

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Courtesy of @bryanfuller's Instagram. Absolutely banging. 😅🤣🙃

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I’M BACK

i’ve been so excited to draw, but i did decided to take a break from drawing because ALL the pages in my sketchbook book are full! but since my birthday is almost here, i might buy myself a new one 🪷

also don’t mind his fuck ass eye ts won’t erase.

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Trying to inflict psychic damage to a tumblr user is like trying to irradiate a cockroach, like it can be done, but the lethal dose is not safe for humans either

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my cat is so fucking stupid every time i get out of the shower he's so happy to see me he jumps on my bathroom laundry hamper (wheeled. it has wheels.) and he rubs himself on the closest available surface (the wall) and he doesnt understand physics because hes dumb so you'll never guess what happens