badthoughtskeptinajar

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

neverfuckingmind guys nothing matters anymore dont fucking trust anybody

i may not be healthy, i may be obsessive, weird and a freak, but by god, im going to learn how to be good, just for you. you deserve someone normal, i will try my best to provide. thank you so much for being patient

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

is it actually my fault or is your behaviour just wrong?

everyone says its not ym fault but why do you think so

why are you mad at me

they say its not my fault but if theyre right then why arent you agreeing

why are you mad at me its not my fault right

everything has always been my fault but if they say this isnt i want to believe them

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

stop lying. i know you dont find me pretty. how could anyone find anything remotely nice to look at in me. it doesn’t matter how much you tell me because its not true anyway

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

just give me some time please i promise i can stop being this way please just dont leave im trying i really am please i love you

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

Why does he stay?? Why does he like me?? I love him so much but I just can't comprehend why tolerates me. So much of my bullshit. I'm not a good person. Why does he tolerate me for so long? He has such a deep heart and is so forgiving and patient and I have nothing but trauma and pain to give him. Why?

Please don't go

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

its like nothing ever fucking mattered. nothing matters. how can u even begin to be nice to me if ur going to say shit like that? but who the fuck cares? obviously not you

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

''what do you think of ____''

i havent had a single fucking thought in so long. i dont know what to do with my life. i dont care about your career plans. i dont give a fuck. dont fucking ask me cause i have nothing to add to the conversation. i am an empty vessel waiting for someone to love it. but who would love something thats empty?

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

i am once again grieving something i never had

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

Jealousy eats me alive. Too bad it never kills me.

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

Jealousy eats me alive. Too bad it never kills me.

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

i feel like no one really talks about how this all is a permanent condition, the sadness never really goes away it just brews in the back of your head. no matter what you’ll always be reminded that it’s always lingering. sometimes i can’t accept it’s always going to be like this. i swear i’m fun and chill i just have this irrevocable ache inside of me. it’s a part of me now and i don’t think i ever wanna let it go. oh i wish to be a normal girl. what is wrong with me?.

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

Can we talk about how, with bpd, even the smallest shifts in someone’s tone or behavior can feel like the end of the world? Like, someone doesn’t respond right away or seems a little “off,” and suddenly your brain is in full meltdown mode, creating a million scenarios about how they must hate you or are planning to leave.

It’s exhausting, constantly fighting with your own mind, trying to figure out what’s real and what’s just fear talking. And then, when they finally reply or everything goes back to normal, you feel ridiculous for overthinking - but that relief never seems to stick long enough to stop it from happening again.

It’s like constantly living on high alert, trying to protect yourself from hurt, but ending up hurting yourself in the process.

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

“you could’ve just asked for my attention” you dont! get it!!!! its not the same!!

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

I'm sick of the emptiness I feel, the loneliness, the throbbing pain in my heart; the distance I feel growing between us.. you're gunna leave me too, aren't you?

[badthoughtskeptinajar]

I poured my fucking heart out and you barely reacted...i guess I'll just go die now..