badherod

[badherod]

Things That Helped Me Manage PCOS

Low-carb diet. I still eat rice. Rice is a staple food in Filipino homes. But I try to reduce my rice portion to 1/4 of my plate. I try not to make myself full, just 80% full.

Fasting. I fast 12-14 hours every day. I eat dinner early at 6pm and eat breakfast the next day at 8am. Nothing grand.

Lifting weights. I had lifted weights before I got diagnosed with PCOS. I attributed my slow weight gain to my muscle mass. Having more muscles improve your metabolism. With more muscles you can burn fat while sleeping.

Cardio. There's a lot of forms of cardio. I enjoy dancing a lot more than walking or jogging. Combining weights and cardio greatly improved my weight.

Increasing protein intake. As you are lifting weights, your muscles need to feed on protein for them to grow.

Adequate sleep. 6-8 hours of sleep is beneficial to improve cortisol induced PCOS. I sleep at around the same hour and wake up around the same hour each day even without the help of the alarm clock. (Just trusting your circadian rhythm). I also take quick naps in the afternoon.

Reduce stress. I have developed a mantra that, 'When you can do something about the situation, do it. When you can't do anything about the situation, don't worry about it.

That's it. I have been losing weight steadily over the past 3 months. I have lost 4 kg in the last 3 months. I still have 2 more kilograms to lose before I reach my desired weight. I have developed more muscle mass during the last few weeks and I'm falling in love with it. I felt more energetic and lighter.

[badherod]

Love for Books

I wonder if the younger generation still read books nowadays. There's a wide range and kinds of books out there that you can take interest in. There are non-fictional and fictional books. I liked them both.

As a kid, I prefer reading Encyclopedias and Almanacs. For that reason, I have a stock of common knowledge about certain famous people in history and some fascinating information and facts. I am able to understand different cultures and arts because of my fascination in Encyclopedias. Matching that up with my interest in watching documentary films related to history (Dinosaurs, Pre-historic life, Egypt, Mesopotamia, The Plague, World War I, etc.) My parents also loved buying newspapers, Reader's Digest, Time, and National Geographic magazines which contains random information and photos that I really enjoyed.

As a teenager, I prefer reading fictional romantic pocketbooks. Pocketbooks are small books that you could finish in one sitting. I could finish 2 pocketbooks in a day while attending our normal 7-5 classes at school. I would read it during recess time. At around those time, I also enjoyed reading a compilation of horror stories bought at 7/11. Bob Ong's books are also popular during that time. Reading Philippine Literature such as 'Daluyong' by Lazaro Francisco, 'Ibong Adarna', 'Florante at Laura', written by Francisco Balagtas 'El Filibusterismo' by Jose Rizal etc. is also required to Filipino students. My brother also loved watching anime and reading Manga at this time. So, I've been influenced and started reading different Manga online. Most of which are continuation of an anime we had watched.

During college, I mostly read academic books related to my course. Big books in Blood Banking, Immunology and Serology, Hematology, Anatomy and Physiology, Microbiology, Chemistry, Physics, Biology etc., made up most of my collection. I also loved buying sudoku and puzzle books at that time to improve my mental aptitude. Also, because I've studied in an Adventist Christian Institution, I've started reading devotional books and the Bible. While studying, I find comfort in reading the Bible. Overtime, reading the Bible becomes a part of my daily routine. When you are struggling to find the right advice, I would preferably refer to the teachings of the Bible.

When I started working, I have more time to look for books that I'm truly interested in. During my first two years of working, I prefer reading self-help books such as 'Atomic Habits' by James Clear, 'Emotional Intelligence' by Daniel Goleman, 'Laws of Human Nature' by Robert Greene etc., because I wanted to improve my understanding of things and of myself. I would like to improve how I work efficiently, manage my time, become a better leader, and to manage stress and understand people. For some time, I gained interest in reading mythological characters because of a colleague, like Circe, The Song of Achilles etc. Recently, I've been into reading Asian Literature. I love reading books written by Japanese and Korean authors like, 'Welcome to Hyunam-Dong Bookshop' by Hwang Bo-Reum, 'What you are looking for is in the library' by Michiko Aoyama, 'Days at the Morisaki Bookshop', and the book two, 'More Days at the Morisaki Bookshop' written by Satoshi Yagisawa. I also loved the books produced by Haemin Sumin which contains quotes about love and life. Some of the books I have read so far were, 'The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down' and 'Love for Imperfect Things'. I also liked the works written by Robin Sharma, 'The Monk who sold His Ferrari', and 'Wealth Money Can't Buy.' There are a lot of books that I haven't mentioned, but I'm currently reading 'Educated' a memoir by Tara Westover. And a few books that is still lined up for reading like 'Slow Productivity' by Cal Newport, 'Before the Coffee gets Cold' by Toshikazu Kawaguchi, 'Learning Korean', 'Learning Chinese', 'Grammar 101', 'Psychology of Money' by Morgan Housel, and 'Surrounded by Idiots' by Thomas Erikson.

Reading a variety of books is important to gain a lot of insight about different people, culture, history, stories, beliefs, and discipline. Having a vast knowledge and interest in various books made me realize that there's still a lot of books to devour. Right now, I have a lot of books lined up waiting for me to read them, and at the same time, there's also a lot of books on my 'Add to Cart' waiting to be checked out. There's no limit in reading books that sometimes I feel like I have to take it slowly and actually learn the lessons instead of forgetting and moving on to the next. I have a collection of books too that I didn't like and finished. Which at first, seems to me like a waste of money but later found out was only normal. I've met a few bookworms with the same concerns too and knowing that some books ended up such demise made me feel like my guilt has been justified.

[badherod]

How I am surviving unemployment

There's a lot of things I wanted to do when I was still working. Now that I am unemployed, I realized I have a lot of time to do all of that. That includes, working out, hiking, travelling, joining a run club, reading, studying another language (Korean & English), organizing files at home, deep cleaning, meditating, learning how to cook, learning how to sew clothes, painting, and so much more. Aside from that, I also have more time to help my mom with the household chores like gardening, watering the plants, sweeping the floor, mopping and helping in business.

During my first months of unemployment, I just focused on healing. I've been burnt out so, I wanted to regain my energy and spark back. It took me 7 days to regain my normal circadian rhythm. I started incorporating exercises that I loved before, but I can't stick to it. It took me between 3-4 weeks before I regained my energy. I have a structured schedule, wherein I wake up at the same time each day and sleep at the same time each night. I also have to perform simple household tasks such as sweeping and mopping the floor, wiping the furniture, watering the plants, doing the laundry etc. every single day. I considered that as equivalent of work I did when I was still working in the laboratory. I also did some exercises depending on my energy level. My workouts started from every week, to twice a week to every other day. During the first two weeks to be honest, I lazed around not because I am lazy but because I easily get tired. I sweep the floor for 30 minutes and I felt sleepy. I took a lot of naps in between. Until I finally regained my energy back between 3-4 weeks.

On my second month, my parents brought me to the province for a vacation. I've went to so many places that made me realize how big the world is compared to how small my problems are. At this point of time, I am trying my best to regain my mental aptitude. While travelling, I admitted I've got lots of thoughts and feelings of anxiety. I started to have thoughts like, 'Is it okay for me to rest like this?', 'What if I can't find a work?', 'What if I become useless?' and so much more. At the start of our road trip travel, I have low-grade fever and cold. My cold lasted for about 2 weeks before it turned into an itchy cough. Then the cough lasted for another 2 weeks, so I barely remember how I ended my 2nd unemployed month because all I did at that time was to brew tea, consume tissues, and dispel phlegm on the sink aside from a lot of overthinking moments.

On my 3rd month, I came back alone from vacation. My parents have business to attend to at our province. I usually spend a lot of time at home alone because my brother occasionally came home due to his trainings and licensure exams. I did the usual household chores. But this time, I already gained so much life and vigor. I started learning how to cook meals I haven't done before. I started working out quite often without feeling tired. I started dancing again with overflowing energy and I occasionally find myself in awe, and joy for doing the smallest things like gardening. There were times of deep feelings of regret, sadness and pain whenever I remember the past. I am still trying to learn how to let things go.

Currently, I am on my first week of the 4th month. I gained enough courage to pass resumes on 3 different hospitals; however, I only got 1 rejection letter so far. I am hoping and praying that I might be able to hear something positive from the other 2 in the coming days or weeks. My emergency fund is running low. I am anxious but I could never trade this point of time in my life wherein God is letting me feel all these emotions. I felt like I still have a lot of things to learn while on this phase. It must be because I anticipated and trusted that God would sustain me through this even before I resigned that I felt like even though I don't feel in control, I know that He is.

[badherod]

Batteries. There is nothing more comforting than being soaked in the beauty of nature.

At present, people choose to live in a mundane, fast-paced environment. After a tiring work, we usually prefer to spend the rest of the day fixed on our phones, consuming social media. True rest shouldn't be in the form of consuming social media. True rest means nourishing your tired soul either in the form of sleep, naps, self-care, or engaging in activities or hobbies that fill your batteries. I recently discovered that there were 2 forms of rest. First, is the type of rest wherein you stop draining your battery. Second, is the type of rest wherein you charge that battery to 100 percent. It means sleeping and napping all day doesn't equate to a fully charged battery. Sometimes even after a complete rest, your battery is still stuck to 30 percent. You have to find ways to charge your batteries and engage in the things you love to do, activities you enjoy, and hobbies that bring you joy.

I find myself guilty of not charging my battery full. I've been using all my free time watching movies, scrolling social media, and napping. The next day, I still feel sluggish and tired. Knowing yourself and what makes you happy is an important step. For me, going on a trip, hiking, swimming, sitting in stillness, and soaking in the beauty of nature is what fills up my battery. I didn't acknowledge that type of rest because, for me, it was a waste of time and money. But you know what, the more you prolong charging that battery, the more frequent and expensive it gets.

I remember having a 2 months vacation every year when I was a child. We would travel to the province and therefore have memories of riding a carabao, climbing coconut trees, spitting guava seeds, harvesting rice, feeding the pigs, fishing, etc. I can't remember feeling tired the whole year studying and doing assignments. Back then, our house is small and poor. The only expensive thing we have in our home is our small refrigerator and a black-and-white TV. So, we can leave our house, go on a trip, and not worry about a thing. But ever since we renovated our house and bought more appliances, we are now locked up in our house with those conveniences. We've gone from yearly vacations to none. The consequences were lately realized.

The year before I resigned, I felt like I was running 10 percent low. I craved adventure and new experiences. I started going on hikes, going on trips, buying self-help books, watching movies, bowling, archery, etc. to compensate for the feeling of emptiness. Because my battery is running low, a one-day hike would charge my battery to last for a week; a 3-day worth of trip can last me a month before going on low again. I crave bathing in the forest, sitting in stillness, watching the waves, listening to birds, and feeling the wind. There is nothing more comforting than being soaked in the beauty of nature. Now that I've resigned, I have more time to spend in stillness. I learned that a 2-month worth of vacation, seeing different cities, charged my battery to 100 percent which I knew could last me for a year. Of course, you have to charge it now and then, but you have to make sure you don't let yourself drain to 10 percent. Because that might be more difficult and longer to replenish as compared to a 75 percent battery.

[badherod]

Learning From Travels

" I'm just walking in the beach earlier and now I'm back at home." Was my thought after I came home from a long and busy trip. I felt amazed by how an airplane ride now felt like a jeepney ride home. I can't fathom the fact that I came from a faraway place a few hours ago and now I'm back. I even brought back white sands found inside my shoes. I started to think before my flight, "Have I grown?"

I'm not sure how to feel about growing but I am now comfortable taking airplane rides alone. I also feel confident navigating an unknown place, enjoying not having any plans. I learnt to go with the flow and to take circumstances and events as it comes. When you travel, you never know what will come your way. But I learned how to solve those problems - take it as it comes. I learned not to think far ahead of the future, because I got nothing from thinking about that. During my travel, I stayed focused on the moments slowly unfolding in front of me every step I took. And I think that's how we should look at our life. To be truly present and to learn how to solve problems as you go. You don't have to solve problems far-fetched into the future. It's not good to worry too much.

I've met different people too. Some would rub salt into my wound, asking why I resigned from my job. And what are my plans were. It felt painful to recall the reason why I left my job, but I have to confront the truth - I'm unemployed. But so were many other people I've met. If you associate success as having a job, big house, owning a car, having lots of money, I think I would never be happy. But when I look at my own definition of success - peace, freedom and growth, I think I'm already successful. Of course, I have to find work or study, to make ends meet, but I knew everything will be just fine. I would finally find a work or finally found a source of income someday, but I have to focus on the present moment, and the lessons it teaches me.

[badherod]

I recently watched "Kian's Bizarre BnB" on Netflix. I came across the episode wherein the father of the children revealed that he has cancer. He told the story of how he was an office worker for 18 years, probably drinks a lot, and one day, he noticed blood in his stool. He was later diagnosed with rectal cancer and later on as the cancer was spreading, diagnosed of lung cancer. His two sons didn't know specifically what their father was sick of. And later told that if his sons later knew about his cancer because of the show, he wanted them to know why he was spending a lot of time with them. He was doubtful telling his kids because they might associate cancer with death, as a famous Korean soccer player died of pancreatic cancer. Later on, Kian also shared that his father died of lung cancer. Before his death, his father also spends a lot of time with him fishing. Also, back when Kian was drawing webtoons and needed some money, his father generously gave him money which later on Kian said that he felt like he was only taking away something from his father without having the chance to give it back.

Working in a healthcare sector as a Medical Technologist for 4 years now, I've came across a lot of stories of people who had cancer. I have friends, family and colleague who have cancer and know someone who has cancer. I realized how many are affected with cancer and many more are being diagnosed every single day. The disheartening fact is that cancer is mostly detected when it is already on its last stage. I've been diagnosed of PCOS 6 months ago with an ovarian cyst the size of an orange. My ovarian cyst is under monitoring for a few months because if it doesn't decrease in size, I was told that it needed to be surgically removed. I've been told it might be hard for me to bear a child too in the future. It wasn't cancer. But being told I have a lump in my ovary a size of an orange and it needed to be graded; I thought it might be cancer. Working in a hospital with shifting schedule is stressful enough. The cause of my PCOS is a hormonal imbalance due to cortisol, a stress hormone. A year before my diagnosis, I've started to feel something is wrong when my period becomes irregular since I have a regular period. There were times when I got two periods in one month then, a month late and then it will be okay, then another month late again. My period became a waiting game. I snapped when I didn't get any periods at all for three whole months. I am unexplainably feeling tired and exhausted most of the times too. I've always been a gym-rat. I eat well, healthy, whole foods. I prioritize sleep and rest too just like how my Adventist professors have taught me in college. So, it was a shock for me to ask God why this chronic illness befalls upon me, to someone who exercises regularly, eat healthy food and is disciplined with time. I can't accept the fact. I feel like a different person. I started to blame my work as a medical technologist and a blood bank staff. I lost my energy and spark at work. I've always been passionate. But ever since I got my diagnosis, I realized that when you got sick, your work is not important. I think negatively at work, and I think it greatly affects my mental health as well. I felt overwhelmed by my work, the responsibility I have to carry, the problems I have to solve, the people I have to lead, the people I have to set my boundaries, my weakening mental health, my ever growing feeling of exhaustion that never goes away, fear of cancer, it comes to me all at once. I felt overwhelmed and sad. I resigned. It was a decision I took a hold on for a year. Long before I received my diagnosis. I wasn't growing professionally. I felt limited because I know I can do more. I did all I can to improve our section, God knows how I even dreamt about my work thinking of ways to improve it, I also bring paper works at home too. I always look out for my juniors and teach them, so I won't have to do it all by myself. I made myself available most of the time even during off duties to help my colleagues solve a problem at work (troubleshooting machines, doing controls, an incompatible crossmatch, an issue with a doctor, nurse, ward, protocol validation etc.) It felt a lonely chore. But I felt passionate about it even if the efforts were not seen and appreciated. I've been rejected to seminars and trainings a few times, something I look forward to for my career advancement. However, the more I seek knowledge and advancement in my career, the more it felt lonelier. Knowing a lot, means recognizing holes, problems that needed to be solved and things that needed improvement. So, I never regretted my decision to resign. Even if my colleagues told me not to be so hasty, I didn't take that decision so lightly. However, I am not aware I would grieve. I am grieving for the lost passion, a supposed to be good work and service to God, to people. I didn't know I have to grieve for the lost part of me.

I realized a lot of things during this phase. But there were still a lot of questions unanswered. I learned to wait and not consider my idle days a loss of time. I am glad that I have recovered something I lost as I step back. I am grateful for getting my sleep back, my energy, my spark. I wanted to do more now. I am actually thinking of taking medicine and pursuing oncology. There is always a reason for everything. I wonder if this is where God is calling me. I know it wouldn't be easy. I've prayed a lot during this holy week. As it ends, I am grateful I got the chance to genuinely ask for forgiveness for all my sins, to be reminded of how loved I am and of the hope that God is presenting to me every single day.

[badherod]

Mt. Pinatubo, Zambales

Mt. Pinatubo located in Zambales, Philippines is an active volcano. We hiked Mt. Pinatubo around rainy season. We were told that the color of the lake changes from different hues of blue and green. It was supposedly an easy hike. However, for safety reasons and due to previous typhoons and consistent rain, the parking area of our 4x4 truck was located far from the usual site. There were landslides and falling debris at the sides. So, we were told to walk at the center where the scorching hot sun could find us and devour my nape. The walk towards the crater lake of Mt. Pinatubo was very scenic. We mostly walk on rocky terrain. Little rocks mixed with sharp sands and water (I don't know where it's coming from) impaled my feet decorated with just a hiking sandal. All I know is that you will surely cross on flowing waters so, I assumed wearing hiking sandals would be the best. Aside from my bruised feet, the hike itself was good for beginners. I suggest wearing shoes instead to avoid sharp sands to enter and rub into your feet like what happened to mine. You only have to bear with wet foot instead of a bloody and painful one.

After the lahar/rock/sand filled terrain, you will enter a short 'forest like' path lined with different species of plants. A quiet atmosphere and humid environment welcomed us. I filmed videos of water flowing, took pictures of dews on plants and flowers. It was very serene and peaceful (good for someone who is experiencing a major existential or quarter life crisis). After less than an hour or so, we were able to reach the crater lake. Since it was the first ascent after many days of raining, the tour guide was also curious what color the lake would present. When we reach our destination, I was just left in awe of its beauty. It's green - my favorite color! I want to sleep and camp there just to immerse myself of the amazing and picturesque view. What even made me more excited and curious is if the water on the lake is hot. Luckily, we were allowed to descend and take pictures near the lake. The water was cold! I assumed it was hot since it's a volcano, right? However, swimming on the lake is not allowed because according to our tour guide, there was a previous incidence of a foreign hiker who drowned. It is to ensure the safety of all hikers and visitors.

Guess what, Mt. Pinatubo is one of the most beautiful and awe- inspiring hikes I ever had (if not for my blistered feet). I endured a few more miles back feeling the sands rub against the delicate skin of my already bruised feet. I ended up limping on my way back home. My mom surely scolded me, but I wanted to go back.

[badherod]

Mt. Daraitan

I remembered writing on my journal bucket list that I would like to go on a hike. I didn't know how I ended up here but currently, I hiked 3 mountains already (Mt. Daraitan, Mt. Pinatubo and Mt. Pulag).

Mt. Daraitan located at Tanay, Rizal Philippines was my mother mountain. Since it was my first time, I was prepared physically for the ascent. I did some jogging few days before the hike. I want it to be a hiking/tour/fun/memorable experience. I also bought hiking sandals and other hiking essentials. We began our travel from Biñan to Rizal as early as 2AM. We picked up some hikers along the way. When we got there, the sun was already peeking. Up there, I was holding a plastic bag of Chicken McDo for my breakfast which I haven't been able to eat along the way. It was really difficult to hang on to that plastic bag as I have to climb holding on to trees. As we got closer to the summit, I remember saying to myself, "Wow, I can't believe I'm doing this! I'm so cool!" and also, "Wow! That rock was just how I saw it on picture. It was so beautiful!" I just can't believe that I am actually there. It felt like a great achievement. We reached the summit and waited for clearing to take some pictures. We also visited and took pictures at the Heart Peak where you can see Tinipak River. It was a long way down to take a dip at Tinipak Cave. It was easier to go down than to climb up. But the rocks were a lot different on our way down. The rocks on our descent are very sharp. It would be a lot more difficult to climb down especially when it is raining and the rocks get slippery. Luckily, it was scorching hot when we hiked. I can't help but think negatively on how I might accidentally slip and get stabbed by those rocks. I would surely hurt a lot. We stroll around Tinipak River where you can see different rock formations and clear flowing water. Then we arrive at the cave. Inside the cave, the rocks looked glittery. It looks like I've entered another world. We enjoyed our dip there for an hour. At first, I am taken aback because I am all sweaty and tired from the hike. My parents clearly taught me not to take a cold shower after exercising or when you are all sweaty and tired. But I just did it anyway (sorry Mom and Dad). I was just worried I might get a cold after this hike (I did not get sick though). As we go back, our tour guide showed us that we hiked and conquered that peak in the picture. I was astonished. It looks so high from my perspective. I never thought I just conquered that peak a while ago. It made me feel confident to hike a few more mountains in the future.